*CONFUSED* what should I do ???

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by sweetshaama, Jun 3, 2012.

  1. sweetshaama
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    sweetshaama New Member

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    Assalaamu Alaikum, Dear Brothers and Sisters,

    This is my very first post on this website. I am a girl who has reached the age of marriage and wanting a man who is pious and follows the Quran and Sunnah. Looks aren't my priority, but he must be educated and capable enough to bear the responsibilities of a family. My parents searched a partner for me and our families met for the first time. I was given the opportunity to speak to the groom at the presence of a maharram. After the meeting the guy immediately communicated to his family that he likes me and would be willing to go into marriage. His family was happy and so were my parents. The problem is I am not able to make a decision. The guy was good as a person, he sounded religious and comes from a very religious family background, has a stable job, sounded responsible and good looking too, but strangely I did not develop any liking towards him. I had already seen his picture and I was happy to meet him, but when I met him I did not feel any interest towards him even to have a conversation with him. It was like I spoke to him because I had to at that point of time. We spoke for a while but I was not keen on asking any questions. This was not my first experience meeting a guy for marriage, I have been through this before and there used to be moments when I saw the guy I felt this positive appeal and a liking towards the person, whereby I felt comfortable in carrying out a conversation with him. But those proposals never came through because may be Allah did not have any of them in store for me. But now when something has come through I am not happy about it. Despite of him saying yes I am not excited about it or about getting married to him. Or not even looking forward to get to know him better. I have prayed Salah Istkara, but my state of mind has not changed. My parents are kind persuading me to say yes but I am CONFUSED. That's when I thought I should come here and speak my worry out. I would appreciate your honest responses.

    Jazakallah Khair
  2. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam alaikum,

    So you have a proposal from a man that is pious, good looking, and has a job; he comes from a good family.

    Sister,

    I will be honest. You have an idea of a man you wish to marry in the back of your head. Do not waste the time of this man. There are millions of pious girls who would be willing to marry him.

    You need to get rid of the picture in your mind that has clouded your heart. Be honest with yourself and your family. Do not play games with yourself.

    I know I sound harsh but I see this here all the time. Do not waste his time. Let your family know you are not satisfied and go on. It would only be fair to him. And do not be surprised if he marries next week; and you wait a couple of years.
  3. muslim-girl
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    muslim-girl Junior Member

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    SubhanaALlah..

    This is just the SAME SAME situation im in..
    I even prayed istikhara, and i dont like the brother.. Not because he is bad, cause he has everything.. but subhanaALlah its weird i dont have any feeling towards him.. maybe Its a signs for us both that we should leave it to Allah,..
    But the problem with me, is that i have said yes to married the brother, and he has come to my dad and so on... Its very serious and i cant just say i dont like u.. and i dont want u.. hmm..
    May Allah make it easy for us..
  4. hayat84
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    hayat84 I'm not what you believe

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    :salam2:
    it's better to say NO when you have the time,before it's too late to go back to your steps.if you didnt feel any interests,you should leave him go.if this brother,really pious one in some way "insists" to see you again and again to know you better,maybe he's the right one.that's where I am now.I wasn't interested to that boy,but he was so kind and "invadent" that he made me feel what I never imaged.may Allah help you:)
  5. sweetshaama
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    sweetshaama New Member

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    Assalaamu Alaikum sister, I do appreciate your reply. Jazakallah Khair. You don't sound harsh I value your opinion, but Just to let you know I met this guy just last night and I haven't said my decision yes. I have asked my parents just today to tell my decision. So you must understand that my intention is not to play around with anybody's feelings. InshAllah by tomorrow I would tell them my answer, only Allah knows what it would be but until then I am thinking over it and praying that I get the guidance from Allah (swt). Please include me in your du'a. Maasalaamah.
  6. finding light
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    finding light Ya Rab! Forgive me..

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    Asalamuaykum,

    Welcome back Muslim-girl - we missssssssed you :)

    Sorry I dont have anything to contribute to the thread. Im single, lonely and praying for a man like you have described... I would take Aapa's advice....
    This little princess is tired of looking out @ the horizon for prince charming.... he aint coming...
  7. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Asalaam alaikum,

    I will make dua for you sister.

    I truly understand the pressure that parents place on girls. It drives me crazy. Yet, you have to weigh that with the spiritual element. You know sometimes what Allah sends us makes me wonder. You ask for abc and Allah sends us xyz but if it is from Allah know that it is truly good for you.

    ( as for the love thing...the whole concept of falling in love is bizarre..when you get back on your feet you realize you have mud all over you...Love comes to you and grows gently. It is a force so strong and it is silent and constant..no pikes and valleys..the pikes and valleys are HollyBollywood stuff; movies even the worst Bollywood are only three hours long..think about that...Love is eternal.)

    Do let us know how things turn out..if you are shy PM us..but we are all praying it goes well.

    Finding Light PM me please...
  8. sweetshaama
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    sweetshaama New Member

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    InshAllah, may Allah guide you and make everything easier for you sister.
  9. sweetshaama
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    sweetshaama New Member

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    Sister, InshAllah you will find your prince charming with the grace of the Almighty Allah. You will always be in my du'as.
  10. sweetshaama
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    sweetshaama New Member

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    Alhamdulillah I am happy for you sister. Please do include me in your du'as
  11. sweetshaama
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    sweetshaama New Member

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    Jazakallah Khair for your reply sister, it made me feel so much better honestly. May Allah (Swt) shower his peace and blessings upon you.
  12. muslim-girl
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    muslim-girl Junior Member

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    Thaanks habibti..

