50% of Faith

[Aapa]

Salaam,

BismillAllah, Ar-Rahman, Ir-Raheem,

It has come to my attention that many women who revert and marry Muslim men are having great difficulty in understanding polygamy. Let me start with the premise Allah has permitted polygamy. It is right given to a man to prevent him from committing adultery. A man may seek the consent of his wife before he marries. This is the honorable. It is also stated that if he can not be fair to his wife he should not marry another. Marriage in Islam is not about lust. Marriage is the backbone of community.
Marriage is 50% of faith.
Recently, I have read several blogs of reverts who are very upset about the issue of polygamy and are revealing their feelings on the internet. These women are shattered, jealous, heartbroken, lonely, and feel that their world has collapsed. They feel they have been wronged.
I will not be popular after many read this. Popularity is not my aim.
It seems that many women revert to marry a Muslim man. That is the major problem. One should only revert to save your soul. You revert to Islam for the sake of the love and fear of Allah subahana talla. You do not revert for the convince of marrying. Many who are not born Muslims enter a relationship with a western ideology of what marriage is. The preconceived notions of soul mate, everlasting love; you are my one and only are etched in their minds. As time passes and the marriage does not satisfy the needs of the wife she becomes disillusioned with the Muslim husband and blames Islam. He has not fulfilled her needs because he is a Muslim.
If he marries another the woman whines. She whines. She still remains ignorant of the fact that it is permitted. The ego takes over reason. Marriage is for the sake of religion. The perspectives that I have encountered on the blogs are selfish. My question thus becomes did you not educate yourself to Islam? These women have time to reveal their feelings and how they are “done wrong” to millions of readers. I say to these sisters:
You have food, you have shelter, you have money, your needs are fulfilled. Why not give back to the world. You have time to whine. Why not volunteer with an Islamic organization. There are many, many needs.
We Muslims need to hold classes before reverts marry Muslim men. The context of polygamy needs to be explained in detail as part of a system to propagate Islam. The beauty of the rational for polygamy needs to be addressed in detail. The wives of the Holy Prophet (swas) served as our role models. They were multinationals. Imagine the generosity of their natures when he (swas) married a young virgin. They did not whine. One even gave up her nights with her husband to please him. His presence was enough love for her. Sisters for the love of Islam let us drop our western false concepts and remain true to our faith.
We have wars being waged, children being tortured and sexually abused by soldiers, Muslim virgins being executed, women being widowed, orphans eating out of garbage heaps. Forgive me but quit your whining.
‘

 

[IslamIsLight]

assalamu aleikum
Thank u for the nice post....
I'm not against polygamy at all ,but I wouldn't want to be on the place of first wife,when my husband ,my soul ,the person dearest to my heart will bring the second wife without any reason...I think there should be conditions and reasons for having more then one,then it can be considerable...
But nowdays,I don't want to offend anybody,muslim men taking it in the wrong direction...
And we should not just talk about western women and reverts ,for any woman ,in my opinion ,is not easy to handle it....May be when I grow older I can understand it more...but wallah its not easy,espessialy for the first wife...

Allah knows best

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Sister I was addressing a specific group of westerners who are complaining. I am not stating that the men are innocent. I am promoting education prior to marriage. Many women marry and are in for a shock. One of the shocks is polygomy. We as Muslims have to understand that it is permitted by Allah, subahana tallat,therefore we can not have a decision in the matter. It is a given. It is the choice of the man.
We can not use non-Islamic language to describe Islamic marriage. It is not the same as non-Islamic marriage. Our ideas are so shaped by the Hollywood idea of love, we are forgetting loveis a benefit of marriage. Love grows out of marriage. Allah subhana talla gave us polygomy to help ease the the lives of widows, orphans, the victims of war. It becomes the responsibility of the man to take care of those who are not able. The blessings of Allah subhana talla flow from the man following the commandments of Allah subhana talla.
We need to educate women who are raised in a world that is foreign to Islam to embrace Islam in its totality. We need to encourage our revert sisters to talk to Muslim women at the local masjids to gain a deeper understanding of Islam. I am advocating that we Muslims do a better job of ensuring that one who has accepted Islam understands what they are accepting.
I thank you for allowing me to expand on my thoughts.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam sister Mirajmom,

I always respect your opinion as you tend to be very level headed about most subjects. This question is a bit off topic but along the same vein. Are men permitted to have more than one wife in a country that has outlawed polygamy?

