MARRIAGE QUESTION????

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by Mixedup, Nov 20, 2008.

  1. Mixedup
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    Mixedup Junior Member

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    Salaam,

    Well I'm having a bit of an argument here with myself so though you folks could offer your opinions on something for me.

    As those who know me on the site you will be aware that I am getting married soon. I am a very simple soul and do not like fuss and I despise the thought of everyone looking at me (not cos I'm scary lol) but I am very private and homely.
    I understand that weddings are something to be celebrated but I really do not want a big flash wedding. I just want me, my partner our witnesses and a few close friends to come. My partner is fine with that but I'm then worried people think its a secret when it is not.
    Also another side of me thinks I have waited 34years to marry so I would like a beautiful dress and stuff but really thats just material isn't it. I honestly cant afford or bear to spend loads of money on one day which whether a large or small affair will mean exactly the same thing.
    A friend recently married and it cost over £12,000 for just the food.
    Admittidly I can not afford that sort of money and I would just be happy with a nice dress and a meal out with our friends. Even if I could afford it I feel it would go against my beleifs to waste so much money.

    So really is there anything wrong with a small private wedding???thats my question.
    Thank you
  2. jaffarabduraheem
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    jaffarabduraheem Not afraid of you.

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    In my opinion a small wedding would probably be best because it removes the burden of having it essentially be a performance for the guests and leaves it to be what it is intended to be, a union of you two before Allah in the presence of loved ones.
  3. Mohsin
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    Mohsin abdu'Allah

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    :salam2:

    Taken from a Fatwa website.

    Prophet Muhammad (saw) was never wasteful, in fact a study of his life will show us that the walimahs that he (saw) hosted were simple affairs, where the people would gather. Each one would bring whatever food they had to give, and this would then be eaten together.

    So in the light of above information there is nothing wrong in having a small feast.
  4. um_mustafa
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    um_mustafa sister in Islam

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    Salams Sister,
    To have a small less expensive wedding is the best thing to do as there will be more baraka ( goodness) in it inshallah .
    Also I found the following on Q & A ,hope it helps:

    He asking about the proper Islamic way to celebrate weddings
    What do suggest regarding an Islamic wedding party? I do not want any sin to be committed in this party, i.e. music, etc. but of course we want it to be delightful, we do not want the guests to feel bored.


    Praise be to Allaah.

    Celebrating weddings is a celebration that is prescribed in sharee’ah, because it is a great blessing from Allaah, Who has enabled the couple to find a means of happiness and a way to achieve modesty and chastity. People have always expressed their joy for this blessing since ancient times and they still do so today, and that takes various forms and involves different customs in different societies and countries.

    The aim of Islamic sharee’ah is not to put pressure on people with regard to their customs or try to make them follow only one custom, rather studying sharee’ah will show that with regard to customs the matter is broad in scope and in principle customs are permissible, with some limits and guidelines.

    The Muslim is recommended to follow the customs of his people and he is forbidden to go against them, so long as they do not go against the rulings of sharee’ah or cause any hardship or embarrassment to people. The scholars ruled that it is recommended to be similar to the people in their customs by analogy with the ruling that it is recommended to be similar to them in dress. There is a hadeeth concerning that which forbids being different from people in dress so that one becomes known among people for the way he dresses. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever wears a garment of fame and vanity, Allaah will clothe him in a garment of humiliation on the Day of Resurrection.”

    Narrated by Ibn Majaah (3606); classed as hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Majaah.

    Fame and vanity in clothing means wearing something that is extraordinarily expensive or extraordinarily ragged. The salaf disliked both kinds of standing out: wearing expensive clothing or wearing ragged clothing.

    It says something similar in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa by Ibn Taymiyah (22/138).

    Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Sharh al-Mumti’ (6/115):

    We must highlight this point, that going along with customs so long as they are not haraam is the Sunnah, because going against customs is a kind of vanity, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade the dress of fame and vanity, so that which goes against customs is also forbidden. End quote.

    Hence we advise you to hold a wedding celebration and we ask Allaah to bless it. You should do it in accordance with the custom and tradition of people in your country, and you should not try to cast off all of their customs. All that you have to do is reject and avoid those customs that are haraam, such as using music – apart from the daff – and mixing between men and women. For more information please see question no. 11446.

    There are many more things that are permissible – praise be to Allaah – than those that are haraam. Singing that is not accompanied by music, making food, bringing people together, wearing adornments are all things that are permitted by sharee’ah, so use whatever of those things you think is appropriate and that people like and ask Allaah to guide you in all of that.

    And Allaah knows best.


