Can he divorce her ?

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by muslim-girl, Mar 22, 2010.

  1. muslim-girl
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    muslim-girl Junior Member

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    Asalamaleikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu brothers and sisters.
    I hope u reach this in ur best iman and health inshaALlah..

    - I got a question. One of my friend asked me if a husband can divorce his wife if she does'nt makes herself beautifull for him always? Because he doesnt feel comfortable with her anylonger, is he allowed to divorce because of that? .. Allahu knows best..
    But i hope u can help me cause i cant advice my friend. I dont have knowlegde for that kind of issue..

    BarakaAllahu feeekum..
  2. Kakorot
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    Kakorot Junior Member

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    :wasalam:

    I'm not knowledgable, but I know a little bit of stuff about divorce in Islaam.

    It is allowed for a man to divorce his wife for no reason, but it is not allowed for a woman to seek divorce for no reason. The Prophet :saw2: “Any woman who seeks a divorce (khula) without a legitimate reason, she will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” (Bukhaari)

    However, this does not mean that the man is not accountable for his actions, he is. On judgement day, Allaah is going to ask us about everything.

    And the Book (one's Record) will be placed (in the right hand for a believer in the Oneness of Allah, and in the left hand for a disbeliever in the Oneness of Allah), and you will see the Mujrimun (criminals, polytheists, sinners, etc.), fearful of that which is (recorded) therein. They will say: "Woe to us! What sort of Book is this that leaves neither a small thing nor a big thing, but has recorded it with numbers!" And they will find all that they did, placed before them, and your Lord treats no one with injustice. (Kahf:49)

    (I'm not knowledgable, but I'd just like to say that it's good that women are not allowed to ask for divorce without a valid reason. Because just look at us, we're so emotional compared to men. So say the husband did something which upset the wife, (e.g. didn't like her cooking) had divorce been permitted for her (without a valid reason), then she would of divorced her husband based on petty things. But men are much stronger in their emotions).

    This is not professional advise, but I think your friend should make a bit more of effort, if her husband wants her to be beautified all the time, then she should try to obey him.
    I know in Islaam, a man should marry a women for four reasons, either her deen, beauty, social status and wealth. BUT the Prophet :saw2: said, marry the one with deen and become successful. If a man marries a lady for her beauty, or social status or wealth, then how likely is it that he is going to be successful? These things are temporary. SubhanAllaah, the wife's beauty is temporary, once it's gone, what are they gna do? Divorce her based on that? Or her social status is temporary, as well as her wealth. Allaah is Ar Razzaq, if He wants, he will give wealth or take it away. BUT had it been that Muslim brothers took the Prophet's :saw2: advise when he :saw2: said, marry the one with deen and become successful, then maybe their marriage would of been successful? But no, these days even Muslim brother look at beauty first.
    Anyway, it does beg the question, did your friend's husband marry your friend for her deen or her beauty? Because it is understandable if say, a lady turned to kufr and the man can't bring her back to Islaam, so he divorces her, or because she disrespects Islaam, so he divorces her. But if it's because of beauty, then as I mentioned earlier, beauty is temporary ya ikhwaan.
  3. arzafar
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    arzafar Junior Member

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    ^^^
    I am sorry but that doesnt make any sense. I think that there has to be a good reason behind divorce. The couple should do some reconciliation. Divorce is permissible but very much disliked in Islam and should only be used as a last resort.

    :salam2:
  4. ShyHijabi
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    ShyHijabi Junior Member

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    What a sad state of affairs when the men of our ummah have become so vapid and shallow as to divorce a woman for such a reason. So she she doesn't beautify herself as well anymore? Has she borne him children? Cleaned his house and prepared his meals? Has she kept his secrets and praised him in spite of his short comings? So now she may be tired and mentally exhausted yet he only concerns himself with the physical? :astag:

    He needs to get to the root of why his wife isn't beautifying herself? Is she depressed maybe? Why not treat her like his own mother and make excuses for her and seek to find out what is wrong? Yet he wants a divorce for such a reason? Honestly, he will find himself forever disatisfied if he thinks women are always beautified 100% of the time in spite of the struggles we have.

