Marriage: The Quest for Love & Mercy


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If a Father Refuses to Give His Daughters in Marriage to Suitable Men


We are a group of girls who are sisters and we live in one house, and frequently suitors for our hands from among the religious young men have been rejected; and our father is suffering from mental illness. May the Judge in this situation take charge of the marriage contracts for us?


Yes, if the guardian refuses to give a woman in marriage to a man who is
suitable in his religion and his character. This is because guardianship passes to the one who comes after him among the paternal family members, the one with the greatest right, then the next one. And if they refused to give them in marriage, as most often happens, then the guardianship passes to the legal Judge and he gives the woman in marriage, and if the matter reaches him and he knows that her guardians have refused to give her in marriage, he must give her in marriage, because he has a general guardianship, as long as no particular guardianship is present.

The scholars of Islamic Jurisprudence (Fiqh) – may Allah have mery on them – have mentioned that if the guardian repeatedly refuses appropriate suitors, he will be considered a sinner due to this, and his fairness will be lost, as well his right to guardianship. Indeed, it is recognised in the Madhab of Imam Ahmad that his right to be an Imam will be lost, and so he may not lead the Muslims in congregational prayer and this is a very serious matter.

Some people – as we have indicated earlier – refuse appropriate suitors for those over whom Allah has granted them guardianship but the girl may be shy to approach a judge in order to request that he give her in marriage – and this situation exists at present – but she must compare between those things which promote good and those things which cause evil’ which is the greater cause of evil. To remain without a husband and for this guardian to arbitrarily exercise control over her according to his mood and his whim, then when she grows older and few propose to her, he gives her in marriage (to whom he wills), or to approach the Judge, with the request that he give her in marriage, especially since this is her legal right?

There is no doubt that the second choice – which is that she approach the Judge and request that he give her in marriage – is preferable, because this is her right and because in approaching the Judge and the Judge’s giving her in marriage there is a benefit for other girls too, because they will step forward as she has done, and because by approaching the Judge, she serves as a deterrent to those wrongdoers who commit injustice against those whom Allah has placed under their guardianship, by refusing to give them in marriage to appropriate suitors. That is to say, there are three benefits in this:

- A benefit to the woman, so that she does not remain unmarried.

- A benefit to others, if she opens up the door for women who are waiting for someone to make the approach so that they may follow her.

- Holding in check those unjust guardians who exercise control arbitrary over their daughters or those women over whom Allah has made them guardians.

Another benefit therein is the implementation of the order of the
Messenger of Allah :saw:, who said:

“If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, then marry (your daughter to) him. If you do not do so, it will be a cause of trial (Fitnah and greater corruption) in the land.”

(At-Tirmidhi no. 1084)

There is one other particular benefit, which is the fulfilment of the desires of those suitors who propose to women and who are suitable with regard to their religion and character.

Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)


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The Ruling on Giving a Daughter in Marriage to One Who Does Not Pray


One of my kin has proposed to my daughter and I am under an obligation to him, (for example, for having lent him money, or shown some kindness to him etc.) but he is addicted to alcohol and he keeps company with bad people and prays little, or does not pray at all. He is also addicted to watching videos and television and other time-wasting devices and I am in difficulty regarding him. I request clarification of the ruling of Islam in the matter.


If the person proposing to your daughter is as you have described him, then it is not permissible for you to give her in marriage to him, because she is a trust in your hands, so it is incumbent for you to choose for her the most righteous man in his religion and his character.

It is not permissible for a person who does not pray to be married to a Muslim woman who does pray, since he is not a suitable match for her, because abandoning prayer is an act of major disbelief, according to the saying of the Prophet :saw::

“Between a man and polytheism and disbelief is the abandonment of prayer.”

(Muslim no. 82)

And the saying of the Prophet :saw::

“The covenant between us and them is prayer; whoever abandons it has committed an act of disbelief.”

(At-Tirmidhi, no. 2621)

Narrated by Imam Ahmed and the compilers of the Sunan, with an authentic chain of narrators.

There are many other evidences in the Book (of Allah) and the Sunnah which prove the disbelief of one who abandons prayer, even if he does not reject its obligation, according to the most correct of two opinions held by the scholars. However, if he rejects its obligation or mocked it, then he is guilty of major disbelief according to the consensus of the Muslims.

As for one who drinks alcohol but prays, he is not guilty of disbelief by doing this, as long as he does not claim that it is permissible, but he has committed a major sin and he has gone astray thereby.

Therefore, it is lawful for you not to give her in marriage to him, even if he prays, due to his sin and because he might lead his wife and children to this great crime.

We ask Allah to improve the situation of the Muslims and guide them to His Straight Path, and to preserve us and them from obeying vain desires and Satan, for verily, He is Most Generous, Most Noble.

Ibn Baz (rahimahullaah)


Staff member


Alhamdu'lillaah, this thread is now complete. I hope some of the question and answers helped, I left some out which could have been included although the issues are pretty much covered earlier in the thread. If there are any mistakes please post here or you can PM.

I pray that Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aala) makes your marriage replete with blessings and happiness, now and in the future.



La Illaha Illa Allah
Staff member

Just want to thank you for your efforts in putting it altogether. JazakAllahu Khayran akhi..

InshaAllah the people who come across this thread will be increased in ilm with regards to marriage and it's rulings.

Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi

This thread will be comprehensive in relation to marriage. It is taken from 'The Quest of Love and Mercy" by Muhammad al-Jibaly. It is very simple and an excellent read, more importantly it is according to the Qur'aan and Sunnah. I will update consistently and should be completed soon, Insha'Allaah.

Is it a book? is it ok to post it here like this, aren't there any copyrights being violated?


Assalaam walaikum,

My understanding of copyright laws is this. When used for an educational purpose and one time only there is no infringement. I did this for many a text when I was an educator. People like me will go and dig up the book and buy even more.

Secondly, Brother Ditta is spreading knowledge. The purpose of Islamic education is not to gain financial benefits but to please Allah. The rewards of Allah are far better.

I am sure the author would rather have readers strengthen their belief system rather than hold the money in his hand. That is not to say he will not have benefited from the monetary gain. But that is not the prime objective.


Staff member

Yes brother it is a book. I have created a few other thread's such as Belief in Allah, World of the Noble Angels and Word of the Jinns and Devils by Umar al-Ashqaar. I posted these from start to finish. However I then realised about copyright Therefore I contacted the publisher (IIPH) who stated i could only use certain amount of words. I went through those thread's/posts and removed a lot posts.

It was difficult because there were some important points. I completely removed Word of the Noble Angels, removed a large section about the signs in the Universe regarding Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta'aala) as the Creator. (Sometimes I feel I left too many posts although if I carried on removing, there is no longer a thread).

Regarding this thread then I contacted the publisher although I never received a response. Therefore I left this thread. I posted this thread because we had a lack of information regarding this. Every often we have marriage posts (and Alhamdu'lillaah having this accessible information allows them to be answered sometimes). Also, this is not the complete book.
The Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) said, “When a man gets married, he gets one half of the religion. Thus, he should fear Allah in the other half.” (Reported by Al Baihaqi)

In Islam, Marriage is considered to be a part of the religion and also a part of the worship for the Muslims. Because of the emphasis given on the Muslim weddingand the advantages that it could bring, it is required that every young man and woman of the age of marriage should get marry.
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