Assalaamu `alaiki warahmatullah, dear sister.
I did my best to read through the links you posted (which were quite many =)) and the comments on there. And you received some great advises, sister. You should go back and re-read through them once again with a clear head, inshaa'Allaah.
These days, I find it very difficult to do my prayers in my parents' absence. Whenever I think of doing prayer, my mother appears. Because if I get caught, she'll beat me, mock and look at me very scornfully with disgust. She even *facepalms* forcefully. I don't know what's wrong about that!
Subhaanallaah, I feel for you, sister! I read in one of your links that recently, you feel "distant" from Allaah and you've "lost hope", and I have to say, you're going about this the wrong way, ukhty. These trials and tests from Allaah should serve as a means to get us closer to Him not achieving the oppostite!
Harsh words really,
really hurt, especially coming from those who are near and dear to us. They'll affect us even if we try our best not to let them. And of course no one likes for anyone (parent or not) to put their hands on him/her. And truthfully, no one should ever have to get beaten by their parents. It's absolutely sad how some parents like to "discipline" their children.
I never wished to disclose this matter but I wanted to let you know that I and a few sisters I personally know have been through this and even more if I have to be honest, either by our parents or guardians. The only difference for me is that I was allowed to pray, Alhamdulillaah. I was getting beatings for a very long time and you won't believe some of the things that have been done to me (private message me if you want details, I don't mind sharing them with just you). And honestly, I still don't understand what I did wrong all those times.
And the words, subhaanallaah, they really cut deep...at one point I used to think I was under the care of blade-tongued people. Sigh.
But if I hadn't gone through all that, I wouldn't be where I am today. And for that, I thank Allaah for letting me experience those few, rough years.
I think, deep down, every parent is merciful to her children. They don't like for any harm to come to any of them. But maybe sometimes, they're so overwhelmed with emotions and so they take it out on the kids. And i'm sure someday down the road, they all realize how wrong what they've done was.
But sister, you can't neglect your obligations for these things--I promise you any beatings or mockery or harsh words you get because of them will be worth it! You might not believe this now but inshaa'Allaah, you will realize it one day!
Don't forget Allaah Sees and Hears all that is happening to you. He's just a du`aa/prayer away! You shouldn't lose hope right now because that is your only shield at the moment. You should
hope for ease from Allaah and that you'll get out of this situation in the near future inshaa'Allaah!
I suggest you also work on changing your personality! You are an "introvert"
and "sensitive", which I think are the worst combinations for a person that's going through what you are! And really, your own personality is working against you... especially the sensitive bit. Your mother's actions and words seem to be getting worse and worse and unless you're firm and have some 'guts'/courage, you'll stay miserable. You need to wipe those tears away and face her with a smile every time. Her words and actions will continue to affect you until you've all but driven yourself cray with all the stress and crying. It has affected your grading marks and that big exam you had, after all...
You need to stay strong. Let your mother take out her disappointments and anger on you if she wills, you just be patient! Have patience, ukhty! You have Allaah `azza wa jall!
I saw that you said you sometimes feel like "hitting" or slapping your mom at times... Dear, please, try your very best to control those urges! It's ok to feel anger, it's ok to have those evil thoughts because it's not from just you, shaytaan is also working hard to instill them in your head but it's never, ever ok to act upon them! You, unlike her, are a believer! You've chosen to worship and obey Allaah `azza wa jall. So don't disobey Him when it comes to this...you're better than that! Get rid off nasty thoughts like these, ok? : )
I also saw that one person on the other forums advised you to contact the authorities on your mother for her abuse, and I just want to remind you that she has so much right over you, even if she's not Muslim that Allaah `azza wa jall has said that you can't utter even the word "uff" in annoyance at her acts towards you.
So compare saying "uff" to having her jailed...huge difference, no?
Pray for her, inshaa'Allaah! I'll do the same for her that Allaah `azza wa jall guides her or at least softens her heart.
And sister, I urge you to read the story of a sahaba named
Mus'ab bin 'umayr, and inshaa'Allaah you'll find comfort in his experience!
I know, I have no physical disabilities, but can I do my namaz seated (on the bed) silently to myself in my thoughts? Can I do the same with qaza namaz as well? My friend said we can do prayer with the eyes...
