Need help dealing with hardships and family

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by Tasnima Khan, Jun 22, 2012.

  1. Tasnima Khan
    Offline

    Tasnima Khan New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2012
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0
    As Salaam Wa Alaikum brothers and sisters, i am new to this website. I wanted to ask for some help which is related to stress and deppression. For the past few years ive gone through lots of hardships inlcuding the loss of my granfather and aunt (may Allah(swt) grant them with Jannat Al Firdous Insha'Allah) and also my mum having depression and my father having a heart attack and also inclufding me suffering from mental health roblems(sounds so embarrasing to tell all this) and this had also resulted in me cutting myself and stuff. Now i am quite stable but i still have some problems and i get upset really quick and get heart palpitations and although i resist the urge to cut myself i have resorted to taking sleeping tablets which i first started of with 2 and then i took five twice. I pray five times a day and read the Quran and surah Yassin and Ar Rahma regularly and i also made the effort to read Tahhajud prayer only twice and i don't know if it will be accepted as i don't know if i prayed it right. I often get lots of bad dreams and sleep paralysis( not being able to talk or move in my sleep) which results in me waking up crying and not wanting to sleep. I am trying not to let it get to me as i know that a hardship which will make me turn to Allah(swt) is better than a blessing which will make me forget him but these days i cant help it. I feel as if though my prayers are never gonna be answered and i cant really explain my feelings but im just upset inside really and the thing which makes it worst is that my parents are not that supportive in terms of providing love care and suport, when i cry all i want really is for my mum to come and hug me and say itll be okay but instead she says oh what kind of drama is this why u like this oh what kind of a daughter ive got blah blah blah and shell see me crying come n try to comfort me but it doesnt work she ends up saying things which make it worse then she leaves me! I still love her obviously i try and be a good daughter i hardly raise my voice at my arents and i also try and hel her with things regularly but all i get in return is this, i know i shouldnt be sayingthis but i cant help it my ehart aches a lot and i just dont know what to do anymore, couild someone please give me some advice on how i can ask Allah to soother my heart? I am sooo sorry for this long message.
  2. thariq2005
    Offline

    thariq2005 Praise be to Allah!

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Messages:
    1,333
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +55 / 0
    Wa `alaykum salaam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh

    Found the right video for you...

    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pZGkzqyOGs[/ame]

    In shaa'Allaah I will try and post regarding your problems later (if no one addresses them).

    May Allaah keep you steadfast in His religion.
  3. Abu Talib
    Depressed
    Offline

    Abu Talib Feeling low

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2010
    Messages:
    2,237
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    RIyadh
    Ratings Received:
    +16 / 0
    :salam2:

    Recite this always in sujood and when at times of du`aa when accepted

    اللّهُـمَّ إِنِّي أَعْوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الهَـمِّ وَ الْحُـزْنِ، والعًجْـزِ والكَسَلِ والبُخْـلِ والجُـبْنِ، وضَلْـعِ الـدَّيْنِ وغَلَبَـةِ الرِّجال
    O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.

    “Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”

    And it was reported that Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Shall I not teach you some words to say when you feel distressed? ‘Allaah, Allaah, Rabbee laa ushriku bihi shay’an (Allaah, Allaah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him).’”

    Everyday make dhikr and ask for forgiveness at the maximum which you can.
  4. Asja
    sisterly
    Offline

    Asja Pearl of Islaam

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2008
    Messages:
    3,431
    Likes Received:
    37
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    University student
    Location:
    Europe
    Ratings Received:
    +84 / 5
    Assalamu allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu dear sister

    As Muslims we are thought to rely always on help of Allah,and we should never despair of His help dear sister, because Allah subhanahu wa tala sais: "And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him." ( Surah Al Talaq, Ayah 3).

    It means that if we completaly put our trust in Allah and rely only on Him, Allah will make easy our difficulties for us and will remove burden from our hearts.

    "And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad ) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me." ( Surah Al Baqarah, Ayah 186)


    In onother place Allah subhanahu wa teala sais: " "Allah is Sufficient for us".( Surah At tawba, Ayah 59) Some Schoolars have said that this Ayah means that we should have beautiful opinion about Allahs' Help, because Allah never let down the one who put his hopes in Him, and never ignore deeds and duas of His Servant. Everyone's patience and steadfastness is pushed to the limit at one time or another. Everyone reaches a point where they contemplate just giving up, but that doesn't mean that it's all over. You must always put your trust in Allah and keep going.

