What about mental abuse?That's also an abuse.And it leaves deep wounds.
Any form of abuse is terribel. If one partner uses emotional abuse, the other uses violence, how happy is their marriage really? Would they want to stay that way? Aren't the children learning to be emotionally abusive and violent? How far can they sustain a home when they are adults?
I know a family where the father was violent. His excuse was the wife uses words that upset him (sparks his anger). The wife tolerated the beatings till became old and died. 3 of their children who became adult married could not keep their wives. In reality, the father had contributed to the breakup of 3 marriages, because his sons did not know how to deal with their wives appropriately. His 3 sons have 14 children between them. The grandfater again has contributed to their broken families, and everything that is associated with Broken homes.
In Islam, there are measures to reslove disputes, bad treatment coming either from the wife or the husband.
Resorting to violence is asking for trouble, it is asking for enemosity. A wife whose husband believes in striking her every time he is angry, is acting contrary to Islam. Islam has given men an honourable position. They are leaders of their houses, and leaders must lead by a positive example. 'Kwama' means being attnetive to the needs, of those in your responsibility. What we hear about is not 'Kawama'. This repells people from Islam. It brings resentment from muslim wives towards their muslim husbands. Allah swt, gave men strength to use it in protecting women and children, in battlefields to protect islam and muslim lands, not against their wives.
If violence is part of the marriage, the form that is prevalent unfortunatley, not the form that the quran outlines, (when something major is taking place, 'Nushuz', and even that is done after several prior steps, and it is a matter to show frustration but is as light as not to leave any mark). If violence accepted as part of the package, then it would make sense that women should marry the weakest of men, and some not marry at all!
Sometimes violence against western women have led them to leave their homes, to choose women to being their partners - becoming lesbians, :astag:drove them to insanity. Can we afford such corruptions, such things to happen to muslim women who are mothers, wives, daughters and have a responsibility of raising well adjusted generations that serve Islam? How can they if they live in fear and anxiety?
If a man is having trouble of some kind with his wife, its advisable that they approach the issue with sincerity, each wanting to see their share of the problem and stay away from exchange balme, if they want to save their muslim marriage and families.
It's advisable that he educates her islamically, its imporatant that our 'dawah' starts from our own homes. It's important that they both discuss their rights and obligations towards one another. That fullfilling her obligations is equivalent to Jihad. It's also important that the husband adheres to fullfilling her rights as she has to fullfil her duties towards him.
Sometimes speaking to the parent/s, brother, or anyone that could have positive influence on the wife in order to help resolve their issues. Some men are very private, and in an attempt to contain everything, end up wanting to solve matters
in their own hands ,wish comes at the cost of their family, ruin their dunya and hereafter as they will be asked at the day of judgement of how well they looked after the responsibility Allah swt has
put in their hands.
The following is from Islam QA
1 – The Qur’aan enjoins good treatment of one's wife: she is to be honoured and treated kindly, even when one no longer feels love in one's heart towards her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19]
2 – The Qur’aan explains that women have rights over their husbands, just as their husbands have rights over them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
This verse indicates that the man has additional rights, commensurate with his role as protector and maintainer and his responsibility of spending (on his wife) etc.
3 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined kind treatment and honouring of one’s wife, and he described the best of people as those who are best to their wives. He said: “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
4 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke beautiful word concerning kind treatment of one’s wife, stating that when the husband feeds his wife and puts a morsel of food in her mouth, he earns the reward of doing an act of charity. He said, “You never spend anything but you will be rewarded for it, even the morsel of food that you lift to your wife’s mouth.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6352; Muslim, 1628.
4 – And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fear Allaah with regard to women, for you have taken them as a trust from Allaah and intimacy with them has become permissible to you by the words of Allaah. Your right over them is that they should not allow anyone to sit on your furniture whom you dislike; if they do that then hit them but not in a harsh manner. And their right over you is that you should provide for them and clothe them on a reasonable basis.” Narrated by Muslim, 1218.
What is meant by “they should not allow anyone to sit on your furniture whom you dislike” is that they should not allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses, whether the person disliked is a man or a woman, or any of the woman’s mahrams [close relatives to whom marriage is forbidden]. The prohibition includes all of them. From the words of al-Nawawi.
The hadeeth may be understood as meaning that a man has the right to hit his wife, in a manner that is not harsh and does not cause injury if if there is a reason for that, such as her going against his wishes or disobeying him.
This is like the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great”
[al-Nisa’ 4:34]
If a woman rebels against her husband and disobeys his commands, then he should follow this method of admonishing her, forsaking her in bed and hitting her. Hitting is subject to the condition that it should not be harsh or cause injury. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: this means that it should not cause pain.
‘Ata’ said: I said to Ibn ‘Abbaas, what is the kind of hitting that is not harsh? He said, Hitting with a siwaak and the like. [A siwaak is a small stick or twig used for cleaning the teeth - Translator]
The purpose behind this is not to hurt or humiliate the woman, rather it is intended to make her realize that she has transgressed against her husband’s rights, and that her husband has the right to set her straight and discipline her.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
