boyfriend+girlfriend=marriage???
- Thread starter galadari
- Start date
:salam2:
Very intereseting debate....
The video is very good mashaAllah, nice tips..and honnest though coz at least the author says that it is hard !!!!! Specially here indeed in Europe!
I would like to come back on certain points.... I agree on the fact that yeah relationship out of marriage is HARAM, it is not better to avoid, it is HARAM !!! and we all know why ?
But ...does that mean that friendship between a men and women is also HARAM ? or impossible...? it is different meaning.... For me ...I think it is very very very very very hard which means almost impossible to keep a friendship with pure intention...at one point ...one of them will wish to start something more "serious" agree ?
does that mean that a men and women can not talk to each other....? but it is not said neither in the Quran..neither in the hadith...neither in the sunnah that a men and a women can not talk each other....
I would like also to ask ....if someone is intersting by someone....how things will be sorted out if both can not talk...see each other..etc.... I know you will tell me that yeah they can see each other but in presence of mahram etc.....but what if the women is alone...what if she has no family around here at that moment ? It is not every women who has a close member of the family around her all the time....
In addition....you need to know the person you will get married with...for this you need to ask questions! Correct ? so if you can't talk to the person....how will u know the person ? !!! yeah ok...you will tell me...you can ask to his/her sister brother or friends....but.....doesn't this people favour him/her instead of being objectiv....and also.... there is some topics that should be kept private...and that it is REALLY inapropriate to ask front family or friend because it does not concern them ! no ????
Plus...I have a very strong feeling that we muslim we should NOT feel for the other sex before getting married...I am sorry I disagree on that..everyone has in his/her life felt in love or had a crush on someone...;I am not talking about having boyfriend/girlfriend...touching or anything......I am talking only about feelings here..having someone in his/her mind....why does this has to be forbidden....it is natural and HUMAN.... and can you avoid it ? if someone does like you....you can not avoid that person to like you .....exept by beeing mean or very bad in return to that person....but is this having good behaviour....you can explain properly and simply to this person that you do not share the same feelings...but no need to be mean or rude....and also it is not your fault....(if you didn't provok anything of course....) if the person likes you... vice versa...if you do like someone... how will you find a solution to that BIG ISSUE !!! how terrible ! lol ! It is a shame...because it is a nice feeling....and I don't think that is HARAM to like someone....it is bad to listen Shaytan I agree on that....this is not due to feelings it is due to temptations! which is different no ????
So as Islam is the religion of the middle way....trying to avoid the opposite sex is not the best solution because you will loose knowledge about it which is not helpful ! you need to know who you're talking to...you need to know who u'll marry to.....and for this...you need communication : OF COURSE there is noooo point to "stay" with the person talking about mariage for 5 years....but I disagree on the fact to get married quickly, well done, without any knowledge and talks on different situations !
Allah ou A'lem
tanks for reading me : )
Safia
Very intereseting debate....
The video is very good mashaAllah, nice tips..and honnest though coz at least the author says that it is hard !!!!! Specially here indeed in Europe!
I would like to come back on certain points.... I agree on the fact that yeah relationship out of marriage is HARAM, it is not better to avoid, it is HARAM !!! and we all know why ?
But ...does that mean that friendship between a men and women is also HARAM ? or impossible...? it is different meaning.... For me ...I think it is very very very very very hard which means almost impossible to keep a friendship with pure intention...at one point ...one of them will wish to start something more "serious" agree ?
does that mean that a men and women can not talk to each other....? but it is not said neither in the Quran..neither in the hadith...neither in the sunnah that a men and a women can not talk each other....
I would like also to ask ....if someone is intersting by someone....how things will be sorted out if both can not talk...see each other..etc.... I know you will tell me that yeah they can see each other but in presence of mahram etc.....but what if the women is alone...what if she has no family around here at that moment ? It is not every women who has a close member of the family around her all the time....
In addition....you need to know the person you will get married with...for this you need to ask questions! Correct ? so if you can't talk to the person....how will u know the person ? !!! yeah ok...you will tell me...you can ask to his/her sister brother or friends....but.....doesn't this people favour him/her instead of being objectiv....and also.... there is some topics that should be kept private...and that it is REALLY inapropriate to ask front family or friend because it does not concern them ! no ????
