Lost and confused


I ♥ Allah (SWT)
Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. I'm going to give a full debrief on what's happening in my life at the moment that is making me confused and broken.

There are three main issues happening in my life at the moment.

1. I'm sinning by watching p*rn and masturbating (which I have genuinely tried giving up countless times).
2. Family - grandmother passing away and a problem with my father.
3. Marriage

1. Sinning

To my deep regret I still sadly watch p*rn and masturbate. At the moment I'm still learning more about Islam like praying etc. Each time I commit these sins I repent but since I don't know exactly how to properly repent I'm not sure then if my repenting counts. I have tried so many times since coming to Islam to remove this disease of sinning all the time. I hate doing it but my desires and Shaytan's whispers attack me every time which frustrates me so much causing me to just give in. I'm so weak and feel as if I can't give it up because I've tried countless times. I know Allah (SWT) is all merciful and forgiving but if I can't ask Allah (SWT) for forgiveness in the way he wants me to then how do I know He has forgiven me?

2. Family

Recently my grandmother passed away due to cancer. I was going to show her Islam but her health deteriorated in a short amount of time and I never got the chance to. Before she passed away I prayed for her many times. I watched a video where Sh. Bilal Philips said that if a sick person is patient before they pass away then Allah (SWT) will erase all their sins and they will go into the hereafter free of sins. I just hope this is true.

Secondly, my parents are separated from each other which occurred when I was young. I live with my mother who is a Catholic. I visit my father every once in a while. Even though my father is a Muslim he is not fully practicing. My father lives with his partner and they're not married which is haram (as far as I know). They've had children together, my step sister and step brother.

When I go over to visit them, my father and his partner (my step mother) always criticise or judge me in some way when I do something wrong according to them. Once we were putting a bed together and I put a piece in the wrong place. My step mother went on criticising me about one small mistake I made and really put me down.

Another time we were sitting at a table and my step mother said 'Bismillah' so my step bro and sis will follow on. I said it earlier and my step mother asked me why I hadn't said it. I told her the reason and she went on about how it is my responsibility as an older brother that I should be saying it in front of them. Ironically enough she is the one who drinks alcohol, swears, criticises me, is not married when she is meant to be and does not pray at all. From my perspective my father doesn't fulfil his duty of being a true father which is taking an interest in my life in general, he doesn't ask how my school studies are going or the progress I'm making with being a Muslim.

3. Marriage

With marriage I understand that a person has to be spiritually, emotionally and financially prepared for marriage. Firstly Islam stands for making marriage easier but if I have to be spiritually, emotionally and financially ready before marriage that means I'll have to wait many years suppressing my desires until getting married.

I have no idea how I'm going to do that in the society I live in with sex being promoted, p*rnographic images almost wherever I go, women wearing tight clothing etc. I understand fasting is an effective way to keep in control of desires however this is not a solution for two or three years. When I look at these three main points that I need to fulfil before getting married it doesn't look great.

Being financially ready
At the moment I don't have a job and am currently looking for employment. Even when I do get a job I would get paid the minimum wage (since I'm 16) which will not be enough to support a wife. So I'm not financially able.

Being spiritually able
It's so hard for me because I live in two worlds almost. At home I do not have any Islamic influence except from myself going out of my way to stay stedfast as a Muslim but since I sin how can I say that? I've mentioned my father earlier so it isn't an option to go to him. So I'm not spiritually able.

Being emotionally able
I have come to realise that actually I am only becoming young adult in the coming years and haven't thought it through enough. So I'm not emotionally able.

It seems as if all hope is lost for me. I'm addicted to p*rn and masturbating, my grandmother has passed away, I have come to realise I don't have a true father and have no idea how I'm going to stay a virgin before getting a wife. Maybe I'm not fit enough to be a Muslim. I'm simply broken. :SMILY23:

Itqan Ullah

Time is Running!!
The solution to 1st problem (and maybe 3rd too for a while) is Make good practicing Muslim friends & spend more time with them imo. For the bad habits umm... try not let your mind free, keep yourself busy. You have my email address, mail me frequently, stay in touch inshallah you will feel better. From my personal experience you need tor recharge your emaan batteries often and stay awaaaayyyy from filth and bad company...

Why don't you try giving Daw'ah to your mother?, She'll ask you something you don't know, simply mail me I'll give you the answer. It really has positive a effect becoz your mind will be busy analyzing arguments so bad thoughts will crawl in less frequently.


