parents putting children under pressure

[FreedomFighter]

:salam2:

the other day i was talking with some friends. they come from Maldives. they came to study and they got pretty good grades before they came. the thing is, they feel under pressure, everyone's expecting them to get real good grades. no B, only A's. the family gives too much priority to studies. they say if they get an average grade, what will their parents tell the people. and the pressure is too much for them. they came from their country, and live with a distant family or aunty or in the hostel, and they feel lonely. i was just thinking that this is bad for students. it may lead them to abandon their studies and do things which they didnt think of. it may also make them think of suicide. parents shouldnt put their children under this kind of pressure, and it shouldnt matter what people will think.

 

[ahmed_indian]

let the parents know that everybody's interest and intelligence is not same.

let them know that academic grades are not everything.

let them know if children commit suicide due to their pressure, they'll be held accountable. then whts the use to 80's and 90's. in scores?

 

[FreedomFighter]

:salam2:

Tell them its normal for parents to have pressure and that most of their peers are going thru the same ol' thing

Then you want acknowledge them on their accomplishments and remind them how competitive schools are getting, and they're most likely going to reach the top, InshaAllah.


But, sister, if they mentioned that they are suicidal, which may not be a great risk due to the fact that they're Muslim, BUT you might want to let a school counselor know about it. Why don't you tell them to speak to a school counselor. Godwilling it'll all turn out fine.

good advice, thanks. no they didnt mention suicide , hopefully they wont. or at least i think they are not that kind of people. i think they may be going through stressful times. inshaAllah it will turn out fine for them.

 

[FreedomFighter]

let the parents know that everybody's interest and intelligence is not same.

let them know that academic grades are not everything.

let them know if children commit suicide due to their pressure, they'll be held accountable. then whts the use to 80's and 90's. in scores?

yes parents should know that. true, what will be use of the grades then..

 

[FreedomFighter]

it must be hard for these students, they have to go through much pressure and stress just so their parents can show their grades to the people and have a 'good name'.

 

[rightpath_357]

tell them that it shouldn't matter what people think about them.,. they should get good grades because they want to, and it'll build a positive future for them. also, u might wanna advise them to ask their parent to lay off the pressure. sumtimes, parents pressure too much without realizing it. best of luck 2 them,. (oh and, btw- tell them that suicide is HARAM)

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o aliakum sis, JazakAllah khair for bringing this up ... i want to point something out here.
My parents put extreme pressure on me regarding studies, and they pushed me towards a career that they thougth wud make themselves Proud of me.
To tell u the truth I really love my parents i do , but the pressure kinda killed my childhood, and took away alot of the effection that i wanted from my parents, now that im older, i believe that its ok to push children but in the direction of something they want to do, and its always important to encourage them and make them feel special with what they get.

Eventually what happens is that kids are too afraid to tell their real marks , i unfortunately had to lie, cheat and many times create fake report cards just to appease my parents and i hated doing all this but i feel like i had to - so i can live up to the parents standards.

So im pretty sure there are alot of parents out here , please dont think Im saying that parents shudn't force kids but i feel like parents shud pressure them up to a point, and encourage to do what they like doing best.

 

[FreedomFighter]

tell them that it shouldn't matter what people think about them.,. they should get good grades because they want to, and it'll build a positive future for them. also, u might wanna advise them to ask their parent to lay off the pressure. sumtimes, parents pressure too much without realizing it. best of luck 2 them,. (oh and, btw- tell them that suicide is HARAM)

maybe it doesnt matter to them, but its their parents who are realy after the grades. too much pressure, only A's, no B's, forget about C's. im sure they do want to get good grades, but they are under much pressure from parents, and their parents dont live with them. its all about the 'good name'. if people know you got a B, they will talk. ya who cares, but their parents realy dont want this. dont worry about the suicide, they never mentioned it , i just said if parents put such kind of pressure, the children might even start to think about suicide or do things they wouldnt do.

 

[FreedomFighter]

aslam o aliakum sis, JazakAllah khair for bringing this up ... i want to point something out here.
My parents put extreme pressure on me regarding studies, and they pushed me towards a career that they thougth wud make themselves Proud of me.
To tell u the truth I really love my parents i do , but the pressure kinda killed my childhood, and took away alot of the effection that i wanted from my parents, now that im older, i believe that its ok to push children but in the direction of something they want to do, and its always important to encourage them and make them feel special with what they get.

Eventually what happens is that kids are too afraid to tell their real marks , i unfortunately had to lie, cheat and many times create fake report cards just to appease my parents and i hated doing all this but i feel like i had to - so i can live up to the parents standards.

So im pretty sure there are alot of parents out here , please dont think Im saying that parents shudn't force kids but i feel like parents shud pressure them up to a point, and encourage to do what they like doing best.

ya you are right, parents can help children in what the children want to do. but then also they shouldnt push them so hard, and make them force to get the grades that they prefer. what if they dont get the grades.. and then the children will feel that they done something realy bad when people start to talk about how they didnt get all A's. ya i agree, parents should encourage children with what the children like to study, and that can be motivating. maybe because of what happened, now you have a different kind of view, and thats good, like you said, its always important to encourage them and make them feel special with what they get.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

ya you are right, parents can help children in what the children want to do. but then also they shouldnt push them so hard, and make them force to get the grades that they prefer. what if they dont get the grades.. and then the children will feel that they done something realy bad when people start to talk about how they didnt get all A's. ya i agree, parents should encourage children with what the children like to study, and that can be motivating. maybe because of what happened, now you have a different kind of view, and thats good, like you said, its always important to encourage them and make them feel special with what they get.

:salam2:

Exactly JazakAllah khair for understanding , NOt everyone can gets A's if everyone got A's then there wud be no competition everyone is unique in its own way.

and "what if they dont get the grades",
sis dont even ask , after exams sometimes i wud have to go thru long depression periods before i cud say anything and eventually i wud have to lie its not like i didn't get good marks but even if it was A- it wud mean i did really horrible its not good enough
Inshallah i wont be the same atleast