~Is It Dream? Know Not!!~

Discussion in 'Nasheeds, Poems and Duas' started by uniqueskates, Oct 17, 2012.

  1. uniqueskates
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    uniqueskates Rabbe Zidni Illma

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    ~Is It Dream? Know Not!!~

    A garden filled beautiful and fruit bearing trees,
    Where blossoming flowers spread vibrant color,
    Where an ambrosial scent lingers in the air,
    Where even noise is a music to ears of spirits,

    A land filled with plethora of pearls and rivers,
    Where water is as clear as a crystal can be,
    Where milk lacks the smallest impurity in it,
    Where honey is in its purest state ever possible,

    A dwelling for the people who fear Allah(SWT),
    Where you adorn yourself with silky garments,
    Where precious stones and jewels are in abundance,
    Where you eat and drink in vessels of Silver,

    An adobe of the righteous and pious souls,
    Where Allah’s forgiveness is forever,
    Where every wish is granted by HIS grace,
    Where HIS blessings are always upon you,

    I know not more about this beautiful place,
    Because my imagination can’t comprehend,
    Is it a dream?? – ( Now you decide, what you want? )
    That’s the beauty of Allah’s paradise,


    P.S - Wrote it myself, would like to get reviews on the poem inorder to improve :) Bricks and bats are most welcomed.. :)
    Peace :)
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  2. Seeking Allah's Mercy
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    Seeking Allah's Mercy Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!

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    Asalamo`Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh,

    Bats? which ones? Live ones or cricket ones? I'll decide on brick and bats after I know which bats am I to attack you with.

    Anyway, the idea is a good one. I'm not much of a poet or into poetry, but I think I detected some mistakes (I'm not sure since my English isn't dependable). I'll "bold" them in your quote.

    I think others into poetry can comment on the choice of words and structure of words and rhyming scheme etc. better than me. That just isn't my thing.

    JazaakAllaahu khayraa for sharing the poem.
  3. uniqueskates
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    uniqueskates Rabbe Zidni Illma

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    Walaikumassalaam wa rehamtullahi wa barakatuhu,

    I prefer cricket bats sis, if you wish, you can use baseball ones too.. A special concession, hehe :D Surely not the live ones.. :D
    Well, as long as its bats i am fine, i surely don't need bricks.. They hurt alot sis LOL.. :D
    Thank you for correcting the grammar, my grammar is very pooooorrrr... I wish to improve it somehow.. InshaAllah, and yes the other one was accidental.. *Typo error*
    Hope to keep writing nice ones, InshaAllah :)
    Peace :)
  4. Asja
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    Asja Pearl of Islaam

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    Assalamu alaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

    Jazzak Allah khair dear brother for sharing your poem with us. MashAllah, it is very beautiful.: )

    Apart from some grammatical mistakes which were corrected by sister Seeking Allahs Mercy MashAllah, I think it would be better if instead of comma which you used on the end of every verse, full stop would be better, InhsAllah.

    :salam2:
  5. uniqueskates
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    uniqueskates Rabbe Zidni Illma

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    Walaikumassalaam Wa rehamatullahi wa barakatuhu sis..

    Thank you for your inputs, but i would like to know what difference would it make if i use a full stop instead of a comma? So that i can implement in my upcoming poem :)
    JazakAllah Khair.. :)
    Peace :)
  6. Asja
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    Asja Pearl of Islaam

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    Assalamu allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

    Wa iyyak dear brother. : )

    It is only a error and not correct rule of the right punctuation. We use commas to seperate words in one sentence, but we can not use comma to end a sentence, but instead of that we should use a full stop.

    I hope InshAllah I could explain well brother.

    Jazzak Allah khair

    :salam2:
  7. uniqueskates
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    uniqueskates Rabbe Zidni Illma

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    Walaikumassalaam wa rehamatullahi wa barakatuhu sis..

    Seems like i got a couple of english teachers here. :D And also JazakAllah khair for saving my money which i was about to put in for grammar tuitions ;) LOL.. For further "Learning English", Sister SAM and you are going to be my contact point :D

    JazakAllah Khair for explaining.. It was simple and I understood it too.. I shall implement it in my next poem InshaAllah :)

    Peace :)
  8. slaveofAllah88
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    slaveofAllah88 Slave of Allah (swt)

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    aslam o alaikum wa rahamatuAllahi wa barakatuhu,

    May Allah (swt) unite us all in jannat al firdaus al aala - ameen

    bhai very well done, :)
  9. uniqueskates
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    uniqueskates Rabbe Zidni Illma

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    Walaikumassalaam wa rehamatullahi wa barakatuhu.

    InshaaAllah. We will be together in Jannah. Bohot masti jo karni hai saath mei ;) [Gonna have lots of fun together]
  10. Fatima Amenda
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    Asalamu alaykum warhamtullahi wabarakahu, Mash'Allah, very beautiful Brother. I too always have comma problems in my grammar. My problem is I use to many in the wrong places. I try to remember from when a child what I learned in school regarding comma's, 'when in doubt leave it out". I don't know much about commas in poetry, I don't think I've noticed comma's in poetry before instead usually a semi colon at the end of a thought in the poem vs a period as in poetry the thought doesn't end until the poem is finished. But don't quote me on that I'm a bit rusty on my English grammar and never have been good at writing poetic correctness.

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