Junior Member

Don't worry, everything will be ok, now Allah subhanahu wa taaala is preparing you for a great role in life. In this early age you can do a lot, you can learn a lot. You can read, you can memorise Quran, you can study Islam .......this will give you spiritual power.Try to find a good company...don't waste your time .......if you pray 5 times a day with sincere heart and continue to pray at time ...things will change ....you need some more time and sincere efforts .:salah:


Junior Member
A couple of points which you might consider ...

The first point is that you should congratulate yourself on recognizing your failings - I certainly didn't at your age.

and Palestinian girls in Jerusalem wear the tightest clothing I've ever seen.

The second point is that anyone under 40 years of age is probably emotionally unstable in this era.

Don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. Continue your practice. Virtue is not a vice and it takes work.


I ♥ Allah (SWT)
Thanks for your replies. I feel a bit better now. Is there any other advice you can give?


Junior Member
Friends won't help you. The only human who can help you is you yourself. Make dua to Allah at night. Don't under estimate the power of tahajjud.

Stop worrying about your parents. It will give u more stress and make you depressed and you will lose your path in life. They are adults. Let them figure out themselves.

Try to join some classes,like computer classes or different kind of classes we have these days. It will socialize u more and u will become more mature and know the trades of life. Stop expecting anything from your parents. Life is short. Move on.The most important person in your life should be you yourself. Work on yourself. We are like softwares .We get upgraded and downgraded by time. You have to upgrade yourself to a person who can face every difficulty in life like a man. There's always a solution for everything .We are just too shy to follow it.


make dua 4 ma finals

aww brother, do not beat yourself up.

Life is a tough journey----try to saill through it and when the waves are stronger, pray to Allah and do not give up on him. You can always go to the mosque, befriend brothers who are strong in their seen, join school clubs like creative writing club, anime club, track team, basketball anything to keep you busy. This should make you busy and when on the internet, come to TTI only and if you have to watch a video, search for Qur'anic videos----these will remind you of Allah and should keep you away from your 'addiction.'

About your family, may Allah guide them back to their fitrah and make them successful in this world and the here after. My sincere condolences to you, we all are from Allah and to Him we shall return---the death of your grandma should be enough of a reminder to all of us about how short life is. You can have a great relationship with the Imaam at the mosque. Talk to him and you might find a father figure in him. I do not know if there is a mosque near you or even if there is--do they have programs for youth?? if so please do join them, become friends with the imaam, show him that you want to grow spiritually and that you're having difficulties doing that. Let him be your mentor!

Marriage---I think it is on your mind now because you see no way out of your 'addiction' but marriage...indeed that is the halaal way and if it does not work, well never give up on fasting. I reassure you that when you become busy (with all kinds of activities in your life)---this will not be on your mind often.

I do not know how else to advice you, but uhm maybe write on the brothers section and someone can help you with tips if they dealt with your situation before??

Remember to stay strong, oh and youtube "Islamic way of repentance." You might find helpful tips there. Never EVER forget Allah's mercy---call on to him and if you can sneak in a prayer at night, do so and ask Allah to make you stronger in your conviction.


make dua 4 ma finals
and Palestinian girls in Jerusalem wear the tightest clothing I've ever seen.


This is so irrelevant :/ I do not want to sound mean or anything, but why put this in here?? Muslim girls whether they're are in the West or East are struggling with the concept of Hijab---yes that is a fact. However, I do not think it is fit for your to put them on blast like that.


revert of many years

salam brother
i feel so sad when iread your posts..
your about my sons age and iwish ican help you
as someone wrote the most important thing..is you know your mistakes

its not easywith no parent around to guide oyu or parents there but not guiding you,,givne oyur situation your not doing so bad

you need to find someone in the community to help you or look around for goodmuslim friends

and try to keep busy
with your studies
maybe take up psport
maybe there is some vluntary work you can do

your father is turkish right,,,is there famly in turkey or links in turkey??

and talk to some of he brothers here they will help you

and most important ask allah to guide you and never give up##
your not broken and your fit to be a muslim ..you know what is the right..but your in difficult situation

may allah guide you


I ♥ Allah (SWT)
Thanks for all of your replies brothers and sisters. I feel much better now and will 'upgrade' myself to a better person. Your advice is truly valuable. May Allah (SWT) bless all of you. :)


Junior Member
Assalamu alaikum....

With every difficulty,there is ease.(94:5)

Please, brother you are not broken.:SMILY29:.Just a bit low on Imaan.

Come to tti regularly, stay in touch with the brothers here.

You just have to put your mind in another direction.What are your hobbies?
Have you learned to drive.?:)

Forget about marriage you are not stable.