Sister I really think you can work your way around this. There has to be a way. Yes you're going through hard times but it's not excuse enough to not fulfill your obligatory prayers standing when you're more than capable of doing so. And I don't think I've ever heard of praying with the "eyes"...did you ask her where she got that information from?
Read this:
http://islamqa.info/en/ref/67934
I was thinking, everyone is asleep at Fajr, right? So you can wake up and without causing too much noise, do your wudhu' and pray. And `Ishaa is the only prayer that's allowed to be delayed till it's last hour (just before midnight) so since everyone will be asleep by then, you can pray that one just fine, too. And Dhuhr and `Asr, I don't how it is there where you live but kids are still in school here around that time, so perhaps you can perform them at school? (once it opens back up at least) As for Maghrib, it's very short, only three raka`aat, so can't you lock yourself up in your room for just that time or find a hiding spot besides the kitchen (like a closet or something) to do it in?
And Ramzan...I'm very worried about it and I'm not looking forward to it (pardon me) because last year my mother yelled at me and scolded me.
No, you shouldn't think that way! Rather you should be looking forward to it, dear! Plan ahead and think of all the ways you can make this upcoming one different than the previous ones! I believe you can do it!
If you don't have school, find something to busy yourself with during the day so you won't have to refuse another meal at home and upset your mother. Maybe you can leave early and come back Maghrib time...?
Make it your goal to fast at least 15 days this time, if not the whole month inshaa'Allaah.
I often failed to realize that my struggle is for Allah (subhana wa taala). I have realized that I (my heart) am not at all prepared to see my parents' reversion to Islam. Why am I so weak in Islam? I don't understand.
What do you mean by that? Do you not want them to become Muslim..?
But you should work on keeping you iimaan high because as soon as you let you guard down, shaytaan is always there, ready to attack and fill your head with all those lies and doubts.
Be mindful of Allaah, dear and you'll find Him there with you at all times...aiding you and keeping you firm.
And now I'm clueless as to what I'm supposed to do. I also have to make up 2.5 years of namaz. 1.5 years because I used the excuse that "I didn't know because it's difficult to learn, I'm afraid and how I wish I could pray, etc..." and the other year because my wuzu was not at all valid.
How do I clear these debts?
Ahh, so you meant debt as in `ibaadah, I thought you were talking about money...
Question: I am 38 years old man. till the age of 25 I didn't prayed. please advice me what I have to do for this?
Praise be to Allaah.
Remember how Allaah has blessed you by bringing you back to Islam after you have been neglecting salaah, and keep on doing the prayers at the right times. Do more naafil (supererogatory or extra) prayers to make up for the fard (obligatory) prayers that you have missed, as was advised in the saheeh hadeeth narrated by Hurayth ibn Qubaysah, who said: “I came to Madeenah and prayed, ‘O Allaah, send me a righteous companion.’ I went and sat with Abu Hurayrah and said: ‘I asked Allaah to bless me with a righteous companion; tell me a hadeeth that you heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), so that I may benefit therefrom.’ He said: ‘I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say that the first thing for which a person will be brought to account on the Day of Resurrection will be his prayer. If it is sound, he will be successful, and if it is lacking in any way, he will be doomed. If his obligatory prayers are lacking, the Lord will say: “Look and see whether My slave has any voluntary prayers which may be used to make up what is lacking in his obligatory prayers.” Then all his deeds will be examined and dealt with in the same way.’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 413; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2020). Abu Dawood reported from Anas ibn Hakeem al-Dabbi that he came to Madeenah and met Abu Hurayrah. He said: “He asked me about my lineage so I told him about it, then he said: ‘O young man, shall I not tell you a hadeeth?’ I said, ‘Of course, may Allaah have mercy on you,’ and I think he mentioned it from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He said: ‘The first thing that people will be asked about on the Day of Resurrection will be their prayers. Our Lord will say to His angels (although He knows best): “Look at My slave’s prayers: are they complete or is something lacking?” If they are complete, they will be recorded as such, but if something is lacking, He will say: “Look and see if My slave has any voluntary prayers to his credit.” If this proves to be the case, He will say: “Make up his (missing) obligatory prayers with his voluntary prayers.” Then the rest of his deeds will be dealt with in the same manner.’” (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2571)
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Stay strong, keep safe and have patience, inshaa'Allaah all will be well so long as you don't forget your duties to Allaah!
