Need Advice - Sensitive + Mature Questions

ATA95

I ♥ Allah (SWT)
Assalamu alaikum. I seriously need some advice on a few issues I have at this point in time. I've tried to keep it short and concise. Please answer all of the questions and don't just give sites or other references, I would like your opinion on these as well. I greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

1. P*ornography and masturbation
I have posted a thread about this before and have received valuable help, but to my deep regret have fallen into this trap again and again despite my attempts to finally put an end to these sins. I have repented many times and taken an oath two times but I feel so weak as if I'm unable to stop these sins. I have looked over this issue numerous times and have found where I go wrong. It is when I'm at home alone that I fall into this trap of watching p*rn and doing masturbation. How can I finally put an end to this? What is the permanent solution? I have been told fasting helps but I'm vulnerable when I'm alone, that's the root of the problem.

2. Lowering of my gaze
Living in Australia it's increasingly hard to keep to the deen as Australian culture is all about showing off your body wearing bikini's etc... Where ever I go there is always a few women wearing short skirts, mini jeans, tight tops and other provocative clothing. I always seem to look at these girls despite knowing that it is forbidden to do so. Sometimes I don't look at all or only take a quick glance and look away but most of the time I keep looking at these women. How can I lower my gaze and stop this sin once and for all?

3. Swearing and ill talk
It is common to hear people swearing where ever I go even if it is as a joke or in excitement etc. I know this is a sin and to be honest since coming to Islam I have made massive progress in limiting this ill talk that I speak. Also people talk about women teachers at school and how they'd like to -- you know... and all of that. How can I stop swearing as well as any other ill talk?

4. Study habits
Overall I'm good across the board with my subjects. Mainly it is maths that I am not doing so well in as I'm not committed since I have no interest in it. I posted a thread about this as well and got some good advice but I'm not quite sure on how I can get interested in maths then do well at it. How can I improve my study habits in subjects that I don't like such as maths and do well in them?
 

sachin4islam

Junior Member
Assalamu Alaikum:

Out of personal experience,I sincerely advise you to stick to your prayers with Ikhlas,as Allah says in Quran,prayers abstain us from all sorts sins and evils. I see no other remedy.

Regards.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
Asalamoalaikom wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

Inna Salata Tanha Unil Fahshaa i Wal Munkar.

Translate that, it's your answer. If you are already doing it, than know that you are doing it wrong. Correct it!
 

esperanza

revert of many years
Assalamu alaikum. I seriously need some advice on a few issues I have at this point in time. I've tried to keep it short and concise. Please answer all of the questions and don't just give sites or other references, I would like your opinion on these as well. I greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

1. P*ornography and masturbation
I have posted a thread about this before and have received valuable help, but to my deep regret have fallen into this trap again and again despite my attempts to finally put an end to these sins. I have repented many times and taken an oath two times but I feel so weak as if I'm unable to stop these sins. I have looked over this issue numerous times and have found where I go wrong. It is when I'm at home alone that I fall into this trap of watching p*rn and doing masturbation. How can I finally put an end to this? What is the permanent solution? I have been told fasting helps but I'm vulnerable when I'm alone, that's the root of the problem.

2. Lowering of my gaze
Living in Australia it's increasingly hard to keep to the deen as Australian culture is all about showing off your body wearing bikini's etc... Where ever I go there is always a few women wearing short skirts, mini jeans, tight tops and other provocative clothing. I always seem to look at these girls despite knowing that it is forbidden to do so. Sometimes I don't look at all or only take a quick glance and look away but most of the time I keep looking at these women. How can I lower my gaze and stop this sin once and for all?

3. Swearing and ill talk
It is common to hear people swearing where ever I go even if it is as a joke or in excitement etc. I know this is a sin and to be honest since coming to Islam I have made massive progress in limiting this ill talk that I speak. Also people talk about women teachers at school and how they'd like to -- you know... and all of that. How can I stop swearing as well as any other ill talk?

4. Study habits
Overall I'm good across the board with my subjects. Mainly it is maths that I am not doing so well in as I'm not committed since I have no interest in it. I posted a thread about this as well and got some good advice but I'm not quite sure on how I can get interested in maths then do well at it. How can I improve my study habits in subjects that I don't like such as maths and do well in them?

salam brother..its easy for people to say just stop...but it happens people fall into sins...and sometimes even you want its so hard to stop,,,watching *!*!*!*!ography can become an addiction like smoking drinking drugs,,,

and bad though thse things are..muslims are not immune from them

and sadly they are a onsequence of ouer modern world and the youth or some of them moving furhter from their faith,,,,

problems one and two are obvioulsy connected,as you see women not covered around you every day,,,this is one of the dangers of muslims living in western cultures

for porblem one you said its worse when your alone..do you have any family around you or are you alone in the country

what about your freinds..im sure some of them are good and faithful if not try to find some,,,,

and try to spend more time at the mosque and in muslim groups,,,

i know its hard for you ..people outside cant someitmes see how hard it is when your going throughit.

