Can a Christian guy marry a muslim girl

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by asiapolo, Feb 16, 2009.

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  1. asiapolo
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    asiapolo New Member

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    Hi

    I want to ask for some advice,
    I am Muslim girl; recently my parents have mentioned looking for someone for me to marry. And I mentioned this to my friend (Christian guy for a few years) and he suggested how about they two of us having a future together..... And i need some advice...

    Being a Muslim girl, I pray as often as i can and try to please my parents and make them happy and lead my life in a good way as much as possible... I know a Muslim girl is not able to marry a non Muslim so not sure how to go about this....
    I have known this guy for a few years and we are like best friends, we have talked about religion and beliefs etc in the past as an on off discussion, and he is fairly open minded...

    His parents are strict Christians however he is not so much, but thinks its good to lead life in a good way and be good to people etc....

    From our discussions, he has never fully accepted prophet Muhammad (pbuh) as a prophet, part of this is to do with his parent’s belief on religion and some from his own understanding....and things he has read that can be misinterpreted to show Islam in a bad light

    he asked me recently, why does a Christian guy have to convert to marry a Muslim and is there no way around it, i like you the way you are and will not force you to change or stop praying etc, but i don’t want to convert...

    His parents will most likely disown him if he marries a Muslim and mine will disown me for marrying a non Muslim and im not sure i can....

    What should i do? Is there any way around this??
  2. muthmainnah
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    muthmainnah Junior Member

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    Assalamu'alaikum
    Sister, for your question, I think we should ask some scholars who have best understanding of this religion. Thus, I quoted this Q&A which more or less has the same explanation for your question.
    May Allah guide us all to the straight path. Amin
    ~~~~~~~~~

    Q: My Christian wife is asking: Why is it not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry someone from among the people of the Book – Christians and Jews – whilst that is permitted to Muslim men?.

    A:
    Praise be to Allaah.

    One of the names of Allaah in which we believe – and we do not think that anyone who believes that he has a Lord will doubt that – is al-Hakeem (the All-Wise). In this manner the noble angels praised Him, because they understood His wisdom in His command to them to prostrate to Adam:

    “They (angels) said: ‘Glory is to You, we have no knowledge except what you have taught us. Verily, it is You, the All-Knower, the All-Wise’”

    [al-Baqarah 2:32]

    He has also testified to this, as have His angels and the people of knowledge:

    “Allaah bears witness that Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), and the angels, and those having knowledge (also give this witness); (He always) maintains His creation in justice. Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), the All‑Mighty, the All-Wise”

    [Aal ‘Imraan 3:18]

    Thus He has established proof against His creation, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Say: ‘With Allaah is the perfect proof and argument, (i.e. the Oneness of Allaah, the sending of His Messengers and His Holy Books, to mankind); had He so willed, He would indeed have guided you all’”

    [al-An’aam 6:149]

    Thus it is known that the All-Wise does not do anything in vain, and He does not do anything that is inappropriate. He does not issue any command but that which is better for His creation than any other, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Allaah has sent down the Best Statement, a Book (this Qur’aan), its parts resembling each other (in goodness and truth) (and) oft‑repeated. The skins of those who fear their Lord shiver from it (when they recite it or hear it). Then their skin and their heart soften to the remembrance of Allaah. That is the Guidance of Allaah. He guides therewith whom He wills; and whomever Allaah sends astray, for him there is no guide”

    [al-Zumar 39:23]

    Just as this is implied by His being All-Wise, it is also implied by His being the only Creator. The one who makes a thing knows best what is suited for it, so how about the All-Knowing Creator?

    “Should not He Who has created know? And He is the Most Kind and Courteous (to His slaves), All‑Aware (of everything)”

    [al-Mulk 67:14]

    With regard to the wisdom behind the matter that you are asking about, perhaps you know that Islam is the last religion that was revealed from Allaah, hence it abrogates all other religions, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “It is He Who has sent His Messenger (Muhammad) with guidance and the religion of truth (Islam), to make it superior over all religions even though the Mushrikoon (polytheists, pagans, idolaters, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah) hate (it)”

    [al-Tawbah 9:33]

    “And never will Allaah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers”

    [al-Nisa’ 4:141]

    The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said; “Islam prevails and is not prevailed over.” Narrated by al-Daaraqutni and others; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2778).

