ATA95
I ♥ Allah (SWT)
Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. Insha'Allah you are all going well and have strong Imaan. I've come a long way since last year when I said my Shahada, Alhamdulillah. I've given up many things for the sake of pleasing Allah (SWT). It's been unexplainably tough and still is today. Through all of this I know I'm putting in all of my effort to becoming the best Muslim I can be, I know that's all Allah (SWT) wants of me. Over the past month I've been thinking deeply about marriage. I've investigated the purpose of it and the benefits etc. I've got a job which earns me a decent amount of money (nothing spectacular like being able to save up for a house but it's still good). I've also been going to the masjid more often, developing a strong connection with Allah (SWT) and strengthening my Imaan, Masha'Allah. I'm very happy to say that my desires are all in control now and I've long left looking at haram things on the internet etc, Alhamdulillah.
While I am going great I'm still coming across a few roadblocks on the Dunya highway. Marriage is a significant event that us Muslims go through in our lives and it requires enormous responsibility. We need to be emotionally, financially and religiously ready before we undertake this responsibility. With that said marriage is obligatory if someone feels that they are at risk of committing fornication. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) recommended that we get married at a young age and if we are unable to do so that we fast to keep in control of our desires. That's where I'm up to. I'm emotionally ready for marriage and am almost there religiously as I'm starting to establish the five times a day prayer. Though I still need some fine tuning financially by earning more income from a different job to the one I have at the moment. Here's where my issue starts (please don't take offence or think that I'm ignorant or whatever, I just need some advice, that's why I came here in the first place).
I've spoken to my mother and of course that hasn't been highly beneficial since she has different views due to being a Catholic. Sadly she just thinks the only reason why I want to get married is to fulfil my desires which is completely untrue. She also suggests ways about how I could just go to the movies with girls and all that which is in fact haram. My father on the other hand doesn't seem to take an interest. Therefore I'm left with literally hardly any options on where to seek assistance. There's many reasons why I want a spouse. A few of them are because I want to fulfil my desires in a halal way, I want to fulfil half of my deen, I want to start spending my life with that special person I've been waiting for my whole life, I want to undertake that responsibility of being a spouse and become a man… I could go on and on. Despite me not being involved in haram things anymore that could lead me to commit fornication I just feel that sometime soon, maybe this year or next year that I'll be in a situation where I'll be exposed to fornication by being very close to it somehow. I attend a Catholic boys school. In about one and a half years time I'll have finished my education and will be off to university. Sure you could say just leave the school I'm currently attending and go to an Islamic school nearby to help solve the situation, but that means my whole life will be changed and it'll have a detrimental affect on my education and future after school. Therefore I'm back to square one.
I cannot understand how Allah (SWT) wants me to get married yet does not give me the ability to do so. It's as if some kind of joke is being played on me. I have been making dua often asking Him to guide me yet I still feel I'm so lost as if I'm stranded all alone in the desert with no help nearby. I've given up so much for Him and know that whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something better. I just hope "that something better" is a righteous and religious wife, but I simply cannot see that coming yet. I fear that I'll be pushed into fornication just because of my inability of being able to get married. I can just sense and almost guarantee it's going to happen sometime soon, it's really playing on my mind.
You're probably thinking that I'm either being too hard on myself, I need more patience or I'll just grow out of it etc… I honestly do not know how I'm going to stay away from the things I have given up let alone keep in control of my desires for that long! Fasting is a short term solution not a long time solution like I need, it's not like I can fast for the whole year. Keeping my mind busy such as by going to the masjid etc to avoid thinking about desires is also a short term solution. It doesn't get rid of the desires, it just makes them build up until there comes a point where you cannot control them. It frustrates me that I genuinely want to get married but cannot do so despite me giving up all these things for Allah (SWT). I can just see it all playing out… By the time I finish school I'll probably be deeply involved in fornication because I wasn't able to get married. Even if I were to wait one and a half years there's the chance I still won't get married because of university or my mother won't support it etc. Please brothers and sisters give me some realistic answers not just "go to the masjid more often", "keep your mind busy by fasting" etc. JazakAllah Khair.
While I am going great I'm still coming across a few roadblocks on the Dunya highway. Marriage is a significant event that us Muslims go through in our lives and it requires enormous responsibility. We need to be emotionally, financially and religiously ready before we undertake this responsibility. With that said marriage is obligatory if someone feels that they are at risk of committing fornication. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) recommended that we get married at a young age and if we are unable to do so that we fast to keep in control of our desires. That's where I'm up to. I'm emotionally ready for marriage and am almost there religiously as I'm starting to establish the five times a day prayer. Though I still need some fine tuning financially by earning more income from a different job to the one I have at the moment. Here's where my issue starts (please don't take offence or think that I'm ignorant or whatever, I just need some advice, that's why I came here in the first place).
I've spoken to my mother and of course that hasn't been highly beneficial since she has different views due to being a Catholic. Sadly she just thinks the only reason why I want to get married is to fulfil my desires which is completely untrue. She also suggests ways about how I could just go to the movies with girls and all that which is in fact haram. My father on the other hand doesn't seem to take an interest. Therefore I'm left with literally hardly any options on where to seek assistance. There's many reasons why I want a spouse. A few of them are because I want to fulfil my desires in a halal way, I want to fulfil half of my deen, I want to start spending my life with that special person I've been waiting for my whole life, I want to undertake that responsibility of being a spouse and become a man… I could go on and on. Despite me not being involved in haram things anymore that could lead me to commit fornication I just feel that sometime soon, maybe this year or next year that I'll be in a situation where I'll be exposed to fornication by being very close to it somehow. I attend a Catholic boys school. In about one and a half years time I'll have finished my education and will be off to university. Sure you could say just leave the school I'm currently attending and go to an Islamic school nearby to help solve the situation, but that means my whole life will be changed and it'll have a detrimental affect on my education and future after school. Therefore I'm back to square one.
I cannot understand how Allah (SWT) wants me to get married yet does not give me the ability to do so. It's as if some kind of joke is being played on me. I have been making dua often asking Him to guide me yet I still feel I'm so lost as if I'm stranded all alone in the desert with no help nearby. I've given up so much for Him and know that whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something better. I just hope "that something better" is a righteous and religious wife, but I simply cannot see that coming yet. I fear that I'll be pushed into fornication just because of my inability of being able to get married. I can just sense and almost guarantee it's going to happen sometime soon, it's really playing on my mind.
You're probably thinking that I'm either being too hard on myself, I need more patience or I'll just grow out of it etc… I honestly do not know how I'm going to stay away from the things I have given up let alone keep in control of my desires for that long! Fasting is a short term solution not a long time solution like I need, it's not like I can fast for the whole year. Keeping my mind busy such as by going to the masjid etc to avoid thinking about desires is also a short term solution. It doesn't get rid of the desires, it just makes them build up until there comes a point where you cannot control them. It frustrates me that I genuinely want to get married but cannot do so despite me giving up all these things for Allah (SWT). I can just see it all playing out… By the time I finish school I'll probably be deeply involved in fornication because I wasn't able to get married. Even if I were to wait one and a half years there's the chance I still won't get married because of university or my mother won't support it etc. Please brothers and sisters give me some realistic answers not just "go to the masjid more often", "keep your mind busy by fasting" etc. JazakAllah Khair.