Haven't been Muslim long enough?

[DanyalSAC]

Ok so I meet a sister. She's perfect for me, she accepted me in spite of my past. I thanked Allah for sending someone so "right" for me.

Her wali says no, he will not allow her to marry me.

Why? Because I haven't been Muslim long enough. I'm 45, she's 36.

Can someone tell me what the "magical number" is where I become a genuine Muslim since apparently 2 years isn't "good enough". He says that he doesn't want to accept the responsibility if I decide to drop Islam and go back to my previous faith.

So...I guess that's something 2 year Muslims do that 10 year Muslims don't do?

Whatever. Sigh. SubhanAllah.

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullah,

Honestly, I dont think anyone has any rights to judge anybody; be it a Muslim-for-life or reverts. The faith within the heart and soul, only Allaah knows best and only Allaah is The Most Just Judge. (OK, Im sure you are already aware of that).

Sorry for this question but I feel that I need to ask though. Is the sister a widow or she was never married? Its because a widow has more rights on herself whenever it comes to marriage than a virgin girl. So if she happens to be a widow and she feels that the right man has come for her, she has more rights to marry regardless of her parents objection. But of course, we need to show respect to them too.

Do correct me if Im wrong but that is what I understand based on a hadeeth. I'll try to look for it inshaAllaah.

I pray that may Allaah assist you to build a Muslim family. Ameen.

P/S: Didnt quite understand your last sentence.

Waalaykummusalam wa rahmatullah.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Would you believe I went through something akin to this? My in-laws actually had a contract made up that stated if I committed apostacy that whatever children we had would be immediately awarded to my husband. I rolled my eyes and signed the contract because frankly, it just shows their ignorance.

I added some clauses of my own stating that if he had an affair, physically abused me, or did drugs that I would divorce him and gain custody as well as half his monetary value. I wish you could've seen their faces when they read that. It was as if I was accusing their son of these acts already but yet it was okay to suspect me of apostacy.

At this point the female in question can have another wali since her gaurdian is not following shariah concerning legitimate reasons to deny a Muslim man marriage to his daughter. I can provide daleel if you need it.

 

[DanyalSAC]

Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullah,

Honestly, I dont think anyone has any rights to judge anybody; be it a Muslim-for-life or reverts. The faith within the heart and soul, only Allaah knows best and only Allaah is The Most Just Judge. (OK, Im sure you are already aware of that).

Sorry for this question but I feel that I need to ask though. Is the sister a widow or she was never married? Its because a widow has more rights on herself whenever it comes to marriage than a virgin girl. So if she happens to be a widow and she feels that the right man has come for her, she has more rights to marry regardless of her parents objection. But of course, we need to show respect to them too.

Do correct me if Im wrong but that is what I understand based on a hadeeth. I'll try to look for it inshaAllaah.

I pray that may Allaah assist you to build a Muslim family. Ameen.

Waalaykummusalam wa rahmatullah.

She never married - she was engaged for a while but she ended up breaking it to take care of her ailing father. Her wali is her younger brother.

I wanted things to be totally legit, and for her wali to be included in all things (as is proper). I want to start my marriage off on my in-law's good side.

P/S: Didnt quite understand your last sentence.

That was me being sarcastic - her brother thinks that since I've only been Muslim for 2 years I run the risk of going back to being a Catholic. And apparently he thinks that folks who have been Muslim longer don't run that same risk.

Sorry for sounding frustrated in my original post. Its just that...well, I was frustrated .

 

[4mMadara2Amina]

....

It is sad someone could say something like this. If we look around and read than many times there are mu Muslims who have born, but their faith is so weak. They do not pray nor read Qur'an.

As far as I am heard even from born Muslims, they know that convert people are very strong in their faith. Why? Because the way to become a Muslim came in the right time - when they realize what exactly is what.

May ALLAH help you and you are able to marry. Amen.

 

[weakslave]

That's a shame. Her wali is ill-advised and you should seek a sheikh local to the wali and ask him to advise the wali.

 

[DanyalSAC]

That's a shame. Her wali is ill-advised and you should seek a sheikh local to the wali and ask him to advise the wali.

Even my sheikh - who is one of the best I've ever met - has offered to talk to the wali over the phone (she and her family live in Brooklyn). She is afraid to give me his name and number.

There's something there that I don't know. And I know the Qur'an forbids suspicion but I get a feeling that she's almost afraid of him. Just now I asked if I could get his information so I can talk to him myself (and with my sheikh) and she said that this "is not a good time" to approach him.

