Please guide me. Do or don't: Manners for non-Muslims when meeting Muslims.

[suewho]

I live in a small town in Iowa, United States. We have not had any Muslims live in our town until a family moved here this year (there is also a woman who just converted). I am a teacher and will be teaching their young son. I have been reading many threads on this board to increase my knowledge of Islam. I need to know what things I should do or should not do in order to avoid giving offense or miscommunication. It is hard to know what things to do as I am more familiar with other cultures (South America) than I am with Muslim culture. I don't know if others can help me because people may assume that I know things I do not know. Example: You may know not to make extended eye contact and assume everyone knows that; however, as an American, I might not know that is a thing I should not do. Also, I know that it may be difficult to think of things for a whole culture that makes up such a huge population of the world and is so diverse. Still, I would appreciate any thoughts someone might have for me. What I know so far is:

1.Avoid extended eye contact with males.
2. No "Thumbs-up" or "okay" sign as they may have a different meaning in other cultures.
3. Never criticize religion. (I don't do this anyway.)
4. Avoid unnecessary touch.

Thank you for any help you can give me.

 

[Min-Fadhli-Rabii]

Hi Suewho,

First, welcome to this forum. The things I can remember are:-
*avoid wearing revealing clothes(moderate clothes is ok)
*If you enter their house, you can ask them if you can remove your shoes, as they mighty be praying in the house.

There isn't much really, most of the things is common sense. If you want to relate to them or establish good relation with, you can read Quran as their whole life system is base on Quran with examples from Prophet Mohammad(S.A.W).

I hope it helps.

 

[kalamazoo]

asalaam aleykum.
and well come to the forum.

وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِي الْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ ﴿31:18﴾
(31:18) Do not (contemptuously) turn your face away from people, *31 nor tread haughtily upon earth. Allah does not love the arrogant and the vainglorious. *32

http://www.englishtafsir.com/Quran/37/index.html

http://www.tafheem.net/tafheem.html


(mind the surah)

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

Welcome Sue.

You have shown the greatest respect by joining the website. I am humbled.

I just want to point out that should the family be new to the States they need to learn just as much about the do's and don't of our very mixed culture. It is a two way street. So do not be afraid to help them acclimate to the new culture. Simple example is many people find Americans to be very friendly but do not understand that we are friendly to everyone but does not mean we are going to be close friends. We say how ya doing and keep on going.

Write a list of questions and or fears that you have and we can discuss them. I am a born Muslim who has lived in the US over 40 some years.

 

[suewho]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Min-Fadhli-Rabii.

I will remember to ask about removing my shoes. I feel that I dress modestly by American standards, usually long pants and long sleeve blouses, but maybe not by Muslim standards.

I have been reading a bit of the Quran online and have read some in the past, as I have a keen interest in religion in general. I will continue to do so.

Thanks again for your thoughtful words.

 

[suewho]

Aapa, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think you are right and that this family may need some help adjusting to life in the U.S. It is easy to assume that all people are the same, and while I think we are similar in most important areas, there are many cultural differences that could be uncomfortable for them to deal with. I do consider helping with this adjustment to be a part of my job and will help as much as I can.

Regarding your suggestion of a list of questions and fears. I am most afraid that I will unintentionally do something that is offensive. I understand that it is considered a sin to touch a male, but if I hadn't read that, I might have touched. I am a touchy person and to me it doesn't mean anything sexual; rather, it is a way of making a connection to another person to show that I value and respect them.

Thank you again for your helpful words!

- - - Updated - - -

Thanks, kalamazoo! I will check out those websites!

 

[suewho]

I don't know how I will be greeted. If I am greeted in a certain way (I don't know how that would be) should I repeat the greeting or just say "hello" or "good morning" in return.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

Sue,

Part of the education process is to teach the formal and informal greetings. Start with the uptight how do you do to the casual hey..and everything in between. As for the touchy-feely part...if the child is young..and many times as a teacher we put a gentle hand on the shoulder...it is ok..you can always use the high-five slap to avoid the touchyness ( if there is such a word).

No question is offensive if the intention is to learn.

By the way what is your denomination. The reason I ask is to have a reference point. It makes it easier to communicate.

 

[suewho]

This is what I am thinking of handing out to other teachers. Does anyone have any suggested changes? Have I left out anything important or misunderstood anything? My hope is, for anyone who only knows Muslims from watching television, to stress how we are more similar than dissimilar. (The formatting looks funny. It didn't come through correctly when I pasted. Sorry.)

