Question about Marriage

IbnAhmad

Junior Member
Assalaamu Alykum.

I was wondering if I was to get married to a Sister (Nikah gets done) but she is still living with her parents whilst we complete our studies. Am I then still financially responsible for her? Or is it only when she is with me?

JazakAllahu Khair.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,

I am glad you brought this subject for discussion. I have seen several families enter their children into this "marriage". I find it strange. It is not really marriage. I do not know what it is. It is an extended engagement.

I hope you do not get angry with me...but it does not fall into the defintion of marriage. This arrangement leaves you in the netherland. You do not mature as human beings..there is no giving or taking...it is senseless.

In marriage you are responsible for your partner. I am waiting to see what the scholars would have to say.
 

IbnAhmad

Junior Member
^^^
JazakAllahu Khair Sister. I think you make a very valid point and I actually agree with you. :)
 

thariq2005

Praise be to Allah!
Wa `alaykkum salaam wa rahmatullaah. Below is a fatwa from IslamQA

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Misyaar marriage is where a man does a shar’i marriage contract with a woman, meeting the conditions of marriage, but the woman gives up some of her rights such as accommodation, maintenance or the husband’s staying overnight with her.

The reasons that have led to the emergence of this kind of marriage are many, such as:

1.

Increase in the number of single women who are unable to get married, because young men are put off marriage due to the high cost of dowries and the costs of marriage, or because there is a high divorce rate. In such circumstances, some women will agree to be a second or third wife and to give up some of their rights.

2.

Some women need to stay in their family home, either because they are the only care-givers for family members, or because the woman has a handicap and her family do not want the husband to be burdened with something he cannot bear, and he stays in touch with her without having to put too great a burden on himself, or because she has children and cannot move with them to her husband’s house, and other reasons.

3.

Some married men want to keep some women chaste because they need that, or because they need variety and halaal pleasure, without that affecting the first wife and her children.

4.

In some cases a husband may want to conceal his second marriage from his first wife, for fear of the consequences that may result and affect their relationship.

5.

The man travels often to a certain place and stays there for lengthy periods. Undoubtedly staying there with a wife is safer for him than not doing so.

These are the most prominent reasons for the emergence of this kind of marriage.

Secondly:

The scholars differed concerning the ruling on this type of marriage, and there are several opinions, ranging from the view that it is permissible, to the view that it is permitted but makrooh, or that it is not allowed. Here we should point out several things.

1.

None of the scholars have said that it is invalid or is not correct; rather they disallowed it because of the consequences that adversely affect the woman, as it is demeaning to her, and that affects the society as this marriage contract is taken advantage of by bad people, because a woman could claim that a boyfriend is a husband. It also affects the children whose upbringing will be affected by their father’s absence.

2.

Some of those who said that it was permissible have retracted that view. Among the most prominent scholars who said that it was permissible were Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz and Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal al-Shaykh; and among the most prominent scholars who said that it was permissible and then retracted it was Shaykh al-‘Uthaymeen; among the most prominent scholars who said that it is not allowed at all was Shaykh al-Albaani.

3.

Those who said that it is permissible did not say that a time limit should be set as in the case of mut’ah. And they did not say that it is permissible without a wali (guardian), because marriage without a wali is invalid. And they did not say that the marriage contract may be done without witnesses or without being announced, rather it is essential to do one of the two.

Thirdly:

Opinion of the scholars concerning this type of marriage:

1.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about Misyaar marriage; this kind of marriage is where the man marries a second, third or fourth wife, and the wife is in a situation that compels her to stay with her parents or one of them in her own house, and the husband goes to her at various times depending on the circumstances of both. What is the Islamic ruling on this type of marriage?

He replied:

There is nothing wrong with that if the marriage contract fulfils all the conditions set out by sharee’ah, which is the presence of the wali and the consent of both partners, and the presence of two witnesses of good character to the drawing up of the contract, and both partners being free of any impediments, because of the general meaning of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The conditions that are most deserving of being fulfilled are those by means of which intimacy becomes permissible for you” and “The Muslims are bound by their conditions.” If the partners agree that the woman will stay with her family or that her share of the husband’s time will be during the day and not during the night, or on certain days or certain nights, there is nothing wrong with that, so long as the marriage is announced and not hidden. End quote.

