i'm depressed and don't know what to do anymore



i am so depressed and i do not know what to do anymore. i haven't really been able to sleep, eat or pray. i just lay in my bed pretty lifeless. this past year has been a really bad one for me. nothing has gone my way. i got married in the summer, but my wife was still outside the US. when she was supposed to come there was a problem it has been a big mess, i partly blame it on her because of her irresponsibility. so i have been helping her over there and trying to survive here at the same time. she was working as a teacher and had handed in her notice for leaving. she actually broke a 3 year contract with the school. she rushed into leaving work early before we even had the tickets ready. problem after problem occured with either me or her. it hurts with her because she hasn't been able to find a decent job over there until she can get her papers finalized. it's a long story. now i'm dead broke for covering her and mine expenses and tomorrow/ wednesday she will be evicted from her apartment. i don't have the $150 to bail her out and i really feel bad about it and there is nothing that i can do. she doesn't even have family. so now i'm concerned that my wife will be homeless and may end up doing haram things to survive. i even got a second job that i'm supposed to start soon so i can get her the $322 dollars for her papers, but everything goes wrong in my life. i'm a good man but sometimes i feel that ALLAH SWT hates me.
my family doesn't help, i don't really have friends, i'm afraid to ask at my masjid because they don't even acknowledge my presence. i don't know how much longer i can wait for her anymore. i am always tempted to cheat on her or simply abandon her. i feel bad for saying that, but i have changed my whole life around for her. i'm not getting any younger. i tell you the truth, very often i just feel like dying.


Servant of Allah
Asalamu alaykum wrw....Allah swt does not abandon his servants. so you should not in the least thin that Allah swt hates you. He does not inshaAllah. Akhi, you are a muslim...you will face obstacles and hardships throught out your life, whether they be small or big. Your wife will not be homeless inshaAllah. you just need patience and although you have been for a long time, many others before you have been tested worse than you are being tested now. so inshaAllah hang tight. as for the money, maybe members of tti can help you out inshaallah. the brothers here can put something together for you. pm the closest brother to you at tti. we're all here to help one another. Akhi there were those who never got married and never had a chance to live a family life. you've at least gotten married, that it self is a blessing. InshaAllah everything will be solved. but make lots of dua, be patient and pray during the night and get closer to Allah. he does not hate you... if he did, he would not have guided you to Islam akhi. don't ever think like that and when you do seek refuge in Allah. the sahabah didn't have it easy...it took them years to achieve something small because they were being tested. but during times of hardship we need to seek Allah's help and hang tight because shaytan then tries to lead us astray. akhi, do not be saddened. inshaAllah you'll figure out something. asalamu alaykum wrwb:)


Junior Member
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله

"she rushed into leaving work early"

I'm sorry to say this but it seems that neither of you planned this well..

- You married in the summer.
- she broke a 3 year work contract.
- she left work early.
- and took you a while to get the tickets.

1. you could've gotten married before making a 3 years work contarct OR after those 3 years are over.
2. you ask about the time it takes for her to end all paper work needed to leave work
3. and get the tickets while she does that.

after everything is set.. all she needs to do is catch the plane.

I dont know all the details but i'm just trying to show my point.

sometimes rushing causes nothing but chaos..

take a deep breath, Think things over.. and Inshallah things will get better.


Junior Member
Asalam 'alaik brother

"Or think that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, "When (will come) the Help of Allaah?" Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!" (2:214)

Imams Bukhari and Muslim reported that the prophet (S.A.W.) said, "Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry of even the pricking of a thorn that his sins are not expiated for him. "

Have We not opened your breast for you (O Muhammad (SAW))? (1) And removed from you your burden, (2) Which weighed down your back? (3) And have We not raised high your fame? (4) Verily, along with every hardship is relief, (5) Verily, along with hardship is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs) (6) So when you have finished (your occupation), devote yourself for Allâh's worship. (7) And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your) intentions and hopes. (8)

Brother do you not know that Allaah will not burden his subject with more than what he can take. I hope you can be patient brother. You need to be strong for your wife. Things may be far with a distal proximity and all, but I am sure good communication will uphold a strong marriage.

Perhaps one day both of you shall look back and laugh at this which you are both going through now. In sha Allaah, may Allaah protect you both from doing something which might cause the other hurt.

Here brother, you may benefit from this in sha Allaah.

You can't give up just yet! Stay strong!


Assalamu Alaikum

Assalamu Alaikum bro,
I really feel bad after reading your post. May ALLAH SWT ease your difficulties , soon . Ameen. Bro ask ALLAH SWT or help i'm sure he will take care of his servants.

Inshallah all your difficulties will ease soon. Ya ALLAH please help our brother to get rid of this situation. AMeen.


Hard Rock Moslem

I'm your brother
i'm a good man but sometimes i feel that ALLAH SWT hates me.

