Brothers A serious question for all the brothers out there!

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by AyeshaPS, Sep 20, 2013.

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Have you ever 'stared' at a woman? (You can select multiple responses)

  1. Yes, but I've changed Alhamdulillah

    2 vote(s)
    20.0%
  2. Yes, I can't fight the urge to, sorry

    2 vote(s)
    20.0%
  3. Yes! :"( I wonder if I'll ever be forgiven for it!

    1 vote(s)
    10.0%
  4. No, I've always had a control over my urges

    2 vote(s)
    20.0%
  5. No, I fear Alah's wrath

    2 vote(s)
    20.0%
  6. No, the Prophet PBUH has strictly warned us against it

    2 vote(s)
    20.0%
  7. Yes, I'm doing it right now!

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  8. Of course mannn, it's only natural!

    2 vote(s)
    20.0%
  9. Don't tell me that's haraam tooo!! :-/

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. AyeshaPS
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    AyeshaPS A Mu'minah Wannabe!

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    Assalam Alaikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatuh!
    Before I start, I want y'all to let me know if you don't like what I say or ask. You have EVERY right to criticize me or delete my post if you think it's inappropriate, and I would totally understand it!
    I'm a hijabi. I wear really long and lose clothes and no makeup, I don't talk to men and I make sure I get the 'DON'T EVER TALK TO ME OR INTERACT WITH ME' message across and somehow I still end up getting the wrong kind of attraction. I remember this one time when I would get calls from 18 unknown numbers, apparently my contact number got leaked and the brothers in the institute kept passing it on to one another. It got impossible for me to eat or sleep or study because of the calls and messages I kept receiving 24/7. I changed my contact number and luckily I've only received one text from an unknown number so far!
    I'm sure every girl has been through it but it gets me really worried at this point because I'll be joining a Med. College soon and while I was going through the college's fb page I came across some really inappropriate posts.
    Anyway, my question to you brothers is, do you stare at sisters around? If you do, do you realize what a sin you're commiting? Do you realize what the girl goes through when you X-Ray scan her or pass comments over her?
    I don't know if this really even is a question but I'm kind of worried sick so thought I'd pour over my concern here since it's pretty much impossible I'd meet anyone of you IRL so.. :p
  2. Mabsoot
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    Mabsoot Amir Staff Member

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    wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

    I think it depends on the man, his upbringing etc. Most decent men do not stare. The fact that men tried to call you, without knowing who you are also seems way desperate.

    Also keep in mind that some women stare too.

    wasalam
  3. Tabassum07
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    Tabassum07 Smile for Allah

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    :salam:

    I have to admit, I found the poll to be quite shocking! Anyway, sister, some months ago, I started getting a call from an unknown number. The first couple times, I told them 'wrong number'. But then, around Fajr time, I would constantly get calls. Once, after I checked my phone after praying Fajr, I saw there were around 20 missed calls from that number (my phone was on silent). It really creeped me out - but I handed the phone to my younger brother, told him the whole deal. He called the number, shouted at the person on the other end a bit, threatened to have him reported to the police, and then alhmadulillah, that person stopped calling. You should have done the same. Hand the phone to your male mahrams and let them deal with it. It's not a nice situation to be in.
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  4. Janaan
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    Janaan ربنا اغفر لنا ذنوبنا Staff Member

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    Wa`alaikum salaam warahmatullaahi wabarakaatuh,

    Ah, sister, maybe you can get advice without having to use a poll?
    I'm tempted to say "no they don't" because we woman are supposed to be innocent and whatnot, but yeah, this is, unfortunately, the reality today.
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  5. Seeking Peace
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    Walaikum Salam Warahmatullah Wabarakatuh..

    ahhh...the staring...its like they have patent rights to stare you to death...can't escape but get immune...the kind of environment that is developing with bey-hayaee increasing every single second its better to become oblivious...i know its really difficult...but by reacting its liking making them to think of more ways to grab attention...i'll be trounced for this statement i know but honestly been there done that so i know what i am saying...by showing no reaction at all the message given is "not bothered, not interested" and giving a reaction is like giving food to their thoughts to find further ways to disturb you...especially in the sub-continent...

    and when it comes to calls and messages, again the best reaction is no reaction at all..IGNORE...nobody is free enough to keep calling up forever...by involving mahrams things can get more messy at times...again especially in sub-continent...

    and i've to say sister @AyeshaPS it has got nothing to do with you whether you are properly covered or not...its in their head and there is nothing anyone could do about it...what we can do is be careful, do our part and pray to Allah S.W.T to protect us from all evils...ameen sum ameen..

    and i've to admit what brother Mabsoot said is true...its not that only guys stare, i've seen girls scare the hell out of guys by staring, passing comments and what not Astaghfirullah...

    its time of fitna...may Allah S.W.T guide us to His path and give us the toufeeq to act on His teachings and may we all be in His Divine Protection...ameen sum ameen...

    W'S..
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2013
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  6. uniqueskates
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    uniqueskates Rabbe Zidni Illma

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    Assalaamualaikum.