I ask because I have heard recently that there are a lot of "secret" polygamists in America. And I am not referring to the Fundamentalist Mormons I am addressing the Muslim population.

As far as the women "whining" about feeling betrayed or sad about their husband's choice to take an additional wife, we do not know what the premarital agreement was. I have a brother interested in marrying me and I was very clear that I am not a strong enough sister for polygamy and asked what his plans were in reguard to this. He assured me that he has no interest in polygamy and promised me that if we marry he will not practice polygamy.

But God forbid, he sneaks behind my back and marries a second wife. I would be devastated and most likely join the legion of "whiners." It would be my hope that people would not judge me for my weakness and simply comfort me in my pain.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

First thank you.

Second, Sister, I raised the issue because we need to be educated. I am somewhat ignorant. I am begining to hear of polygomous marriages in the US. I am not a lawyer so I do not know the legal ramifications.
However, I think we need to as a community become aware that this situation is here. We need to stop hearts from breaking before the fact. Some men will pop a surprise, but the sisters need to understand what rights they have.
It took me years to understand the necessity for polygomy. Islam respects the rights of women.
I wrote the post to raise the need for educating those who know little of polygomy. I think we do many a revert a disfavor by not having classes on the basics of Islam. We need marriage cousenling.

 

[dawood_smriti]

Asalaamalykum,

Good topic sister....I believe tht it definately is the time when we mulims should come out of this phobia...
I muslims do not feel comfortable or cannot justify there religion,then i dont think non-muslims are to be blamed.
And secondly I do believe tht sum men take advantage of this rule,...but we as muslims or even a non-muslim needs to understand the essence of this rule in the society if applied correctly,aswell as we cannot judge Islam on the basis wht bad, muslims do.

One of the sister's above had mentioned tht its ok but there shld be sum reasons for allowing it,exactly and God has laid down the conditions,it depends on muslims to follow them.

I really apologize I might ve been wrong sumwhere.Allah knows best.

Here's a link tht has brief explanation abt the topic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X65F9w0Neo


And Here is another link tht has little detailed explanation abt polygamy and its importance.
http://www.themodernreligion.com/women/w_poly-znaik.html

Brother's and Sister's its hightime tht we need to increase our knowledge abt Islam and mark my words tht Nothing in Islam is insignificant,if All mighty Allah has told us to do sumthing tht means its significant for the human race,,...there's no second thought abt it.

Wasalaam.

 

[Wulf]

A'salaamu 'aleikom

A most interesting thread.
I am unsure of the situation in the US. When you define Marriage, in the Islamic sharia sense, are you diferentiating between the western concept of the "Marriage License" or the Muslim concept of "Marriage by an Imam". The former being the requirements, under Law, in a secular society.

One would assume that if a person is married under the Law, and takes a second wife under Islamic Sharia Law, one would not be in breach of Legislated laws, that are peculiar to an individual western country.

My understanding of Bigamy is that the situation only exists where a person fraudulently applies for a marriage License, under federal or State laws, while still being married under those laws and has not obtained a Decree Absolute.
Whereas, a person who is having a relationship, albeit one that is sanctioned under Sharia, that person is not in breach of any law. The question would only arise where the first wife is not Muslim and brings forward a complaint of Adultery as a cause for Divorce.

It is not Illegal for a non Muslim to be keeping a number of mistresses, so I cannot see why a Muslim male cannot practice polygamy under Islamic law, as no marriage licence has been applied for. Ok non Muslim neighbours may complain, but who cares about petty jealousies in that area.

