Homosexuality and Marriage

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by OnlyOne, Jun 9, 2008.

  1. OnlyOne
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    OnlyOne Junior Member

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    I've noticed a few threads on homosexuality and came across an interesting question: If there is a man who is homosexual, but will abstain from it out of fear of Allah, what will he do when it comes time for marriage? If he's sincerely gay, how is he going to be able to please his wife if he's not sexuality attracted to her, and continue to have a happy marriage?
  2. muthmainnah
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    muthmainnah Junior Member

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    He should be repent if he marry a woman.
    I've ever read a homosexual man who repented, get married, and had children. When a man really do repentance and seek for Allah's Face (His Ridha/please) then Allah will ease his way.
  3. ShahnazZ
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    ShahnazZ Striving2BeAStranger

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    Praise be to Allaah.

    Firstly:

    Homosexuality is a severe illness and a grave calamity. If it is accompanied by actually committing immoral actions, then it is even worse, because of the sin and abhorrent nature of those immoral actions and their bad consequences in this world and in the Hereafter.

    Hence you should focus on how to treat this perversion and save yourself from this destructive evil, more than focusing on whether to conceal it from your fiancée or disclose it to her.

    You should realize that there are causes for this calamity, and these causes may be due to what the person affected has done. The one who wants to save himself from this situation should examine these causes and rid himself of them, and do what we advise, otherwise he is approving of and accepting his condition and he does not want to change for the better. Among the causes which may be due to his own actions are the following:

    1.

    Weakness of faith and remoteness of the heart from love of Allaah, and a lack of fear of His punishment.

    2.

    Looking freely at beardless youths, and enjoying their beauty and form.

    This is the first step towards sin for those who are affected by this disease. Allaah has enjoined lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at haraam things, and the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has enjoined likewise. When he stopped following this command and began to do that which is forbidden, Iblees was able to shoot his poisoned arrow into his heart, and thus destroy him.

    Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Looking is the origin of most of the problems that befall man, because looking generates thoughts, then thoughts generate ideas, and ideas generate desires, and desires generate will, which then becomes stronger and becomes firm resolve, in which case the deed will inevitably be done unless there is something to prevent it. Hence it was said that patience in lowering the gaze is easier than patience in bearing the pain that comes afterwards. End quote from al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 106).

    Hence the scholars are unanimously agreed that it is haraam to look at beardless youths, and some of them regard that as more haraam than looking at women.

    Imam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Similarly the scholars forbade a man to look at the face of a beardless youth if he is handsome, whether with or without desire, and whether it is free of fitnah (temptation) or there is the fear thereof. This is the correct view which was favoured by the scholars. This was stated by al-Shaafa’i and the prominent scholars of his madhhab (may Allaah have mercy on them). The evidence for this is that a beardless youth is, in some ways, like a woman; he may be desired as a woman is desired, and his form may be beautiful like that of a woman, and many of them may be more beautiful than many women. The prohibition applies more to them for another reason, which is that in their case there may result from attachment to them types of evil that do not occur in the case of women. End quote.

    Sharh Muslim (4/31).

    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

    Looking at the face of a beardless youth with desire is like looking as the face of a mahram or a non-mahram woman with desire, whether the desire is desire for intercourse or the desire to derive pleasure from looking. If he looks at his mother, sister or daughter with pleasure derived from looking like the pleasure derived from looking at a non-mahram woman, then it is known to everyone that this is haraam. The same applies to looking at the face of a beardless youth, according to scholarly consensus. End quote.

    Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/413) and (21/245).

    And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) also said:

    The one who looks repeatedly at a beardless youth and the like, or persists in that, and says “I am not looking with desire” is lying, because if he has no need to look, then he is only looking because of the pleasure that he feels in his heart as a result. As for an accidental glance, it is forgiven, if he averts his gaze.

    Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/419) and (21/251).

