Need Help with Islam (Advice)

[ATA95]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. When I came to Islam I knew I had found the true religion, the way to happiness, it was beautiful and one of the greatest moments of my life when I said my Shahada, Alhamdulillah.

At the time I didn't know much about Islam, only the five pillars and a few basic facts. As I learned more about Islam I found out a few things in life that were forbidden for a Muslim. These were (in no particular order)...
1. Alcohol is forbidden - I was fine with that since I didn't have any interest whatsoever in being involved with alcohol in my life even before Islam.
2. Swearing is forbidden - At the time I swore many times everyday and immediately stopped that instead saying better language such as Astagfurillah instead of f**k.
3. Premarital relationships with women are forbidden - I was fine with that since I never had a girlfriend in my life and pretty much had no girls as friends anyway.
4. Fornication is forbidden - At first I was uneasy with this as before coming to Islam I was contemplating whether to do this or not. I found out why fornication was forbidden and was fine with it in the end.
5. Looking at women (such as watching p*rn) is forbidden - At the time I was addicted to p*rn and struggled giving this up for a long time. However I quit watching p*rn and now lower my gaze wherever I go.
6. Masturbating is forbidden - At first I struggled but soon stopped.

I've been doing my best putting all my effort into being the best Muslim I can be but now these restrictions are really getting to me. Especially me being unable to deal with these sexual desires I have. I know that these things are forbidden for my benefit and I have no problem with that at all.

This is where my problems start. First off how does a teenage boy who's dealing with lots of sexual desires fulfill them without doing haram? The solution is to get married at a young age. However I can’t get married now at 16 because even though I do have a job the income from it is not nearly enough to support myself in a house let alone a wife as well. Also I have to be religiously and emotionally ready as well. The solution to that is if a young person cannot get married is to fast to control these desires. Since realising I cannot get married anytime soon how is fasting a solution for the years ahead? I can’t fast everyday.

I’ve tried speaking to my mother about it but since she is Catholic she cannot help me much because she doesn’t see it from the Islamic perspective. I’m not going to bother attempting to talk about it with my father since he isn’t a full practicing Muslim and wouldn’t offer much advice anyway. A fellow Muslim brother who I’ve sought assistance with Islam is currently recovering from an injury so he is also not available to help me. That’s why I came here.

These sexual desires are doing my head in and are seriously going to affect me if I can’t deal with them now. I need a structured and strong plan to help me excel in Islam and deal with these desires. I’ve nearly finished learning Salah (the obligatory prayer) and plan to begin praying five times a day once I know them completely. After that I’ll be going to the masjid more often, Insha’Allah.

A few question that need answers. Please answer them all in full.
1. Why is masturbation in Islam forbidden? Many scholars have different viewpoints on this and I cannot get a definite answer.
2. How am I going to pray five times a day when I’m going to a Catholic school? I’m not switching to an Islamic school because I’m in my last couple of years in high school and it’s a high level of education there.
3. How am I going to deal with these sexual desires?! They’re driving me crazy.
4. Can you give me some plan to follow for the next few years ahead? Eg: Step 1 - Learn Salah. Step 2 - Go to the mosque… If you could do this it’d be very valuable and beneficial.

JazakAllah Khair.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

I have to respect your honesty and courage.

It is easier when you are raised in a total halaal environment. So, for many born Muslims it is a little easier to deal with. But, the youth are on the same guilt trip you sexually. InshaAllah if you open a topic of this nature in the Brothers section they will be able to discuss this with you openly.

My concern is the Catholic school issue. Yes, the Jesuits did have an excellent school system; old school. But, the politics of the church and the core issues of Catholicism is not good for your full growth. Let me put it like this. You are being taught by men who deny their sexuality. They have neutered it. They have no ability to teach you how to be a man. If you are training to be a man you need a man to teach you.

Secondly, the world view of the priest is very limited.

Quit thinking about the nasty and concentrate on the good.

 

[Ayyub]

A few question that need answers. Please answer them all in full.
1. Why is masturbation in Islam forbidden? Many scholars have different viewpoints on this and I cannot get a definite answer.
2. How am I going to pray five times a day when I’m going to a Catholic school? I’m not switching to an Islamic school because I’m in my last couple of years in high school and it’s a high level of education there.
3. How am I going to deal with these sexual desires?! They’re driving me crazy.
4. Can you give me some plan to follow for the next few years ahead? Eg: Step 1 - Learn Salah. Step 2 - Go to the mosque… If you could do this it’d be very valuable and beneficial.

1.Brother it will be helpful to you to read this text with proof from sunnah and quran that masturbation is haram.
http://troid.ca/media/pdf/evilsandharmsofmasturbation.pdf

2. Don't you have any breaks? I mean you can always pray dhuhir and asr prayer in the breaks.There is always a certain amount of time between each salah.

3.Brother you shoudl ask yourself what is unleashing these sexual desires.
Does it come up when you go out?
Does it come up cause the girls around you are running around half naked?
etc.
You should search for the reason and then start to avoid it as much as you can.