but this is your life..and you will be brought to judgement...remeber that as you pass your life...maybe you think im young doesnt matter ill marry after some years...but it all counts.. and the longer you continue the harder it wil be to stop....and the greater the punishemnt later


you have to want tochange your life and become a better person

ask allah to guide you ,continue to repent and make a decison to change your life...allah helps those who help themsleves


idont know how old youare.... but i think not much older tham my son..and he is studying abroad living alone and iworry about him every day...

think of your parents and let them be proud of you

inshallah everything will come better

illtalk about studying in another thread ..as said enough for one day

i hope you dont mind my frank advice. but ithink you need it
 

Itqan Ullah

Time is Running!!
Check your inbox brother left you a message, this is something I would not like to discuss in public now (sorry I am really shy and strange guy, but inshallah will try to do that later so others can benefit from it).

I too live in a filthy (not as filthy as yours but tending to there) society and I know how hard it is to save yourself from that.

Anyways, root problem is Dae'eful Imaan (weakness of faith) once your faith becomes strong, you will find this stuff abhorrent and absolutely unacceptable in your heart.
 

esperanza

revert of many years
salam

salam brother,,,i just realised your younger than both my sons,,,
you must wake up and change your way..your younger than ithought..
what about your fahter..does he not guide you,,,

your so young brother..you need to change this before gets out of control..iknow its so sio hard living in your society,,,but you can do it

inshallah allah will help you
 

Itqan Ullah

Time is Running!!
salam brother,,,i just realised your younger than both my sons,,,
you must wake up and change your way..your younger than ithought..
what about your fahter..does he not guide you,,,

your so young brother..you need to change this before gets out of control..iknow its so sio hard living in your society,,,but you can do it

inshallah allah will help you

I think he does not want to discuss about these filthy habits with his father thats why he asks here.

And i think its already out of control for him, something what is called second nature. (like some sort of split personality)

i'll pray for you brother inshallah.

Regarding your exams (i think u call em HSC), i am of your same age group (or could be 1 yr. Old max.) ill give you some tips later but for now if you have doubt why dont you create a thread and post it, there are many well educated members on forum who can answer em. I have looked at your final board paper (if ur in same class im thinking) and it is not anything really so tough that you cant do, It is not even 40% in difficulty as our
IIT exam.
 

John Smith

Junior Member
Ok i will try my best to give advice but in my own way.

[mod]

Are you married? if not then i suggest you find a wife that welcomes you to her in a manner you desire.
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
:salam2:

You could try taking online classes with Brother Zeyad Ramadan (he's a coach and has helped DOZENS of brothers get off of their secret addictions). The last time I checked, it (his 4-7 month) program costed about $200-$400, but TRUST me brother, it's worth the money. If you think that the money (that you'd be using for this program) might be too much/might be a waste, then remember that using this money can help you to quit your sin, and so in the end, you'll (Inshallah) be able to quit this sin, and you'll ALSO get reward for the amount of money that you spent for the program.

The Program is called Purify Your Gaze (and the website is down because Br. Zeyad is currently working with students, but hopefully, they'll be another chance for you to register).

www.PurifyYourGaze.com

May Allah (SWT) give you the strength to overcome this difficulty, and May He bless you in the Akirah (due to your efforts to overcome this), Ameen.
 

sachin4islam

Junior Member
Assalamu Alaikum:

Once I was just about to enter the premise of school of my daughter. One of my fellow Muslim from the Masjid just happened to pass by. After mutual exchange of Salam he approached me towards driving window of the car. But honestly,instead of talking me I found him being more watchful towards my wife who was sitting at front seat just beside me. It shocked me. The man with long beard,dressed in Islamic way and always a devoted Muslim never missing his prayers,what didn't make him to lower his gaze?. It disturbed me as even previously I had similar experiences.

Prayer merely a ritual is not conclusive. It needs Ikhlas and Ikhlas generates ''Taqqwwa".
And ''Taqqwwa'' is the tool to eradicating sins and evils consequently purifying our rusted soul.

As sister ''Seeking Allah's Mercy"said, ATA95 try to correct your prayers.

Regards.
 

sachin4islam

Junior Member
Assalamu Alaikum.

My small brother ''ATA95",I missed one thing to write. I forgot to complement you for your self-introspection. Masha-Allah,it is appreciable. Self-introspection is the first ladder towards self-correction. May Allah (SWT) help your efforts.

Regards.
 

nyerekareem

abdur-rahman
I'm not sure as to how old you are, but the best way to deal with some of the vices that have been affecting you, is to get married. Before, I did, I used to be a frequent visitor of these adult websites. I always knew I went to them because I didn't have a woman and that my urges were terribly strong. I'm not perfect but every now and then I fail to lower my gaze, but I tell you, when you get married you practically forget about all those dirty web sites, magazines or DVDs.

Another thing is to be active and surround yourself with more people. That way it helps keep you in check because you know that you wouldn't be watching these things with your family and friends. If you put yourself away from the areas that can cause harm, you won't be affected by those things.
 

hayat84

I'm not what you believe
Brother ATA95,the temptation of Satan will bring you to damnation.if you don't stop being addicted of these things,maybe one day it will be too late to go back to your steps.if you see a girl who dresses as you described,you must look to another place,because illegale desire generates fitnah....just have much more fear of Allah,and He will help you to follow the right way.the Shaytan makes his best to mislead Allahs devotes,and what you can do i forcing yourself in not going in internet to watch to those things,and when you feel the desire to do it,swich off the computer,go making Wudu and start praying until your desire has calmed down.you're too young to get married(maybe!)and as huma being you're made of pulsions like everybody.you must command to yourself and stop making you the illusion that after having watched and done what you said,you'll feel better.you know you'll feel guilty for what you did,so you must prevent the guilt making the effort of "willing" to stop sinning....becuase every addiction can be erased,but you must want it!.we know it's haram,but it's good you shared this with us,maybe it will be helpful for you...Allah has give you the reason:make your best and remember,when you see a girl dressing in a sensual way,turn your sight away and remember that Allah is looking at you and what you're going to do is against His Will:wasalam:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

It is interesting. I read today that one way for an individual to not fall into the temptation of sin is to spend time with others.

Lets be honest. You are enjoying it. Why don't you start exercising. You need to run or swim..keep the body busy.

It's funny how you get turned on by everything. Raise your standards a little.

So now its up to you. What is it that you want.

Your posting these questions is helping many others. Now, you have to look at more things in life.

Did you take a career inventory test yet. Lets expand the universe. What are some things you want to do. What do you like. What areas make you strong. What do you want to do with yourself in life...lets move on...
 

ATA95

I ♥ Allah (SWT)
Update #1

I have just read all of your posts and will definitely take note on them and begin to enforce my new rules on keeping away from these sins, Insha'Allah, but I still need some more advice. I have seen that people are wondering how old I am. Well I became sixteen about four days ago which is one of the reasons I need to "move on" as Aapa said. Hope that helps with your answers too. Thanks to sachin4islam who said that it is admirable I'm realising my sins which is the first step to stopping them.

I'd like to clarify marriage. Now I'm sixteen and growing up. Sure I'm still a teenager and some may think that I'm too young to get married but I don't agree with that. Like nyerekareem said about how when he got married all of these desires faded away quickly. I can understand how that works. Back to the point... (Just so you know I'm still learning about Islam and don't know everything so thats why I'm asking these questions about marriage). How does a Muslim man get a wife? Because when I go to pray at my local masjid the men and women are separated when praying which I understand. On Saturday nights we have a sausage sizzle and I don't see women or men talking to each other or anything. So if you can't do that then how does a man get a wife? I've heard that some families do arranged marriages but I don't really like the sound of that. I'd like to choose my own wife. Is it ever too young to get married? Thanks for all of your help.
 

Itqan Ullah

Time is Running!!
Well it depends what you understand by "arranged" marriages. For searching a spouse you can contact your parents to search some religious commited girl for you. It is permissible for you to look at their face (or photo with face and hands). Then after you finish choosing your father can contact her father. If father agrees then he'll inform the girl and if she agrees marriage can take place.

This how you chose a girl yourself and i think the islamically permissible way.
(I modified a slight bit so to make it bit more suited to you)
If by "i want to chose myself" you mean you'll get a girlfriend, spend time with her, do other stupid things forget it! You'll can't get a religiously commited girl this way.
Btw i recommend you to hold on a bit with marriage idea. Better learn deen a bit and pray five times in mosque in first row before starting to look for spouse coz its obvious if you want a religiously commited girl, she would want a religiously commited husband too.
I'll tell you more reasons behind my advise, cant type more coz im using my mobile to reply and my fingers have become numb. :p
 

Itqan Ullah

Time is Running!!
Oh and maybe i assumed wrong lol. I am bit older than you :p 18.

Regarding last question: no it is never too young to marry. But you cant have intimacy with your wife untill she reaches puberty.
 
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