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

:salam2:wa rahmatullahi wa baraktuhu

sobhnallah i felt so happy for you akhi when i read the first line and thenit's a shame really......but i hva feeling things are ging to work outinshallah.

may Allah help and guide us to the right path.ameen

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

oh that's badher wali might be the controlling sort of guy.may Allah make easy what's best for you akhi.ameen

 

[Aisha hussain..]

salam alaykum brother
Inshallah every thing is gonna workout by Allah's will
have taqwa of Allah inshallah He wil make ways for you that you have never thought of inshallah

wasalam

 

[Ibn Uthaymin]

In Hanafi madhab you dont need a wali. Awesome right?

....but theres another problem with that.

 

[alf2]

Even my sheikh - who is one of the best I've ever met - has offered to talk to the wali over the phone (she and her family live in Brooklyn). She is afraid to give me his name and number.

There's something there that I don't know. And I know the Qur'an forbids suspicion but I get a feeling that she's almost afraid of him. Just now I asked if I could get his information so I can talk to him myself (and with my sheikh) and she said that this "is not a good time" to approach him.

I have to admit, this is fishy.
A good friend of mine, was supposed to marry a girl, her Wali also forbid it. BUT, they all sat down and had a talk, and the Wali told him it was because he had not secured a job, or a home...He should atleast respect you both enough to at least talk to you and your Sheikh...

 

[allah is with me]

I dont think so there is anything like this in islam. . There are no magical numbers in islam. .

 

[muharram23]

In Hanafi madhab you dont need a wali. Awesome right?

....but theres another problem with that.

Salamu alaykum

Bro who cares what who says what or whIch mathab says what. The prophet said "لا نكاح الا بولي". There is no marriage without a waliyy. So we stick to what the prophet .

Allah knows best

ps. By the way, my reply sounds harsh but it's not meant to be

wassalam

 

[muharram23]

Even my sheikh - who is one of the best I've ever met - has offered to talk to the wali over the phone (she and her family live in Brooklyn). She is afraid to give me his name and number.

There's something there that I don't know. And I know the Qur'an forbids suspicion but I get a feeling that she's almost afraid of him. Just now I asked if I could get his information so I can talk to him myself (and with my sheikh) and she said that this "is not a good time" to approach him.

Salamu alaykum

if her waliyy continous like that, she might be 50 before she gets married. Or maybe he still thinks that she is young and needs to get few more degrees or something like that . May Allah help that sister ameen

wassalam

 

[Abdul25]

In Hanafi madhab you dont need a wali. Awesome right?

....but theres another problem with that.

is this a suggestion, a question , or a comment of mockery.
cant get what r u trying to say..

 

[DanyalSAC]

It IS my right in Islam to speak to the wali directly, correct?

I mean...that's how it should be done...right?

 

[saifkhan]

Salam Alaikum

there's no difference between a born muslim and a revert.
refer Sura Waqeeah: wa kuntum azwajan thalatha......
verse 7-13 see tafseer.

May Allah SWT make your way easy.

Jazakallahu Khairn
wassalam

 

[DanyalSAC]

Well I can't get her to pass my information on to her brother, nor will she give me his phone number.

At this point I think continuing to talk to her may be unlawful, as its behind her wali's back.

Its a shame, I was planning to be the best husband to her I could be, inshallah.

 

[arzafar]

Ok so I meet a sister. She's perfect for me, she accepted me in spite of my past. I thanked Allah for sending someone so "right" for me.

Her wali says no, he will not allow her to marry me.

Why? Because I haven't been Muslim long enough. I'm 45, she's 36.

Can someone tell me what the "magical number" is where I become a genuine Muslim since apparently 2 years isn't "good enough". He says that he doesn't want to accept the responsibility if I decide to drop Islam and go back to my previous faith.

So...I guess that's something 2 year Muslims do that 10 year Muslims don't do?

Whatever. Sigh. SubhanAllah.

tbh i can understand where her father is coming form. I mean, you cant deny these things. Most reverts actually give up islam after a few years because the fitna around them. You know better than anyone, but maybe on occasions you had thought about giving up too. [take the last sentence lightly; im sorry im brutally frank]. I know you are hurt but you have to think form the father's shoes.

i think you should seek a revert or rather a 'new' revert lol! You will be able to relate with each other on a lot of issues. But if you really want to be with this girl then perhaps you could discuss things with her wali; try to convince him and all. heck invite her parents over for lunch to ease their fears!