    It is well known that the husband is in charge of his wife (qawaamah) and his status within the family is higher than that of his wife. Perhaps this higher position may make him force his wife to leave her religion and follow his, or it may influence her to do that, and this is something that Islam cannot accept.

    The higher status held by the husband may also cause the children of this woman to follow their father’s religion, which is a great error, if these offspring grow up and do not follow the final religion of Allaah.

    This is the important reason which Allaah mentioned when He forbade Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember”

    [al-Baqarah 2:221]


    Moreover, if a kitaabi woman (a Jewish or Christian woman) marries a Muslim man, she is marrying someone who believes in her Prophet and all the Prophets of Allaah, because he cannot be a Muslim otherwise, and it is not permissible for him to differentiate between them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “The Messenger (Muhammad) believes in what has been sent down to him from his Lord, and (so do) the believers. Each one believes in Allaah, His Angels, His Books, and His Messengers. (They say,) ‘We make no distinction between one another of His Messengers’”

    [al-Baqarah 2:285]

    Whereas the kitaabi – whether Jewish or Christian – does not believe in Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or that he is the Seal of the Prophets, so how can the two matters be equal, and how can Muslim women marry men who do not believe in their Prophet?

    But we should point out here that although it is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a kitaabi woman, because of the interests that it is hoped may be served by that, and to avoid burdening people with too many restrictions, it is blameworthy, as Imam Maalik (may Allaah have mercy on him) said. (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/67).

    This permission serves as a hint to the people of the Book, so that they might realize that Islam has made exceptions for the people of the Book in some rulings that it has not made for other kuffaar. Allaah has permitted us to eat meat slaughtered by the people of the Book, and He has permitted us to marry their women out of respect for the origin of their religions which were based on Tawheed, and out of respect for the Messengers of those religions in whom we are commanded to believe and respect, and to demonstrate the difference between the attitude of the followers of Judaism and Christianity towards our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the attitude of our religion towards their Prophets.

    Finally, this ruling should not be strange for other religions, and it is not something odd that is applied by Islam alone. Why should some of those who attack our religion find it strange that Islam forbids our women to marry non-Muslim men, when they do not marry one another even though they are followers of one religion? A Catholic cannot marry a Protestant woman and if he does so he is punished by the church, and vice versa.

    According to the canon of the Egyptian Orthodox Coptic Church published in 1938 CE, article 6 states that “difference in religion is an impediment to marriage.”

    And Allaah knows best.


    Islam Q&A
    ~~~
    she wants to marry christian man: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/2285/marry christian

    she wants him tobe muslim: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/12215/marry christian
  3. massi
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    massi Junior Member

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    Assalam Alaikom

    It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim from any other religion, whether from among the Jews or Christians, or any other kaafir religion. It is not permissible for her to marry a Jew, a Christian, a Magian, a communist, an idol-worshipper, etc.
  4. ansari
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    ansari STRANGER...

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    :salam2:...sister im sorry to say its all ur fault. I mean its not allowed for a muslim to hav a girlfriend or boyfriend. We not allowed to make non-mehram our friends. HARAM IS HARAM. This type of relation is always a problem. so its clear that muslim woman can not marry a non muslim man nevertheless if he become muslim just ONLY for ur sake then he will not be a muslim. A muslim should be sincere form his heart, all his actions should be for the sake of ALLAH (swt). If his action is for somebody else then it will be rejected.

    Listen to your parents. im sure ur parents will not be happy if u marry a non muslim man.

    JAZAKALLA KHAIR
  5. asiapolo
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    asiapolo New Member

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    'ansari' Im not asking whos fault this is and whose it is not. only Allah (swa) can decide that, i asked for help and pointing fingers is not a solution,

    i agree it was not right to be friends with a non muslim, but even so our relationship as been completely pure and as a muslim no one has the right to judge who is right or wrong


    Thank you 'muthmainnah' for your answer
  6. Basicofislam
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    Basicofislam sister

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    :salam2: sister i have a friend who married a non muslim.They just had a divorce cause there were tooooo many differences in there belief and after the honeymoon period ended they started having problem. Now she says she wants to marry only a muslim and she was very liberal before.So if a non practicing muslim can have so many differences you can imagine when you start practicing your religion. It is not that easy.
  7. BigAk
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    BigAk Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    Sister asiapolo,

    You have a PM.

