Family problem...

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by Salam2You, Sep 9, 2011.

  1. Salam2You
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    Salam2You Lil' Muslimah

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    Salam alaikum,

    My sister has problems I think she's mental, she has a disability. She continuously swears at my parents and abuses them. I can only describe in words, if you were to see how she treated my parents you would be scared.

    She has threatened to kill me with a kitchen knife, etc. I react to that quite laid back because I just say my shahada whenever I'm threatened even though I don't want to die so young.

    She got kicked out by my parents because they warned her so many times and they've had enough. When the police came to pick her up they too could see what struggle we went through..

    So now I hear this conversation between my mum and dad. They say in our tradition if you go to a imam you could tell them your situation, they'll say a prayer before you and write something down. I asked my mother what they write down and she said it's a prayer that the imaams close repeatedly and put in a container/box, and give you water along with it for the person in the bad situation to drink. I looked at my brother thinking it's wrong.. Is it? It sounds a bit like magic to me....

    But overall you can see what problems I'm in and I'm only turning 15, worst problem is for my beautiful parents.

    May Allah excuse my parents and have mercy upon them as they have brought me up.

    I'm quite depressed to be honest.

    Please just feedback whatever you can.. I need comfort, it's hard to cope having to see my blessed parents cry for over 2 hours may Allah bless them.
  2. Bawar
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    Bawar Struggling2Surrender

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    Assalamu alaikum respected little sister.

    I am sorry to read about your family problems. May Allah ease your situation and bring peace and happiness to your family.

    I am not sure whether it is islamically correct to do what your Imam is doing. What I can tell you is the last two Surahs of Quran are best to recite for protection from the devilish acts of humans and jinns.

    Perhaps your parents should have a serious, but calm conversation with you sister and get to the bottom of her issues. There is always a reason for a behaviour. Your parents need to find out what your sister wants.

    Inshallah, a solution can be found so do not despair. You are only responsible to do as much as you are capable of. Your parents are capable of handling it inshallah.

    My prayers are with you
  3. JenGiove
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    JenGiove Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    Sister, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister's behavior and how it has effected your family. Such a thing is never easy to deal with.

    I can not advise you regarding your question but I thought I might direct you towards a possible medical reason. ONLY a qualified medical expert can truly diagnose your sister and I can tell you that she is NOT mentally retarded. That's different from a psycological disorder. The first is a chromosomal problem and the second is a brain chemical imbalance.

    Remember to always hate the actions, but continue to love the person...((huggles))

    I do not know how this would be diagnosed against the norms of a Muslim society (as each society is different and has different accepted norms...its all very anthropological) but have your parents investigate "Oppositional Defiant Disorder".

    http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_with_oppositional_defiant_disorder
  4. sabina isa
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    sabina isa Junior Member

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    As salam alaikum,

    First of all, you don't explain her case, why she is mental, no one is mental without a reason. Your beautiful parents have done an uggly solution by kicking her out. She needs love and care, and the street or police are the last resource (even at times it turns out better). If she is mental, you are selfish in complaining about her in public . If I would hear her side of the story I would comprehend better. Believe me , if your sister knows you have spoken in forum about her, that will not help neither her, nor you. If you believe in Allah and you know He is the true Curer, pray to him. For one thing I think you should not use those written things in the box. Recite the last three surahs of Quran when she is sleeping, with total faith and that will help. Hope for better days in your family life, and for your sister.

    We salam
  5. Salam2You
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    Salam2You Lil' Muslimah

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    Salam alaikum ~

    My parents haven't done a bad job at all. They've put up with my sister through abuse physically and mentally. I used to get threatened by my sister and I only put my parents through misery when I told them my sister grabbed a knife centimetres away from me... It's hard for me to see my mother's eyes water when she tries so hard to make our family happy, so so hard.. SubhanAllah I thought my father was as brave as a beast but even he would have break downs may Allah forgive our parents for the hardship they go through..

    I understand she needs love and care and she realises that now, regret has got the good of her but she's over it, she understands what our family have been through because of her. I posted this quite a while ago and she's getting her flat soon ~ she's moving on and so much better than before. Her and I have become closer since then.. She visits and hugs me, gives me gifts, talks about my interests etc.

    I only spoke of my sister to get feedback of what to do, no harm or intention of back-biting.

    Thanks for helping and giving advice though, I appreciate it ~ May Allah bless you all!
  6. Abdul Hasib
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    Abdul Hasib Student of Knowledge

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    Assalamu Aleykum sister. Once, my mom told me that (regarding friends/family who always fight with each other) "the further they are from each other, the stronger the love." Meaning that if you know someone who you always get into a fight or an argument with (and Allah (SWT) knows best, maybe because that person might do something that you despise, vice versa), then as soon as you guys are away from each other (for a few days/months), a "new relationship" builds.

    You guys start to put aside everything that happened in the past (meaning that you act like as if nothing bad happened between the both of you beforehand), and the both of you start to treat each other nicely.
  7. Abdul Hasib
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    Abdul Hasib Student of Knowledge

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    So anyway sister, my dvice would be that the both of you should try to (slightly) mend your relationship together (by that, I mean that you should try to sound and act as polite, loving, caring, and understanding as you can whenever you talk/meet with her), and also, try to make sure that you sound (and act) in a cheerful mood whenever you meet you. Inshallah (Ta Allaa), everything will go well.
  8. ShyHijabi
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    ShyHijabi Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    It seems things have improved greatly, mash'Allah. May Allah swt continue to shelter your family in his protection.

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