50% of Faith

[Erik]

Salaam,

First of all please be so kind as to address me by my chosen name which is mirajmom. Most of the respondents start with Salaam Sister Mirajmom or Salaam Aapa.

I am talking about Islam. The focus of my thread is to make aware that in Islam men are allowed to take more than one wife. Why. Not for the sake of lust. I have ennumerated them. Islam is a community. Islam is the perfect way to live. Those are not my words.
If you want to enter paradise..you will want for others what you have for yourself. Listen to me very carefully. If you are married and do not want to share ( have for your sister what you have.) you are forcing a sister to go out into the workplace and work alongside your husband. In a sense by being greedy are you not emasculating your husband. The sister who has to work to put food on the table is going to gain the respect of your husband..she will earn rewards with Allah, as she is sacrificing her needs and wishes to feed her family. She is counting the grains of rice and often will make the rice to feed her children and go to bed with hunger pains. I am telling the truth. She will often feed her children popcorn as dinner. She will make no public complaint. She thanks Allah for His blessings each moment. She knows that it is only Allah's blessings that bring her home on an empty tank of gas. She is well known to the pawn shop keeper. He is her banker. However, she knows Allah will one day reward her. One day she will have a husband. One day she will be able to welcome home a companion and serve him. She will not mind that she has to share him with someone else. She will thank ALlah that Allah has provided her with a companion and protector for eternity.
Forgive me, I am going to the masjid.

Mirajmom, I agree in everything you write but if you want to be adressed with your choosen name and dont like adressed you as my sister. to end what you write everytime with Mirajmom would do it and I would have adressed you by Mirajmom and not sister.
Wasalam. /Erik

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Erik, I was addressing someone else who did not start the response with the appropriate and agreed upon salutation of Salaam and in the middle of a response referred to me as miraj.

 

[Erik]

Salaam,

Erik, I was addressing someone else who did not start the response with the appropriate and agreed upon salutation of Salaam and in the middle of a response referred to me as miraj.

/Mirajmom

Salam, I dont think that came through but missunderstandings happens. Wasalam. your brother always/Erik

 

[Globalpeace]

The issue at hand!

Asslamo Allaikum All,

The issue is not ploygany; it is proven from the Qur'aan.

The issue is HOW brothers are carrying it out!

AND

The subsequent hurt being cause by it to Sisters & young children​

This is NOT the fault of Islam or Sunnah...

This is similar to female circumcision ; GENITAL mutilation is NOT female circumcision & it shouldn’t reflect on the Sunnah

 

[shaheeda35]

polygany is the way!

:salam2:
A couple of more points I want to add inshallah. My 12 year old daughter just pointed out to me that there are more women than men, and this is another reason why polygany is needed. Brothers are dying everyday. They are never coming home, ever again. Who are going to be there for her,and her children?? So what does she do, she turns to government assistance to fulfill her needs and keep food on the table. Then some brothers get on there case as to why are they depending on the government for their needs. We go to the masjid only to be handed $30-$50 dollars for a family of four or more, what is that?? Our children have to eat, and this is what we have to do because some of us dont want to "share" their husbands!
Something also to ponder inshallah. The husbands are not ours to begin with, so we cant say "he's mine", no he is not. He is a loan from Allah to us. We dont own anyone. All of us will return to Allah, and we will be questioned for everything that we have done. Why not add this to your book of deeds, believe me, we ALL need it. This is a very touchy topic for me, because when I read stuff like this, it makes me realize that until we follow what Allah says wholeheartedly, we will never succeed. May Allah help us, Ameen!:tti_sister:

 

[Globalpeace]

Not true!

W-Salam,

This is statiscally false Sister.

American Sister who teaches in Kuwait (can't remember her name at the moment) also put up the stats on another thread...I have to go for Salah & I will provide the stats later...

But Masha'Allah the smart 12 year old is absolutely right about the future.

Tell her that her uncle GP said that she is a very smart girl and she will grow up to be even smarter, Insha'Allah.

Good work, Girl!