Plus...I have a very strong feeling that we muslim we should NOT feel for the other sex before getting married...I am sorry I disagree on that..everyone has in his/her life felt in love or had a crush on someone...;I am not talking about having boyfriend/girlfriend...touching or anything......I am talking only about feelings here..having someone in his/her mind....why does this has to be forbidden....it is natural and HUMAN.... and can you avoid it ? if someone does like you....you can not avoid that person to like you .....exept by beeing mean or very bad in return to that person....but is this having good behaviour....you can explain properly and simply to this person that you do not share the same feelings...but no need to be mean or rude....and also it is not your fault....(if you didn't provok anything of course....) if the person likes you... vice versa...if you do like someone... how will you find a solution to that BIG ISSUE !!! how terrible ! lol ! It is a shame...because it is a nice feeling....and I don't think that is HARAM to like someone....it is bad to listen Shaytan I agree on that....this is not due to feelings it is due to temptations! which is different no ????
So as Islam is the religion of the middle way....trying to avoid the opposite sex is not the best solution because you will loose knowledge about it which is not helpful ! you need to know who you're talking to...you need to know who u'll marry to.....and for this...you need communication : OF COURSE there is noooo point to "stay" with the person talking about mariage for 5 years....but I disagree on the fact to get married quickly, well done, without any knowledge and talks on different situations !
Allah ou A'lem
tanks for reading me : )
Safia
Globalpeace
Banned
Halal g/f or b/f
Asslamo Allaikum,
Get married and make sure that your spouse is your BEST FRIEND EVER!
JD = Job Done!
Asslamo Allaikum,
Get married and make sure that your spouse is your BEST FRIEND EVER!
JD = Job Done!
Salaam,
Safia, what you ask is very natural to ask. However, Islam is not the middle ground. Islam is the perfection of religion. Islam is the invitation to the way if meeting the requirments of Allah. We are given this life to serve Him.
If Allah has forbidden something...,we as Muslims, it is forbidden without questions asked. Please seek the wisdom of a fatawa from an authority.
We make a choice to be Muslims. We decide to walk on the razors edge in the name of Islam. As humans we confuse lust with love. Lust is very temporariy and stimulates the senses. Love is not physical.
The qualities which make marriage last are found in Islam. Outside that marraige can fail. I see you, I spend time with you, I fall in love...I get bored, I see another, I spend time with another, I fall ouf of love with you, I fall in love with another,.. i spend time with another...
Safia, what you ask is very natural to ask. However, Islam is not the middle ground. Islam is the perfection of religion. Islam is the invitation to the way if meeting the requirments of Allah. We are given this life to serve Him.
If Allah has forbidden something...,we as Muslims, it is forbidden without questions asked. Please seek the wisdom of a fatawa from an authority.
We make a choice to be Muslims. We decide to walk on the razors edge in the name of Islam. As humans we confuse lust with love. Lust is very temporariy and stimulates the senses. Love is not physical.
The qualities which make marriage last are found in Islam. Outside that marraige can fail. I see you, I spend time with you, I fall in love...I get bored, I see another, I spend time with another, I fall ouf of love with you, I fall in love with another,.. i spend time with another...
falomar, why is that a couple who had a relationship before marriage are more likely to get divorced than an arranged marriage? I'll tell you, you see my brother; Before marriage people say that one should know the "personality" of the future-husband/wife. What fascinates me (okay i'm easily fascinated) is that the word 'personality' derives from a latin word 'persona' which means 'mask'. It's a little shocking when someone you think you already know says; Allow me to introduce myself i'm your wife/husband, i don't believe we have met....
There is no mask in character, but there is one in personality. Which reminds me, if anyone wants arrange a marriage for me i'll pm you the qualifications...(i joke, i joke)
salaam
:salam2:
Here's what I believe,
A muslim man or woman is supposed to find and marry someone who is good in her religion.
Two people who wish to marry, they look for someone righteous in deed,they get married and then establish a strong relationship based on faith in Allah.