At least here, a person can be involved with more than one wife under Sharia. All parties are recognised as 'Dependants" under Social Security law. And any laws relating to Adultery were repealed in the 1990s.

Anyway it is just a thought.

W'salaam

Ibrahim

 

[IslamIsLight]

Asalaamalykum,

Good topic sister....I believe tht it definately is the time when we mulims should come out of this phobia...
I muslims do not feel comfortable or cannot justify there religion,then i dont think non-muslims are to be blamed.
And secondly I do believe tht sum men take advantage of this rule,...but we as muslims or even a non-muslim needs to understand the essence of this rule in the society if applied correctly,aswell as we cannot judge Islam on the basis wht bad, muslims do.

One of the sister's above had mentioned tht its ok but there shld be sum reasons for allowing it,exactly and God has laid down the conditions,it depends on muslims to follow them.

I really apologize I might ve been wrong sumwhere.Allah knows best.

Here's a link tht has brief explanation abt the topic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X65F9w0Neo


And Here is another link tht has little detailed explanation abt polygamy and its importance.
http://www.themodernreligion.com/women/w_poly-znaik.html

Brother's and Sister's its hightime tht we need to increase our knowledge abt Islam and mark my words tht Nothing in Islam is insignificant,if All mighty Allah has told us to do sumthing tht means its significant for the human race,,...there's no second thought abt it.

Wasalaam.

salam
good video
salam

 

[palestine]

Salaam,

BismillAllah, Ar-Rahman, Ir-Raheem,

It has come to my attention that many women who revert and marry Muslim men are having great difficulty in understanding polygamy. Let me start with the premise Allah has permitted polygamy. It is right given to a man to prevent him from committing adultery. A man may seek the consent of his wife before he marries. This is the honorable. It is also stated that if he can not be fair to his wife he should not marry another. Marriage in Islam is not about lust. Marriage is the backbone of community.
Marriage is 50% of faith.
Recently, I have read several blogs of reverts who are very upset about the issue of polygamy and are revealing their feelings on the internet. These women are shattered, jealous, heartbroken, lonely, and feel that their world has collapsed. They feel they have been wronged.
I will not be popular after many read this. Popularity is not my aim.
It seems that many women revert to marry a Muslim man. That is the major problem. One should only revert to save your soul. You revert to Islam for the sake of the love and fear of Allah subahana talla. You do not revert for the convince of marrying. Many who are not born Muslims enter a relationship with a western ideology of what marriage is. The preconceived notions of soul mate, everlasting love; you are my one and only are etched in their minds. As time passes and the marriage does not satisfy the needs of the wife she becomes disillusioned with the Muslim husband and blames Islam. He has not fulfilled her needs because he is a Muslim.
If he marries another the woman whines. She whines. She still remains ignorant of the fact that it is permitted. The ego takes over reason. Marriage is for the sake of religion. The perspectives that I have encountered on the blogs are selfish. My question thus becomes did you not educate yourself to Islam? These women have time to reveal their feelings and how they are “done wrong” to millions of readers. I say to these sisters:
You have food, you have shelter, you have money, your needs are fulfilled. Why not give back to the world. You have time to whine. Why not volunteer with an Islamic organization. There are many, many needs.
We Muslims need to hold classes before reverts marry Muslim men. The context of polygamy needs to be explained in detail as part of a system to propagate Islam. The beauty of the rational for polygamy needs to be addressed in detail. The wives of the Holy Prophet (swas) served as our role models. They were multinationals. Imagine the generosity of their natures when he (swas) married a young virgin. They did not whine. One even gave up her nights with her husband to please him. His presence was enough love for her. Sisters for the love of Islam let us drop our western false concepts and remain true to our faith.
We have wars being waged, children being tortured and sexually abused by soldiers, Muslim virgins being executed, women being widowed, orphans eating out of garbage heaps. Forgive me but quit your whining.
‘