    I miss TTI and all of u as well..

    Nice to be back..

    May Allah bless u with the best of the best man .. U deserve a REAL prince lool :) ...
  13. elqouds2020
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    elqouds2020 Junior Member

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    بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
    السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
    نعم مع الإستخار و الإطمئنان و خاصة القلب إن لم يكون مطمئنا فسوف تعشين في إدطراب و قلق دائم و أنا أشعر بك و كأنكي في سجن و اني مررت بهذا الموضوع مند 22سنة و الله أعلم و إن شاء بدلك الله ما ترغبين فيه على سنة الله و رسله عليه الصلاة و السلام
  14. elqouds2020
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    elqouds2020 Junior Member

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    In the name of God the Merciful
    Peace, mercy and blessings of Allah
    Yes with Alastkhar and reassurance, especially the heart, if not be assured it will Tashan in Adtarab and constant anxiety and I feel you and Konki in prison and I passed this subject since 22 years and God knows and willing Bdlk what God would like it on the law of Allah and His Messengers. (PBUH)
  15. Thauban
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    Thauban Junior Member

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    As'alaamu Alaikkum

    My dear sister it looks like you are not emotionally, mentally ready for marriage. Give it time and learn more about life and love and you will find the need for marriage Insha'Allah. People today just rush headlong into a marriage because it's the thing to do, may be due to family or peer pressure. Everyone is different Alhamdulilah and there is nothing wrong with marrying late when one is good and ready. Of course, there are people that never ever marry and are happy to live a life without a partner, if that is good or bad I don't know. My advise would be to wait Insha'Allah you will find the right man for you to marry.
  16. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Asalaam alaikum

    I am afraid I have to disagree with the statement of marrying late.

    From a woman's perspective it is recommended that you marry early. It is protection. It rids you of anxiety. It makes you less selfish. And it is a good thing.

    We are not women of the duyna. We are not success ridden at the beck and call of making money. Marriage is the completion of our deen. Seek it. Why wander around in life to complete your faith.

    Marriage is one of the cornerstones of our faith. It is the glue that keeps us as part of our community. A woman without a husband is placed in an awful place. When you are very young people will tolerate you but as you age you become an eyesore. You can make a million dollars a year but you will not be seen as a person.

    We have to study the role of Muslim women. And our duties include being wives and mothers. We are to be responsible for the well being of our families. That is a tremendous honor and responsibility.

    Do not delay marriage. If you practice your faith it is easy to see how marriage is liberating for women.
  17. PeacefulHumanity
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    PeacefulHumanity :)Smile! It's Sunnah

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    It's about what you want, in my opinion. Your parents don't have to marry him. YOU do. If you don't want to marry him, then don't. Do not be pressured into something you can't see your self doing on your own.

    Look on the bright side, at least you have options . . . I wish I could say the same for others (including myself). Again, if you don't want to marry him, DO NOT marry him. It seems so obvious, but sometimes we use the wrong things to make our decisions.
  18. finding light
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    finding light Ya Rab! Forgive me..

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    :salam2:

    I am for once in total agreement with Aapa....
    Why is it that girls who have marriage on their doorstep never want it and those desperately seeking can't find it?? its so common....

    Sister Sweetshaama, you have great religious parents who are actively making an effort to find you a husband and settle you down... the only advice I can give you is to continue to pray about it and InshAllah you will be guided to the right decision.

    I believe Allah has a way of getting messages to our hearts, listen to what that is saying... find the balance point of your head and your heart.

    Your only concern in this dunya is to get to paradise. and how do we get to Paradise? by doing good, avoinding sin and obeying Allah and His Messenger sallalahu alayhi wasalam. Ask youself - will this man help you to get to Paradise? Will this man pull you by your hair if he has to, to get you to obey Allah?? if the answer is an immediate yes, why should you hesitate? When we do for the sake of Allah, its ALWAYS right....

    All my dear sisters from the thread and the OP - JazakAllah Khair for your duas and I wish upon you all the hapiness in this world and Hereafter, whether with a hubby or not :)
  19. sweetshaama
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    sweetshaama New Member

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    Jazakallah Khair dear brothers and sisters for all your replies.

    After putting so much thought and considering the spiritual element as sister Aapa said I finally wholeheartedly decided to say yes to this man.

    BUT SOMETHING STRANGE HAPPENED !!!

    I announced my consent to my parents and they called the groom's house, but groom's family took us by surprise. The people who collectively gave consent to the proposal the day we met, gave Salaams, presented me with sweets to declare that they are happy, now said over the phone that they need to think this over again. Feel like I am back to square one. Is this some kind of a sign from Allah ? I can see my parents have lost interest in the proposal, with my mum calling people enquiring about other suitable proposals. What am I to conclude from this ? Ya Allah guide me !
  20. afrarzk
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    afrarzk احبك ىارب

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    Assalamu alaikum wa rahmathullah

    subhanallah.....
    dear sis, dont get upset or worried....... for a mumin everythng wat happens is for khair :)........Once u do isthikara prayer and put complete trust on ALLAH....thn surely HE will take care of that matter......The only thng we should do is Be Patient and keep hold on our tawakul.....inshaallah evrythng will b fine soon...

    May Allah give u a righteous and pious partner which is khair for u.........ameen ya samee ya baseer

    plss include me and all muslims in ur duaas :)
    tc sis

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