Please Help Me, serious advice needed from islamic perspective

[sennyctt]

As salamu alaykum, this is long but please please please read.

I’m an eighteen year old girl and I’m in desperate need of help. At first, I thought what I was going through was a phase and as I grew older, it would dissipate but it hasn’t changed. As guilty as I feel saying this, I cannot stand my mother. I know the Qu’ran advises that we love our family, especially our parents with all our heart but as hard as I try, I can’t.

As the years have gone by, it’s gotten worse. At first, we’d have silly fights and we’d reconcile shortly after but now I cannot stay in the same room as her and be happy. She makes me miserable. I try my hardest to be a good muslim, read the Quran, pray five times a day however nothing is good for her. According to her, I shouldn’t have the friends I have because they’re not good enough muslims, I shouldn’t read the books I read because they’re not the Quran, I shouldn’t watch TV shows unrelated to prayer and devotion.
I feel like she’s trying to take my life away from me. We can’t have a conversation anymore. When she speaks to me, it’s to ask if I’ve studied Islamic history or if I’ve memorized a Dua. Anything unrelated to our religion is of no interest to her. I cannot even have a conversation with her about something else because it frustrates her. She criticizes everything I do, all the choices I make – and I seriously mean this. She criticises the choices my friends make. If I argue at all, she starts to cry so I can’t say anything. I have to listen quietly to everything she says.

This happens every day. I know I’m supposed to love her but I’m always so angry inside. I want to cry all the time because I feel like I’m missing out on life. I don’t know how to talk to her, I don’t know how to love her, and I don’t know how to be happy.

Please offer me some advice - anything. What do I do??!

Thankyou.

 

[arzafar]

i think your mom is correct.
maybe you should do lots of dikhr to abate the whisperings of the shaytan.

 

[iloveislam78]

As salamu alaykum, this is long but please please please read.

I’m an eighteen year old girl and I’m in desperate need of help. At first, I thought what I was going through was a phase and as I grew older, it would dissipate but it hasn’t changed. As guilty as I feel saying this, I cannot stand my mother. I know the Qu’ran advises that we love our family, especially our parents with all our heart but as hard as I try, I can’t.

As the years have gone by, it’s gotten worse. At first, we’d have silly fights and we’d reconcile shortly after but now I cannot stay in the same room as her and be happy. She makes me miserable. I try my hardest to be a good muslim, read the Quran, pray five times a day however nothing is good for her. According to her, I shouldn’t have the friends I have because they’re not good enough muslims, I shouldn’t read the books I read because they’re not the Quran, I shouldn’t watch TV shows unrelated to prayer and devotion.
I feel like she’s trying to take my life away from me. We can’t have a conversation anymore. When she speaks to me, it’s to ask if I’ve studied Islamic history or if I’ve memorized a Dua. Anything unrelated to our religion is of no interest to her. I cannot even have a conversation with her about something else because it frustrates her. She criticizes everything I do, all the choices I make – and I seriously mean this. She criticises the choices my friends make. If I argue at all, she starts to cry so I can’t say anything. I have to listen quietly to everything she says.

This happens every day. I know I’m supposed to love her but I’m always so angry inside. I want to cry all the time because I feel like I’m missing out on life. I don’t know how to talk to her, I don’t know how to love her, and I don’t know how to be happy.

Please offer me some advice - anything. What do I do??!

Thankyou.


Salam walakum sister, i hope this message finds you in good spirits and health inshallah,

Dearest sister in islam, i empathise with your situation immensely, i actually wrote a comment and left, but because i was thinking about you, i returned to edit what i wrote in the hope that inshallah i can give you the best possible advice.

The quran doesn't merely recommend that we should respect our parents, it obligates us to honour our parents and COMMANDS that we are obedient and respectful towards them.

I to grew up with very strict parents so i am familliar with the points you raised sister, it is very important that you dont let your misery destroy you and your faith.

you have claimed that you don't know how to love your mother, but dearest sister you wouldn't be so hurt if your heart didn't hold her dear, perhaps in the future you will understand what i mean here inshallah.

Its quite clear that your mother loves you deeply, although sis you may not be able to see it yourself, it seems as though like most parents shes terrified that you may fall into sin.

Your mothers fear does seem a little extreme, but inshallah i will give you this TRIED AND TESTED advice that inshallah i hope will make a difference in your life for the better.

Firstly sister you must not disrespect your mother in anyway, no matter how tempting the situation you find yourself in may become, find strength in allah and make plenty of dua inshallah, if you honour your mothers status allah will inshallah help you, and remember sister with hardship there comes ease! This is a great test for you my sister!!

secondly sister treat your mother will affection hugs and kisses tell her how much you love her, do some more chores, buy her little gifts ( gifts increase love form both sides) she might be a little suspicious at first and you might feel a little awkward, but this inshallah will increase you both in love for one another, thus gaining allahs pleasure!!

Thirdly sister it seems as though your mother needs a lot of comfort from you, tell her frequently that you love allah that you fear allah and that you wouldn't do anything that would compromise your faith.If she talks all the time about islam and nothing else why dont you start a conversation off with her, for example tell her something new that you've learnt, ask her questions about her journey in islam from her youth, show her your interest.

Fourthly sister are your friends Muslims??? if not then your mother is right to be concerned, as Muslims we are not allowed to take non Muslims as friends, if your friends are Muslims how about you invite them round and cook a meal WITH your mother or something, to comfort her, remember she doesnt know where your going when you go out, all she knows is how bad the outside world is!!

lastly sister supplicate allah for sabr and patience and forgiveness and be strong.


Dearest sister i am here if you need to talk, chin up *!*!*!*!*!*!

 

[Abdul25]

I think your mom is not correct.

one should not make ones life so miserable.
one can not all the day read quran and pray..
one has also got social life, what if your friends are not practicing, they might get changed by seeing you praying, and there must be some thing for entertainment , without it how can one survive in a room all the day..
i cant get it.
Extremism in every thing leads to wrong results. whether it be religion or secular.

i really can understand your situation,

May Allah help u. i dont have the solution for it.

 

[MahyarEL-Prince]

mashallah, you have a mother that pushes you towards gaining Allah ta'alas pleasure and the prayers and memorization of dua.
lol you are very fortunate ya ukhti, just remember there are people out there without muslim families but they are muslim. How do you think they feel knowing there family is not on Siratal Mustaqeem!?
My advice to you is listen to your mother for it will be better for you, regardless of whats going on now, this life is a probation, the hereafter is better and safer for a young muslim girl.

 

[mfayaz]

Keep Silent.

Salaams,

Take it easy and go with the flow- ur mom brought u into this world and she has probably done alot (sacrifices) to get the best for you. Remember Judgement Day is near and everybody knows that the pressure to see, hear, taste and be like the rest is really tempting. REsist it! THis life is a test- ur mom has probably seen it all and knows so she doesnt want to you to struggle.

My dad is the exact same...its worse when ur dad is like that cause you then assume all men of this religion and culture are like him- hes probably worse than ur mom but he keeps us on the path to Allah- and for that alone I am grateful.

My advice- keep intact, dont talk alot and keep prayers close to your heart. Dont give up.

Maryam