:salam2: Sister i totally agree with you. It may be hard for women to see their man with a second women, but hey they just have to respect it and see all that he did for her. I'm not sure how i would feel in the future because i'm not married, but i know that polygamy should be respected by individuals and everyone else. Don't worry my sister your still popular to me because of the way you educate. You're the best and you don't need to be popular, though you are. Sincerely your sister.:salam2:

 

[Smee]

I read your post a while ago and mused over your original points which I essentially agreed with...which is 1)Muslimah's require a bit more education (and not only these one's but generally our women lack a lot in the way of education) and 2) It is highly inappropriate for a Muslim (whether man or woman) to reveal secrets of their private life and do gheeba (backbite) of their spouse.

However what you have gone on to say, I strongly disagree with.

Firstly; it is the role of the MAN involved to inform the woman about Islam and the obligations within it seeing as in the start of these relationships the man is the Muslim and the woman is not, so how is any of this HER fault?
Whatever reason a person chooses to revert is not the issue here and we should not question it, because in your rant about polyganous blogs you will find few if any at all (and there are VERY few blogs out there of sisters in Polygamy who only reverted for their men) who left the faith because of the actions of these so called men. Instead you will find their faith is stronger than the rest of us mashallah. I myself know many sisters within my community who reverted for the sake of a man, but mashallah are not only stronger than their partners in faith but also remain within this faith once their partners have left.

Secondly; Yes polgany is allowed and accepted, however there are certain rules and involved (some one else has kindly given some links) and also it is no fault of the woman if she dislikes the man decision. Would any of these sisters truely be hurt if any of these so-called men had done things the correct and Islamic way? my answer is NO.
The men in all scenarios have non-halaal relationships with women, which therefore lead to their desire to get married again. Further to this, even fewer men share their time equally leading to further lies and deceit. Is this the polgany Islam allowed? And if it's not Islamic then why should the women not feel hurt and betrayed when THEY are trying their best Islamically and their Muslim husbands are blinded by their own animalistic desires. I applaud the point of polygany being against the law in many countries...whatever happened to the Islamic obligation to follow the laws of the land?

Also there is nothing wrong with a woman feeling hurt about Polygany, as one sister put it, "Khadija RA the first convert to Islam, a mother of the believers, was in a monogamous relationship, Fatima RA, the daugher of our beloved prophet, was in a monogamous relationship, Zainab RA, the other daughter of our prophet was in a monogamous relationship. Aisha RA, on the other hand, was in a polygamous relationship. I'm sure no one is going to claim to be better than any of these women."
And further to this is the actual example of Fatima RA and Ali RA desire to have another wife. Narrated Al-Miswar bin Makhrama:
"I heard Allah's Apostle who was on the pulpit, saying, "Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don't give permission, and will not give permission unless 'Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me." (Volume 7, Book 62, Number 157)

And all those here who are saying 'well deal with it' I pray that you never find yourself in that position, because sure as anything I don't know if I could be so calm if my husband unbeknown to me had another wife.

 

[Globalpeace]

Sunnah or Black-Mail?

Asslamo Allaikum,

Lets not take this thread lightly.

Many Sisters are black-mailed into accepting the fact that their husband has another wife.

Many Sisters find out from outside sources i.e. husbands don't even tell them about it.

I understand that a man is under no obligation to seek permission from the wife but if I was a woman I would be very hurt & feel betrayed and my trust would shatter!

Unfortunately I know brothers (if not all) who see someone outside the parameters set by the Sunnah & then legalise the situation by making the Sister accept that "Islami allows polygany"...To me this is covert black-mail...

To those who say that polygamous relationships appear to work on the outside! News Flash! Many don't on the inside....

A woman is simply putting up with it because she doesn't have a choice!

Given the choice, most women will hold on to their husbands because they love them and wouldn't want to "Share"

 

[alkathiri]

I understand that a man is under no obligation to seek permission from the wife

There might not be any obligation but what does islam say about being fair between wives, what does islam say abt hurting another muslim....