    The kind of looking with which these sick people are afflicted includes what they watch on satellite channels and what they see in newspapers and magazines, and on websites, of pictures of children and beardless young men, and this is what provokes them to commit immoral actions.

    3 – Falling short with regard to obligatory and naafil acts of worship

    If the person who is afflicted with this problem prays on time, fulfilling the conditions and obligatory parts of prayer, that will be a deterrent that keeps him from falling into evil and immoral ways. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahsha’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”

    [al-‘Ankaboot 29:45]

    So how about if he regularly performs sunnah and naafil prayers?

    4 – Forsaking the Qur’aan and failing to read books about the lives of righteous men and the imams

    The Book of Allaah contains guidance, light and healing; it is the best protection for the Muslim against falling into sin and it is the best remedy for the one who does fall into sin.

    If he reads books about the imams and biographies of the scholars, he can take them as an example and become familiar with their stories and rise above immorality and evil.

    5 – Falling short in seeking knowledge

    Knowledge is light, through which one may know what is halaal and do it, and what is haraam and avoid it. Through it he may come to know his Lord, may He be exalted, and His names, attributes and deeds. That will generate in his heart a sense of shyness before his Lord and shyness before His angels, so that he will not want to commit evil and immoral actions. Through knowledge he will come to know the state of sinners and the punishment that Allaah has prepared for them.

    6 – A lot of spare time in the lives of those who have this problem

    If they kept themselves busy with acts of worship, sport, permissible actions and seeking knowledge, they would not have time to spend in thinking of haraam things, let alone doing them.

    7 – Making friends and keeping company with bad people

    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) likened the bad friend to one who works the bellows: he will either burn his companion’s clothes or he will notice a bad smell coming from him.

    8 – Not getting married

    Allaah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allaah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male or looking at him with desire? Look at this and compare it with the one who looks at beardless youths of his own gender with desire, and the one who commits immoral actions with them, and that even makes him refrain from marrying women!

    See the answer to question no. 20068 for information on ways to escape and treat this disease.

    Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, describing the remedy for haraam love and infatuation: The remedy for this fatal disease is to understand that what has befallen him of this disease that is contrary to Tawheed is due to his ignorance and the negligence of his heart towards Allaah. He must acknowledge the Oneness of his Lord (Tawheed) and His laws and verses first of all, then he should do acts of worship, both inward and outward, which will distract his heart from always thinking of this thing, turn to Him a great deal and beseech Allaah to take this away from him. He should focus his heart on Him. There is no better remedy for it than sincerity towards Allaah. This is the remedy that Allaah mentioned in His Book when He said (interpretation of the meaning): “Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves” [Yoosuf 12:24].

    Allaah tells us that He diverted the evil of infatuation and immoral actions away from him because of his sincerity, because if the heart is sincere and one’s actions are sincerely for the sake of Allaah alone, then the love of images cannot take hold of his heart; they can only take hold of an empty heart, as the poet said:

    Her love came into my heart before I had any idea of what love is,

    And it found my heart vacant, thus it too hold of it.

    End quote from al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 150, 151).

    Secondly:

    One of the gravest mistakes is to think that there is no remedy for this disease, and that the homosexual can never become straight. If that were the case, then Allaah would not have told the people of Loot to repent, and the Prophet of Allaah Loot (peace be upon him) would not have called them to give up their perversion. Allaah is the Creator of man, and He knows what can be changed in man and what cannot, so do not pay any attention to any claim that is contrary to that.

    How many homosexuals have turned to their Lord and repented, and their repentance has been accepted and they have changed their ways, and their haraam desires have disappeared. Loot (peace be upon him) called on his people to marry, because that is an effective remedy, in which the one who is affected by this thing can direct his desires in the permissible manner.

    Thirdly:

    From the above it is clear that what the homosexual falls into of being attached to images of beardless youths, or evil immoral actions, is the result of his deeds (and he is to blame). He is required to give it up, and he can rid himself of that. If we assume that he feels attracted to men, then he must resist that and avoid the causes that may lead to him falling into haraam, just as a normal man is naturally attracted to women, but he is required to lower his gaze and not be alone with a woman, and he must avoid all the means that lead to fitnah (temptation).