:salam2:
A couple of more points I want to add inshallah. My 12 year old daughter just pointed out to me that there are more women than men, and this is another reason why polygany is needed. Brothers are dying everyday. They are never coming home, ever again. Who are going to be there for her,and her children?? So what does she do, she turns to government assistance to fulfill her needs and keep food on the table. Then some brothers get on there case as to why are they depending on the government for their needs. We go to the masjid only to be handed $30-$50 dollars for a family of four or more, what is that?? Our children have to eat, and this is what we have to do because some of us dont want to "share" their husbands!
Something also to ponder inshallah. The husbands are not ours to begin with, so we cant say "he's mine", no he is not. He is a loan from Allah to us. We dont own anyone. All of us will return to Allah, and we will be questioned for everything that we have done. Why not add this to your book of deeds, believe me, we ALL need it. This is a very touchy topic for me, because when I read stuff like this, it makes me realize that until we follow what Allah says wholeheartedly, we will never succeed. May Allah help us, Ameen!:tti_sister:

 

[falomar]

Hello everybody....First of all, thank you for giving me the opportunity to express myself in this great forums of yours....and well...this is my opinion and of course, nobody has to agree.....

What muslims women should ask themselves before getting marriage is....What would be the reasons behind my future husband wanting to choose a second wife?.....and if you can answer that question then you might be prepared for it when the time comes...or better: you may be "Able" to avoid that situation to happen.

Anyhow....

If a man love his wife very deeply and she can provide everything he ever need from a wife, there is no need from the man to find a second wife, she might lose a leg, an arm, even an eye but if there is love, he still have no need for a second one......BUT yes,there could be some exceptions to that.......

1-Woman been infertile and man doesn't want to adopt a child. Like in the case of Abraham whom took the egyptian handmaid Hagar as his wife, just for the purpose of having descendants 'cause Sarah (Abraham first wife) was infertile.....
2-Another reason would be that there are more women than men, but I don't think that's an emergency because even a second wife, a third wife and forth wife can give birth to females only and no male at all....
3- To avoid adultery...if a man like many women and he think he can treat them all the same and have the means and money to support the large family, and the law allow him to do so then, he's free to do so and its up to the woman if she wants to accept it or to get divorced..

That's what I think...

 

[al-fajr]

i thought...

:salam2:

Asslamo Allaikum,

Lets not take this thread lightly.

Many Sisters are black-mailed into accepting the fact that their husband has another wife.

Many Sisters find out from outside sources i.e. husbands don't even tell them about it.

I understand that a man is under no obligation to seek permission from the wife but if I was a woman I would be very hurt & feel betrayed and my trust would shatter!

A woman is simply putting up with it because she doesn't have a choice!

That is shocking...i always thought the woman had a grounds for divorce if the husband did that and she doesnt like it...and that is not true

i think i need to go and get over this shock!

i dont understand why he needs NO permission from her, i mean, doesnt that undermine the trust between them? ...i dont know, im obviously just not seeing the wisdom behind it

 

[falomar]

Hello everybody....First of all, thank you for giving me the opportunity to express myself in this great forums of yours....and well...this is my opinion and of course, nobody has to agree.....

What muslims women should ask themselves before getting marriage is....What would be the reasons behind my future husband wanting to choose a second wife?.....and if you can answer that question then you might be prepared for it when the time comes...or better: you may be "Able" to avoid that situation to happen.

Anyhow....

If a man love his wife very deeply and she can provide everything he ever need from a wife, there is no need from the man to find a second wife, she might lose a leg, an arm, even an eye but if there is love, he still have no need for a second one......BUT yes,there could be some exceptions to that.......

1-Woman been infertile and man doesn't want to adopt a child. Like in the case of Abraham whom took the egyptian handmaid Hagar as his wife, just for the purpose of having descendants 'cause Sarah (Abraham first wife) was infertile.....
2-Another reason would be that there are more women than men, but I don't think that's an emergency because even a second wife, a third wife and forth wife can give birth to females only and no male at all....
3- To avoid adultery...if a man like many women and he think he can treat them all the same and have the means and money to support the large family, and the law allow him to do so then, he's free to do so and its up to the woman if she wants to accept it or to get divorced..

That's what I think...

P.S.....