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

I totally agree and was dismayed to find out that many brothers are cowards and take licentious relationships and change them into marriage. They are wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. If that is the case...the first wife needs to divorce and get on with her life. Allah subahana talla has told us He will provide.
I started this thread to put out a red flag. Marriage is the backbone of Islam. We are now seeing a virus creeping into Islam, and yes these brothers need to be accountable. I selected reverts as I read some strories on the web of the woes of the first wife, as an avenue to open up this discussion.
First, when marriage is proposed it would be beneficial to discuss future possibilities...that is the Islamic way. A benefactor of the wife-to-be needs to procure her interests.
Second, we the Muslim community need to do a better job to assist in marriage counseling. I know from personal experience that many a brother in the masjids would not listen to me even though I have a trail of letters behind my name. If a man wants a second wife...which is an option open to him tell your family.
Third, we Muslims have to stop thinking in non-Islamic terms. What do feelings have to do with Islam? Marriage is not about feelings. Feelings reduce us to ego-centric children who want to hold on to life...We have to think of the greater good. Is it not written that we are not Muslim until we want for our sisters that which we have for ourselves. I ask the sisters who have it all...do you not realize there are sisters without husbands who have to go out and complete with your husbands to put food on the table for thier children and you are only concerened about ' I do not want to share him"?
Permit me to extend my thoughts. I will hold on to all that I have in this life...and turn my back to the sister who is in need...I will turn my back on the orphan who needs Islamic guidance...I will turn my back on the widow...yes, women are given a say so... there is no compulsion in religion...however we are also given a choice to serve Allah through marriage..

PS. Ali and Fatima were not in a monogomous relationship. He had possessions of his right hand. Remeber, the nature of man is to have variety. Allah subhana talla even provided for our physical needs.

 

[IslamIsLight]

Salaam,

I totally agree and was dismayed to find out that many brothers are cowards and take licentious relationships and change them into marriage. They are wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. If that is the case...the first wife needs to divorce and get on with her life. Allah subahana talla has told us He will provide.
I started this thread to put out a red flag. Marriage is the backbone of Islam. We are now seeing a virus creeping into Islam, and yes these brothers need to be accountable. I selected reverts as I read some strories on the web of the woes of the first wife, as an avenue to open up this discussion.
First, when marriage is proposed it would be beneficial to discuss future possibilities...that is the Islamic way. A benefactor of the wife-to-be needs to procure her interests.
Second, we the Muslim community need to do a better job to assist in marriage counseling. I know from personal experience that many a brother in the masjids would not listen to me even though I have a trail of letters behind my name. If a man wants a second wife...which is an option open to him tell your family.
Third, we Muslims have to stop thinking in non-Islamic terms. What do feelings have to do with Islam? Marriage is not about feelings. Feelings reduce us to ego-centric children who want to hold on to life...We have to think of the greater good. Is it not written that we are not Muslim until we want for our sisters that which we have for ourselves. I ask the sisters who have it all...do you not realize there are sisters without husbands who have to go out and complete with your husbands to put food on the table for thier children and you are only concerened about ' I do not want to share him"?
Permit me to extend my thoughts. I will hold on to all that I have in this life...and turn my back to the sister who is in need...I will turn my back on the orphan who needs Islamic guidance...I will turn my back on the widow...yes, women are given a say so... there is no compulsion in religion...however we are also given a choice to serve Allah through marriage..

