I really need help! My husband family dont like me!

[Fabi]

Salam Aleikon!
I'm just so depressed right now. My husband's sisters don't like me, I became Muslim 5 years a go, and I got married last February, since April we are being separate, I'm in my country waiting for the papers since his American Citizen and I'm immigrant. I love my husband from the bottom of my heart and I know he loves me too. But now I just realize that his family especially sisters don't like me at all...They are calling him, everyday for him to get married again. To find a real born and family Muslim wife. They keep saying that his mother is not happy and he should married a second one just to make his mother happy.
I just dont understand. I try so hard to make peace and show them how much I love my husband and how greatfull Im to be a muslim.
I cry almost everyday, it's been so hard that I have to be away from him Durant such time because of the papers and now also I have to be with this situation. I just cant sleep anymore, on the begginning me and my husband use to talk about this and he was saying dont worry we just keep like this till you came back to the US and after this we talk to everybody, but now he's so stressful about everything, about life, work, immigration process, the hole thing and I believe the sisters keep calling him, that he told me today he doesn't wanna talk about it, and when he comes next month to see me he will talk to me about this...just make me cry more and more....I dont know if they convince him to get marryied, I dont know...I was surprised because we could tell me ...NO ..dont worry or something like this...
I just dont know what to do or what to say.
Since I'm his wife what can I do to prove them that I can make him happy, that I can dye for him, I just don't understand how can people be like this. I was just planning to start my family, have kids, be happy with my husband just like any normal Muslim. Why do I have to be so humiliate like this just because I did not born a MUSLIM....I'm Muslim now...not because of him, or them, but because of me...because of my heart who found ALLAH and his glory....I'm so proud to be A MUSLIM...I just wanna be happy with my husband...
I'm so sorry to be so depressed but really this is killing me...the hole thing is making me so small and fragil....I pray 5 times a day and each time I cry..I cry so much I could even stop my self...I just don't know what to do...

Tks
Fabi

 

[MUHAMMAD_SHAIKH]

InshaAllah you will get back your husband with his love,affection and care and respect for you forverer....Keep praying to Allah(SWT) HE will creat best way.Just do one thing...Shift all your burdon,anxieties to HIM(SWT).Be 100% trustful and dependent on ALLAH(SWT).You will see HE will creat the best way for you...Jusy give all your problems to HIM..and then be relaxed.HE (SWT)loves us so much.Follow me dear sister....

 

[Bawar]

Assalamu alaikum dear sister!

I think your inlaws are most probably from south-east Asia
and this is a common problem in that part of the world that sisters-inlaw and mother-inlaw ususally develop hatred and jealousy towards the bride for some very stranage and stupid reason(s).

so, i would like to point out that i am sure it is not due to you being a reverted muslim and not a borne muslim. This is just an excuse your inlaws are using against you.

Also, i would like to say that i am sure your husband loves you and if he is a sensible person, he will certainly not listen to his family's bad advice. as far as i can think from your explanation, your husband is under tremendous pressure and that is the reason he can't be bothered saying anything anymore. not that he may be convinced.

once your papers are sorted inshaallah, and once you join your husband, this problem will inshaallah go away.

try to maintain close relations with your sisters-inlaw. they seem to be jealous of something that you have which they don't. have patience and try to be humble with them and don't isolate yourself from them as it will creat even more distance between you and them. hopefully, this kind of behaviour will help you change their hatred to love towards you.

perhaps you were getting more attention from your husband before and they could not share his attention with you.

there might be other elements such as financial. your inlaws may be thinking that once you join your husband, he will forget about his family etc. allah knows best.
I am just giving you some hints as what could be the cause of their strange behaviour towards you so that you can tackle the root cause of the problem, insha allah

may allah swt protect you and your marriage and happiness, ameen
wassalam

 

[virtualeye]

Assalamu alaikum dear sister!

I think your inlaws are most probably from south-east Asia
and this is a common problem in that part of the world that sisters-inlaw and mother-inlaw ususally develop hatred and jealousy towards the bride for some very stranage and stupid reason(s).

AssalaamuAlaikum,

I was exactly thinking on the same grounds. The women of Indian-subcontinent are very popular for their "Gheebah", Envy, Black Magic and other filth. This all culture specially came from Hinduism.

Wassalaam

 

[hussain.mahammed]

As salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu dear sister

I ask you to have patience and keep Faith in Allah Subhanahu wa Taala. This is just a test for you. I can understand that you get emotional and you cry out, but thats not the solution. Try to talk to your in-laws. To his sisters, to his mom.

They might not want to talk, but that should not concern you. You have to be sure of your duty towards Allah, by keeping relation with them, talking to them, you are fulfilling your duty.