Fataawa ‘Ulama’ al-Balad al-Haraam (p. 450, 451) and Jareedah al-Jazeerah issue no. 8768, Monday 18 Jumaada al-Oola 1417 AH.

However, some students of the Shaykh said that he later retracted the view that it is permissible, but we could not find anything in writing to prove that.

2.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal al-Shaykh (may Allaah preserve him) was asked:

There is a lot of talk about misyaar marriage being haraam or halaal. We would like a definitive statement about this matter from you, with a description of its conditions and obligations, if it is permissible.

He replied:

The conditions of marriage are that the two partners should be identified and give their consent, and there should be a wali (guardian) and two witnesses. If the conditions are met and the marriage is announced, and they do not agree to conceal it, either the husband, the wife or their guardians, and he offered a waleemah or wedding feast, then this marriage is valid, and you can call it whatever you want after that. End quote.

Jareedah al-Jazeerah, Friday 15 Rabee’ al-Thaani 1422 AH, issue no. 10508.

3.

Shaykh al-Albaani was asked about Misyaar marriage and he disallowed it for two reasons:

(i)

That the purpose of marriage is repose as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect” [al-Room 30:21]. But this is not achieved in this kind of marriage.

(ii)

It may be decreed that the husband has children with this woman, but because he is far away from her and rarely comes to her, that will be negatively reflected in his children’s upbringing and attitude.

See: Ahkaam al-Ta’addud fi Daw’ al-Kitaab wa’l-Sunnah (p. 28, 29).

4.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) used to say that it was permissible, then he stopped saying that because of the negative effects, as it was poorly applied by some wrongdoers.

Finally, what we think is:

That if Misyaar marriage fulfils the conditions of a valid marriage, namely the proposal and acceptance, the consent of the wali and witnesses or announcement of the marriage, then it is a valid marriage contract, and it is good for some categories of men and women whose circumstances call for this type of marriage. But this may be taken advantage of by some whose religious commitment is weak, hence this permissibility should not be described as general in application in a fatwa, rather the situation of each couple should be examined, and if this kind of marriage is good for them then it should be permitted, otherwise they should not be allowed to do it. That is to prevent marriage for the sake of mere pleasure whilst losing the other benefits of marriage, and to prevent the marriage of two people whose marriage we may be certain is likely to fail and in which the wife will be neglected, such as one who will be away from his wife for many months, and will leave her on her own in an apartment, watching TV and visiting chat rooms and going on the internet. How can such a weak woman spend her time? This is different from one who lives with her family or children and has enough religious commitment, obedience, chastity and modesty to help her be patient during her husband’s absence.

And Allaah knows best.
 

arzafar

Junior Member
You wife has the right to ask you for her expenses and everything else. However, seeing your financial position your wife may give up her right temporarily. This can happen if she and her family are ready for this kind of arrangement. Islamically there is nothing wrong in it. however it would be a better arrangement if your father/family (rather than her father) was to take care of her while you are still learning a trade.

oh well and brother tariq has just posted a relevant fatwa.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,

This is a question.

Why are we limiting the role of women. Why are women allowing themselves to be made hostage. I am sorry, either you are married or you are free.
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. You do not live with mommy and daddy when you are married.

Marriage is not in name only. Is the family fearful that they have an unwed daughter. I am seeing so much of this. I see girls living at home; they are married but no husband in sight. He is in school.

I will be banned for this but this is opening a door to so much. A man may write a fatawa but that is not living in reality. Humans have needs. Once a person is married there are needs that must be satisfied..and fasting does not work for those needs.

We are to put into practice what the Prophet did. He did not leave his wives with their parents.
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
Salaam,

Well I think there are valid arguments for both forms of arrangements. I believe Aisha (RA) was married to the prophet but did not move in with him until an older age. So there is precedent for delaying the joining of houses even after the nikah has been signed.