    Fourthly:

    As for your saying “what should we do?”, we have explained to you what you should do. You should fear Allaah and respect Him so much that you do not want Him to see you in the bad situation which He dislikes for you, and for which He gives people a painful punishment.

    But what we are really shocked by is what you say after that: “Is it our fault that we are like that? What is the wisdom behind a man being created like this?”

    Yes, O slave of Allaah, the blame and consequences, the threat and punishment, all befall the one who commits the sin; he deserves it because of the evil acts that he has done and what his hands have earned.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And among men is he who disputes about Allaah, without knowledge or guidance, or a Book giving light (from Allaah),

    9. Bending his neck in pride (far astray from the path of Allaah), and leading (others) too (far) astray from the path of Allaah. For him there is disgrace in this worldly life, and on the Day of Resurrection We shall make him taste the torment of burning (Fire).

    10. That is because of what your hands have sent forth, and verily, Allaah is not unjust to (His) slaves”

    [al-Hajj 22:8-10]

    Allaah also says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And those who dispute concerning Allaah (His religion of Islamic Monotheism with which Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم has been sent), after it has been accepted (by the people), of no use is their dispute before their Lord and on them is wrath, and for them will be a severe torment”

    [al-Shoora 42:16]

    Shaykh al-Sa’di said (may Allaah have mercy on him): Here Allaah tells us that “those who dispute concerning Allaah”, with false proofs and contradictory specious arguments, “after it has been accepted (by the people)” i.e., after the people of insight and reason have responded to Allaah, because of the definitive signs and clear proof that He has made clear to them, therefore these people who dispute the truth after it has been made clear to them, “of no use is their dispute” i.e., it is false and rejected “before their Lord” because it implies rejection of the truth, and everything that is contrary to the truth is false.

    “and on them is wrath” because of their disobedience and their turning away from the proof of Allaah and their rejecting it. “and for them will be a severe torment” which is the effect of Allaah’s wrath on them. This is the punishment of everyone who contests the truth with falsehood. End quote.

    Allaah says of His lying enemies (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And when they commit a Faahisha (evil deed, going round the Ka‘bah in naked state, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse), they say: ‘We found our fathers doing it, and Allaah has commanded it on us.’ Say: ‘Nay, Allaah never commands Faahisha. Do you say of Allaah what you know not?’

    29. Say (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم): My Lord has commanded justice and (said) that you should face Him only (i.e. worship none but Allaah and face the Qiblah, i.e. the Ka‘bah at Makkah during prayers) in each and every place of worship, in prayers (and not to face other false deities and idols), and invoke Him only making your religion sincere to Him (by not joining in worship any partner with Him and with the intention that you are doing your deeds for Allaah’s sake only). As He brought you (into being) in the beginning, so shall you be brought into being [on the Day of Resurrection in two groups, one as a blessed one (believers), and the other as a wretched one (disbelievers)].

    30. A group He has guided, and a group deserved to be in error; (because) surely, they took the Shayaateen (devils) as Awliyaa’ (protectors and helpers) instead of Allaah, and think that they are guided”

    [al-A’raaf 7:28-30].

    Shaykh al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Here Allaah says, describing the evil state of the mushrikeen who commit sins, and claim that Allaah commanded them to do them: “And when they commit a Faahisha (evil deed)” meaning everything that is regarded as abhorrent and repugnant, which includes their circumambulating the Ka’bah naked. “they say: ‘We found our fathers doing it” they spoke the truth concerning that. “and Allaah has commanded it on us” they were lying concerning that, hence Allaah rejected this attribution of theirs and said: “Say: ‘Nay, Allaah never commands Faahisha (evil deeds)’” i.e., it is not befitting to His perfection and wisdom to enjoin His slaves to commit evil deeds, whether it is what these mushrikeen were doing or anything else. “Do you say of Allaah what you know not?,” and what fabrication can be greater than that? End quote.