When two people have the same values it is a strong building block for a lasting relationship.
Normally if a muslim man/woman marries as it is advised in Islam, then they will not have seen any man/woman before in the way they will see each other so close and personal (unless either had been married before).
And this makes them love,value,respect this man/woman they choose to keep as a friend/partner etc.
Hence they learn each other and as they go deeper into the relationship Insha Allah, they find that the faith they have in Allah is the best thing in their relationship,they each will love each other for the sake of Allah and their offspring will continue the same way..
I know this is not what happens to all,but dont we all wish it was so!!!??
LOL...well...it is true that personality and character are different terms, and define a person in different ways...I understand what you mean......I wonder how an arrange for marriage is conducted in Islam...I will search for information....
Yes,..That's just beautiful!
That reminds me a "novela" (tv novel) I saw few years ago titled "El clon" in spanish...what a great novela!....the main characters were Muslims and the Islam was part of the teaching behind a beautiful history of Love....
Okey, I guess now I understand little bit better, I guess you must get enough information about your future partner before your proposal, ('cause there's no way of knowing her/him personally) that way you are making sure you will marry the right one for you....thanks for the link...
P.S.....well, no need to worry 'cause if ever you make a wrong choice you can still marry a new woman (in case of male)and if still another wrong choice, you still have 2 more to score...
or....get a divorce as the second choice.....
yes.....it's indeed very important to get enough information about your future partner before your proposal, to avoid those cases I mentioned above....
assalamu aleikum
"P.S.....well, no need to worry 'cause if ever you make a wrong choice you can still marry a new woman (in case of male)
and if still another wrong choice, you still have 2 more to score...:Oh sure !
Allah gave this to men ,not for fun,but for the reason.Woman is not a toy to deal with her like that.
Unfortunately many muslim men now days do think like that....and its really sad...
wasalam
assalamu aleikum
"P.S.....well, no need to worry 'cause if ever you make a wrong choice you can still marry a new woman (in case of male)
Oh sure !
Allah gave this to men ,not for fun,but for the reason.Woman is not a toy to deal with her like that.
Unfortunately many muslim men now days do think like that....and its really sad...
wasalam
Lol....well...sorry,...I was joking when I wrote that,..yes, it's a bad joke....again....sorry
Oh sure !
Allah gave this to men ,not for fun,but for the reason.Woman is not a toy to deal with her like that.
Unfortunately many muslim men now days do think like that....and its really sad...
wasalam
na I think he was joking.....
Regarding arranging mariage..I do not agree on that....parents have no right to choose someone for their childrens without asking their opinion...and also if the son or daughter says no : then that means no ......but unfortunately nowadays in some countries it is very common and it's the parents who choose the future partner ...I am not saying it is a bad thing IF THE concerned people agree together and without pressure..........but I disagree when it is forced !!!!
Actuallay ..I am against forced marriage....which can be different with arrange marriage
Secondly..Islam is the religion of middle way.....it is I agree the perfect religion....but it is the religion of middle way.... : )
voilà
Safia
assalamu aleikum
"P.S.....well, no need to worry 'cause if ever you make a wrong choice you can still marry a new woman (in case of male)
Oh sure !
Allah gave this to men ,not for fun,but for the reason.Woman is not a toy to deal with her like that.
Unfortunately many muslim men now days do think like that....and its really sad...
wasalam
LOL!! sister pls don't be furious, falomar was jus kiddin i guess........
Salam,
Fogive me, Islam is correct. It is not a religion of extremes nor is it a religion of compromise. In this day and time, I have become sensitive to the words: moderation, moderate, middle...it is just my sensitivity to western words used to describe us. I will refrain from ranting and raving today.
As for the brothers who are teasing my little sisters, as we all know when Adam got lonely..Allah gave him a taste of his own medicine.
Fogive me, Islam is correct. It is not a religion of extremes nor is it a religion of compromise. In this day and time, I have become sensitive to the words: moderation, moderate, middle...it is just my sensitivity to western words used to describe us. I will refrain from ranting and raving today.
As for the brothers who are teasing my little sisters, as we all know when Adam got lonely..Allah gave him a taste of his own medicine.
na I think he was joking.....