PS. Ali and Fatima were not in a monogomous relationship. He had possessions of his right hand. Remeber, the nature of man is to have variety. Allah subhana talla even provided for our physical needs.

assalamu aleikum
We should not just look at the nature of a man,should look at their responsibility,and not just say,oh its their nature.
There are still feelings I believe,in my opinion,I will never marry a man without having feelings towards him.We are humans and we all have feelings....
If he marries second one ,for example,his first wife will be hurt,because some ppl cannot control their feelings,and for him it will be a sin to do that to her,because she will be hurt....As I said before some ppl can handle it and go for it ,and its really helpfull for sociaty,but not all ppl are the same...and there are should be certain conditions and agreement ,and opinion of the first wife should be considered...and not for him just going behind her back and marry another one....
wasalam

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

First of all thank you for the responses. It is an important matter.
I may be wrong but I am begining to detect that many of the respondents are either in the early stages of marriage or not married at all. I am also begining to detect that many non-Islamic constructs are embedded in the minds of Muslilm women today. We have become so accustomed to non-Islamic thought when Islam and its ways are brought to the forefront we run to our non-Islamic ways.
Now, as many of ther responses are stating that they would be hurt if the husband comes home with another wife, this leads to the question how can you be so blind as not to know? A woman of any circumstances knows when the husband is thinking of another woman let alone going to marry one. The deeper question thus becomes at what point do you assume responsibility for your behavior?
As to those who know their husband would not marry another woman, and it is not the nature of man to want variety...this is not my thought. Why do we have concubines, prostitutes, mistresses, girl-friends, side dishes, baby-dolls..why is the *!*!*!*! industry so big...and please do not tell me Muslim men do not participate..nor tell me that your husbands would not. Let us get real. Islam provides an avenue for men to have their desires met.
Sisters, wake-up. Do not become the china dolls placed in shadow boxes to be toyed with. Assume responisbility. Think of what I have taken the time to write about. Think of how to help other sisters avoid the pitfalls of men who have affairs and then at gun-point marry a second wife. Why would he tell you about the second wife when he did not tell you about the affair with her in the first place.

I have gone out on a limb. In a sense, we need protection from the onset. Have your families represent your intrest. Have a bank account for yourself. Love your husband but know love is not physical. Islam in its wisdom gives us saveguards for all and look at the wives of the Prophet for instruction.

 

[shaheeda35]

You want for your sister, what you want for yourself

:salam2:
Polygany has always been a very controversial topic, mashallah. Allah says that it is halal, and that should be it. What happened to that?? We cant pick and choose what parts we want to follow and leave the rest,:astag: ! If the sister studies, reads and knows her deen, there should not be a problem. As Women, we will be jealous to a certain extent, but that is in our nature, even Aisha!(RA) was jealous of Khadijah(RA). It should not go to extremes in any sense. I think its typical Jahiliyyah attitude that "I'm not gonna share my man" stuff that is going to keep the sisters who need husbands out in the cold. None of you will truly believe until you want for your brother or sister, what you want for yourself, this is so true. Are we true believers??(I ask myself this also).
Allah's laws will not change, they will remain till the end of time. We cannot go against His words in ANY way. There are some men who will take a second wife just for lust alone, but that is not the only reason for a second, third or fourth wife. Some sisters cannot have children, some are sick and maybe cannot give him his physical needs etc... Dont down the brothers for taking another wife for the right reason,for there is a reward from Allah in it. Inshallah the more patient the sister is, the better reward for her, Allah willing. Its not easy to not have a husband, to struggle to keep food on the table, to make sure your children have what they need, not to have that companionship that sisters with husbands have. If your husband IS ABLE to take another wife, then let him. Put your feelings to the side, and think about your sisters who dont have what you have. There are not many brothers with two and three wives, yet alone four, ya Allah!!
For the brothers who fear Allah, they know that if they are not fair with their wives, they will come on the Day of Judgement with one side hanging, I dont think they want that! I would not mind polygany, because this is what Allah said, enough said!! ALLAH KNOWS BEST! I pray for you all!:tti_sister:

 

[Erik]

Salam, I am a convert, a man, I never thought about polygamy when I did convert but some think that is a reason men in the west do.just to have more then one wife.

I agree with our sister and if I with poor english try to explane in modern west time.

Why Polygamy is better might my own life explane and Allah knows what we try to learn.
not saying I want more then one wife but I am saying.
Before I was at the age of 20, I had been with more then 100 women.
In the way allowed as married.
I did wrong. I know.
I then spent 7 years not beeing with any woman. (another story)

Now in the west 50% of marriages ends.

