CHILDREN USED AS WEAPONS IN RELATIONSHIPS!!!

sulaiman786

New Member
Aslaam Alaikum

This is a very sensitive issue for me as im sure it is for many parents who are going through this but i would love to get opinions from you pious people mashallah

Why do women use children as a weapon against the fathers after a break up?
Or father's using the children against the mothers in some cases? (although ive never come acoss one tbh)

Yes i am one of the unfortunate fathers who last saw my son over 2 years ago. I was in a relationship with my ex which ill describe as hell, she accused me of x,y and z and chucked the kitchen sink at me too and at times she would threaten to overdose herself. I knew i would be without my son if i left her so i had to make the choice of being with her for the sake of my son or just do 1, i stayed for a while and tryed and tryed to make it work but it was getting worse so i broke it off with her and thats it, i knew i lost my boy. I fighted in courts and got supervised access but then she wouldnt let me take him out unsupervised for day outings and because my son was seeing me in a little tiny room, he would get hot and bothered and cry and this dragged, i took the decision to break contact with my boy because my solicitor said i would have no hope. My boy is 3 now.

Why do women lie and use and abuse the law in this country (ENGLAND UK) to keep the children away from the fathers (or mothers in a man's case)?
Do women not fear that they will return to Allah swt court?

I d love to hear things on this subject and maybe share with peple what theyre experiences are and get advise from you pious people mashalah.

I want to whole heartedly appologise if i cause any upset to anyone by bringing a memory from the past. please sincerely forgive me.

Masalaam
 

Ahsen

Junior Member
Walekumassalam Brother,

With all due respect, could there be an explanation of your wife's such behaviour?
 

Shak78

Junior Member
:salam2:

From my personal experience my mom did use me growing up a weapon against my dad. She would talk trash about him to me, would mess around with the visitation when it was his turn and made it difficult for him to see me. When I turned 13 he started doing drugs and then I was not allowed to see him at all and that I understood but from age 9-13 she made it hard for him. The one thing I resent the most to this day was her talking bad about him to me. She was very bitter after their divorce. I always told myself if I do get divorced I would neve act that way to my kids when it came to their father. It does happen more often then not sadly in cases and it is wrong no matter which parent is doing it.
 

sulaiman786

New Member
Salaam brother Ahsen
Without backbiting on my ex and i wont describe bad events but id just say my ex was very obsessed with me, Id say she was very insecure as she always felt i was with other women. May Allah forgive me for the type of person who i was before but i was a guy smartly dressed, always smelt nice, had thin line beard and earings etc, i guess now you know where im heading with this lol so she couldn't trust me thus it came to a point where even though i had a love marriage with her, i lost my feelings for her and i moved on.
Walekumassalam Brother,

With all due respect, could there be an explanation of your wife's such behaviour?
 

sulaiman786

New Member
Salaam brother shak

Im really sorry to hear your story, i know it must have been hard growing up not knowing your father well, Ive been also messed around with my visitation especially since i was travelling 215 miles to see my prince. I hope and pray in the first place you dont even think about divorce and you don't go though this in your marriage, always be fair to your wife and kep her hapy, May Allah swt unite you with your father so you can make up for lost time. In-sha-allah, the time you missed with him, you wil get that time in the hereafter in-sha-allah. I f you want to talk, im here my brother.
:salam2:

From my personal experience my mom did use me growing up a weapon against my dad. She would talk trash about him to me, would mess around with the visitation when it was his turn and made it difficult for him to see me. When I turned 13 he started doing drugs and then I was not allowed to see him at all and that I understood but from age 9-13 she made it hard for him. The one thing I resent the most to this day was her talking bad about him to me. She was very bitter after their divorce. I always told myself if I do get divorced I would neve act that way to my kids when it came to their father. It does happen more often then not sadly in cases and it is wrong no matter which parent is doing it.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
Salaam brother shak

Im really sorry to hear your story, i know it must have been hard growing up not knowing your father well, Ive been also messed around with my visitation especially since i was travelling 215 miles to see my prince. I hope and pray in the first place you dont even think about divorce and you don't go though this in your marriage, always be fair to your wife and kep her hapy, May Allah swt unite you with your father so you can make up for lost time. In-sha-allah, the time you missed with him, you wil get that time in the hereafter in-sha-allah. I f you want to talk, im here my brother.
She is a sister, akh.
 

strive-may-i

Junior Member
Walaikum Ssalaam warahmathullahi wabarakaatuh,

Its not a matter of UK and its law abuse, its widespread. The 101 reasons for breakdown of marriages, post break up battle...

Insecurity... from what I have seen, well this needs careful handling. In extreme cases it has no cure. You might have to endure this, 'become the changed man you want to be' and prove you are a changed man. You will have to raise above the emotional outlash, coming from the other end, make peace. May Almighty make matters easier between you both. May it not negatively affect the child... Ameen.
 
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