    You should take with your parents sister and express them your feelings and your worries InshAllah. Maybe if you have support and understanding of your parents,and with help of Allah, you would not feel on this way,and on this way you would feel more strong and protected InshAllah. It can also be due to sensitivity because someone is more sensitive and can hadly fight with losses and difficulties in life.That is why we are thought always to recitate " Bismillah" and seek refuge from Allah in every situacion.

    Also dear sister, try to read often Quran, and read these duas for sadness and worries which are explained from our Prophet sallahu alayha wa saalam.

    It is narrated in many ahadeeth that the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) would consistently make this duaa, and many of the Companions heard him repeat it over and over.

    Allahumma inni a'udhu bika minal-hammi wal-Ḥuzni wal-'ajazi wal-kasli wal-bukhli wal-jubni wa á¸ala'id-dayni wa ghalabatir-rijal.

    O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men. ( Saheeh Bukhari)

    Allahumma rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata 'aynin wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu la ilaha ila anta

    "O Allah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye, and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshiped except You."

    Allaahumma 'innee 'abduka, ibnu 'abdika, ibnu 'amatika, naasiyatee biyadika, maadhin fiyya hukmuka, 'adlun fiyya qadhaa'uka, 'as'aluka bikulli ismin huwa laka, sammayta bihi nafsaka, 'aw 'anzaltahu fee kitaabika, 'aw 'allamtahu 'ahadan min khalqika, 'awista'tharta bihi fee 'ilmil-ghaybi 'indaka, 'an taj'alal-Qur'aana rabee'a qalbee, wa noora sadree, wa jalaa'a huznee, wa thahaaba hammee .

    O Allah, I am Your slave and the son of Your male slave and the son of your female slave . My forehead is in Your Hand (i.e. you have control over me) . Your Judgment upon me is assured and Your Decree concerning me is just . I ask You by every Name that You have named Yourself with , revealed in Your Book , taught any one of Your creation or kept unto Yourself in the knowledge of the unseen that is with You , to make the Qur'an the spring of my heart, and the light of my chest, the banisher of my sadness and the reliever of my distress.

    Reference: Ahmad 1/391, and Al-Albani graded it authentic.
  5. elqouds2020
    Offline

    elqouds2020 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2011
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    تاجر في العسل..Dealer in honey....informatique
    Location:
    algeria.constantine
    Ratings Received:
    +10 / 0
    بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
    السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
    أصيكم بالدعاء و ركعتين قضا ء الحاجة و أعلمي علم اليقين أن الفرج قريب
  6. elqouds2020
    Offline

    elqouds2020 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2011
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    تاجر في العسل..Dealer in honey....informatique
    Location:
    algeria.constantine
    Ratings Received:
    +10 / 0
    In the name of God the Merciful
    Peace, mercy and blessings of Allah
    Osakm and pray two rak'ahs Qdha E You should note the need for knowledge and certainty that the vagina near
  7. elqouds2020
    Offline

    elqouds2020 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2011
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    تاجر في العسل..Dealer in honey....informatique
    Location:
    algeria.constantine
    Ratings Received:
    +10 / 0
    عبدي انت تريد وانا اريد ولا يكون الا ما اريد‎ - YouTube‎
  8. elqouds2020
    Offline

    elqouds2020 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2011
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    تاجر في العسل..Dealer in honey....informatique
    Location:
    algeria.constantine
    Ratings Received:
    +10 / 0
    أنت تريد وأنا أريد و الله يفعل ما يريد

    جرت بين الناس المقولة التالية : ( أنت تريد وأنا أريد و الله يفعل ما يريد )
    وبعد التقصي لأصل هذه المقولة أو الحكمة الدارجة بينهم اتضح أن أصلها هو حديث قدسي أحببت أن أذكره لكم وهو :
    (( عبدي أنت تريد وأنا أريد و لا يكون إلا ما أريد فإن سلمت لي فيما أريد كفيتك ما تريد و إن لم تسلم لي فيما أريد أتعبتك فيما تريد ولا يكون إلا ما أريد ))