Don't say this brother, Allah loves you and will test good man like you.

my family doesn't help, i don't really have friends, i'm afraid to ask at my masjid because they don't even acknowledge my presence.

You are entitle for zakat, just approach the imam, ask for few minutes of his time and reveal everything. May Allah make him understand your problem and initiave some zakat payment for you, inshAllah.

i am always tempted to cheat on her or simply abandon her. i feel bad for saying that, but i have changed my whole life around for her. i'm not getting any younger:

Brother, don't even think about it. This is the time you both rely on each other for the good and the bad. She will need your shoulder to cry and same for you. Just hang on helps from Allah will come to you very soon. As a married man, I can understand your problem coz I went through the same with my wife for about 3 years. Alhamdulillah, life getting better slowly.

i tell you the truth, very often i just feel like dying.

No, never ever even think about this. We are muslim, we are muslim my brother. Help will come to you.


Ya Allah, please have some mercy and help my brother. Ameen.


Love Fishing
I just have a few things to say here.You might ask why Allah give me thisk kind of problem and why this happens to me.
The answer is that ,Allah knows you can handle this test.He only test His servants according to what they can handle.Many people face many types of problems and each of it is different.
For myself one way of making myself feel better whenever i am having problem is by comparing myself with those behind me(those unfortunate than me).This will make me to think that there are people who are more unfortunate than myself.I will start to appreciate Allah's blessing.
The is no point of crying on spilt milk.Everything has taken place as how Allah wants it to be.
The only one who can change everything to better is Allah.Ask His help and He will give you more than what you ask,InsyaAllah.Trust me because I myself have gone through worst days in my life and the only place i have to complaint is Allah.He always gives the best.
-You might get it immediately
-You might get it with some delay(just be patience)
-You might get something better than what you wish for.

May Allah blesses you with good life .Salam


Junior Member
Assalaamu Alaikum brother

Assalaamu Alaikum brother,

is very hard to remain patient when the situation seems never-ending and always worsening but you MUST trust in Allah. As posts above this one have said, this is all just a test. It is not the test itself that is important, but how we react to it and marshallah, I must say from what I have read, you have done very well so far. Please remain strong and do not let Shatan's whispers drive you and your wife apart. Shatan hates marriage and will do anything to drive a wedge between you.

What's done is done and you must focus on the bigger picture. What is one year in the span of our lifetimes, what is our lifetime to Allah? Inshallah, Allah will make it possible for you to be reunited soon and then you will both be stronger for it. Your wife will know you have the strength of character and perserverence to look after her, and you will have more faith in your ability to withstand life's pressures. Try and see the potential positives for this situation. It is all about how you perceive your circumstances - be strong, get your head down and inshallah it wont be long until you were wondering what all the fuss was about! What doesn't kill us makes us stronger brother :)

Allah often tests us to see if we will turn to him in patience or we will turn away because it gets to difficult and our faith is not strong enough. Ensure you focus now more than ever to build on your relationship with Allah - Ask him to help you, as remember - He is our sustainer, our provider. Also use this opportunity to build your relationship with your wife - communicate with her about your fears and struggles. I know if my husband was struggling, I would not see it as a sign of weakness if he were to tell me. It would give me the chance to understand him better. You are not going through this alone - your wife must miss you dreadfully and now has no job and may have nowhere to stay (although, I'm sure she must have friends / ex-colleagues she could ask to stay with temporarily inshallah). She needs you more than ever now so let her know she's not alone and you are doing your upmost to improve her situation. Ask her to pray for you both too - that way you are also fulfilling your Islamic duty as a husband to encourage your wife to pray alhamdulilla :)

I think it's also important to remember that Allah always listens inshallah - but sometimes the answer is 'no' or 'not yet'. Who are we to question why - you may see the reason in time but there is no way you can right now without knowing what the future holds.

Finally - try to imagine that instead of your life spiraling downwards into darkness and despair...you are simply in a tunnel but you'll see the light at the end of it soon inshallah - it might just be around a corner! INSHALLAH


Junior Member

i think its time you started to get things straigtened out brother. you got to get out of home and do something before things get worse. you need money around 500 dollars, but its better not to borrow from strangers. look in your home and find things that you dont need anymore, you can sell those. you also need to look for a job, it doesnt have to be a job that you like, but that can make money until things are settled. if you have close friends, im sure they will understand your problem. if you have a brother or sister, maybe they can help. how about savings? with the money, and i hope you get it, you can get her papers done. also let her know to hang on. but know that the time is now, get out there and try to get the money. also at least pray two rakahs. and becareful. take care, may Allah help you



thank you all for your help and wonderful advice, my dear brothers and sister in islam. i am very very grateful for all of this. may ALLAH SWT reward you for everything that you have done. my gratitude can't really be put into words. you are all so beautiful indeed. i will always remember the help you have given me.

your brother
nyere kareem



I am sorry brother for all what you are going through I feel your pain and I know it is not easy
Sometimes Allah make things happen for a reason and inshaAlla it will be for a good reason

Also brother remember this Ayah

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا ﴿٥﴾
(5) So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:

إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا ﴿٦﴾
(6) Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.