 

[strive-may-i]

:salam2:

A child thats growing up faces challenges, yet still overcomes it most often, and learns to walk, talk, smile, laugh , even cry, get angry, learns to like some food and hate other, leans to throw tantrums, learns to like academics/sports or combination or none, it goes on and on. Not all kids are exposed to responsibilities and to the big bad world outside, Thanks to the caring parents/guardians and to the community/nation of the child. And as the child grows up, it becomes teenage then a young person - Every successful person (in duniya in general and deen in particular), at some stage a child, goes through the teenage phase and during teenage is exposed - to responsibilities and to a world of possibilities. The child's body is exposed to adulthood, the child's mind and intellect is exposed to grown up world.

There are sensible, level headed and patient ones, if you look around carefully am sure, you will find guys who are very successful in focusing on growing up and resisting the temporary phase, they end up successful in the duniya(here, life on earth). There is a good similarity between the teenage phase and the temporary testing phase called life on earth. Focus, look at the right side, ignore the temporary phase, the deen will gain depth, turn to Almighty ... Insha Allah, it will work out for you too.

Like many who have asked you before, let me ask you again:
Whats your goal in life?
What do you want to become?
Why worry about something which you know you will get it , when you are fully grown up?
Have you not discovered the world of possibilities out there?

 

[ATA95]

Thanks for your replies brothers and sisters. @Ayyub I could pray in breaks (when I get to the point of praying five times a day) however I don't have any quiet, private and clean place to pray at school. I'm not sure what to do.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Yes, you do...talk to the administrator at school...the best person is always the janitor. They know all the spots.

 

[ATA95]

Waalaikumsalam. That'd be so awkward though since it's a Catholic school.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

That's ok...they'll get over it...they will simply think it is a teenage thing. They will call your parents and your parents can say ok..its a teenage stage..

I really think you need to think about being in a Catholic school. There are alternatives..home schooling etc.

 

[Itqan Ullah]

Waalaikumsalam. That'd be so awkward though since it's a Catholic school.

Asslamaliekum,
I had tried something very similar and it worked.

 

[Hassan]

and plan to begin praying five times a day once I know them completely.

Wa Alaikum Assalaam. Brother, this is the part that worries me. I hope this doesn't mean you don't pray any of the prayers. When something is really bothering me, I beg Allah swt for guidance when in sujood (with my face on the floor during prayer) and I make prayers afterwards also. After shahada, I started prayer 5x a day straight away, though it helped I was already at the masjid. There I could just follow and prayer was easy to perform. At home I was surrounded by pieces of paper everywhere.

Prayer and making time to read Qur'an daily should increase your faith and make things easier and clearer for you, InshAllah. Fasting on Mondays and Thursdays is good for every unmarried brother to help control their urges. And turn to Allah's Guidance.

"Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us)." [Surah Ali Imran 3:173]

 

[Aziboy]

learning Salah (the obligatory prayer) and plan to begin praying five times a day once I know them completely. After that I’ll be going to the masjid more often, Insha’Allah.

This is worrying me also brother,

It is preferable to start with whatever you know, start praying Salah right away, please dont wait till you learn or something, it is Satan the accursed who must be whispering you to enhance your sexual desires which you yourself know is of no good and can be controlled... Alhamdullilah

"And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33.

This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty

Strive hard to be patient and chaste, because persistence will eventually, Allaah willing, lead to attaining those qualities as second nature, as the Prophet explains in the following hadeeth:

"Whoever seeks chastity Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks help from none but Allaah, He will help him, and whoever is patient He will make it easy for him, and no one has ever been given anything better than patience." Bukhari:1469.

Repent and ask forgiveness from Allaah, doing good deeds, and not losing hope and feeling despair are all prerequisites to curing this problem. Note that losing hope is one of the major sins punishable by Allaah.

 

[ATA95]

Okay but isn't incomplete prayers not accepted by Allah (SWT)? What's the purpose in praying if I'm not able to pray a complete prayer yet? I'm just a little confused on this issue.

 

[Aziboy]

My dear brother, everything that you do begins with an intention and ALLAH knows the best what our intentions are, you are a Muslim Alhamdulillah right after you had taken your shahada and for those who do so, ALLAH erases all their past sins what so ever.

Now, since you are a Muslim, Salah is obligatory on you and you should start offering it with your limited knowledge, its not like you have to learn it entirely and then start per se.

For more information, would request you to please consult your local salafi Imam.

Jazak Allahu Khair

 

[Hassan]

My dear brother, everything that you do begins with an intention and ALLAH knows the best what our intentions are, you are a Muslim Alhamdulillah right after you had taken your shahada and for those who do so, ALLAH erases all their past sins what so ever.

Now, since you are a Muslim, Salah is obligatory on you and you should start offering it with your limited knowledge, its not like you have to learn it entirely and then start per se.

^^ I agree. I was advised I can start with takbeer (saying "Allahu Akbar") in each position when following a prayer until I knew it better.

At home, I had all the prayers written out in large letters so I could see them on the floor from standing. You are permitted to read them in this way as you are learning. And once you are confident with say, Al Fatihah, you can remove that piece of paper and so on. In this way I learned by repetition and it was little effort, while fulfilling my obligation to pray. I encourage you strongly to start praying whatever you can, Allah will reward your efforts InshAllah.

The issue of praying Zuhr at school is tricky, but there is sound advice offered above. Inshallah things will become clearer as you pray on it.