If I tell my wife I want a second wife, she will Kill me... Lol

 

[Smee]

Salaam

Mirajmom; I am obviously too accustomed to other forums where shortened versions of names are used (as an example Global Peace shortened to GP) and where posts in threads are considered conversational and salaam is not given at every post, just as in a conversation you would not give salaam at the start of every sentence. That is how I saw it, however in accordance with your rules I am mistaken.

If you think that anything I have done is disrespectful, you have misjudged my intention and I apologise, I am sorry.

sister Shaheeda; although among the signs of Qiyamaah is the disproportion in the men to women ratio, that is not the case just yet and if you look at certain countries (India and China) where female infantacide is rife there is actually a shortage of women for men to marry. Polygany is a good thing is done in accordance with the points you have mentioned, but how many of the sisters with blogs actually have husbands who have married those women who NEED husbands? Yes, they do not HAVE to marry a poor destitute woman, but why not at least be honest about it?

You will find those husbands who are fair, although their wives may have had difficulty at first adjusting, are now very pro-polygany and speak highly of their husbands and co-wives. The original point was based upon the existence of blogs about polygany...but the reason for their existence is not to moan about polygany, but the injustices carried out against many women involved in this situation. Its not the what, its the 'how it is carried out' which is the problem...as brother GP has already mentioned.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

We have two different issues going on here. One is the right for a man to have more than one wife. The second is the abuse of this privelige by some brothers.
The first issue is a no-brainer. In Islam polygomy is allowed. If you are Muslim you accept it. There are many reasons. The need for polygomy is very true today. No-one read my last post. In simple terms we have many many sisters who are without. You, the readers can deny this all you want. This is the truth. Islam offers a solution without the degradation of welfare, of being labeled as indigent for many a sister. Yet, many readers are stuck on the physical relationship with their husband. This ownership of men, he is mine, emasculates men. If you limit your marriage to a physical relationship what will happen the day the libido decides it is tired?
The brothers who are abusing the relationship will have to meet Allah. If a sister feels she has been wronged..leave the realtionship.
I strongly urge those who are unsure as to why Islam allows polygomy to seek guidance from an elder with authority.

 

[Globalpeace]

Are there more women then men?

W-Salam,

This is statiscally false Sister.

American Sister who teaches in Kuwait (can't remember her name at the moment) also put up the stats on another thread...I have to go for Salah & I will provide the stats later...

But Masha'Allah the smart 12 year old is absolutely right about the future.

Tell her that her uncle GP said that she is a very smart girl and she will grow up to be even smarter, Insha'Allah.

Good work, Girl!

Asslamo Allaikum,

This is simply not true looking at the world statistics:

https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/print/xx.html

Plus there are more under 15 year old boys in India & China then girls which is due to female infanticide carried out in rural areas for years because having a boy is obviously economically viable.

here is a link to play about with:

http://www.prb.org/DataFind/datafinder7.htm

However I have a feeling that there are more women reverting to Islam then men but I have no statistics to back it up!

:salam2:


That is shocking...i always thought the woman had a grounds for divorce if the husband did that and she doesnt like it...and that is not true

i think i need to go and get over this shock!

i dont understand why he needs NO permission from her, i mean, doesnt that undermine the trust between them? ...i dont know, im obviously just not seeing the wisdom behind it

Asslamo Allaikum,

There is NO requirement but as most of us are saying that it wrecks people's lives if you don't & we beleive that we have many examples to back it up!

P.S.....

If I tell my wife I want a second wife, she will Kill me... Lol

You & me

Salaam

Mirajmom; I am obviously too accustomed to other forums where shortened versions of names are used (as an example Global Peace shortened to GP) and where posts in threads are considered conversational and salaam is not given at every post, just as in a conversation you would not give salaam at the start of every sentence. That is how I saw it, however in accordance with your rules I am mistaken.

If you think that anything I have done is disrespectful, you have misjudged my intention and I apologise, I am sorry.

sister Shaheeda; although among the signs of Qiyamaah is the disproportion in the men to women ratio, that is not the case just yet and if you look at certain countries (India and China) where female infantacide is rife there is actually a shortage of women for men to marry. Polygany is a good thing is done in accordance with the points you have mentioned, but how many of the sisters with blogs actually have husbands who have married those women who NEED husbands? Yes, they do not HAVE to marry a poor destitute woman, but why not at least be honest about it?