    .
  8. massi
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    massi Junior Member

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    :astag::astag::astag:
    we are not here to judge you sister
    but
    to warn you
    about your acts
    and
    you are the one who asked the help
    maybe the fact is hard
    but
    we have to accepted it if we want a good life in right path .
    the problem is not just you have a relationship with no Muslim
    but
    you get attached to him.!!!
    Islam has cut the problem out of these relationships from the beginning!!!
    but
    now you have to repent from these acts and try to cut out this relationship
    I know it's not easy for you
    but
    our prophet peace be upon him says : "Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better"
    Just put your trust In Allaah (sbw)
    May Allaah give you a pious husband .
  9. BigAk
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    BigAk Junior Member

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    :salam2: massi

    Why the large font and the "align center" format ?? This really makes it hard to read your posts and make people tend to skip them... Please reconsider writing like everyone else does.

    Thank you.

    .
  10. slaveofAllah88
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    slaveofAllah88 Slave of Allah (swt)

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    aslam o alikum sister,
    I want to give you a personal advice, it the beginning he might agree to everything and say he has no problem with anything but later on when children are born things might become really contraversal, also sister his family would be more influential since they are in many cultures so they will not treat you properly and will not respect you. It can become a life of hell, why dont you take it slowly and try to show him from bible that Prophet Isa/Jesus (PBUH) never taught anything but islam maybe that will make his heart mild towards islam and help him understand and learn
    pm me if you need any help
    your brother
    Shaheer
  11. nyerekareem
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    nyerekareem abdur-rahman

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    :salam2:

    it's not that we can't have non-muslims as friends, but it's an issue of mixng with the opposite genders that is haram. sister all you have to do is let things fall into place. if he becomes muslim to marry you, his islam isn't accepted and if you pressure him to become muslim, his islam won't be accepted. in other words sister, if you and him were meant to be; you will be. i don't know how old you are, but in my life experiences i must've met a 1000 women that would have been perfect for me to marry, but i understand that ultimately it is ALLAH SWT that really decides.

    insha'ALLAH you will have your husband soon.
    :wasalam:
  12. asiapolo
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    asiapolo New Member

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    Thank you everyone for your advice,
    from the time that i have known this guy we have been really good friends, he always spoke to me and many of his friens in he way that a good muslim/christian should,
    he accepts islam and see religion has made me a gopod person for him to want to marry me and inshaallah have children one day,
    we have had many talk on religion and he has always seen islam portrayed in a negative light so although he is accepting of it, he finds it a little hard to follow, just like christianity and thinks parts of it make sens and parts dont

    he isn't very religious and although he comes from a strict christian background he has looked at religion in a very open minded way.
    i know i muslim girl cannot marry a non muslim, but surely there must be another way?
  13. BigAk
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    BigAk Junior Member

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    The only logical way that I can see after reading the verse in the Quran is if your friend coverts to Islam in his heart... truly converts ... and not for the sake of marrying you. Really... This is the only way.... logically.

    .
  14. asiapolo
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    asiapolo New Member

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    im not sure he is ready for that and there is so much about islam to learn i dont know where to start off?
    also with him coming from a strict christian background he has heard many negative things about islam
  15. BigAk
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    BigAk Junior Member

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    Best thing to do is start with the basics... Ahmed Deedat for instance challenges the christian by saying "Show me one incident in your bible where Jesus (pbu) claims to be God".. This is a good starting point.. I will recommend that you listen to Deedat's lectures and debates and master his rebuttals. Then start with your friend.. If your friend is open to watching Deedat in action, that would even be easier on you. I select to master the knowledge as most people will decline watching a video. That's what I do with all my dialogs with christians. I never say "here watch this video." I learn the video by heart and then relay it using my own words. This is far more effective.

    This what I do.

    Here is a good video my sister... Deedat is lecturing (Is Jesus God?)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvBenP6QaTk&feature=related

    Did you get my PM??

    .
  16. Basicofislam
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    Basicofislam sister

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    :salam2: The friend i was talking about her husband had nikah with her but remember if you dont believe in something from your heart it just does not work. Even though she went that far that she had two marriage ceremony to make his family happy. They both are not bad people but he went back to eating pork, parties and then also said that the children had to be raised in his religion. So i am telling you i does not work till your friend decides to convert whole heartedly and his belief is very strong in islam.
  17. stiks
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    stiks Amatur-Rahman

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    salaam,

    i've posted this before. i hope its relevant to you.

