In desperate need of help for my sister


Junior Member

Thats a tough situation. I pray to Allah to help you and I think we should never give up on those we love. Atleast you know you tried.


Um Ibrahim

Alhamdulilah :)

Dear brothers and sisters,

I want to ask you if there is some dua or supplication I can read for my sister. At 23 years of age her attitude towards my parents and myself is completely disgusting. Family is of no value to her and she doesn't care about anything much. She is unmarried and lives with my parents, whereas I am married and live with my husband. She doesn't pray and isn't very religious, even though my parents didn't bring her up to be this way. She dresses horribly and hangs out with her best friend, who is just like her.

Every single day I have to worry about who she is with and what she is doing. I hate it, because it's a strain on me and my happiness. It's unfair for me to feel unhappy for her when she goes out and has her fun and is so selfish that she cares about nothing but her own happiness. I am scared she might go and do something stupid one day, and I am scared for her. Please can you tell me what I can read or do to change her?

Thank you so much,



Sister the only thing I can tell you is I know exactly how you feel! My family and I go through exactly what you describe with one of my younger's like he's head is made of brick or something because he usually doesn't listen to any one. He always thinks we're the enemy when all we want for him is goodness in this world and the best in akhira. He's always right and every one else is wrong according to him even though we all know everything he does is harming not only him but us too because he brings so much worry and sadness to the family around him. But giving up is not the answer dear sister no matter what your sister goes through, you always have to beg Allah to guide her. This is the best thing you can do for her. Ask Allah to guide her especially when you are in sujuud, for the best du'as are those made for someone in their absence. Also remember that Allah will reward you too for wanting what you love for yourself, mashaaAllah.

And another thing, it's evident that your sister has a lot of eman still in her because she at least fasts during Ramadan that shows that she fears Allah. Please just more du'a for her and keep giving her advice.


Assalaam walaikum,


I am not bashing you, whatsoever. I recognized the stress this situation has placed upon you. My words speak the truth.

You are faithful and loving. There is no doubt. The stress this has put on you needs to be addressed. You can not do anything if you are unwell. And think of the additional stress this will place on your parents.

There is an expression. Worrying yourself sick.

And do not assume whatsoever that I have no experience in this matter. Some of us are tested by having to let go of that we love so dearly..sometimes we wonder if we were crazy to have let it go for the love and fear of Allah.

Put your faith in Allah. He is the One who Guides to Him who He pleases.

I will exit this thread as you wish. Put your faith in Allah.


revert of many years
Look, you don't me, so please don't judge me and presume that I need other methods of "help". I'm not doing this for myself, but for my parents, whom I love dearly. I do not wish to see them suffer. Now, if you can't muster up the strength to say anything nice, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave my thread. Thank you.

I am not sick, just stressed, and rightly so. What would YOU do if your family member had gone off the rails? Wouldn't you worry? I'm sure you would. I don't need a bashing right now. I need support. Please don't kick me while I'm already down...

dear sister...
ikeepcoming to thisthread and am surprised bysome oftheanswers,,,

of course thisis such a difficult time,and you are deeply worried
she is your sister,your close family,and of course you want to help her
we are toldevento come close to those of our kin who tryto breakties with us

so of course you must do everythingpossible to help her as yoursister
we should try to help any muslimaround us who is struggling toshow them a better way and especially someone so close

may Allah guide you and make youstrong and help you tohelpyour sister


Junior Member
Maybe you should try and get her married maybe that will help, and also maybe she has a close bond with her father as fathers n daughters often do, maybe he could try and be a little bit stricter


ربنا اغفر لنا ذنوبنا
Staff member
Maybe you should try and get her married maybe that will help, and also maybe she has a close bond with her father as fathers n daughters often do, maybe he could try and be a little bit stricter

As-salaamu `alaikum warahamtullaah..!

Don't mean to single you out brother, but yours is the craziet suggestion I've heard so far... And from experience(not mine but of someone dear to me's), i can already tell you it would not work.

First of all, she(or her family) can't just marry off the girl because she's at the moment proving to be a burden on the family. So why put your burden on someone else's shoulder(the man she woulda 'married'). Second, that would be abandoning the girl. Which is no good at all because she's on the wrong path at the moment and is highly in need of her family memebers's guidance..And third, well she's obviously "living the life" right now so does she seem to you like someone who's ready to settle down ? Besides, marriage is always the "girls'" choice..(Alhamdulillaah for that!)