Say the tahajjud prayers regularly.Ask Allah to help you.


Junior Member
Good on you to realize you have problems and need to tackle them. Most people live their whole lives continuing doing things they know they shouldn't be doing or have problems they never care to adress. You're only 16 and a convert and realize that. (side note- don't let it get to your head :p)
My advice would be to not give yourself the time to just do whatever...like everyone else said do something productive. Be around people as well. When you're alone it's much easier to do bad things when no one is watching you. Also, pretend as if you did the bad thing and are later regretting. Remember your regret and guilt and it'll be much harder to return to it. Next you should learn to cope with someone's death...as hard as it is. Eveyone has their own time to go. Fact. Lastly, try bonding with your dad/stepmom if that's possible. Show them you're a nice kid and try to warm up to them. Just take things a step at a time and always think before you speak/do anything.


Junior Member

This is so irrelevant :/ I do not want to sound mean or anything, but why put this in here?? Muslim girls whether they're are in the West or East are struggling with the concept of Hijab---yes that is a fact. However, I do not think it is fit for your to put them on blast like that.

True. Was thinking the same thing...kind of awkward statement to make.


Junior Member
Later in life when you look back at what you were in the past you will think "was that really me?That doesn't sounds like me" That's what i mean by upgrading.


Later in life when you look back at what you were in the past you will think "was that really me?That doesn't sounds like me" That's what i mean by upgrading.


MashaAllah that is an amazing advice.Our lives are collection of events and it keeps moving forward,sometimes when we look back and take lessons from our life.At this fragile moment of life my dear brother,you need
2)Take it step by step
3)Always be positive,even in the face of all negativity.I knows it's difficult but not impossible with Allah's help.
4)Keep smiling and never give up :)

PS: Do not expose your sins in public,address them indirectly,inshaAllah.

World Peace

Islam is Light
Asalam aleacom warahmatoallah wabarakato brother ATA95

Allah says in the Holy Quran:
"Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest" (The Holy Quran, 13:28)

Continue doing salah, dikhir, while facing hardships with patience. Allah will reward you in the dunya and Akira.

Allah never abandens those whom sincerly look for help. He knows whats in your heart brother, and how much you want to be close to him. Allah will help you through.

"When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way." (The Holy Quran, Chapter 50, Verse 186)

"Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of allah. for allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. " (The Holy Quran, Az-Zumar, Chapter 39, Verse 53)

Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him said that Allah the Almighty says to the believer in Hadith-ul-Qudsi:
"O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me, and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you to ask forgiveness of Me, I would Forgive you. O son of Adam were you to come to Me with sins as great as the Earth, and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it."
"indeed My Mercy Prevails over My Wrath"

God in the Quran repeatedly ascribes to Himself attribute of mercy and forgiveness. He also mentions that from His Names are The Oft-Forgiving, The Most Merciful, the Accepter of Repentance, The Pardoner, He is The Souce of Peace, The Guardian of Faith, and to him belong the most beautiful names. Get closer to him by knowing him through his names. He accepts anyone who turns to him. He is the Most Loving.

If a person sins, all they need to do is truly repent from their heart, and they will find God Ever Merciful. By feeling regret having committed the sin and resolving not to go back to it.

“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them.” (Quran 20:82)

The human being, by nature, is prone to err. This is why the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“All the children of Adam constantly err…”
At the same time, Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) says continuing in the same hadeeth:
“…but the best of those who constantly err are those who constantly repent.” (Al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, Hakim)

“Tell My servants that I am indeed the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Quran 15:49)

“…For God loves those who turn to Him constantly….” (Quran 2:22)

“And whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks God's forgiveness, he will find God Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Quran 4:10)

We are all vulnerable, we all commit sins, and we all need to be forgiven. We have an innate need to feel close to God and God in His infinite wisdom has made the path to forgiveness easy.

Never give up brother and be strong. "Shaythan is our eternal sworn enemy and wants us to lose hope from Allah. We should disregard his whispers. We must continuously strive, keep turning towards Allah, and be patient." (Turntoislam.com)

Prophet Muhammad himself experienced the sublime joy that came from feeling “right” with his Lord. He said, “By God, I seek the forgiveness of God and I turn to Him in repentance more than seventy times each day.”

God, the Creator knows humankind perfectly, He knows our imperfections and our shortcomings, and thus He has prescribed repentance for us and left the door to repentance open until the sun rises from the west (near Judgement Day).

