Cousin relationship?

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by Saif-Akbar, Jul 10, 2015.

  1. Saif-Akbar
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    Salaam alykum Brothers and sisters. I'm not sure if I posted this in correct forum I'm new to this site sorry haha.

    okay just quick question I have this cousin 3 years younger than me who has recently made a facebook account and started to msg me. I'm very close with her in terms of family kinship. Keep in mind that our families alhamdulillah are very firm on the teachings of islam so we as male cousins never interact with our female cousins. Obviously we do say our salaams and ask each other how we are but nothing more than that, neither do we sit in the same room or gathering together. My point here is I never really talk to my cousin in person and have never touched her (shake hands and etc). Now she has msged me on Facebook and started talking to me. It has been 6 or 7 months since we started talking the reason I'm so concerned right now is because I have this idea that she may have developed feelings for me. I didn't notice it until she started asking very strange questions, example if what do I think of cousin marriages, would I ever like my cousin and so on. also I have caught her looking at me a lot when she visits my house with her family or if my family visits her house. so I'm not ganna lie and just be straight up with you guys. I think I like her and decided I would marry her, but I'm not ready for marriage. I'm 20 and she just turned 17 asking her dad for marriage would be insane at this point. I was hoping i would ask when I'm 22. Now no one knows about this "relationship" and I know it's haraam to be talking to non mahram in a way that may transgress the prohibitions Allah has put on us, but I never talk to her in an intimate way neither have I made any absurd promises to her or flatter her in any kind as far as I know. I really like her for her shyness, humility and modesty she is very well mannered and kind I guess you can say I came across a golden opportunity haha I mean those qualities are in her when I see her in person around others but she's surely not shy when talking to me but I guess that's because she likes me? or is comfortable with me? I dunno, but now after this Facebook incident I'm getting little doubts about it because she doesn't even hesitate to ask me personal questions, where as for me I can't even build the courage to say hi to her first, it's always her starting the converstations. So like is what I'm doing very bad? should I tell her not to speak with me because it's haraam and just delete her off facebook? like I'm so confused because I actually like her but I don't want to harm her or bring harm to myself if we fall into the sin of speaking affectionately towards each other and each small sin leads to bigger one May Allah protect me from such evil. but I'm afraid to lose her as I stated early I really like her and plan to marry her. So any advice? again I cannot ask her dad to allow me to marry her because I'm to young he will refuse which will be so embarrassing. I don't have a stable Job, I'm just in my first year of college and she's still in highschool. So please let me know if I still have to cut the so called "relationship" or am I still allowed to keep in touch so as long as it stays safe which I have no idea if it will or not, but I really don't want her to forget about me and like someone else and I can not tell her that I like her or would like to marry her eventually, because that would cause her to develope even furthur feelings, and I would be making a promise which I don't even know will happen. My intention is to marry her but I don't know what Allah has decided for me so I can't express my feelings to her because I'm not 100% certain of the future. So please Advise me thank you!

    sorry that it's so long but I needed to share all the details haha :)
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2015
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  2. a_stranger
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    Assallamu alaikim wa rahmatu Allah , my son if you fear Allah you should tell her that it is wrong to talk to nonmuhrem in this way and stop this messages immediately . Stop the steps of Shaytan .Then what is wrong if you ask your family for inggagment with her just a promice so that you marry her when you are ready. No talking no no dates , no wrong just a promice
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  3. a_stranger
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    Sorry for spelling mistakes:


    Corrections
    Promise

    Dating
  4. Saif-Akbar
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    Saif-Akbar Member

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    Walikum wasalaam brother most certainly what you say is correct thank you :) I have no choice but to delete her off my account and block her because telling her did not make a difference. Another question is it okay if I ignore her in person like only reply to her salaam and nothing else? like not in a mean way but rather in way that means I'm ignoring you for the best of both of us.
  5. abuhannah
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    Dear brother, first of all I commend you for being so young and having this concern. There are those older than you who get carried and swept away in similar circumstances. These things that you feel as young adults are completely normal but of course as you know within the framework of Islam the only halal alternative is marriage. If you are made to wait to get married, then I suggest to tell some responsible adults as well so that there is some parental intervention which is some added security from doing something impermissible. In the meantime, have sabr (I know it is difficult ... I too was young before I became the dinosaur I am now lol) till you can have a halal marriage.
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  6. Saif-Akbar
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    Haha thank you Akhi, it surely is difficult. Honestly I just can't build the courage to ask her parents, some parents just favor financial stability over spiritual stability, so I guess until I have a stable job or degree i don't really have a chance :/ but then again Allah is with those who have Sabr :). although it's still hard to let things just slide off haha, thank you brother
  7. a_stranger
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    Sure you should do so. You should make her feel that any relation outside marriage is haram , this is the time of your trail if you fear Allah and have saber you will be among those whom Allah love . I am so proud of you and the family that taught you these noble meanings. This life is a test when we pass we feel the true happiness in this life and then Janna by the mercy of Allah.
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  8. Precious Star
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    No you don't have to ignore her! She's your cousin sister, a member of your family. Islamically you cannot be alone with her. Presumably when you see her your mutual elder relatives are present? If so, you are allowed to talk to her.
  9. a_stranger
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    My son fear Allah in all your matters, and avoid fitna, keep your heart pure . Nothing in this life better than a pure heart, since it is closer to Allah subhanahu wa taaala , black spots cover our hearts and block it from sweatiness of faith. You know better.
  10. Safiyah_
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    if i were you akhi i would stop every contact and when you are ready to marry her in sha Allah go straight to her parents.
    She is 17 she doesn't even know what marriage is about, it's not a solid vow at that age. Let her become an adult and then when you are both ready marry her.
    If she has good intentions she will respect it if not then marriage with her will end in misery. Do salat al istikhara and trust Allah but use your mind before rushing things you might regret ( my opinion)
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