Cannot trust my husband...many reasons

[Islam4meandyou]

assalamu alaikom. thank you everyone for the advice, duas, and hadeeth. Alhamdililah for this website bc I really needed to get a second opinion on this! Inshallah my husband will become closer to his religion and choosehis family over his desires. I love Islam and have hope for change so I will not have to divorce him. I told him this is his lat chance and what he has done ius not acceptable in our religion or our marriage. Allah bless everyone and guide us to the sraight path.

 

[cmelbouzaidi]

:salam2: I really feel terrible for your situation, dear sister. I can't believe a husband and father of two girls would behave in such an awful manner. I am 39 and have been married to an arab husband for 17 years and I feel your husband is probably young enough for a good hiding! I feel motherly in this situation and I think a mother needs to be involved here to talk some sense into this man. I am sure he would be mortified if he had to explain his juvenile behaviour to mom! Stick firmer than ever to your faith and rise well above his terrible behaviour. What is it with him and motorcycles and scantily clothed women, if it is his job, he needs to grow up and get a proper job! :astag: Let us know, please
Your sister in Islam,
catherine iman

 

[Umm Ismael]

Asselemou Allaikum sister,

Allah is probably testing your patience..It is a trial..
dont be sad if your heart is with Allah.. Pray for your husband during the day and night and be patient please..

When your husband will see your patience and your good behaviour, he will feel inche Allah that he is faulty inche Allah..
Just pray for him, please.

Dont ask divorce please..think that you should try to help your husband to find the right path to Allah..help your children to be educated in an islamic way.. make that the goal of your life with the Will of Allah..

I know many sisters who went through harder situations and they were very patient meche Allah.. they prayed for years and after Allah make their husbands, good muslims meche Allah...

Trust Allah and you will see what Allah will do for you..

Just trust Allah and be patient..

he is the father of your daughters and your the husband that Allah made for you, so be patient please

..you can divorce.. it is the easiest way perhaps but why should you divorce if you trust Allah

I will pray for you sister

May Allah help you to be patient

Hajer

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Assalamu Alaykum sis

First of all, i do pray to Allah SWT to easy the problem that is going on your life. May Allah SWT guide your husband and turn into him the right path. My advice to you have faith and remember Allah SWT is alway there. Also, remember you can't change people but you can pray to Allah SWT change them. At the end, i pray to Allah SWT guide, protect, and shower his mercy upon your family.

 

[Mrmuslim]

salaam alikom

Sister, mashAllah you got a lot of advise from brothers and sisters, and a good advise from AbdulHasib about praying Tahjwd in the middle of the night. Try to pray when he can see you making Duaa for him let him feel that you asking Allah to guide him, inshaAllah he will feel the mercy of Allah and repent from what he is doing inshaAllah.

We shouldnt be mad at her husband instead we should be making Duaa for him remember the heart of a human being its between finger of Allah he can flip it to either way the good or bad, so instead we be mad or upset with her husband which is ok for sake of Allah but at the same time we should be making dua for him that Allah change his heart to better and keep our heart inshaAllah on the right path too.!

Quote


as ‘Um Salamah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, ‘The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam used to repeatedly say this supplication, “O Controller of the hearts! Make my heart steadfast upon Your religion” so I asked him, ‘O Prophet of Allah! Do hearts fluctuate?’ He said, “Yes, all mankind’s hearts are between two of the fingers of Allah. If Allah wills He maintains a man’s steadfastness, and if He wills He deviates him” (Ahmad & Tirmithi).
If the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, feared a change of heart of those who were the cream of Muslims, the pioneers of Islam, the ones firmly grounded in faith, with strong certainty in Allah and sincere servitude to Him and are the best of all generations, as the Prophet informed us; if this fear was regarding those people, then how would the case be concerning those who came after them, especially people in our era? This era during which trials are plentiful and successive; falsehood has spread everywhere under decorated banners; doubts and desires attacked people’s hearts; misguiding temptations have attacked people through what they see, read and hear; and deviant ways have become strong and taken control over people’s minds and hearts, such as the common sight of ladies who come out of their homes dressed but look as though they are naked.

above was Qoute.

Just one more advise, since you already talked to the shiekh I would suggest give your husband phone # to the shiekh and let the shiekh call him dont let you husband know that shiekh will be calling him, your husband knows he doing something wrong and inshaAllah Allah will guide him its matter of time inshaAllah. Remember the person who commit sins need advise and Dua he knows he doing something wrong, its moment of weakness in his life which he need to face and becomg stronger in his Iman which will happen by correcting his deen so keep the hope high in Allah s.w.t and keep up with the Duaa and prayers, and again give your husband phone # to the shiekh and let the shiekh know what the best time to find your husband.


May Allah make it easy on you and your family and Guide your Husband and us to the right path.

Wa salaam alikom

 

[Almeftah]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

In such situations, Sometimes it is better no to try to change a person, and just be patiant.. And he will change inshallah. All you need to do is just act as if nothing is wrong and try your best to be good to him.

It is pressure of life that causes change of hearts, so he doesnt need more pressure. You tryed and nothing changed so leave it to Allah SWT.