You will find those husbands who are fair, although their wives may have had difficulty at first adjusting, are now very pro-polygany and speak highly of their husbands and co-wives. The original point was based upon the existence of blogs about polygany...but the reason for their existence is not to moan about polygany, but the injustices carried out against many women involved in this situation. Its not the what, its the 'how it is carried out' which is the problem...as brother GP has already mentioned.

Asslamo Allaikum,

I am sure that you say "Sir" before GP.

 

[DOC_BRO]

Asalam o Alaikum,
I think sister mirajmom has done a good job about making a better clarification of what Islam says not what emotionaly we think. I knw I knw i am a man thats why sisters might think its easy for me to say and agree that its hard for a women to go thru.I think what is permitted is good but it shouldnt be abused like brother GP said earlier about the 'black mail'.On the other hand I had my friends from arab countries they had many brothers but some of them were from their fathers 1st wife or 2nd or 3rd n upon asking them they said its not a big deal in their country for polygamy and i knw some relatives in pakistan they do have 2 wives. But yes its very very important that u do justice with all of them and follow the sunnah guidelines. But i think its very hard to practice that in present day i mean its hard to understand '1' how can u dare to have 2-3-4 ???thats catastrophic well sorry jokes apart but i see lot of women including my wife considering the polygamy talk as a big issue or sin, what i try to tell them its not that everybody should practice polygamy but if Allah has given the permission for than theres a reason, dont cover up with emotions just accept it as one of the alternate guideline if needed its not compulsury to have more than one wife but if there are some unavoidable reasons/circumstances than it can be brought into practice.
sisters I wanna tell u to just look and understand the rules I mean what sister mirajmom has said is i guess to clarify the misconception she does have a point and so does brother Sir AKA GP has some good points too.
There are lot of examples but I knw I am going to get hailed by sisters so i wont say anything else.I knw this issue makes a pious women jealous too.sorry i guess i keep out of it my wife will be watching this.


by the way brother falomar ur lucky but my wife emailed me to write a promisory note a will that i wont have other wives or else she will kill me other wife and the herself plus not even after her death can u belive that??? and if i did she will haunt me ....she even goes to the hoor issue, so consider urself lucky bro. but i still have to write a note to assure her
Ma'Salam.
my apologies if i hurt anyone

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Dear brother and sisters, I want to thank you. I pray we have made some discoveries of the current state of Islam. I pray we find a way to open our hearts to the plight of others. I believe that Allah provides for all. To the moderators, once again, thank you for allowing this discussion.

 

[falomar]

Asalam o Alaikum,

by the way brother falomar ur lucky but my wife emailed me to write a promisory note a will that i wont have other wives or else she will kill me other wife and the herself plus not even after her death can u belive that??? and if i did she will haunt me ....she even goes to the hoor issue, so consider urself lucky bro. but i still have to write a note to assure her
Ma'Salam.
my apologies if i hurt anyone

LOL....That was really funny.....hehehe....sorry, I can't avoid laughting, hehehe...sorry...hehehe,...

 

[Globalpeace]

Pre-nuptual Agreements for Nikah!

W-Salam,

Yes its common in Pakistan for women to ask for a note from husband that he won't take another wife & Most Islamically knowledgable husbands galdly comply and give it

BECAUSE

In the Hanafi Madhab NO conditions can be set at Nikah time & they are NOT binding on either the husband or the wife....

Sorry to be funny Folks.