    وملخص الكلام لهذا الحديث بأن على الإنسان دائماً الاقتناع التام بما كتبت له في حياته من أقدار و أحداث وشكر الله عليها ولكن مع عدم التواكل كلياً في الطلب من الله بل التوكل على الله تعالى مع الأخذ بالأسباب في أمور حياته فإن اقتنع العبد بما كتب عليه من رزق في حياته وشكر ربه زاده الله من نعيمه جزاءً على شكره وإن لم يقتنع هذا العبد وسخط على حياته قتر الله عليه في رزقه وأمره عقاباً له
    __________________
  9. elqouds2020
    Offline

    elqouds2020 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2011
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    تاجر في العسل..Dealer in honey....informatique
    Location:
    algeria.constantine
    Ratings Received:
    +10 / 0
    You want and I want and do what God wants

    Between the people saying the following: (you want and I want and do what God wants)
    After investigation of the origins of this argument, or conventional wisdom turned out to be, including its origin is the Hadith Qudsi I wanted to mention to you is:
    ((Abdi you want and I want and not what I want to only be handed over to me with the Kwejtk I want what you want and that is not delivered to me as I want Otapetk what you want but do not have what I want))

    And a summary of talk on this hadeeth that a man always convinced fully as I wrote to him in his life from fatalities and events and thanked God it but with no dependency entirely in demand from God, but trust in God with the introduction of the grounds in matters of his life, the convinced person, including books by the provision from in his life and thanked the Lord God of Zadeh Blessing thanks to a penalty if not convinced by this person and wrath of God skimp on his life in his living and ordered him to punish him
    __________________
  10. strive-may-i
    Offline

    strive-may-i Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2011
    Messages:
    1,510
    Likes Received:
    35
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    not a scholar
    Ratings Received:
    +37 / 0
    "And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things."[Quran 65:3]​
  11. jahid89
    Offline

    jahid89 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2010
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    26
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Founder and Owner
    Location:
    Durg, India
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    SubhanAllah nice ans sister
  12. strive-may-i
    Offline

    strive-may-i Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2011
    Messages:
    1,510
    Likes Received:
    35
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    not a scholar
    Ratings Received:
    +37 / 0
    :salam2:

    Sister, you will be fine.

    There is one simple thing you can do about sleep paralysis, if you are not already. Its easy. Do exercise, prepare to go to sleep at same hour every day, Sleep the required hours, build a routine and stick to it. Before sleep, make it a point to empty your mind, think of all the things that went right, and avoid all other thoughts, thank Almighty, put on a smile and welcome sleep happily... your morning will be better.

    There always is (like Aapa says) sunshine, rainbow and candy. Its all yours. Dont link the sufferings, look at the brighter side. Help is always available.

    Be here, join hands.

    You are capable, no doubt. One step at a time. Insha Allah, you will be of benefit to others and thus liked by all.

    May Almighty lighten the burden that you feel, strengthen you, heal your ailments and grant happiness to you and rest of us ... Ameen
  13. Zynat3
    Offline

    Zynat3 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2011
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    StUdEnT
    Location:
    Asia
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0
    اللّهُـمَّ إِنِّي أَعْوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الهَـمِّ وَ الْحُـزْنِ، والعًجْـزِ والكَسَلِ والبُخْـلِ والجُـبْنِ، وضَلْـعِ الـدَّيْنِ وغَلَبَـةِ الرِّجال
    O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.

    “Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”

    And it was reported that Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Shall I not teach you some words to say when you feel distressed? ‘Allaah, Allaah, Rabbee laa ushriku bihi shay’an (Allaah, Allaah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him).’”


    :salam2:
    Brother can you Please write the phonetic spelling for the arabic dua, and write the arabic for the english translation of the other dua and words?
    :jazaak:
  14. Amir_of_spain
    Offline

    Amir_of_spain Junior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2007
    Messages:
    430
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +3 / 0
    Asalam wailkium

    My advice to you is one practicality. In life everyone will achieve and experience good and bad events, emotions and scenarios but we shouldn't let these individual events sway us from our end goal, our end target which is to be the best in this world and the best in the hereafter. Therefore take steps and set yourself objectives in terms of your personal life both religiously and worldly. This is the best way, to be forward planning thereby you will work in the present to acheive a specific future goal, otherwise we just decay in time getting caught up with individual bad events.
  15. Astrugglingsoul
    Offline

    Astrugglingsoul Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2011
    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fairfax, VA
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    :salam2: sister,