Regarding arranging mariage..I do not agree on that....parents have no right to choose someone for their childrens without asking their opinion...and also if the son or daughter says no : then that means no ......but unfortunately nowadays in some countries it is very common and it's the parents who choose the future partner ...I am not saying it is a bad thing IF THE concerned people agree together and without pressure..........but I disagree when it is forced !!!!
Actuallay ..I am against forced marriage....which can be different with arrange marriage
Secondly..Islam is the religion of middle way.....it is I agree the perfect religion....but it is the religion of middle way.... : )
voilà
Safia
sister safia u r absolutely right, well in my country as well i hve seen girls r being forced to get married...actually they r forced in the sense that they r being dragged in frnt of the KAZI/maulana and got married but its more like that the parents chose whom eva they find is gd n da gal takes it for granted and can't even think to say no or saying i need to think n blah blah i hve also seen couples wher the woman saw her husband in her wedding night she didnt hve ne clue even how does her husband look like.. ofcourse mashallah parents can make the best choice then ne one else but i think a gal shud also be asked about her preferences.. n ofocurse islam permits so to ask a woman about her preferences while chosig spouse for her........ n i think its all becos we hve created a kind of a society which ppl think is based on islam but unfortunately its far away from from it. those societies do exactly the opposite to what islam says.becos islam is completely logical all which we need to do is try understand it and work hard on it.
and one more think safia(regarding ur question above) yes we can talk to the gal or the boy whom we r gettin married to make a proper decision but up to a certain extent, not by invitng her or him in a chinese restaurant listening to music n talking about each others hobbies or whtso eva. n u can also pray istikhara to make ur decision... inshallah allah will help u out.
jazak allah
:salam2:
Yeah yeah true I have heard about it...the women or the men discovered the partner during the wedding night :O scary !!!!!
forced marriages are very bad.... I still can't understand why families still do this when they see the complete desaster that can be....
But I guess it is "cultural" ...... well we need to be careful to no confuse "cuture" or "traditions" with religion...and rights that Islam gives us.
But yeah if a man and women can talk to each other....I guess yes....but with good intention which is hard to keep and not with useless conversations too....I guess...... loool anyway I won't go for chinese I don't like it ahahaahah
jazakaAllah kheir : )
Safia
Yeah yeah true I have heard about it...the women or the men discovered the partner during the wedding night :O scary !!!!!
forced marriages are very bad.... I still can't understand why families still do this when they see the complete desaster that can be....
But I guess it is "cultural" ...... well we need to be careful to no confuse "cuture" or "traditions" with religion...and rights that Islam gives us.
But yeah if a man and women can talk to each other....I guess yes....but with good intention which is hard to keep and not with useless conversations too....I guess...... loool anyway I won't go for chinese I don't like it ahahaahah
jazakaAllah kheir : )
Safia
Salaam sister,
I am sounding like an old hag, but, we should not jest about religion. You do not fully understand how the customs and traditions which are intercised in religion are meant to protect you.
You can talk to all the men in the world you want to. No-one is stopping you. But, each time you do that you are taking away from your future husband. The intimacy of marriage relies on discovery of the soul of your spouse. Save your soul for marriage. We get confused with our ego and its demands.
Please do not be sacastic towards marriage. Our Prophet (swas) respected marriage and gave us guidlines to ensure its success for future generations.
I am sounding like an old hag, but, we should not jest about religion. You do not fully understand how the customs and traditions which are intercised in religion are meant to protect you.
You can talk to all the men in the world you want to. No-one is stopping you. But, each time you do that you are taking away from your future husband. The intimacy of marriage relies on discovery of the soul of your spouse. Save your soul for marriage. We get confused with our ego and its demands.
Please do not be sacastic towards marriage. Our Prophet (swas) respected marriage and gave us guidlines to ensure its success for future generations.
:salam2:
:salam2: :ma: :ma:
Beautifully said, and we cant stress enough the imporatance of taking Islam seriously!!!!!!!!
i think before thinking about all this we should focus into going to jannah first of all. i would very much like of the islamic ummah to go to jannah ishaallah.:tti_sister: