Marrying older women

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by booya, Aug 10, 2011.

  1. Isra
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    Isra aka Tree2008

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    As salamo alaikome

    Very well said sister! I couldnt have said it any better! I totally agree!

    wa salam
  2. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,


    Sisters...lets define what you mean by feminism before we can discuss it. How can we agree to a construct unless we are all certain of the denotation and connotation of the word.
    It may be that I find the word to be offensive and against the fundamental beliefs of Islam. This is an Islamic website.
    What political motif is subscribed when using such a word. How does one blindly defend it.
    Does the construct of feminism not grow out of the racist agenda of the proponents of eugenics.
    In its truest form the feminist ideology is anathema to Islam and the role of women.
    Islam gives women dignity.
  3. MohammedMaksudul
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    MohammedMaksudul May Allah Forgive us

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    :salam2:

    What sister ShyHijabi said is not feminism. Allah Has Honored His creations, both men and women. Where as feminists today seek to make women into men. They take men as an standard for rights, etc and demand those rights for women. If a man can wear shirts and pants, feminists would want the same right for women. But what Islam has brought is not biased towards any creation, rather it is the Most Just of the systems to all the creations.
  4. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Agreed, But we can not use the words derived from the political agenda that serves to attack Islam. The feminist agenda is anti-family and anti-woman.
    We can not say in the same sentence we are supporters of feminism and Muslims. That makes no sense.
    The word feminist has a very specific meaning. The feminist agenda includes the breaking down of the family, supporting lesbianism, supporting same-sex marriage, and supporting eugenics.
  5. Nazzy47
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    Nazzy47 New Member

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    :heartsick As a revert muslimah who is somewhat older I may try and explain that maybe allaah does not always will marriage, I've been married and divorced sadly that was a disaster due to his violence I recently broke up with another man but he was abusive. And I feel it's more important to put allaah first in my life and allaah knows best from your sister in Islam
  6. JenGiove
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    JenGiove Junior Member

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  7. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Yes, the definition supports the fact that this is a political ideology. That was a given. Now what is the agenda. What are the rights? Who started the movement. Who was the major source of funding.

    Please take a moment and refresh yourselves or if you are young take the time to read both sides of the issue.

    Now, back to the topic. Sister who is sad about divorce..please PM me.
  8. ShahnazZ
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    ShahnazZ Striving2BeAStranger

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    Personally, although I've advocated on behalf of Muslim women and their rights, I do not refer to myself as a feminist and am quick to correct others whenever they refer to me as such, preferring to be called solely a community activist instead.

    I feel that, alhamdulillah, as a Muslim woman, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala has given me all the rights that I need and Islam is my liberation. To me, a feminist fights against any forms of oppression that include her as well and I am not oppressed, no matter how hard society may try.
  9. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Yes, furthermore we as Muslim women need to be absolutely clear that we do not advocate for lesbianism, abortion, same-sex adoption etc.

    Besides the feminist agenda would not be interested in marriage which is the backbone to Islam.
    It is half of our deen. It perpetuates our society and safeguards its members. In Islam marriage is the social contract.

    We need to concentrate on supporting most to marry. We should not concentrate on older or younger. If someone wants to marry younger...let them do so. Just marry Believing women. Marry Believing women first. But that would be a topic to discuss later.
  10. sachin4islam
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    sachin4islam Junior Member

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    Assalamu Alaikum:

    I am witness to two cases where the woman is married to a younger man. Marriages of my youngest brother and my paternal uncle are with woman elder in age from their respective ages.

    And in both cases husbands are subordinate to their respective wives and quarrels are daily routine phenomenon. :) :) :)

    Conclusion: Be cautious my brothers.

    Regards.
  11. kashif_nazeer
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    kashif_nazeer ~~~Alhamdulillah~~~

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    :salam2:

    I just realized my real uncle is married to my aunt who is older than him.MashaAllah they have a very loving family,they have a son who is my cousin and very close friend to me.

    :wasalam:
  12. esperanza
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    esperanza revert of many years

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    but u are concluding from just examlpes you know,,,who is to say that older women will be dominant,,,,many young women or same age can be that way too.. in contrast an older woman could be more patient and understanding,,,
  13. Isra
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    Isra aka Tree2008

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    As salamo alaikome

    I think its pretty clear from most of the posts that its true age is just a number. It depends on the two people involved regardless of age, race, culture or whatever else stands in the way of a peaceful happy marriage! If two people are very serious about making a good marriage and keep the laws and standards of Islam a priority in that marriage that is all that matters. At the end of the day all the other stuff talked about here is just outside interferance!

    wa salam
  14. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Sister,

    You wrote the words I have been searching. In Islam it is not about two people. Marriage is the backbone of community. It is not girl and boy. And if the brothers practice their faith and can be just in treatment they can marry more than one.
  15. Isra
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    Isra aka Tree2008

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    Wa alaikome salam

    I know that Islam advocates it is acceptable for men to marry more than one IF they are able to treat all of their wives equally but this verse from Quran shows the impossibility of being able to do that. Just thought I would post this as a reminder!


    [Nisa 4:129] And you will never be able to deal equally between women however much you may desire - therefore do not be totally inclined towards one leaving the other in uncertainty; and if you do good and practice piety, then (know that) Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful.

    wa salam
  16. MohammedMaksudul
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    MohammedMaksudul May Allah Forgive us

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    But that also does not take away the rights of men to marry more wives. The Sahabas and the Salafs did it. This is the example of a parent who has many children but for some reason likes one above the other. This is very natural and can happen since as human beings we have different inclinations, but that does not mean one can not do justice between them. The parent even though prefers a child above the others, has to treat all of the children equally by giving them the same amount of time, care, love, and response to needs. The verse clearly prohibits the excess or total inclination towards one wife and leaving the other in uncertainty. I think when it comes to marriage it is best to seek Allah's counsel and do a lot of Ishtikhara and also we all should both married and unmarried recite the dua. But yes a man should not hasten to take a second wife just because he desires to, he should think well and realize the responsibilities he will have to take by taking a second wife:

    "رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا"

    "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous." [75:24]

    Allah knows best.
  17. Isra
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    Isra aka Tree2008

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    As salamo alaikome

    I never mentioned that it took anything away from the rights of brothers to make the choice to marry more than one woman. I simply posted it as a reminder that Allah permits marriage to more than one woman IF..... and again.....IF they can treat all wives equally. Later the Quran goes on to say it is near impossible which I took to be a warning to men that they should be positive they are ABLE to treat all wives equally and if not then they will be held accountable for their actions.

    So yes Allah permits but with a warning! That is my take on it and may Allah forgive me if I said something wrong!

    wa salam
  18. esperanza
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    esperanza revert of many years

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    i dont think you can compare the love between more than noe children with more than one wife,,,yesIslam allows for more than one wife,,,but its extremely hard to treat two women equally
  19. MohammedMaksudul
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    MohammedMaksudul May Allah Forgive us

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    :salam2:

    I agree, it is extremely hard to deal equally between women.
  20. arzafar
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    arzafar Junior Member

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    lols that's what i have noticed also. most older women talk/argue waaaaaay too much.

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