    First of all welcome to TTI ! and as our beloved brothers and sisters mentioned above don't lose hope in Allah subhanatalah. Inshallah he will answer your prayers and ease your pain.
    Sister you mentioned, you tried to cut yourself and stuff, don't take it lightly. It is a sign of strong mental depression. Please contact any psychologist or counselor if you can, in a situation like this you need someone to talk to who will listen to you very carefully and support you. If you can't do that then always remain busy, pray naafil prayers or do something that will keep you occupied it will also help you to get over the depression.
  16. Asja
    sisterly
    Offline

    Asja Pearl of Islaam

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2008
    Messages:
    3,431
    Likes Received:
    37
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    University student
    Location:
    Europe
    Ratings Received:
    +84 / 5
    :salam2:

    Jazzak Allah khair dear brother for your kind words. And InshAllah that our answers be usefull for our sister.

    May Allah protect us all.Ameen

    :wasalam:
  17. Precious Star
    Offline

    Precious Star Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2010
    Messages:
    800
    Likes Received:
    67
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +228 / 21
    Dear Tasnima,

    Allah SWT does not change the condition of a people unless they change themselves.

    You have an illness. Continue with your ibadat as everyone above has recommended. But remember that this world, Allah's world, operates according to the law of cause and effect. Miracles do happen but very very rarely. Does a farmer expect a crop without planting seeds, watering his fields, and towing the soil? No. Do you write an exam without studying, relying instead on dua alone? No. Allah helps those who help themselves, Allah helps those who take positive action to solve their problems.

    Similarly, it seems that you have an illness that requres professional attention. Cutting yourself is not normal. Nor is crying all the time. Please see your doctor. A mild anti-depressant may help, and/or counselling. Exercise also releases endorphins which improves your mood. Getting involved in extracurricular activities - such as hobbies, charities, seeing friends -- are also vital. If your mother is not giving you a hug and kiss, then she probably never will. People do not change sister. If your family is not supportive, then you need to be your own advocate.

    By listening to your dua's, Allah SWT will help you in your efforts. Think of it this way. If you had an infection that was causing pain and inflammation throughout your body, would you go to the doctor or would you rely on dua alone? Your brain is an organ, it is an important part of your overall functioning. And you sound like a young girl - you should be proactive in trying to heal so that you can move forward with other aspects of your future, like education, career, marriage, travelling, taking care of your parents (not necessarily in that order, butyou know what I mean).

    There are also a lot of good muslim counsellors and doctors out there who will help you.

    Please take my advice.
  18. Aapa
    Offline

    Aapa Mirajmom

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2007
    Messages:
    10,991
    Likes Received:
    71
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +150 / 12
    Assalaam alaikum,

    Sister Precious Star is right. You must get medical attention. This is not to be treated on a website. We will keep you in our prayers. My concern is that this is ongoing. Please go to a medical doctor immediately.
  19. Um Ibrahim
    Thinking
    Offline

    Um Ibrahim Alhamdulilah :)

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2009
    Messages:
    651
    Likes Received:
    72
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Somewhere in the U.S...:)
    Home page:
    Ratings Received:
    +214 / 4
    :salam2:

    Sister Tasnima, perhaps you should consider doing ruqya on yourself. And if you don't know enough Quran to recite you can just recite whatever you know. I'm sure you know surah al-Ikhlas, Al-Falaq, Al-Nas and fatiha and ayatul kursi. Recite all of those verses everyday and drink zamzam water. And of course as others have said, seek help inshaaAllah from those who can help; but I really believe in Quran. Quran is a healing as Allah has told us many times in the Quran itself. I've witnessed people who were suicidal get healed with Quran alone by the grace and mercy and power of Allah the all mighty. Also stay away from all bad deeds (watching movies, listening to music if you do,gossip and all other bad things). And exercise is really good! You just become motivated and happy when you do exercise, in my case any way lol.

    Sister may Allah help you and cure you of any illness whether it's physical, emotional, or mental. And may Allah help all Muslims who are struggling in their daily lives in any way. Allahuma Amin.
  20. elqouds2020
    Offline

    elqouds2020 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2011
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    تاجر في العسل..Dealer in honey....informatique
    Location:
    algeria.constantine
    Ratings Received:
    +10 / 0
    salamu alaykum I am very grateful for help to this sister and god you all bennisse

Share This Page