    @AyeshaPS - 18 Miss calls?, and Sister Tabassum - 20 Miss calls that too in the "morning at Fajr time"? :eek: Gosh!!
    Well, guys always have the urge to look at girls, it is how we were built. And the Shaitan works round the clock, trying his best to make us commit sins. Pre-Islam days were bad, because I didn't have my rule book - The Quran [along with the Sunnah] - to tell me what is right and wrong. But, now Alhamdulilah, it is way better. When am on road walking, my tongue goes with dhikr which in return helps me lower my gaze, by chance some situation comes where I am day-dreaming and walking, and from no where someone comes within my eye sight, I will be like "Nahi dekhna hai, else Allah SWT will take my imaan out of my heart" [I should not see!] :p

    Well, some ways I create to make myself scared of losing the Honor of being a proper Muslim. :)
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2013
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  7. Nureyni Amir
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    :salam:
    Wow women staring:confused-82:
  8. Mahzala
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    Mahzala فَتَبَارَكَ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنُ الْخَالِقِينَ

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    Agreed. It works in many ways, but when it comes to Muslims I think it goes down like this. A woman/women staring - most likely at a decent bloke. Man/men staring - most likely decent girls/women. Men and women staring at each other - highly likely both parties are not quite decent.

    I can understand what you're saying, but ideals have changed a lot nowadays. There is no attraction left in being shy, having haya, or being soft spoken. You've got to be loud and aggressive and assertive and if you're not, well, hey ... you may as well join the women. Come to think of it, if I was a guy, I would not go for a girl who thought her self-worth depended how many times she's playfully slapped my arm, or that she dresses like a tomboy to fit in with my likes. At the end of the day, no matter the nature, even men like some authenticity.

    I had a laugh, found them quite creative. Though the first thought that came to my mind was what ... isn't there only meant to be one option ... ?
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2013
  9. Mahzala
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    Mahzala فَتَبَارَكَ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنُ الْخَالِقِينَ

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    Forget men staring, women stare at each other too (not like that ...). I will never forget the experiences I had from local women when I went overseas. They would go as far as pinching and touching. Comments were the norm. Dragging a dozen other women out to do the same thing was also common. Let alone feeling awkward, it's quite creepy. That's where appreciation of the western culture comes in - staring is downright rude.
  10. Abu Loren
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    Abu Loren Defender of Islam!

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    The answer is plain and simple. ALL MEN ARE PERVERTS! including me....

    Oh except those decent men bro Mabsoot talked about....
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  11. AyeshaPS
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    It's not just me, it's every girl out there facing the problem

    Yes, they do, but they don't track you down and keep calling you 24/7 for months!

    Ukhti, the only thing that stopped me from doing so was, the fact that I know they're spoilt kids from rich families! They don't care about the person they're talking to, they haven't been taught to respect others. If they had said something to my father, something insulting, it would have hurt me irreversibly for the rest of my life! Believe me!

    Exactly my point!!

    I guess, that really is true. If a woman stops respecting herself, I wonder how she expects the non-mahrams to respect her back. May Allah SWT guide us all!
    And I agree, fitnah's EVERYYWHEERRREEE! :-/

    18 different cell numbers, the calls got out of hand!

    You do well brother, you do well!

    Just what Ukht Mahzala said!!

    Just couldn't agree more Ukht!

    Brother...? what are you talking about? You surely can't be serious? Is that it? That justifies the sin and hurt it causes? With all due respect I couldn't have felt more disappointed! I'm sorry!
  12. Mahzala
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    Mahzala فَتَبَارَكَ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنُ الْخَالِقِينَ

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    As they say, the truth hurts lil sis. I appreciated that response, and some of the poll votes, they're so honest, it's humbling.
  13. AyeshaPS
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    AyeshaPS A Mu'minah Wannabe!

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    Okay, sisters having a problem with a poll. Just when I realized my post was way too rude and harsh I decided to tone the words down a little and have a poll that has all possible stuff pulsating in brothers' minds when they're looking at someone. It's pretty obvious not everybody would feel easy sharing their experiences regarding the matter, I believe, through the poll they can get their ideas across without having to expose their sins! That's all it was meant for.
    Also, another reason I posted the question and the poll for was, I know most of the brothers here are practicing muslims or are at least trying to get there. I wanted to know what their take on the matter is. I'm sorry if it came across inappropriately, I didn't mean bad. You can delete it Ukht Janaan! :)
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  14. Tabassum07
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    Tabassum07 Smile for Allah

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    :salam:

    There is something *very* creepy about the subcontinent because everyone stares at everybody else. When I was coming back from abroad, as soon as the plane landed and we got off, we noticed so many people staring - staring and just staring - at anyone. My brother was in different country studying and even he said only the desis stare you to pieces. It's like they've never seen a person before.
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  15. AyeshaPS
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    AyeshaPS A Mu'minah Wannabe!

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    We can only pray for them Ukht!!
  16. AyeshaPS
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    AyeshaPS A Mu'minah Wannabe!

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    I guess I gotta appreciate the honesty at least, because I'm totally disappointed with the responses! Hurt? Yes, I do feel hurt! :-/
  17. Mahzala
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    Mahzala فَتَبَارَكَ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنُ الْخَالِقِينَ

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    It's more like they're staring into your soul. It's actually hilarious watching some one stare at someone else, ever done it? Hahaha, yes, I know what I've just said.

    Oh this was not a subcontinent country ...
  18. Mahzala
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    Mahzala فَتَبَارَكَ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنُ الْخَالِقِينَ

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    It's human nature dude. First we do something wrong, then we don't want to admit it. Simple. Don't feel hurt by everything around you, some things we cannot change =)
  19. Tabassum07
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    I remember when we were little, as in *really*little, like below 10 years of age, me and my brothers always used to complain about the staring. Then my younger brother gave us his formula of success - stare back at them until they look away. Well, this technique was only applicable when we were kids, but it was hilarious when we stared someone down in a shop.
  20. AyeshaPS
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    AyeshaPS A Mu'minah Wannabe!

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    Been there, done that, and I agree! I actually find it funny sometimes, most of the times though, I find it sick and disgusting!

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