Over 90% of all men are cheating on there wifes at some point.

Allah knows how men work, that is in my oppinion why Polygamy is accepted but not requiered.

No man wants to eat the same´Cornflakes for breakfast every day year in and day out even thought they are great.
Allah know this.
Unless The Corn Flakes are the Frosty ones. the man dont feel the need for something else.

As a first wife, see to it that you are the Frosty flakes.
And by that, your husband will treat as the princess you are!

Regards /Erik

 

[American Muslim]

assalamu alaikum,

I have seen threads like this in the past. They always seem to break along the same lines. First, in the US, it is a crime to have more than one marriage that is recognized by the state (ie marriage liscence). Even the fundamentalist mormons are not breaking this law. The law that they break is by filing for welfare for the second, third, etc wife. They refer to this as "milking the beast". I could explain, but this is not turntomormon.com

There is a cool show about the advertising business in the early sixties on here. One of the main characters has a line that fits here "Your concept of love was created by guys like me to sell nylons (hosiery) ."

Even in the west, marriages were often arranged, or at the very least approved, by the parents. You know, if you were an unemployed laze about, you would probably not find a wife. This concept of "struck speechless" love , or love at first sight, et al is a complete illusion. Most of the time, these feelings are nothing but your nufs that have been set up in a way to make them seem allowable. Lust. Let's be honest. Have you ever fallen in love on first sight with an ugly person? Didn't think so.

Anyway, polygamy...is there for a reason. Yes, some men do enter them for simple lust. But as sister shaheeda pointed out, this is often something that men should do to take care of sisters that don't or can't get, a husband. Every prophet has said to be kind to widows and orphans. What is more kind than taking the widow as wife and giving the orphan stability on which to grow?

Marriage is not about love. Marriage is about deen. It is about family. It is about responsibility.

 

[Smee]

The main point is not simply about polygany, which I feel some of you are trying to boil it down to. The point is ISLAMIC polygany.
Yes Allah SWT has given men the right, but it is not as simple as that. If the conditions of more than one wife are not fulfilled then how can women just accept this?
There are a large number of people in my community who choose to involve themselves in polygany. This section of the community is known for it's high divorce rate. Why? Not because the women were not aware of it, within this community polygany is widely accepted...but more because the man could not provide for both families and went ahead with it and was NOT FAIR.

and also Miraj, what the right hand posseses and a wife are very different as I'm sure your aware...one is in a better position than the other, and the sisters point was simply about wives and not 'extra-marital relations' even though halaal.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

First of all please be so kind as to address me by my chosen name which is mirajmom. Most of the respondents start with Salaam Sister Mirajmom or Salaam Aapa.

I am talking about Islam. The focus of my thread is to make aware that in Islam men are allowed to take more than one wife. Why. Not for the sake of lust. I have ennumerated them. Islam is a community. Islam is the perfect way to live. Those are not my words.
If you want to enter paradise..you will want for others what you have for yourself. Listen to me very carefully. If you are married and do not want to share ( have for your sister what you have.) you are forcing a sister to go out into the workplace and work alongside your husband. In a sense by being greedy are you not emasculating your husband. The sister who has to work to put food on the table is going to gain the respect of your husband..she will earn rewards with Allah, as she is sacrificing her needs and wishes to feed her family. She is counting the grains of rice and often will make the rice to feed her children and go to bed with hunger pains. I am telling the truth. She will often feed her children popcorn as dinner. She will make no public complaint. She thanks Allah for His blessings each moment. She knows that it is only Allah's blessings that bring her home on an empty tank of gas. She is well known to the pawn shop keeper. He is her banker. However, she knows Allah will one day reward her. One day she will have a husband. One day she will be able to welcome home a companion and serve him. She will not mind that she has to share him with someone else. She will thank ALlah that Allah has provided her with a companion and protector for eternity.
Forgive me, I am going to the masjid.