Consent for marriage

Discussion in 'Fatwas and Questions/Answers' started by Zahwa, Jun 24, 2008.

  1. Zahwa
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    Zahwa New Member

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    Asaalam u alaikum,

    is it permissible for parents to make their son or daughetr get married to someone of their own choice while pressurizing them emotionally and when they have not any reason besides that they want their child to get married to their choosen person?
  2. Almeftah
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    Almeftah Junior Member

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    السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

    The choice in marriage must be left for the marrying man and woman only, without any kind of pressure. as for the family, brothers/sister, friends...etc, They can only give advise, period.
  3. abdellah007
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    abdellah007 Junior Member

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    It s the man or woman who going to live with his/her second part. so why Parents get involved in that. But we can still get advices from them as they experienced it.

    wa salam
  4. TheKnowledgeSeeker
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    TheKnowledgeSeeker A Believer In Heart

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    Assalamu Alaykum,

    No muslim women can marry with her parents permission and if you do your marriage is not right marriage. You need your parents blessing to not only a blessing marriage but to also show your parents respect. I heard this during a lecture.
  5. saffanah
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    saffanah speak good or silent

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    Assalamu'alaikum

    One of the ways in which Islam has honoured woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along, because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father’s wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes.

    There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Bukhari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam: “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh).

    He said to me: ‘Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, ‘I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, ‘Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, ‘I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).’”


    (Fath al-Bari, 9/194, Kitab al-nikah, bab ikrah al-bint ‘ala al-zawaj; Ibn Majah, 1/602, Kitab al-nikah, bab man zawwaja ibnatahu wa hiya karihah; al-Mabsut 5/2.)

    At first, the Prophet (Pbuh) told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.

    Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce.

    This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of ‘Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet (Pbuh) and said: “O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behaviour, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” - her mahr had been a garden. She said, “Yes.” So the Messenger of Allah sent word to him: “Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.” (Fath al-Bari, 9/395, Kitab al-talaq, bab al-khul’.)

    According to a report given by Bukhari from Ibn ‘Abbas, she said, “I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behaviour, but I do not like him.”

    Islam has protected woman’s pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like.

    The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband.

    Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society: “If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah and mischief will become widespread on earth.” (A hasan hadith narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/274, Abwab al-nikah, 3; and by Ibn Majah, 1/633, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-akfa’.)

    Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid “play-boy” types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behaviour is good and whose understanding of religion is sound.

    No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (SWT) has said:
    (Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . .) (Quran 24:26)

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