I ask Allah SWT to make things easy for you and you wife and reward you for your patient Ameen



Junior Member
:shymuslima1:I am really sorry to hear all this, Inshallah u manage to get on with these problems, and i hope that one day u and your wife will remember all this and start laughing. TRy to learn from these problems, so next time(hopefully there will be no next time) u will know what to do :))


Islam is my life
Staff member
salam aleikum
Dont grieve over things that are fleeting:everything in this universe will perish except Allah

"Everything will persish save His Face "(Quran 28:88)

"Whatsoever is on it(the earth) will perish .And the Face of your Lord full of Majesty and Honor will abide forever." Quran 55:26-27.

waaleikum salam

allah is with me

Rabana Wa laqal Hamd
have patience brother....well, i dont think you have to blame her, because she is not doing anything wantedly , she might also be facing problems in her life....well, brother... allah never hates his servants, mostly muslims... so , allah might b testing you brother... pass this test ...


Travelling towards my grave.
wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh my dear brother

Do not lose hope in Allah (subuhaaanahu wata'aala). He is the One who saved Mooosa ('alaihissalam) from Fir'awn. He is the One who protected Muhammad (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) from Kuffar. He is the One who tested Ibrahim ('alaihissalam) by ordering him to kill his beloved son Ismael ('alaihissalam). And He is the One who prevented the People of Cave (explained in Surah al-Kahf) from the torture of the Enemies of Allah (subuhaanahu wata'aala) by letting them to sleep for 309 years. Allah Akbar!

Brother Allah is the same Now also. He is capable of doing everything by just saying "be" Now also. What we need is sincerity and patience. Allah tests whom He loves my brother. This is one of the Imthihaans (tests) that you will face. Be firm and pray a lot to Him. He is the All Knower and the All Hearer.

I will keep you and your beloved wife in my duas inshaAllah brother. Have trust in Allah and move forward knowing that there will be difficulties. InshaAllah you will be succeeded.

wassalam 'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh


Junior Member
salam alikom

i hope that you regain your hope in allah swt, i didn't find what to say to you or advice you brother because all the ponits are disccussed by our brother and sister here , all i want to say to you right now , never never lose hope in allah's mercy , his mercy spreades our all the skies and all the earth, how it can't touch you , and allah sobhanaho wa taala says in the holy Qur'an in what is meaning that : my mercy spreads over everything everything ..brother this word' everything ' which must give you the point that you must never lose hope in allah's mercy , as it is sure include you .you are practised muslim and there is no reason for losing hope brother, you are just under a test from allah sobhanaho wa taala and all what you need to be patient , and make alot of dou'a , believe when you pray fro allah sobhanho wa taala and make dou'a , you MUST put in you heart that allah sobhanho wa taala is with you is listening to you surely and he will answer you be sure brother ,we all passe from a lot of obstacles in life , wallahi wallahi , i have passed from difficulties more than what you have ,me too neither sleep nor eat , but in contrast to you i never lose hope in allah's mercy , i keep praying all the time craying to allah all the nights asking his mercy!!!!!!!!!!!! and after a while all my problems disappear believe me ....sobhana allah

allah sobahanho wa taala said in an authentic hadith , a get ashamed when one of his slaves raise his hands asking him sobahano wa taala and didn't answer..you recoganize allah's mercy brother..... sobhana allah sonhana allah....

so never lose hope in allah's wide mercy brother... , you need only to get close to allah sobhana wa taala , he will answer you he is the merciful.. sobhanaho wa taala

please don't forget to ask allah forgiveness , and cray for it brother , because you said things that my not please allah with you : when you say , allah hates me........ please brother allah konws that you were in a desirable situation and he sure insha allah will forgive you..... don't give shaytan to chance to control you whenever you are angry , but you should control yourself and always say: ashatrghiro allah ,it helps alot brother.. t repeat never lose hope in allah our creator .. never ..never..anymore ..

may allah ease your pain ,change your upset time to the happiest ,accept your prayers and dou'a , and all muslims,, be sure you will be in our dou'a insha allah taala , and we will do our best to help you , don't worry brother,,just keep praying at night , you know allah sobhanho wat taala comes at the third time of night to the nearest sky and says sobhanho wa taala : my slaves ask all what you want i will give now all what you want swt.. try to wake up at that time and ask allah swt ,, i hope you get may message brother...
don' t forget allah always with you..............
salam alikom
ur sis fada_all