You dont have to show off to them, or talk nice words just to please them. When your heart and mind is sincere, honest and love for the sake of Allah, Allah SUbhanahu wa Taala will provide a way out.

And try to be in constant touch with your husband. Show that you care him and love him so much.

Carry me in your arms ​

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, " you are not a man!"

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did'nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.

Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly.

I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I ll carry you out every morning until we are old.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.

Author: Unknown


May Allah help you and bless you always. May HE keep you guided in the path of Righteousness always.

wa/salam

 

[Ahmed Najash]

AssalaamuAlaikum,

I was exactly thinking on the same grounds. The women of Indian-subcontinent are very popular for their "Gheebah", Envy, Black Magic and other filth. This all culture specially came from Hinduism.

Wassalaam

So true, I've heard of it in the earlier generations with my grandparents, but this trend(That came from India) is now slowly going away.

I feel very disappointed on the Muslim umma when things like this are allowed to happen.

 

[Globalpeace]

Kill the Background noise!

W-Salam Sister,

I am indeed sad and depressed to hear what you are going through and having dealt with some of these issues I can understand how hard and distressing it must be for you.

Sister! First and foremost I advise you to turn to Allah (SWT) immediately as that will become a means of spiritual, mental and emotional comfort. Increase your Salah and reading of the Qur’aan. You are distressed and you need to get out of the cycle and start to think rationally and there is nothing except the remembrance of Allah (SWT) that will find you peace!

[13:28] the ones who believe and their hearts are peaceful with the remembrance of Allah. Listen, the hearts find peace only in the remembrance of Allah.​

So:

• Do extra prayers
• Read extra Qur’aan
• Read Islamic Material
• Spend time with practising Muslims
• Pray (make dua) to Allah (SWT) for the best outcome for us, the outcome which is best suited for your life in this world and the next!

Secondly, There is a lot o back-ground noise in your issue, Sister-in-laws, family etc.

You need to KILL the back-ground noise i.e. go and have a nice, honest, factual, candid conversation with your husband as to WHAT he WANTS? If your husband has decided to part company with you then there is NOTHING on Earth, you can do….Pack your bags and come home, it will HURT you (as you are human) but this is NOT a salvageable situation!

If your husband LOVES you and WANTS to be with you, then explain the situation to him and ASK him to take care of the situation and discuss his feelings for you and your (both of you together) future with the family, this is his ISLAMIC duty and he SHOULD take charge and attempt to resolve it!
Remind of this verse of the Qur’aan!

[4:34] Men are caretakers of women, since Allah has made some of them excel the others, and because of the wealth they have spent. So, the righteous women are obedient, (and) guard (the property and honor of their husbands) in (their) absence with the protection given by Allah….​

We will ALL remember you in our duas (prayers) and Insha’Allah things will work out for the best!

Don't FORGET to look after yourself in these testing times!

Salam Aleikon!
I'm just so depressed right now. My husband's sisters don't like me, I became Muslim 5 years a go, and I got married last February, since April we are being separate, I'm in my country waiting for the papers since his American Citizen and I'm immigrant. I love my husband from the bottom of my heart and I know he loves me too. But now I just realize that his family especially sisters don't like me at all...They are calling him, everyday for him to get married again. To find a real born and family Muslim wife. They keep saying that his mother is not happy and he should married a second one just to make his mother happy.
I just dont understand. I try so hard to make peace and show them how much I love my husband and how greatfull Im to be a muslim.
I cry almost everyday, it's been so hard that I have to be away from him Durant such time because of the papers and now also I have to be with this situation. I just cant sleep anymore, on the begginning me and my husband use to talk about this and he was saying dont worry we just keep like this till you came back to the US and after this we talk to everybody, but now he's so stressful about everything, about life, work, immigration process, the hole thing and I believe the sisters keep calling him, that he told me today he doesn't wanna talk about it, and when he comes next month to see me he will talk to me about this...just make me cry more and more....I dont know if they convince him to get marryied, I dont know...I was surprised because we could tell me ...NO ..dont worry or something like this...
I just dont know what to do or what to say.
Since I'm his wife what can I do to prove them that I can make him happy, that I can dye for him, I just don't understand how can people be like this. I was just planning to start my family, have kids, be happy with my husband just like any normal Muslim. Why do I have to be so humiliate like this just because I did not born a MUSLIM....I'm Muslim now...not because of him, or them, but because of me...because of my heart who found ALLAH and his glory....I'm so proud to be A MUSLIM...I just wanna be happy with my husband...
I'm so sorry to be so depressed but really this is killing me...the hole thing is making me so small and fragil....I pray 5 times a day and each time I cry..I cry so much I could even stop my self...I just don't know what to do...

Tks
Fabi