In the name of Allah most beneficent Most merciful.
Welcome to the website.
I hope you are doing good. It is a good thing that you are sincere in becoming Muslim, to believe in Allah and the Prophet Muhammad as the last and final messenger is the most important and blessed thing that could ever happen to any of us.
Secondly, being white, black or any other race does not make any difference at all. Someone should not object if the person is of good character and a Muslim. This is clearly shown in the Islamic texts.
However, keeping any sort of relationship before marriage, even if it is non-sexual is forbidden in Islam. This is for both Muslim men and women.
So in terms of having a girlfriend/boyfriend it is a sin upon the Muslim. The only way they can meet is if the girl is with her mahram, or male guardian, such as her father or brother. You can meet her as many times as you want under these conditions to get to know her.
If the girls brother dated girls etc he was Islamically wrong. His father also was wrong for allowing it. There is no excuse for allowing sons to do haram (forbidden actions) and keeping girls from doing it. They both should be treated equally by making sure they stick to Islamic guidelines.
The Father is however right to stop his daughter from seeing you. Thats because he is stopping her from doing a sinful action.
But, dont fret!
I think the first step you must take, is to sincerely think about Islam. Dont just become Muslim because of marriage. Make sure that you truly believe that there is one God, Allah who has no partners whatsoever... and that Muhammad
was his slave and final Messenger. Muslims also believe in the other Prophets that are found in the bible such as Jesus and Abraham. For they too had same beliefs as us which was Islam. They were Muslims who believed in Allah without associating any partners to him.
Here are some helpful articles that are really good and which you should read. InshaAllah.
Introductory Articles About Islam
Fundamental Beliefs in Islam Tawheed and Aqeedah
You can find more articles here:
Islamic Articles Library
Some videos:
Learn About Islam Full Video Covering Many Topics
Feature Length film on True Islam
The Mosque - Full Muslim Sermon and Prayers TRANSLATED Also Eid Celebrations
As for the girl's father and his stance against you. If you were a good Muslim and you are of sound character, there is no
Islamic reason for him to object to your marriage to his daughter, if she is willing.
Allah says in the Quran:
Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner. (2: 232)
In an Authentic and well known Hadith which can be found in Sahih Muslim:
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:
A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust.
Also the Prophet
said:
Idhaa ataakum man tardhauna deenahu wa khuluqahu fa zawwijoohu. Illaa taf'aloo takun fitnatun fiy al-ardhi wa fasaadun kabeerun."
"If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied with comes to you, marry to him. If you do not do so, there will be trials in the earth and a great deal of evil." At-Tirmidhi and others and it is hassan.
However, like many families in the world, people have their own opinions, prejudices based on their own thinking.. So, in the end perhaps what is needed is for the girl to talk to her parents in a kind way, perhaps the mother is more reasonable .. And for you to show that you are a good, kind and sincere Muslim who loves Islam.
So, perhaps one of the first things to do after becoming Muslim is to talk to the girl's father. What both you and the girl did was Islamically wrong. So you should apologise to the parents of the girl.
You must tell him that you are not going to see his daughter without his knowledge, not see her without a wali (guardian father, or her brothers etc) being present. That you became Muslim for Allah alone and not for anything else.. and that you wish to marry his daughter.
It will be difficult, but you have to have patience and inshaAllah things will work out good. If not, then there are reasons for this and you must move on.
If the man is of financially stable, of good character, is a good Muslim the Wali can
not object. The most important thing is Islam. You can however, bypass her father by having another Wali. However, it is highly recommended not to do this as it can give you more problems.
Whether or not you can marry her without her fathers consent is not for me to say. The Prophet
said, that
there is no marriage without a Wali. The worst possible thing you could do is to marry her without her parents blessings. It will complicate things and make matters a lot worse for you both. You must also think about the girl's feelings and the pressure and hurt that would be caused to her by seeing her own parents unhappy with these decisions. It will divide her family and may even lead her to be alienated from them.
Last of all, my advice is that you do things according to a correct and sincere intention. After you become Muslim, do the
istikhara prayer. Which is a prayer that will help you make the right decisions.
The Prophet
said:
"Actions are (judged) by motives (niyyah), so each man will have what he intended. Thus, he whose migration (hijrah) was to Allah and His Messenger, his migration is to Allah and His Messenger; but he whose migration was for some worldly thing he might gain, or for a wife he might marry, his migration is to that for which he migrated." [Bukhari & Muslim]
So inshaAllah, things will get better for you, as long as you take the necessary steps towards Islam and Allah's love and mercy. Also, the girl too should make great effort in striving for Islam, and ask Allah for forgiveness, because having a boyfriend was haram. What has been done is done, and Allah forgives those who are sincere in asking for forgiveness. You now have to follow the correct avenues according to Islam and Allah will help you both InshaAllah. Also, you got to realise the parents position in this and they are the ones who spent much time and love bringing the girl up. They just want best for her and to protect her. So be wise and careful and think things through from much wider perspective before taking any actions.