    Islam Q&A


    Take care and congratulation.
    Ameenah
  5. hassana elkoussi
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    hassana elkoussi Junior Member

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    As-salamu alaikom sister,

    First congratulations on the wedding. This is great news.As for your question, I'd like to remind you of an ayah in Surah Al Isra' ( 26-27) " And spend not ( your wealth) wastefully in the manner of a spendthrift. Verily spendthrifts are the brothers of shayatin ( devils )",so I believe that spending such large sums of money over something that doesn't really mean that much to you is a waste. As long as you and "your partner"are of the same opinion, then there's nothing wrong with a small private party and you can use the money in more important matters. Just make sure to announce the wedding , so people wouldn't believe it's kinda secret. Once again congratulations and :tti_sister: may Allah bless your marriage.Ameen
  6. yameenahmed
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    yameenahmed Junior Member

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    asalamualikum sister
    what ur idea is the best among all the ideas u marry the way you choose dont go for the way people think what so ever they think what is for us to do with them if you spend £12000 or £15000 pounds what the other think is even she did why not i should do and she will spend 20000 pounds then it will go one like this so please dont matter what people think do what you wish insahallah we will be reward there not here .Think of the poor sister because when you do it become mandatory on the other poor girls to do so please dont make compulsion on others because of you may allah bless all of us to the right path
  7. Libinette
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    Libinette Umm Zubayr

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    Congratulations! The best weddings are the most simple ones. And as long as you enjoy yourself with close relatives and family i think that is brilliant.
  8. LaLa09
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    LaLa09 ♥Amor vincit omnia♥

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    i agree with the nice quite dinner with close friends and family. If your friends are there then the affair will not be so secretive
  9. Sheefa
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    Sheefa New Member

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    Firt of all Congratulation! Well ur question is very true & i am agree with ur thought. spending more may seems to be showing off of ur money which is wrong. so in my opinion make a list of dear ones & other very impotant things and calculate budget.
    As far as people are concerned see, whether u spend more or less some or other person will complaint against ur arrangements but no body would imagine how u made it possible. So in my opinion u must go with ur Perfect Idea & let the people think may positive or negative. Think how Allah SWT will happy with ur decision.
    May allah SWT bless both of u and make ur life full of happyness & understanding. Aamin...
  10. adilazzalif
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    adilazzalif Junior Member

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    congratulation !

    Congratulations ! Thought of sharing a Hadees in this occasion.I dont remember the Hadees is from which book but it is like this : HAIRUM NIKKAHI AISARUHU means "best marriage is the small ones"
    correct me if i'm wrong.
  11. NAJMA6
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    NAJMA6 New Member

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    :salam2:Firt of all Congratulation!! somall private wedding is not wrong .all the matter is that have good time and haveing close family and friends.
  12. NAJMA6
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    NAJMA6 New Member

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    you r correct simple marriage are the best ones
  13. adilazzalif
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    adilazzalif Junior Member

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    Sister could u quote the Hadees Reporte and the collector if u dont mind please ?
  14. showaib
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    showaib New Member

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    no there is nothing wrong

    :salam2:

    I think we all should encourage less spending in the marriages. because on day of judgement it will asked where did you earn the money and where did you spend the money
    Money should spend be spend wisely instead that money should be spend on charitiy or sadka so that it will be saved for us hereafter.


    wasalam

    shoaib
  15. cmelbouzaidi
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    cmelbouzaidi Junior Member

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    :salam2: maybe you could have a little gathering for friends and family at home afterwards with some food catered in? do you think this is an option.... what we did sometimes for weddings in the states when people didn't have much money was to rent a clubhouse which was inexpensive and have all the ladies bring a different food item :) it was a bit of fun and celebration. i agree, small affairs are better. in morocco, we got married in my husband's family home and my mother-in-law organized a party for the ladies with henna and good food, etc. we had a simple affair in ireland also with just family and a couple of close friends at my dad's house :) please let us know how everything turns out.... Insha Allah, i hope you and your husband-to-be enjoy your special day :)
    :wasalam:
  16. Mixedup
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    Mixedup Junior Member

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    Salaam

    Thank you for your comments. I really am happy with a small, private wedding and feel so much happier knowing it would actually be better!!!
    I'll let you know how it goes!!!
  17. Turn To muslim
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    Turn To muslim New Member

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    I BELIEVE SMALL WEDDINGS ARE GUD BECAUSE U R NOT SPENDING ALL THESE MONEY ON ONE NIGHT. bIG OR SMALL MEANS THE SAME. EITHER WAY U AND UR PARTNER WILL BE TOGETHER IGHT. :hearts:
    I HOPE U HAVE A WONDERFUL WEDDING.
    :astag:
    :tti_sister: i PRAY FOR YOU TO HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE INSHALLAH.:astag:

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