How Tough can marriage be?

Parvaiz

Junior Member
:salam2:
My story started just short while ago and it has come to a complete halt.Met a religious committed sister and decided to marry her.She is 24 and i am 22.The age dint matter to me at all ,the reason behind it would be that If Allah hasn't commanded against it than there is no one on this earth who can.Sister has also agreed to marry i just needed to approach her parents.But before that i had to talk to my mom .She has brought me up uptil now after being divorced when i was 3.When i bought topic up she simply said no.When i asked the reason she said you simply cant.I replied but mom Allah and Prophet Muhammad(peace Be Upon Him) dint stop me who else can and why?She replied Allah wont help you in your matter.I Replied mom If i am trying to follow a Sunnah Allah will always help me even if it against my parents.Mom said if you do than you wont live with me or your brother anymore .So i simply kept quiet and said Mom InshAllah Allah will show us who is on the right path.

She said If you want you can marry her at 27.I replied mom what if i don't live that long?What if i fall into zina with someone whos to blame than.And just left quietly as she had no answer to my question.I have controlled myself long time and kept from women.But now day by day its simply is getting out of control.I still dont speak to women but Shaytan is always there to make you talk.

She has no issue with the sister only issue is i should be at 27 or more.IS 27 considered some type of mature age.I can Alahmdulillah Understand every aspect of life i want .Allah has Alhamdulillah given me knowledge which i use to learn my religion understand everything required in family life.I have Alhamdulillah Studied every aspect of life that is required.Mom may see me still as a kid , i already have said mom let me take some decision if i remain under your cover and if Allah has not written long age for you(i always hope he has written long age for her inshAllah)where will i go and whom will i tell ill be like an kid who wont be able to take any decisions and would simply get crushed in this world.Allah knows rest.

So the topic simply ended in excuses of worldy life which simply don't go through my throat.Both are from same country different areas.I simply told my mom if they don't agree than i can find someone else.Allah land is vast there is no lack of people for marriage.But it was just to divert my mind.The thing i always hated from when i learned my religion without using my logic's and only following what the prophet did is matters of society made into religion.Have no idea from when did dowry become religion,not marrying different races became religion and what not.If anyone reading this follow those types of tradition i ask you to fear Allah don't make your worldy matters the religion.Remember the hadith of the prophet of anyone who innovates anything in this religion .

I Alhamdulillah have good job and studying atm.I just wanted to share it so parents and anyone who gets married in future life can atleast think on matters like these and atleast try to do what your religion says and not your society .Have no idea what my future will say but inshAllah i have trust in Allah and he will do what is best for me inshAllah.
Any opinions and suggestions are welcomed.
:salam2:
 

Tomtom

Banned
As'alaamu Alaikkum bro

May be your mother thinks that you are not mature enough, and that is not a criticism. She knows you more than anybody on this earth and may be she feels that you are not ready for marriage yet. If you are from India or Pakistan then culturally the family has a say whether you like it or not, it's just the tradition. Is the girl from the same culture as you and mum? This seems trivial but it's a major factor in especially Asian families where they don't like 'outsiders'.

Also are you marrying for the right reasons? It seems that you want to fulfill your sexual desires than fulfill a lasting marriage. My advise is don't rush into marriage because rushed marriages end up in divorce, well not all the time but you know what I mean. Have a heart to heart with your mum, after all she is your mother and you can talk to her about anything, right? Ask the real reason and you'll never know she might open up.

Don't be angry with her, you know that passage about respecting your parents, right? :)

Make du'a and ask Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala for guidance.
 

Parvaiz

Junior Member
:salam2:
Yes brother same culture .I guess you understand the subcontinent traditions.If only it had been for sexual desires which i believe brother its not.I am just following what my religion telling me to do.I am in no rush brother ,Allah controls our heart and put everything at suitable time(shaytan can but i have faith in Allah).Yes i tried to ask her politely and had alot of talk ,she just wants me to marry after 27 which is a logic not understandable by my thinking.Alhamdulillah brother i am aware of parents value in Islam i am always positive to them.
InshAllah
JazakAllah brother.
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam

Assalamu allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

May Allah help you dear brother and guide you toward the right decission.

Allah knows always the best for us,and as long as we ask help of Him, everything will be good Inshallah.

But Alhadmulillah as Muslims we should not forget it is always better to get marry in young ages ,if one is in possibility financially, to protect ourselfe from zinna. And Allah knows the best.

May Allah guide you mother heart brother and help you to bring the best decission for you. Ameen ya Rabb.

:wasalam:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

I do believe this has nothing to do with marriage.

Age 27...is that a random number that your mom picked out of the sky?