    [yt]7boA3baF2dg[/yt]

    wassalam
  18. Rashadi
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    Salaam Aleykom sister, I give you an advise as a former Christian and now a Muslim. First of all it is not allowed for a Muslima to marry a non-Muslim and the privilege which allows men to marry from among the pious women of the ahl kitab has a lot of conditions as well. The first problem is that Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala has not allowed it and there is a good reason for it. It will become difficult for the children and the woman and even if he says he has no problem with you practicing the religion.

    The question he asked about why one has to convert in order to marry a Muslim woman is not accurate for the following reason. A person who accepts Islam because of a woman and does not actually believe is not even a Muslim nor a revert. He should study Islam with an open mind and then make the choice. If he is a good person as you say, he will embrace it for the sake of truth and for the love of God. A person who knows Islam is truth but refuses to embrace it because of prejudices or whatever reason is not a good person in my opinion. Furthermore, the answer to that question is logic because it would be difficult if not impossible to live in such marriage. For example, a disbeliever may like to eat pork, drink alcohol, go to clubs, etc but at the same time tell his wife "oh you can do your prayers" and that won't work. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said there is a good woman behind every good man and there is a good man behind every good woman.

    Marriage is completion of 50% of the deen and it is important to marry a right person. Also God tells us in the Quran that good men are for good women and good women are for good men. If he is a good person, he will embrace Islam because of truth and love for God and not worry about others. I guarantee his people are not more strict or prejdice then mine and, in fact, I don't believe there is another ethnic or religious group which is more prejudice then my but it didn't stop me. If I actually lived among some of my ethnic community, believe me I wouldn't last 5 minutes because either they would kill me or I would end up defending myself and get one of them. So I know his people are nothing compred with mine.

    Anyways, tell him about Islam and why it is not permissible. Tell him about the wisdom behind it and how even for a man the right to marry an ahl kitab is very strict and has a lot of conditions. To be honest with you, most the Muslim men I have seen married to a non-Muslim do not follow the Islamic ruling properly on that. The verse in the Quran states that it has to be a believing and pious woman from among them and not one who commits zina, drinks, goes to clubs, and a non practicing Muslim comes and marries her while saying it is halal because she is a Christian. There are a lot of conditions before even a male can marry a Christian or Jewish woman and it is extremely dificult even for man. It is also a duty for parents to raise their children properly and as Muslim. That would be impossible if the father is not a Muslim and he may not care about that and they may end up not being raised properly.

    So I would be careful sister and also keep my distance as well. He should open his mind and study Islam. If he is a good person, there would be no reason to reject it. If he does not love God and does not want to embrace the deen ul haqq, he would never love his wife or anyone else and I wouldn't go for it. I knew a sister from Egypt who had become serious with a Christian and she claimed he has reverted so he can marry her or else her father wouldn't allow it. I saw the guy at the park with her and realized he knew nothing of Islam and it seemed like a foreign thing to him which he only accepted to satisfy her parents. I told her that this is not correct. Islam is about understanding, knowledge and faith. He should have been taught Islam properly amd he should have embraced it because it's true and not to satisfy a person thousands of miles away.

    I hope you think about this and I wouldn't even think about if I were you because there is a lot of wisdom behind and that is why Allah (swt) has not granted such a right. Learn more about Islam sister and seek marriage the proper Islamic way. The person should take a look at Islam without prejudices and with an open mind. He should realize that family won't help him on the day of judgement. Also keep in mind that only God is worthy of fearing and how can we fear one who like us is created? Should we not fear the one who made us and our parents and who alone gives life or takes life? If he does not embrace Islam, I would not go with it unless he reverted for the love of Allah and truth.

    :wasalam:
  19. Musulmanin
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    Septihol, I think the sister came here for an advice from Islamic perspective. She is a muslim. you are not. I don't understand how you give advices in these matters not being a muslim yourself. Also, what makes you think this sister can be easily controled? I hope you don't imply that muslim women can be easily controlled.
  20. BigAk
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    BigAk Junior Member

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    LOL.. Let's start a poll on this .. shall we?? :D

    .
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