Saifu deen
Alhamdullah..
:salam2:
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]My father and I haven’t had a good relationship for some time now. Over the past few years I have tried to keep in touch with him via phone, but I find it get a cold shoulder every time we speak. Now he shows little interest in my life (i.e. my wife/myself). I am growing tired of trying to maintain a relationship with someone who does not want it. I become irritated and upset after we speak. Now that I am married, my wife does not like me speaking to him because it puts me in this state. Would I be committing a sin if I stop talking to him? [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Question number: 341[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Date posted: 2002-07-17
[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Answer:[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]It is your Islamic duty to maintain good relations and deal kindly and gently with our parents even if they do not reciprocate the same towards us. Allah’s order in this matter is at once strict and clear: “Your Lord has decreed that you shall worship no one but Him and that you shall be kind towards your parents.” (Q. 17: 23).
According to the Qur’an, excellence in kindness towards parents is the second of the foremost duties prescribed on the faithful. It is part of the perennial religion preached by all prophets and messengers of Allah from Adam to Muhammad.
Our duty to be kind towards our parents is not dependent on their being kind towards us. Nor is it conditional upon them being Muslims; we must kind to them regardless of whether they are Muslims or non-Muslims, good Muslims or bad Muslims. We are only allowed to disobey them when they are asking us to what is opposed to the laws of Allah or clearly wrong or unreasonable.
It is not clear from your question how your relationship with your father has deteriorated to such an extend. In all probability there must have been something that had transpired between you and him that was responsible for this unfortunate situation. Should that be the case, and if you had been wholly or partially responsible for the same, you must apologize to him and ask forgiveness of him immediately without delay. For there is no worse sin in Islam barring shirk (associating partners with Allah) than displeasing our parents. It is therefore not simply sufficient for you to try to establish relationship with your father without dealing with the root of the problem.
If you find you are not able to convince your father to forgive you then you should approach a competent third party who is wise and knowledgeable to try to bring peace and reconciliation between you and your father. You must take this as an urgent priority for you. For quite frankly, it is a matter of your own salvation.
In the meantime don’t get upset if your father is showing you a cold shoulder; you must never give up calling your father and trying to talk to him. Ignore his cold attitude towards you; he alone is responsible for that; from your side, do whatever you can to be good towards him and mend your strained relations.
One of the Prophet’s companions asked him once, “I have been trying my best to be consistently good to my blood relations, but they continue to act rudely towards me, no matter whatever I do to them. Should I stop being kind to them?” The Prophet replied, “No. You should rather continue to be good to them!” If this is true of fostering ties of kinship in general, it goes without saying that parents have greater priority over all others in this matter.
Your wife is allowed only to encourage you to establish good relationship with your father, and not to sever it, regardless of his attitude towards you. [/FONT]
Reference: http://www.islam.ca/answers.php?id=341
Wassalam Alykom..
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]My father and I haven’t had a good relationship for some time now. Over the past few years I have tried to keep in touch with him via phone, but I find it get a cold shoulder every time we speak. Now he shows little interest in my life (i.e. my wife/myself). I am growing tired of trying to maintain a relationship with someone who does not want it. I become irritated and upset after we speak. Now that I am married, my wife does not like me speaking to him because it puts me in this state. Would I be committing a sin if I stop talking to him? [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Question number: 341[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Date posted: 2002-07-17
[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Answer:[/FONT]
According to the Qur’an, excellence in kindness towards parents is the second of the foremost duties prescribed on the faithful. It is part of the perennial religion preached by all prophets and messengers of Allah from Adam to Muhammad.
Our duty to be kind towards our parents is not dependent on their being kind towards us. Nor is it conditional upon them being Muslims; we must kind to them regardless of whether they are Muslims or non-Muslims, good Muslims or bad Muslims. We are only allowed to disobey them when they are asking us to what is opposed to the laws of Allah or clearly wrong or unreasonable.
It is not clear from your question how your relationship with your father has deteriorated to such an extend. In all probability there must have been something that had transpired between you and him that was responsible for this unfortunate situation. Should that be the case, and if you had been wholly or partially responsible for the same, you must apologize to him and ask forgiveness of him immediately without delay. For there is no worse sin in Islam barring shirk (associating partners with Allah) than displeasing our parents. It is therefore not simply sufficient for you to try to establish relationship with your father without dealing with the root of the problem.
If you find you are not able to convince your father to forgive you then you should approach a competent third party who is wise and knowledgeable to try to bring peace and reconciliation between you and your father. You must take this as an urgent priority for you. For quite frankly, it is a matter of your own salvation.
In the meantime don’t get upset if your father is showing you a cold shoulder; you must never give up calling your father and trying to talk to him. Ignore his cold attitude towards you; he alone is responsible for that; from your side, do whatever you can to be good towards him and mend your strained relations.
One of the Prophet’s companions asked him once, “I have been trying my best to be consistently good to my blood relations, but they continue to act rudely towards me, no matter whatever I do to them. Should I stop being kind to them?” The Prophet replied, “No. You should rather continue to be good to them!” If this is true of fostering ties of kinship in general, it goes without saying that parents have greater priority over all others in this matter.
Your wife is allowed only to encourage you to establish good relationship with your father, and not to sever it, regardless of his attitude towards you. [/FONT]
Reference: http://www.islam.ca/answers.php?id=341
Wassalam Alykom..
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