 

[brother bashar]

:salam2:assalam alaikoum sister (please try to understand my english i do my best) my advise is the following you are alhamdulillah a muslim THERE IS NO COMPALTION no jock in islam no grey or white or black that is why we are muslim you have to put a stop to this situation 1- he might having a sexual relation ship with these girls my allah forgive him if he is doing so but your health as a human bieng and a muslim is very importante he is doing things or acting in ways may hurt you and your undestanding and your health i use to be like him but i had to do straight out my islamic faith and act no choice and no jock with gods guidance sister ask for the divorce as pressur tools in two basic matters islamic believe and he is putting your faith and health in danger (aids, herpes, std ar basic fact in life) pressur him up sister and allah is with you in islam there is no jock do it and if divorce came allah have something better for you sister inshalla praying only is not enogh acting aslo needed imagin everyone sit in mosque and only pray for food ...........but do no work they will die god s.w. order us to move act protest protect ...
i ask almighty allah a good guidance to you sister

brother bashar

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Aslam o alikum sister,
I start with the name of Allah the most graceful and merciful
it brings me shame to admit that men are easily misguided with the beauty of the other sex ... your husband might be going thru this. I think for you the proper thing would be to try to explain his that this is zina a big sin ... and these are the consequences but like alot of people he might ignore it so I think what you can do is post some posters in ur house with names of Allah ... and talking about the effect of zina and consequences he might ignore them first but inshallah the talk with get to his brain and also make him realize how much love he gets from his family ... that he wont get anywhere else.
Maybe Allah (swt) ease ur pain and bring ur husband to the right path
Aslam o alikum

 

[Islam4meandyou]

Thank you!

Assalamu alaikom. Mashallah and thank you everyone for the blessed advice you have providided me. I will keep making dua and trust in Allah SWT. Being new to Islam I was not sure how to deal with this siuation. Now I understand that only Allah protects and comforts his believers, not humans. I know no one is perfect except Allah SWT and Inshallah things will get better. I wil try my best to be good to my husband and look past what he has done so he will have hope for himself to follow the straight path if Allah wills. This is a BIG test for me as I am very young (only 23) with two girls and new to Islam. I do love and trust Our Creator and the All-knowing, most Merciful Allah so inshallah that will get me through this mess! Alhamdililah and God bless everyone and guide us to the Straight PAth!

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam sister,

This needs to be handled in a very systematic way.

First you need to have a talk with him and explain that as a Muslim wife you have certain rights. If he continues to commit zina with the eyes then you will use those rights to have him brought back on the line.

Second, if he continues this behavior then bring his parents into this as mediators. Parents have a way of making us feel like we are very small children again and shaming us when we make huge mistakes. And he sounds like he needs to remember shame lest he feel the hellfire.

Third, if this does not do the job then I would live seperately from him and refuse to have marital relations. You are his wife and he has no right to do this, both as a Muslim man and as your husband. God forbid he starts to commit phsyical zinah with a woman and catches a disease like AIDS and then gives it to you. Then your children would face becoming an orphan before they are adults because of his selfish actions.

We aer taught to trust in Allah but also tie your camel. Islam allows divorce and it is specifically as a protectant in situations such as these. Sister, stay strong but keep a clear eye about this. I would not recommend staying with him if he continues these sins even after you try the above actions. If he doesn't fear Allah then I think he is a dangerous man to have raise your children and be your husband.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[yameenahmed]

Sorry to hear sister do takecare really allah is with those who are on the right side may allah bless your husband insahallah i will dua for both of you sister keep faith in allah

 

[Oem Soufiane]

I'm sorry but sabr is not everything, she has childen, and her husband is giving her a choice to be patient with him in the way he is right now, that is easy for him, please, there arte some things wich annull the marriage, like leaving prayer, and then comes the issue of the other girls, i don't believe he took pictures and then left, please, a halfnaked girl in front of a man without taqwa, think again...
the sister must think of her imaan, but also about her health, and her honour, you can't ignore this, at least I would''nt.

@ the sister, if this is affecting your imaan or familylife you should think about yourself and your kids, you cant try to guide him to islam while he is pulling you of of it. I say this while having three little kids with my husband, I would leave him immediately for the things your husband is doing, he has no respect. Ghair inshallah. Khula is not loved, but it is an option in some cases ukhti. Ask another scholar, it is easy for a man to say 'have sabr' I see this more often, also on sites like islamqa, but they don't understand what this is doing to you as a wife. How hurtfull and humiliating this really is.

He has no respect for Allah, for you, for your family, he is humiliating himself and you by his actions, and after warning him he is doing it again? He is doing it because he knows you will see it through the fingers, watch out that you don't lose yourself.

 

[revert-sister]

Sister, I would either leave him or find the right religious husband you want or go solo and put up with this behaviour. Because men only do what they are allowed to get away with, same as children. He is doing a bad thing in our eyes and a terrible thing in Allah’s SWT eyes. Please go to the mosque and get him to go with you and either get him to do as he is meant to as a Islamic husband or devoice him. I am sorry, you will find a much better husband. inshallah.