And if you read the thread-starters second post, where she lists a number of things concerning the situation, you'd know that your second suggestion is just calling for a bigger disaster.. The girl already ran away once so if they enforce some "strict" rules on her, she's bound to do a repeat and become even more rebellious. Which will lead to more heartache and worry for the family...

Anyhow, sister I dont really know what to tell you(cos looks like TTI-ians are becoming counselors with all the advices being given..=)) other than Allaah SWT does not burden His servant lest He knows they are able to handle it..! So I honestly believe both you and your family will get through this and Inshaa'Allaah, you'll have your sister(the one you watched growing up who was anything but the person's she's become now..innocent, loving and most of all thankful for her sister and parents) back once again.


Assalaaam walailkum,

Two questions:

1. Does your sister know that you have written this about her? Does your husband know that you are doing this?

2. What does your husband say to you? If you are worried and sick where is your husband in the picture? You write you live with him. Are you neglecting him?

Think sister of what you have written. Think hard before you comment.
You are on a public forum discussing how unhappy you would this make your husband feel. Where is he in this? What has he suggested to you? Are you listening to your husband.

You donot have to respond to me. I know what is going on. Do not be mad at me. But be honest with yourself.


Assalaam walaikum,

I did, but, in thought it occurred to me that we have this happening too much.
The sister needs to speak to her husband. This is a deep issue.

I see a recurring thread. A sister is upset. She writes on the website. If anyone presents a point of view that is not pleasing she gets upset.

My question becomes why are you upset. You put a problem on the website. The answers do not have to necessarily agree with what you want. That is a false self-fulling prophecy.

The issue is simple. A young woman is leading her life the way she wishes. It may not be pleasing to her family but she is not worried about that. Insha'Allah, she will grow out of this temporary phase. It is temporary. Pray and leave it to Allah.

The question then becomes this brother: What about the bonds of marriage. Where is the husband in all of this. I know 23 is very young to be married but the bonds of that relationship are strong. If something is making the wife so sick,by her own words, she is not fulfilling the requirements of marriage. She is very invested in the affairs of her sister.

Think brother for one minute. If you were the husband would you wish for your wife to alert the whole world that she is so consumed by her fear for her sister she neglects her duties. I am serious.

If Allah has blessed her with a husband and her family is happy with her state, she too should concentrate on the positive. Let her sister, see by example what an Islamic lifestyle leads to. The joy of family. Always include her sister on all family get-togethers. The sister can concentrate on the good in her life and give thanks.

Allah has given this sister joy. She is blessed with a husband. She has a family. Concentrate on the good. Her sister will be ok. Her sister is happy.

This sister needs to concentrate on her life, first. I am done.

Besides, it is very rude to exclude someone on a response. You did not like what I had to say..but, is it not true that sometimes like medicine the taste may be bitter but it is good for you.

And the sister knows I am not lying. I am a Believing woman. I speak only the truth. If you do not like it, do not read it. It does not change the quality or veracity of what I wrote. The truth is always the truth.

Does that satisfy your comment, young man? And please be so kind as to show me a little respect with your salutation. I have never been anything but kind to you.


Look, you don't me, so please don't judge me and presume that I need other methods of "help". I'm not doing this for myself, but for my parents, whom I love dearly. I do not wish to see them suffer. Now, if you can't muster up the strength to say anything nice, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave my thread. Thank you.

I am not sick, just stressed, and rightly so. What would YOU do if your family member had gone off the rails? Wouldn't you worry? I'm sure you would. I don't need a bashing right now. I need support. Please don't kick me while I'm already down...

:salam2: Sister,

Suffice to say I've been through what you're going through. Only difference is it's been a decade of torture for me.

I'm literally exhausted to the point where I can't even begin to write to you about it.

I gave advice to another sister on the same subject not too long to go. If you wish to see that thread, here it is:

Dua can make a tremendous difference. You're lucky that you have a husband to hold you up throughout this time. For that, you truly are blessed.

I hope she comes around inshAllah.


Junior Member

Thank you all for your suggestions and help. You do not know how much I appreciate it. I will try out what you've written, and, of course, continue to make dua.

Sister Aapa: Of course I've spoken to my husband about this. He doesn't have much to say about the situation though. I am not neglecting him, by the way. I'd publicly like to apologise to you if I came across as rude earlier on, but if I'm honest, what you said did upset me and anger me, because I came here for help, not to be criticized.


PS I will reply to some of your other replies a little later when I have more time. In the meantime, my husband would like me to cook him some rice...


