Cruelty From Husbands On Their First Night Of Marriage

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by TheAuthenticBase, Sep 4, 2012.

  1. TheAuthenticBase
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    TheAuthenticBase Assalaamu 'alaykum!

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    From cruelty and injustice is that the man comes to the first meeting with this poor woman and he only thinks about deflowering her and satisfying his desires. This action amounts to one of the strongest reasons for her dislike towards him until this dislike stretches for a very long time.

    What is it that prevents the Muslims man from coming to his wife by way of a nice word, or joking and playing with her? Verily that is more appropriate in that it brings the two hearts together and facilitates mercy and compassion between them, and we have in the Messenger of Allaah (saw) a good example.

    [Supporting The Rights Of Believing Women, p. 102]
  2. Ahsen
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    Ahsen Junior Member

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    Because no one teaches them this thing and they being unaware dont spend time in learning the etiquettes.
  3. IHearIslam
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    IHearIslam make dua 4 ma finals

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    Assalaamu alaykum,

    Islamic marriage counseling? yea, that sounds like a GOOD idea for couples that are about to get married. Prevention is better than cure. I think both parties need to educate themselves on this delicate yet important topic. Fathers, teach YOUR SONS! period
  4. az101
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    az101 http://www.miraathpublications.net/

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    However, one MUST UNDERSTAND that there is NO harm in having intercourse on the First night if the couples want to

    if anyone speaks other wise, upon them is the obligation to bring the evidence from Quran and Authentic Ahadeeth along with the Understanding of the first 3 generations of Islam. ( the Salaf-us-Saalih)
  5. a_stranger
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    a_stranger Junior Member

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    Assalmu alaikim

    We as muslems need to rebuild our personality on the basis of Ubodia towards Our creator :Allah subhanahu wa taaala. We are not free to harm any one. Some men think it is Ok to step on their wives feelings. This is wrong your goodness should start with your wife. This is your way to Janna.

    The prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam said:
    The best of you is the best to his family.
  6. Shak78
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    Shak78 Junior Member

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    No there is not but if a man only fulfills his desires and ignore's his wife that is wrong.
  7. ShyHijabi
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    ShyHijabi Junior Member

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    No one is stating that intercourse on the first night of marriage is not permissible or even discouraged. The thread is about men being brutish and just satisfying their own desires when approaching their wife on the first night of intercourse. Our Prophet spoke very bluntly and strongly about treating women kindly, particularly in intimate times.

    The main problem is too many parents are confusing shame with shyness and don't have frank conversations with their adult children concerning proper etiquette, and that includes when concerning intimate acts with one's spouse. The companions asked many questions and clarification from the Prophet but we Muslims act like immature school children when it comes to answering and broaching this topic. Islam is beautiful in that it answers all questions, great and small. Intimacy in marriage is a cornerstone of a functional family. It is long past the point where we need to educate our own children rather than just leave them ignorant and trust they figure things out on their own because then they will go media sources for guidance and that could end in disaster.
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  8. Abd_Al_Hadi
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    Abd_Al_Hadi لبيك يا الله

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    I'd like to read this book. Is there a pdf version I can download online?
  9. a_stranger
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    a_stranger Junior Member

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    Assalmu alaikim
    I agree sister , we should follow the example of our prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam in discussing every matter of life in a noble polite manner. Now media is distorting the beautiful meaning of life in minds of children , we need to step in to correct the picture. Shyness, compassion, love , mercy are all important values in Islam.
  10. PeacefulHumanity
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    PeacefulHumanity :)Smile! It's Sunnah

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    Absolutely true, but it takes two consenting people to do this. If the wife is being hurt, then she obviously doesn't want to do it with the husband. If she doesn't want to and the husband is making her (ie, by force), then that is the definition of rape.
  11. IHearIslam
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    IHearIslam make dua 4 ma finals

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    Alhamdulillah for sisters like you! :)
    may Allah bless you and your family, may He (SWT) grant you al-firdos! ameen

  12. saifkhan
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    saifkhan abd-Allah

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    As salam alaykum.

    Unfortunately this doesn't exist in most of the families. Sex (I mean the halal one) is something taboo now. somewhat we muslims are facing so many problems now a days, from everyside, don't know which to address, subhan Allah. Isn't this is the result of moving away from the Quran and Sunnah. I dont know when Muslims will understand.

    My Father is dead, may Allah save him from hellfire and bless him with Jannat Al Firdous.
    However, He didn't get time to discuss these issues.
    However, I have a friend, actually elder than me, he discussed a lot issues with me, and he also told, these things need to be discussed and serious issue to address.

    and also I am kind a person, who is always aware of others right, alhamduli Allah, any type of rights.
    so I was always careful about these issues

    may Allah bless us with perfect understandable partners, and may He may bless the relationship.

    @brother Authentic base, JazakAllah khair for sharing
    wa alaykum as salam
  13. IHearIslam
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    IHearIslam make dua 4 ma finals

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    Wa'alaykum salam warahmatullah wabarakatuh akhi,

    I know this is taboo within our Ummah--we're the youth of today, we should try to change that. If we educate ourselves, we can change the situation for the next generation inshaAllah!!! There are multiple books written by scholars that address this in details. Also, like you said, they are still elders like your friend who are kind enough to guide the younger generation--alhamdulillah for that. We might not have actual "Islamic counselors" but we do have Imaams who we can approach as to help us. The immaams might not address this in real khutbahs (some do)--but if we are to ask them for help, many would be willing to assist us. Knowledge cannot be passed down to us, we must seek it. Its the responsibility of "soon to be couples" to learn about marriage and what comes with it.
    "My Father is dead, may Allah save him from hellfire and bless him with Jannat Al Firdous" Allahuma ameen....

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