    What you have said is what the enemies of Allaah, the mushrikeen and those who disbelieve His Messengers, say. They fall into sin, then they make excuses for it on the basis of qadar (the divine decree), saying that Allaah created them like that, or that He commanded them to do it; exalted be Allaah far above what the wrongdoers say.

    Hence let the adulterer, thief and murderer say: What is my fault? Allaah created me like this. This false argument ultimately invalidates all the divine laws, and invalidates the commands and prohibitions, and gives people free rein, so that they fornicate like donkeys, and soon some of them may commit evil actions in the street, as will happen at the end of time, and as happens in some kaafir and sinful countries!

    Do you know that you are the one who opened this door to yourself, but that Allaah has proof against you, and you have no proof against Allaah?

    So keep yourself busy with closing the door to evil and corruption, before you become unable to close it, instead of keeping yourself busy wondering about the one who made the door and how come he did not keep it closed, as it seems that you do not know the difference between the door and the wall!

    If you want it all to be a wall, with no door in it, and no lamp, then what is the point of accountability, and what is the value of commands and prohibitions, halaal and haraam, reward and punishment, Paradise and Hell?

    To sum up our advice to you, we advise you to hasten to get married, so that you can put your sperm into that which is pure and halaal, and protect yourself against haraam sex.

    But, so that you will not deceive the one who trusts you or betray that trust or transgress against one who has not wronged you, it is essential that you begin first with sincere repentance to Allaah from the sin of homosexuality that you have fallen into, and strive to do all kinds of acts of obedience. Keep yourself busy with Allaah and pleasing Him, then as soon as you feel that you have started to follow the path of guidance, and you feel that you are going in the right direction, then strengthen the motives of goodness and purity in your heart by marrying one who will keep you chaste. But before starting to treat the problem or feeling that you have repented sincerely, do not transgress against anyone else and do not betray the one who has trusted you.

    And Allaah knows best.
  4. ShahnazZ
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    ShahnazZ Striving2BeAStranger

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    Based on this, I would think that he should first prepare himself mentally for marriage and try to "heal" this aspect of himself. He should keep Allah's Commands in mind and should do his best to reform himself. Thus, before ANY marriage takes place, he must try to reform himself. In other words, if he's definitely gay and plans on remaining as such (without having to engage in homosexual activities, but still attracted to men), then he shouldn't get married and shouldn't drag down another innocent soul with him, if he never plans on giving her a real marriage. This is just my personal opinion but I've already included the scholars' opinion in the above post.
  5. shari
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    shari Brother

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    :salam2:



    nice
  6. dianek
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    dianek Junior Member

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    Gay is gay....it is what it is...they don't choose it. I would think that they would abstain from their homosexual actions AND abstain from marriage to a woman as it would not be fair for her to have that in her life.
  7. ShahnazZ
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    ShahnazZ Striving2BeAStranger

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    I GREATLY disagree.

    Refutation of those who excuse homosexuals on the grounds that this is the way they were created

    Salaam. I'm not gay but I'm just wondering from a moral standpoint that since homosexuality is forbidden under Islam, what would happen to gay or lesbian individuals? A lot of gay and lesbians say that their sexual orientation is natural and they are born gay. Assuming that they are correct since straight people don't know, if homosexuality is outlawed in Islam then why would Allah make them that way so that their existence is a tortured and sexually frustrated way?

    Praise be to Allaah.

    We do not agree with their claim that their sexual orientation is natural; rather it is a distortion of nature. Allaah counted their deed as wrongdoing and immoral, and He sent upon the people of Lut a punishment the like of which no other nation had seen. He also tells us that this punishment is not ever far from the wrongdoers.