I am lost. That has nothing to do with Islam or marriage.
 

Parvaiz

Junior Member
:salam2:As i mentioned it has nothing to do with religion.All society made up.Like a man gets mature after 27 which is completely illogic.And yes has nothing to do with Islam.Thats a random number which most asian parents throw to their children.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

All jokes aside, if you feel you are ready go for it...no mother wants a man-child in the house..that is very embarrassing for the mother.
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
aslam o aliakum

akhi this is a complete random thought ... but sometimes i feel like in our culture (offcourse) mothers are afraid to let their children go cuz they feel like after he will get married he is just gonna belong to his wife (u know in urdu they say biwi ka hi ho kar reh gaye ga ) and thats why there are so many mother - wife , sister in law conflicts cuz the family doesn't want him to change idk just a random thought from wat i see around
 

saifkhan

abd-Allah
:salam2:
My story started just short while ago and it has come to a complete halt.Met a religious committed sister and decided to marry her.She is 24 and i am 22.The age dint matter to me at all ,the reason behind it would be that If Allah hasn't commanded against it than there is no one on this earth who can.Sister has also agreed to marry i just needed to approach her parents.But before that i had to talk to my mom .She has brought me up uptil now after being divorced when i was 3.When i bought topic up she simply said no.When i asked the reason she said you simply cant.I replied but mom Allah and Prophet Muhammad(peace Be Upon Him) dint stop me who else can and why?She replied Allah wont help you in your matter.I Replied mom If i am trying to follow a Sunnah Allah will always help me even if it against my parents.Mom said if you do than you wont live with me or your brother anymore .So i simply kept quiet and said Mom InshAllah Allah will show us who is on the right path.

She said If you want you can marry her at 27.I replied mom what if i don't live that long?What if i fall into zina with someone whos to blame than.And just left quietly as she had no answer to my question.I have controlled myself long time and kept from women.But now day by day its simply is getting out of control.I still dont speak to women but Shaytan is always there to make you talk.

She has no issue with the sister only issue is i should be at 27 or more.IS 27 considered some type of mature age.I can Alahmdulillah Understand every aspect of life i want .Allah has Alhamdulillah given me knowledge which i use to learn my religion understand everything required in family life.I have Alhamdulillah Studied every aspect of life that is required.Mom may see me still as a kid , i already have said mom let me take some decision if i remain under your cover and if Allah has not written long age for you(i always hope he has written long age for her inshAllah)where will i go and whom will i tell ill be like an kid who wont be able to take any decisions and would simply get crushed in this world.Allah knows rest.

So the topic simply ended in excuses of worldy life which simply don't go through my throat.Both are from same country different areas.I simply told my mom if they don't agree than i can find someone else.Allah land is vast there is no lack of people for marriage.But it was just to divert my mind.The thing i always hated from when i learned my religion without using my logic's and only following what the prophet did is matters of society made into religion.Have no idea from when did dowry become religion,not marrying different races became religion and what not.If anyone reading this follow those types of tradition i ask you to fear Allah don't make your worldy matters the religion.Remember the hadith of the prophet of anyone who innovates anything in this religion .

I Alhamdulillah have good job and studying atm.I just wanted to share it so parents and anyone who gets married in future life can atleast think on matters like these and atleast try to do what your religion says and not your society .Have no idea what my future will say but inshAllah i have trust in Allah and he will do what is best for me inshAllah.
Any opinions and suggestions are welcomed.
:salam2:


as salam 'alaykum

may Allah make it easy for you and me and our other brothers and sister who are in the same state.

it is saddening, but really, i don't know why, but this is every where, fixing a limit for marriage, fixing race for marriage and so on.

[yt]W-qgfef6iho[/yt]
[yt]r-cnvIoOWFo&feature=related[/yt]

show this to your mom

I've given these vdos to mom to see
now at least she is getting softer, may Allah let our parents get out from the cultural and social prejudices and evil practice.

wassalam
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
Assalaam walaikum,

But brother, a wife has more right on her husband than a mother.

:salam2:

ya ukhti i understand that, and alot of ppl do but it seems to be a thing i noticed alot among the female in our society, esp the mother and sister in laws Wallahu Alam i dont understand why, if a guy is a good husband i think the parents should be proud to have raised a person like that
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Then tell those women to take up knitting; it will keep them occupied. They need to attend halaka'a and seek knowledge.
 

inquizator

Junior Member
Wa Alykum Salam.