But there is this practice of unnecessarily delaying co-habitation after nikah today....sometimes by many, many years. I do think this can lead to unnecessary fitnah, especially in the case of young men who struggle daily with physical desires.

I think we need to look at each individual case and if the couple desires co-habitation after nikah then we cannot really deny them. But if both are willing to delay co-habitation for valid reasons then we can't force their hand.
 

JenGiove

Junior Member
Salaam,

Well I think there are valid arguments for both forms of arrangements. I believe Aisha (RA) was married to the prophet but did not move in with him until an older age. So there is precedent for delaying the joining of houses even after the nikah has been signed.

But there is this practice of unnecessarily delaying co-habitation after nikah today....sometimes by many, many years. I do think this can lead to unnecessary fitnah, especially in the case of young men who struggle daily with physical desires.

I think we need to look at each individual case and if the couple desires co-habitation after nikah then we cannot really deny them. But if both are willing to delay co-habitation for valid reasons then we can't force their hand.

Sister Shy,

Rarely were wiser words we ever spoken.....
 

IbnAhmad

Junior Member
Salaam,

Well I think there are valid arguments for both forms of arrangements. I believe Aisha (RA) was married to the prophet but did not move in with him until an older age. So there is precedent for delaying the joining of houses even after the nikah has been signed.

But there is this practice of unnecessarily delaying co-habitation after nikah today....sometimes by many, many years. I do think this can lead to unnecessary fitnah, especially in the case of young men who struggle daily with physical desires.

I think we need to look at each individual case and if the couple desires co-habitation after nikah then we cannot really deny them. But if both are willing to delay co-habitation for valid reasons then we can't force their hand.

JazakAllahu Khair Sister.

I totally agree with you. I think if it was to happen then the Sister and her family would have to accept which obviously would mean that their daughter wouldn't be a burden on them.

May Allah SWT bless all us single Muslims with pious spouses. Aameen. :)
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

We are really playing with words. The reasons today are monetary. If everyone decided what was best for them we are creating paths and excuses.

As a rational being the question arises why marry? Why leave the girl in a confused state. Why open the door to tempatation. Why leave the man in an intoxicated state.

Marriage is more than physical. There is no bond.

I do not understand the thinking we leave it until everything is perfect. We are creating a class system.

Life is not lived in suspended animation. Islam encourages marriage. Now, we are making excuses for marriage. Marriage is quite simple either you are married or you are not.
 

faaraa

Nothing but Muslimah
:wasalam:

Powerful arguments are going on here...

I am not married & I think i am not matured enough to talk about this issue..
But with the circumstances which I have come across.. I do understand some thing..

You see, My aunt got married 3 years back but she was sent to her husband's place very recently.... But in between my uncle used to send her the expenses.These types of marriages are usually taken place among the students and degree holders as I know..

Staying away after the marriage is permitted or not.. its a different argument..
But as I understand, when a brother gets married to a girl, then automatically he becomes the guard of the girl.., right? SO YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HER.., RIGHT?

And as I understand, marriage is not something which is there to be shared only between the spouses, instead it unites two big families.. so marriage is a RESPONSIBILITY in an other hand too... actually a confusing subject...

WAITING FOR A PROMINENT AND AUTHENTICATED ANSWER..:)

FEE AMANILLAH:hearts:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,

( don't you love it when I respond)..


My concern here is simple. I am seeing a pattern emerging which is selfish. Parents are marrying their children off to the best candidate. And it is a wait and invest method. I am investing in the future of this young man to be the provider and husband for my daughter. In a sense this is intellectual riba.

We do not know the hour of our death. The possibility is there. So we can have cases of a widow(er) virgin. How do you get around that.
Is that fair to either son or daughter.

When a couple meets on their own this would not happen. The prospect of marriage brings desire to the couple. Why would you suspend natural relations. Many people marry while in school. And when we look back we laugh at how we made out.

I do not see this as a religious obligation but a financial prediction. What does love have to do with money.

This is all about keeping money in the family.

What I would love to do is here from modern couples who have agreed to such agreements and scholars who can give us theological reasons as to why this is valid.
 
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