    Their claim that their orientation is natural serves only to propagate and spread immorality, and it is just an excuse for them. Many of them change their appearance so as to look odd, so how can we say that this is how they were created?

    Allaah does not create anyone just to punish or torture them. He created mankind to worship Him, but He may try His slaves with hardship as a test of their faith, to expiate for their sins and to raise their status. Allaah is too Just to force a person to commit sin and then punish him. On the contrary, people commit sins by their own free choice – like these perverted people – and it is for this that they deserve to be punished. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “and your Lord treats no one with injustice” [al-Kahf 18:49]

    And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Nay, Allaah never commands Fahshaa’ (evil deeds, unlawful sexual intercourse). Do you say of Allaah what you know not?” [al-A’raaf 7:28]

    And Allaah knows best.


    Islam Q&A
    Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
  8. huda2
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    huda2 Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    I disagree with you sis, yes they choose or should I say desire,,,,,,,,no one was born to be a gay its something they desire. If they were born how some of them say they become straight later in life and get married and have kids? Subhan allah its something allah forbidden

    :salam2:
  9. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Salaam,

    ( Hey sis dianek..good to see you).

    What we are conflating is the physical act with spiritual cleansing. If a person enters into Islam then the Peace of Allah subhana talla follows. The heart is constanlty cleaned by prayer. It happens to all of us. If we truly believe we remain within the guidelines of the Sunnahth. We see evidences of physical change in nature. We must pray. Here we are speculating. Change can happen. We have assumed too much..so I suggest we slow down.
    As to the person who wants to call the gay-police...stop it!! I ask who put you in charge? We live in world of Muslim-police..let it be.
  10. amirah80
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    amirah80 *Fear Allah*

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    :salam2:
    I Agree and Disagree. I disagree that they did not choose it. Obviously it is a choice. Some gays and lesbians claim they were created like that and say why would they choose a life like that. Nice statement but not true its choosen. Their actually implying Allah Ta' ala makes a mistake. :astag: Allah destroyed a city because of this so we know it wasnt meant to be for various reasons illegal sex, no reproduction, etc.. But I do agree if the person who is gay/lesbian wants to marry but cannot take this sin from his/her heart needs to abstain from marriage and repent and pray asking Allah Ta' ala to cleanse them of this evil act (mind & heart) so they can marry and live with the wife honorably and satisfy their deen. If they repent they will be forgiven and as a society we must forgive.

    And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: ‘Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the ‘Aalameen (mankind and jinn)?

    Verily, you practise your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins)’”

    [al-A’raaf 7:80-81]

    B – “Verily, We sent against them a violent storm of stones (which destroyed them all), except the family of Loot (Lot), them We saved in the last hour of the night”

    [al-Qamar 54:34 – interpretation of the meaning]
    “And the two persons (man and woman) among you who commit illegal sexual intercourse, hurt them both. And if they repent (promise Allaah that they will never repeat, i.e. commit illegal sexual intercourse and other similar sins) and do righteous good deeds, leave them alone. Surely, Allaah is Ever All-Forgiving (the One Who forgives and accepts repentance), (and He is) Most Merciful”

    [al-Nisa’ 4:16]



    :wasalam:
    Sister Amirah80
  11. sha587
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    sha587 Shahid abdullah

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    Salam,

    Few years back homesexulaity considered a Psychological disorder. But some of the major organisations declare it a normal change of behaviour. I dont know exactly on what ground they did this but the one of reason thats my friend pointed out is the market. But anyway, in my opinion a person can overcome the homesexulaity if he take it

    As a disease
    Ask Allah for help
    Consult any psychologist

    than he will definitly will able to overcome his fear. As brother mentioned how he will please his wife, this is his fear when he will overcome and show his interest in wife or force himself to love this way of life than he will definitly will be successsful.
  12. saif
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    saif Junior Member

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    From islamic perspective, the discussion is redundant, whether or not the homosexuality is natural. In fact, we muslims should abstain from passing any judgement over that question because it harms the real discussion.