Muslim Fact Sheet

• According to CNN, over 25% of the world’s population is of the Muslim faith.

• The Arabic word 'Islam' means 'submission', and derives from a word meaning 'peace'.

• Allah is the name of God.

• Islam, Judaism, and Christianity all go back to Abraham.

• Muslims believe that Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary and created by God. They respect and revere Jesus as a prophet and await his Second Coming, but do not worship him as a god.

• Muslims believe that Muhammad is a prophet and messenger of God.

• Muslims believe that the Quran is the last revealed Word of God and that it was revealed to Muhammad.

• The family is the foundation of Islamic society.

• Both men and women are expected to dress in a way which is modest and to avoid attracting the gaze or gazing at the opposite sex.

• In Islam, polygyny is permitted, but polyandry is prohibited.

Helpful Hints to Avoid Offending

• Do not offer Muslims pork or alcohol. They do not eat pork nor drink alcohol.
o Be sure to make Muslim children and their parents aware of pork that is served at school. Send a copy of the lunch menu home with a red dot in front of any item that may contain pork, pork by-products, or alcohol, (e.g., bacon, sausage, hot dogs, vanilla extract, possibly gelatin).

• Do not engage in extended eye contact with an adult Muslim of the opposite sex. Is this correct? Adults only or does it extend to teenagers? This could be a problem if a teacher needs to observe a student to verify comprehension.

• Do not unnecessarily touch a Muslim of the opposite sex.

• Do not give a “thumbs up” or “okay” sign. They may have a different meaning than you intend.

• Never criticize religion.

• Before entering a Muslim home, ask if you should remove your shoes.

• Avoid exposing the bottom of your shoes to a Muslim or turning your back to them.

• While, as teachers, you dress modestly, please be aware that Muslims of the opposite sex may be uncomfortable with bare skin, (e.g., cleavage, short skirts/dresses).

• Muslims value love and kindness. As teachers, you are already aware of the need to develop relationships with students and their parents.

 

[Min-Fadhli-Rabii]

Also remember Sue,

Not all muslims are kind, there are bad apple too, in general yes are kind.

 

[suewho]

Assalaam alaikum,

By the way what is your denomination. The reason I ask is to have a reference point. It makes it easier to communicate.

Well, that is a big question. My father was Catholic and came from a very strict Catholic family. I was baptized Catholic, but my parents left the church when I was a baby. While I was growing up, due to my interest in religion, I attended almost every church in the area with the families of my friends. I ended up marrying a Catholic man who also had a strict Catholic family. We eventually left the church.

When I was a younger woman, I did take part in Bible studies with a non-denominational group. It was there that I first "discovered" the link between Judaism and Christianity to Islam.

I consider myself a Christian and believe in God with all my heart. I mean no disrespect and hope I do not offend you when I say that while there are many things I find to respect and admire about any religion, I find I have as many things that trouble me (which is why we left the Catholic church). I believe in the power of prayer, love, and kindness. I praise God for my many blessings and tell God my troubles. Maybe I am a little of every denomination and religion but a member of none.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful responses. I truly appreciate it.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

Please do not thank me.

By the way it is equally important to understand that Islam has been in the US for over four centuries. You see many in the South who have been Muslims for generations and there are members on this forum who are American Muslims for generations. We can discuss that later.

As for the hand signals..I use a thumbs up all the time. I, too, am a teacher, at the moment. It is an easy method for students to let me know they understand and I can move on. Muslims are 100% human. We tend to be hot headed. Read some of my posts if you suffer from insomnia.

As Believers, I love that term, and it is used in the Quran we get excited and want everyone to be Believers. There is a wonderful book that you can get for free which describes a Catholic man who converted to Islam. He was from South America and attended Oklahoma State University in the 70's. I think the language of the book will speak to you. I am not trying to persuade you in any direction. But, it is an excellent read. Somewhere on this site there is a link for free books. I wrote to them and they sent about four or five books. Nothing too heavy to read.

The Catholic Church has pageantry that we can not match in Islam. The smells and the bells are awesome. Islam is a practical faith. We just pray and everything is short and sweet. I think it is critical to understand that Muslims do appreciate the message of Jesus. His message is the same as all the other prophets. One of my favorite sayings of his is: do not look at the mot in another's eyes when you may have a log in yours. His anger at going to the Temple and seeing what was being done is what this site is all about. Do not corrupt the Word of the Lord.

Please forgive me, I tend to be very long-winded, thus I leave you in peace.