Money troubles help

[hafsa67]

Hello everyone,

I really need some advice, please refrain from opinion and please do try and direct me towards the Islamic answer.

My dad came from Jordan to England over thirty years ago, he worked for a year or two, then decided that he wanted to stay at home while my mum went out to work although they could barely feed themselves,
My dad has never worked a day in his life since me or any of my siblings were born, he claims benefits off the state pretending to be sick. He has pretended he is sick so much he actually now believes he is sick.
My mum stopped working as she had too many kids to look after including a disabled child, my mum would look after me and all my siblings whilst my dad stayed in bed all day.
My disabled brother use to receive extra money off the state because of his severe disabilities, my dad has always sent most of the money he received off the state for me my siblings to his family back in Jordan, his brothers and sisters and once his mum was alive her too.
But whilst he was doing this, my mum was forced to shop at charity shops to clothe us and me and my brothers would wear hand me downs.
My mum is English and a convert and when her dad passed away he left her a few thousand pounds inheritance, my mum never used the money because she was scared it was haram., Anyway a few years ago my disabled brother passed away, which meant my parents no longer received the disability money from the state for him.My dad decided to use my mums inheritance money without her permission and sent it back to his family in Jordan. All the while back in england my dad is constantly complaining about money, shouting at my mum for spending to much on the shopping when she only buys the bare minimum, he is concerned that the money ( my mums inheritance) he sent to his family is about to run out. My sister used to give a couple of hundred pounds to my dad each month from her wages to help out she did this for a few years, but became angry and stopped because of my dads ungratefulness, (bascially she missed giving him the money one month and he went mad) instead of spending my sisters money on my mum and us here to pay our bills etc, ( which is why she gave the money in the first place) he doesn't care he just sends it back home, which my sister says she doesn't want to provide for my dads brothers etc, why should she work so hard to provide for them? what makes it so annoying is that my dad has brothers who he sends money to who are just plain lazy and can't be bothered to work.My dad lies to his family back home and pretends he is working. My dad is now threatening to sell the car if he did me and my sister can't get to work, he wants to sell it so he can send the money back home.
I have some savings i saved up from my job, though i hate it, it makes me money, my dad told me today that he is entitled to my money is he right? I have wanted to get married since i was 16 and have been asking my dad since then, i'm 26 now and he has done nothing, i wanted to save my money for inshallah one day when i get married i will have something to fall back on if anything goes wrong and obviously if i ever do get married i will have to pay for it because my dad has no money. My brothers are at uni and don't work, please advise me brothers and sisters. thankyou

 

[Precious Star]

You are 26 years old. You are no longer a child. You must speak kind words to your parents and take care of them if they need you.

Your father MUST work and provide for his family. He has no choice.

You have no obligation to financially support your uncles. You have to help your father, but you can't "enable" him. In other words, he is disregarding his duties, and you are letting him do that. He has been dishonest and taking money from the government, from your mother, and from you and your sister.

Islam gave women rights of inheritance. Islam gave women the right to have their own money and property while giving them the right to be supported by their male guardians.

You are 26 years old. You are allowed to own your own car - your father has no right to take it from you. You are allowed to keep your savings and your money, but if your parents are suffering and they have no shelter, food, clothing or medications, then you must provide for them IF THEY ARE UNABLE TO PROVIDE FOR THEMSELVES. If your father has older brothers then his older brothers should be helping him.

Please have a clear conscience about this. Muslim parents are notorious for controlling their daughters "in the name of Islam." The time has come for you to break free from this pattern. That does not mean you are allowed to be rude or disrespectful to your father -- to the contrary. But it is clear to me that your father will never fulfill his obligations towards you, your mother or your sister. He should be working to support all of you, and working hard to ensure that you get married.

I'm sorry sister but people never change. They may change their habits, but they don't change their personalities. I have a very difficult father and now he is old and he has never ever changed or tried to change, although he is very religious. I lost my chance to get married because I was brainwashed into believing that I had to just go along with whatever my father did and I was not allowed to question it.

It is not too late for you. You have money - good, that will help pay for your wedding Insha'Allah. You can also pay for your education. Be strong.

 

[hafsa67]

oh sis its so upsetting to read that you missed your chance at marriage, my heart is with you. Thankyou for your advice, my family here would be ok if my dad wasn't sending money back, his brothers don't even care about him them never call or anything, and one of them in particular really tried to harm me, exploiting me for money when i went over to jordan, i told my dad but he won't believe it. two of my dads brothers got married and the money my dad took from my mum goes to them too.