    I know this, if he gave her even a sliver of appreciation for her work and struggle she would bloom again. But it's hard to take care of oneself when they feel underappreciated and taken for granted. Maybe he needs to ask himself why his wife is like this? Afterall he is the only source of her self esteem at this point, it's not like she is payed compliments outside the home for her appearance.
  5. ShyHijabi
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    ShyHijabi Junior Member

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    I think this fatwa has some relevence:

    http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/96704/divorce
  6. Kakorot
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    Kakorot Junior Member

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    :wasalam:

    Sorry. I should of wrote that getting divorced is allowed but is the most hated action and all should be done to reconciliate between the husband and wife. Your right. And as sister shyhijabi mentioned, there could be reasons as to why the sister can't appear beautiful all the time, so the husband should consider that. But it is still allowed for a man to divorce his wife for no reason and that is between him and Allaah on judgement day.
  7. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikkum,

    Is it not written a man may think something is bad for him and it nothing but good. I feel sorry for his wife that he is so shallow. Has he not understood it is a reflection of himself that he sees. Should he put his heart into the relationship he would see her beauty. It is his heart that needs to be cleaned and polished. He is truly the sad one.
    When a woman feels unloved she shows it. When there is love she blossoms like a flower. He is not watering his garden. He is only planting weeds.
  8. rayray
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    rayray Junior Member

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    That's a beautiful way of looking at it! Jazak allahu khairan for this:SMILY259:
  9. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    It is the Islamic way. We must be patient and kind. We have to contemplate the blessings of Allah subhana talla. It seems the husband is young. Beauty is one of those blessings that everyone is given..it takes love to make it overt.

    And if the young man can not make her happy let her go so someone else can appreciate her; Allah will provide for both of them.
  10. BrotherInIslam7
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    BrotherInIslam7 La Illaha Illa Allah Staff Member

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    As Salaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi brothers and sisters,

    I think we should reserve our judgements,advices and rulings on this matter. I have seen such oral/written questions of divorce sent to learned scholars/imams and they always say that they can't give the ruling because they have to know both sides of the story.

    Therefore, the scholars say that the husband and wife should have a private consultation with their local imam, scholar etc. This would help the scholar understand the entire perspective and be able to give advice that could save the marriage.

    Often times these matters come up in a strange way like 'He wants to seperate because he thinks that she doesnt cook well anymore", but the underlying causes are more complicated and need indepth discussion in a private manner. Marriage counseling with a local imam is the solution.

    Our scornful judgemental remarks like 'What has happened to this Ummah' or 'Doesn't he have any shame' , 'Is he just thankless' etc offer no help to this matter.

    May Allah subhaana waa ta'ala increase us in knowledge and keep us firm on faith. Ameen

    Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi
  11. nizar83
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    nizar83 Junior Member

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    aselemu aleikum, i dont think we should be saddened about this in terms of ummah-wise

    this is a specific situation in the life of 2 specific people...its sad to see how little things may lead to a couple thinking divorce is the only way out..

    we must never forget that the biggest reward shaytaan gets from his chief iblies, is when he causes a couple to divorce...its is well known in islam that divorce is the only thing ALLAH azza wajall made permissable, but at the same time allah dislikes it..if it wasnt for his mercy, talaaq would be inquestionable.

    on topic, this lady must try her best to look good for her husband, and vice versa.
    she must do her best so that he will feel comfortable being with her...nobody must lack in her or his duties as a married person..

    talaaq is too easy, wolahi ALLAH azza wajall test us...u may come out of this tronger or weaker,..what if u divorce, marry again and encounter the same problems?

    its better to talk about it and try to solve it wolahi..

    may ALLAH ta3ala guide us ameen.
  12. Kakorot
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    Kakorot Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    Just wanted to post some hadiths on the seriousness of divorce.

    The Prophet :saw2: said: "Among lawful things, divorce is most hated by Allaah." (Reported by Abu Dawud)

    Muslim reported that the Prophet :saw2: said: "Iblis (Satan) places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. The Satan goes near him and says: "You have done well". He then embraces him.
  13. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Yes, the couple do need to discuss the issue with family members and the local imam.

    However, often marriage is so delicate they are afraid to discuss intimacy with outsiders.

    Marriage is the most complex of social institutions. Thus, there is so much of the issue in the Quran. In marriage nothing can be hid. In marriage there are so many blessings. Marriage is the glue of a society. Even with the unbelievers they marry. Every culture reveres marriage. A person is true with their spouse. The spouse knows everything about the his/her mate. There are no veils because they are one.

    The little things that upset a couple are the outward signs of inner discord. If couples could only realize how good they have it.

    No-one wants divorce. It is difficult and heartbreaking. When children are involved it is simply unfair. Yet, in certain circumstances with the strength of Allah people can move on. A few years after the divorce the estranged couple can see each other in a positive light. They can set aside the differences for the benefit of the children.

    And I do not care what is written or said..the burden of responsibility falls on the shoulders of the mother. She becomes the father, the mother, the banker and she is the one who has to educate her children to understand the importance of marriage within an Islamic setting.

    I could go on about our masjids and our brothers in our local communities who abandon the divorced women of the Muslim community. But that is the topic of another post.

    Madaad ya Allah, madaad.

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