Asalam o Alaikum,
I think sister mirajmom has done a good job about making a better clarification of what Islam says not what emotionaly we think. I knw I knw i am a man thats why sisters might think its easy for me to say and agree that its hard for a women to go thru.I think what is permitted is good but it shouldnt be abused like brother GP said earlier about the 'black mail'.On the other hand I had my friends from arab countries they had many brothers but some of them were from their fathers 1st wife or 2nd or 3rd n upon asking them they said its not a big deal in their country for polygamy and i knw some relatives in pakistan they do have 2 wives. But yes its very very important that u do justice with all of them and follow the sunnah guidelines. But i think its very hard to practice that in present day i mean its hard to understand '1' how can u dare to have 2-3-4 ???thats catastrophic well sorry jokes apart but i see lot of women including my wife considering the polygamy talk as a big issue or sin, what i try to tell them its not that everybody should practice polygamy but if Allah has given the permission for than theres a reason, dont cover up with emotions just accept it as one of the alternate guideline if needed its not compulsury to have more than one wife but if there are some unavoidable reasons/circumstances than it can be brought into practice.
sisters I wanna tell u to just look and understand the rules I mean what sister mirajmom has said is i guess to clarify the misconception she does have a point and so does brother Sir AKA GP has some good points too.
There are lot of examples but I knw I am going to get hailed by sisters so i wont say anything else.I knw this issue makes a pious women jealous too.sorry i guess i keep out of it my wife will be watching this.


by the way brother falomar ur lucky but my wife emailed me to write a promisory note a will that i wont have other wives or else she will kill me other wife and the herself plus not even after her death can u belive that??? and if i did she will haunt me ....she even goes to the hoor issue, so consider urself lucky bro. but i still have to write a note to assure her
Ma'Salam.
my apologies if i hurt anyone

 

[Wulf]

A'salaamu 'aleikom

I have just had a thought, ( I should stop that, it could be dangerous), I am not sure of the figures in other counties, but I am led to understand that here in Australia, the ratio of Revert females far outstrips the male Revert population.

Thinking along this line, despite what Islam says about Polyginy, I was wondering about whether Female Reverts bring with them previous values and opinions concerning this subject, and resist the idea strenuously.
I mean it must be difficult for a person to come out of a society that only recognises Monogamy, into a society that aproves and promotes the opposite value system. And do male Reverts also suffer the same doubts.

Another question relates to the practice itself. If Muslims enter a polygamous relationship, the second wife being married for Charitable reasons, ie widow, single mother, married for the love of Allah (subhanna wa ta'ala) alone. Is intimacy a requiremebnt, as in obligatory? Particularly if the second wife is beyond child bearing age.

For me i have neither. I figure whatever happens ,happens. I have enough to worry about with the washing and cooking.

Hmmm...Now i am confusing myself.
Anyway, just a thought.

W'salaam

Ibrahim

 

[DOC_BRO]

W-Salam,

Yes its common in Pakistan for women to ask for a note from husband that he won't take another wife & Most Islamically knowledgable husbands galdly comply and give it

BECAUSE

In the Hanafi Madhab NO conditions can be set at Nikah time & they are NOT binding on either the husband or the wife....

Sorry to be funny Folks.

Asalam o Alaikum

i didnt knew that...
and yes i am orignally from India (western part). Well i wont comply unless she is serious but i dont think so there is harm in complying as i dont want "worries invited for ever" chapter again.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Brother Wulf,,

I am not a scholar, however, when one reviews the lives of the wives of the Holy Prophet (swas) at least one marriage did not have include sexual intimacy.
You are absoultely correct many non-Islamic constructs are working their way into Islam. The notion of me, myself, and I.
It took me years to understand and release the notions and see the purpose of marriage as beyond the needs of two individuals. I think many of the members of this forum are young. They see intimacy primarily on a physical level.
I am going out on a limb again...if your spouse is going to be with you for eternity...believe me a little respite does the realtionship good...
To return to the topic...marriage is not two people falling in love and having children and living happily everafter...where this was placed into the heads of the younger generation I do not know. That is pure rubbish.
It saddens me that women are insecure in their realtionships and unaware of the needs of men.

Secondly, Brother GP is right we have many brothers who have abused thier rights. Deception is a very poor attribute. No-good comes to a man unless he is fair to his wive/wives. However, there are many a sister in need. It saddens me as I read some of the responses that some sisters can not even understand the plight of women in need.

But I am only an observer.

 

[ibn azem]

salam alaykum,

Hmmm...Now i am confusing myself.

No brother, you're underestimating yourself!!

salam alaykum.