Tough one. Marriage is very serious and my old X-Wife of 32 years didn't take it seriously and everyone suffered. I would not do it ever again but that is me. Can you imagine being married to a Drunk who drank and smoked while her Children were inside her and you could do Nothing about it except pray and only by the Grace of Allah(swt) did they arrive healthy. So it pays to know who you will marry very well before hand. For my Sons, I would and have reccomended that they wait till they are 35 before getting married.

Possible reasons to wait - Mum may want you to be more financially able or have a better job, perhaps finish your education, give you time for it to wear off. She may not want to let go of you, or she may not like your choice of this Woman. Only Mum can enlighten you on the reason and you should be close enough to get a straight answer. Insha Allah.

Marriage is very serious business to enter into, it's supposed to be for Life.
When Children arrive, it gets even harder and the bills may easily double or more. Sexual desire is about the worst reason there is for marriage as the body ages and looks fade fast.

I'm not saying you're not man enough for marriage but so many youth aren't at all ready for such a commitment. Then the responsibilities involved when it comes to Children can be totally overwhelming. Also Children are a Great Gift.
Without having your own Child, it's impossible to fully know what Abraham(as) was commanded to do, sacrifice his Son. I have had that arguement with many Brothers who don't have any Children and lack the knowledge needed.

To me, 40 for a Man is when he's reached manhood, same age our Prophet (pbum) began the Revelation. It's the age that I had children b/c I was able to give them more.
There's a lot to be said about waiting to get Married. Youth doesn't listen to age b/c we have to learn for ourselves in life. We can see one walking the same path as another is about to do, but will not believe one will fall into the same traps which are on the same road. Other than giving Islam to my Sons, my Life's experience would be my greatest accomplishment as a Father.
Parenthood is serious business and a Child is sure to steal your heart.
Insha Allah, it will work out for you only when it's preordained to.
My Best~!
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Brother,

In Islam it is a wee bit different.

Trust comes with time. And a partner softens the blows of life. You have tasted the bitter and still come out a good man, Alhumdullila.

I have told my sons to marry early. In fact, I am looking for potential sisters. In every culture until the past 40 years people married young. Sexually a man peaks in his mid-twenties. What is he supposed to do..fast everyday?

Marriage is very important. That is the reason I harp on it. It is good to be financially stable..but what does money have to do with it?

As for the mothers; they need to let go. It is not Islamic to make a person wait for marriage. Let them marry and deal with what comes.

One of the problems we have now is the fact that parents are caught up in this wait for the degree..and you keep waiting for this and that...

As one gets older one becomes more inflexible, more rigid. We do not wish that upon a future generation.
 

MuslimShadow

Junior Member
Assalamu alaikum, brother

Maybe your mother doesn't want you to marry a girl older than you because it's against societal norms.(just speculating).see the way she's insisting that u marry at 27.(societal norms).

parents want their children to be like ismael(a.s),ready to sacrifice themselves but are they like Ibraheem(a.s)??

you aren't doing anything wrong bro.May ALLAH ease your way.Ameen.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Sister..that is not societal norms..that is the wrong world of the subcontient. I am now really positive that it is a miracle Islam survived in India. There are so many cultural perspectives from the Hindu culture it is almost funny.

The issue is simple. If I write out what the issue really is I will be attacked..but someone needs to let these mothers know they are being silly selfish little girls.
 

Tomtom

Banned
Assalaam walaikum,

Sister..that is not societal norms..that is the wrong world of the subcontient. I am now really positive that it is a miracle Islam survived in India. There are so many cultural perspectives from the Hindu culture it is almost funny.

The issue is simple. If I write out what the issue really is I will be attacked..but someone needs to let these mothers know they are being silly selfish little girls.

I agree wholeheartedlu with what sis Aapa has written. Some of these mothers from the sub-continent wants to control their sons until they die. The problem, as somebody else mentioned above of mothers and daughter in laws not getting on is exactly because these mothers INTERFERE. They do not know how to let go of their precious sons when they get married and have children. Surely, the priority of the son after he is married is to his wife and children. All mothers of type should mind their own business and grow old graceully. I hope I wasn't harsh or rude by saying this.
 

hana*

Junior Member
aslam o aliakum

akhi this is a complete random thought ... but sometimes i feel like in our culture (offcourse) mothers are afraid to let their children go cuz they feel like after he will get married he is just gonna belong to his wife (u know in urdu they say biwi ka hi ho kar reh gaye ga ) and thats why there are so many mother - wife , sister in law conflicts cuz the family doesn't want him to change idk just a random thought from wat i see around

very true, in many cases
 

hana*

Junior Member
Assalaam walaikum,

But brother, a wife has more right on her husband than a mother.

are you sure about that one? why then is it 'your mother, your mother your mother'

i think many parents emotionally blackmail their children without really realising
 
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