Assalaam walaikum,

That is the best thing you can do. Make him happy and let your mother's heart be pleased.
Your sister will see the joy of living an Islamic life. Let her wish to be part of that life.
You need to concentrate on the good in your life. And Insha'Allah, let the other matters find a good end.


Junior Member

Totally understand the predicament you are in. Offcourse the worth, weight of individuals imaan and deeds in journey here decides hereafter. No doubt. But when our own blood, friends or we ourselves, at times deviate from the right path, it does cause lot of damage to one's own self and one's own people. There is hope, some tend to realize the importance of purpose of life a bit late.

Another very important fact to remember is each of us are here on a Journey. In this journey some become our parents, some siblings, some spouses, some friends and most others never known, by Will of Almighty. Accepting the 6 beliefs and sticking to the 5 pillars of Islaam is out of one;s choice. Second person could try and influence it, but not totally destine a persons Imaan... Imaan is a very personal matter. We have no say in it, Its best left to Almighty.

You should know Prophet :saw: had much much greater agony (than we do) when some turned away from his preachings, or turned away from submitting to Almightys will. And Allah comforted saying, there is nothing more Prophet himself could do about it

Your concern for your own blood sibling is natural. Whenever your sister shows an inclination, try to just say it briefly, but dont force it too much on her, it might just be a case of silly rebellion, running in her head (without much thought). Yes often Ego, body and together with Iblees influence, a person can go astray, preventing one from taking firm steps in right path. Some tend to have a great traction to friends and wordly things often, and then again swing away from it. That might be the case with your sister. For some the realization sinks in slowly and a bit late, but giving enough heartache to parents and dear ones. Your sister did fast you say, that means there is definitely something positive to it. There are lots of people who face this situation. There are lessons for us in all these turbulations we face, I often feel. The good news is, I am told, that lot of people who fast during Ramdan, do turn around at some stage or other. I have seen a few too. And your sister did fast. And please do not judge, wether it was from heart. There is hope. Be gentle, Be persistent, dont give up nor push too hard.

The best thing for you is to seek Allahs guidance in this matter. What you must realize is today the love you show for your sister, would again tomorrow appear when you have your own kids Talk to your mother often, trying to console her, its not easy for her. . Do not let that be the cause for headache. Turn to Allah and put your weight in him. Go do a Sajada, asking for mercy and guidance... it works wonders to one's Imaan and health.

May the situation take a round about in your sisters case too.... Ameen


Hmm, well I see two possibilities

Believer, speaking as an outsider (non-muslim), logically speaking, I see 2 possibilities for your difficulties with your sister:

1. Your religion is, in fact, correct, and your sister will pay in the afterlife for her actions now in being happy, in which case, you are right to be concerned about her.

2. Your religion is not correct, in which case, your sister will not automatically suffer in the afterlife for the mere fact that she is happy now, if she is not actually hurting anyone. If that is the case, your feelings for her are possibly motivated by jealousy/ sour grapes, you yourself have chosen not to pursue your own happiness, so don't want anyone else to either.

At any rate, it's impossible for one person to save or damn another person's soul without their consent. You can physically lock up a murderer to prevent him from carrying out the action of killing other people, but you cannot save his soul and force him to be sorry for his actions in his heart. Since your sister isn't killing people, merely making them emotionally uncomfortable, it would be inappropriate to lock her up or otherwise force her to stop. You should try to accept and love your sister for what she is, not compare her to yourself in pride, or worry about your own reputation, if other people do not like what your sister does. You should worry what God thinks of you personally, due to how you have lived your own life, not what other people think of you because of what your sister may or may not have done.

I had similiar difficulties with my own sister, when I went to school, I was often beat up, and had worse things done to me, because I did not act in the usual way expected in my school. My own sister one day said that it was harder on her, merely to be the sister of someone like me, who was always beat up, even though she was never beat up, because other people did not think well of her for being the sister of someone so strange. And, according to her, her not being thought well of was harder on her, then it was on me, to actually be beaten up many times, because she said she had feelings and I did not!

Well, I do have feelings. They may not be feelings she understands, but I feel many things very strongly. Not all people are the same. There are people who are born color blind, and they cannot see colors, but there are some things that colorblind people can see that you cannot. It may be that God wishes for some people to be colorblind, to see things that other people cannot and tell everyone else about them. Perhaps there are things you do not know about your sister. I heard once of a man, everyone thought he was a very bad man, sometimes he spoke harshly to people and other times he drank a lot, but after he died, it was found out that for most of his life, he had secretly given much money to the poorer people in his town.