    What counts in Islam is, what you do. You may or may not have inborn homosexuality but that does not change it being haraam. I have following argument to prove my point: Some people are born die hard fighters and some are born not so brave or rather cowards. Yet it does not change, that when they have to fight in jihad, it is equally grave a sin, if they turn back. It is clear, that for some it is a bigger examination than for some others. So it does not count, what you were born with. It counts what you do.

    Likewise avoiding homosexuality may be the easiest thing for the one (because he or she may find it disgusting) and the most difficult thing for the other. So what? Life is an examination.
  13. dianek
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    dianek Junior Member

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    My point solely being that he/she should abstain from their "desires" but should also abstain from a false life with a marrital partner as they would no doubt be unable to fulfill or love their partner......
  14. Zainudin Jaffar
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    Zainudin Jaffar Strive to be Mukmin

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    :salam2:

    There's an excellent lecture by syaikh muhammad alshareef titled Perished Nation-Lut regarding what we discussing now. ( just google the name )
    It's really a great video.( youtube or google video )

    I really don't have any idea how to download it here :SMILY27:

    Please check it out
  15. apocalypse77
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    apocalypse77 Junior Member

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    well...im sure its a sin that one commits sodomy..but is being gay itself a sin? i mean im sure there are pious and religously god-fearing gay muslims who stay single and virgin their whole life? or some even force themselves to like woman..hmmmm
  16. Mohsin
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    Mohsin abdu'Allah

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    :salam2:

    First of all I would like to make it clear to those who think that Homosexuality is synonimous to Impotance that it is not, the two are totally different things.

    As for those who think that homosexuality is genetic then there are enough proofs to refute this claim.
    Source

    Plus why should we even consider the stupid theories of those who are in doubt that even if an evil like *!*!*!*!ography is right or wrong.
    Its quite clear that the more the people become acceptable of wrongdoings the more these become prevalent and then the researches are bought and sold to prove a point.
  17. TheKnowledgeSeeker
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    TheKnowledgeSeeker A Believer In Heart

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    I think there isn't any man or woman who is a homosexual. I believe homeosexuality desires or whatever you may chose to call it is a desire that the Shatan creates in your heart. You can get rid off this feelings by praying to Allah SWT, working to strength your imaan, and praying to Allah SWT to get this Shatan out of your heart. I see this as the work of Shatan.

    Homosexuality is not genetic because why would Allah make you gay and than punish you for it?
  18. nyerekareem
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    nyerekareem abdur-rahman

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    :salam2:

    more and more i am beginning to dislike threads about homosexuality.

    firstly, whether it is something that people are born with or have done by choice is irrelevant.

    why?

    because there is more than enough evidence from the qur'an, the sunnah, and from the scholars that homosexuality or the act of homosexuality is wrong.

    i would say that the majority of us here are trying to be slaves of ALLAH SWT, therefore we're not trying to get close to any haram act.

    this thread is causing much fitnah.

    some here are accepting of the sin of homosexuality
    some here have even been a bit extreme.

    whether or not a homosexual is sent to jannah or jahannam is not important to us. it should only be important to the homosexual. after all, he is going to be held to account for his actions regarding it. not me, because i'm not gay. neither will the homosexual be held to account for my deeds.

    we are trying to please ALLAH SWT, this topic isn't like the ones that we may have about music, smoking, or beards; where there are valid points on both sides. but goodness, islam is clear on it's stance regarding homosexuality. we don't have to be a hafiz, shaykh, or a scholar at al-azhar to know this. i make no apologies for islam's stance. most of the religions of this world see homosexuality as a sin or a haram act.

    i think if anyone wants to know islam's stance, that they should check previously posted threads on the matter instead of starting new ones. because there are some people that seem to be softening up to the sin of homosexuality, which is being caused by the fitnah that the whole subject tends to cause.


    i'm not a moderator, but i think the thread should be closed.
    :wasalam:

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