God’s mercy is vast:
“Say: ‘Limitless is your Lord in His mercy….’” (Quran 6:147)

Stretching to all existence:
“…but My mercy encompasses all things….” (Quran 7:156)

"Except those who repent and believe and work righteous deeds, for them Allah will change their evil deeds to good deeds, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Quran, 25:70)

"And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to Allah with an (acceptable) conversion."(Quran, 25:71)

And if you desire peace, tranquility, and comfort, you can find it all in the remembrance of Allah.

Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/category/48/

You may find the following links useful regarding the matters you spoke of.

The Deen Show

The Ideal Muslim

How Islam Deals With Sadness and Worry

The Search for Inner Peace

Brothers and sister's made good suggestions to help you including studying, volunteering, doing sports, and being with good muslims. As well as being good to your dad/stepmom (ie being kind, helpful etc.) it is important to continue to treat them with mercy and patience.

Allah says in the Holy Quran:
"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour."(The Holy Quran , Al-Isra, Chapter 17, Verse 23)

"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did."(The Holy Quran, Al-Ankaboot, Chapter 29, Verse 8)

"And even if thou hast to turn away from them in pursuit of the Mercy from thy Lord which thou dost expect, yet speak to them a word of easy kindness."( The Holy Quran , Al-Isra, Chapter 17, Verse 28)

You should work to develop an Islamic personality—one that is honest, generous, forgiving, hard-working, etc. If you do this, your father and stepmother should notice a positive change . Try not to become angry with them even if they mistreat you, and always try to speak gently. It may be difficult at first, but things will get easier in sha Allah.

Remember that one of the best forms of da`wah (inviting people to Islam) is through your example. If you act in the way of Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) and with mercy and patience, they will see the real Islam through you, through your Moral, your words, your deeds, your actions, and may change through you.

Talk to Allah; ask him for support, aid and guidance, and for the guidance of your father and stepmother.

World Peace

Islam is Light
Keys to Happiness
Sheik Ayed Al-Qarni

The following are tips for the attainment of happiness:

- Do not preoccupy your mind with the past and all that it contained, focus on the present.

(Remember, Allah is The Most Merciful, He is The Accepter of Repentance, the All-forgiving, The Pardoner, The Most Loving, He is The Souce of Peace, The Guardian of Faith, and to him belong the most beautiful names. Get closer to him by knowing him through his names)

(Everyone makes mistakes. If you have sined in the past, and when you fall into sin, repent. And continually seek forgiveness. Allah loves those whom repent and purify themselves. Continually do dhikr, asking forgiveness, and Alahoma saly ala sayidina Mohammad [Peace be upon him])

- Do not completely preoccupy yourself with the future and then discard the present. Be balanced in life, prepare yourself adequately for all situations.

- Do not be shaken by criticism; instead, be firm. Be sure that in proportion to your worth, the level of people's criticism rises. Also, make good use of criticism in discovering your shortcomings and faults, and let it drive you toward self-improvement.

- Have complete faith in Allah and perform good deeds; these are the ingredients that makeup a good and happy life.

- If you desire peace, tranquility, and comfort, you can find it all in the remembrance of Allah.

- You should know with certainty that everything that happens, occurs in accordance with the divine decree.

- Do not expect gratitude from anyone.

- Perhaps what has happened is in your best interest, even though you may not comprehend how that can be so.

- Everything that is decreed for the believer is the best for him.

- Enumerate the blessings of Allah and be thankful for them.

- Remember that you are better off than many others.

- Indeed, with each difficulty there is relief.

- In both times of hardship and ease, one should turn to supplication and prayer, either patiently contented or thankful.

- Calamities should strengthen your heart and reshape your outlook in a positive way.

- Do not let trivialities be the cause of your downfall.

- Always remember that your Allah is Oft-Forgiving.

- Assume an easy-going attitude and avoid anger.

- Life is bread, water, and shade; so do not be perturbed by a lack of any other material thing.
“And in the heaven is your providence and that which you are promised.” (The Holy Quran, 51:22)

- Look at those who have more afflictions and be grateful that you have less.

- Bear in mind the fact that Allah loves those who endure trials with steadfastness, so seek to be one of them.

- Constantly repeat those supplications that the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, taught us to say during times of hardship.

- Work hard at something that is productive, and cast off idleness.

- Do not listen to rumors, nor spread them. If you hear a rumor inadvertently, do not believe it.

- Know that malice and striving to seek revenge are much more harmful to your health than they are to your antagonist.

- The hardships that befall you atone for your sins, if you endure with patience.

Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/2407/