QUESTION ABOUT MARRIAGE

[hayat84]

:salam2:
I hope you're in good health and Imaan.some hours ago it jumped into my head "foolish" question about marriage and hope is there some one of you who can clirify me the matter.
In Islam a man can marry 4 women,isn't it?my question is deep,maybe difficult to understand.The Quran teaches that every man must take care of hie wives,but in a certain way it adressed men to marry only a woman,because it's easier to take care of one,than 4.
Quran teaches also honesty and fidelity towards the wife.a man mustn't betray his wife with another one;but if in Islam it's allowed to marry 4 women,how can be possible not to betray,even with the sight?if a man falls in love with a woman,then he marries her and he can do everything he wishes"halal".in a situation in which a man already has a wife but he falls in love to another woman,isn't he committing zina?can one only man fall in love to 4 wives without betraying anybody of them?
maybe shaytan whispered those bad things,but this is the life,I still need to learnand pose questions.

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

:salam2:

Well, a man can not fall in love with any women which involves illicit relationship and he is also not allowed to have female friends as Allah asks us not to go near adultery (which means cutting all means to adultery/fornication).

A man might take more than one wife for several reasons, and as per my understanding here are a few:

A man may not be physically satisfied with his wife and might want to get married again. But this does not mean he can go in the street look and find a beautiful women, fall in love and then get married. If he thinks he wants to marry then he has to look for a candidate according to Islamic guidelines.

A man may not be well taken care of by the first wife, specially in cases where the wife is suffering from lengthy and permanent ailments or the wife is old. Again, the man needs to look for a 2nd wife in Islamic manner, if he wants a 2nd one.

A man may want more children.

etc.

Marriage is a contract and no where in the contract and if the contract does not say that the man can not take a 2nd wife then it is not betrayal. When a mother divides her love between her children, she is not betraying one child with the other.

And Allah knows best.

 

[hayat84]

:salam2:

When a mother divides her love between her children, she is not betraying one child with the other.

And Allah knows best.

brother,my children are all fruit of the same blood,how can I can betray them??they are sons of their father.indeed,if a man got married to a woman,but maybe he doesn't feel complete with only one,he needs to gaet another one.but in Islam,isn't it a sin,when he instead of taking care of his wife,is out to talk to another woman who's not already his wife?in the middle of the moment,isn't he committing zina?or is it legal to go out and say-"I'm married,but I ask you to marry me becasuse(...)-"Allah says that He created males and females to get empleased from each other and He recommends to men to be sweet to their wive/s.so what a marriage can it be,if there is no physical/spiritual attraction,but only a contract?

 

[Ahsen]

The mother-child love and husband-wife love cannot be compared.Both are different.
I think hayat84 is talking about the emotional aspect of having a second wife,when the husband forgets the 1st one and directs his complete attention towards the 2nd one.

 

[hayat84]

:salam2:
brother Ahsen,it's what I meant,but my question was:how can be possible for a married man not to betray his wife,while he's seeking another one,and to do it he needs to talk to her?for Islam it's haram to exchange sights between the 2 genders,if above all they are alone.it is said that the shaytan is the 3rd one among man and woman.

 

[tariq353]

:salam2:
brother Ahsen,it's what I meant,but my question was:how can be possible for a married man not to betray his wife,while he's seeking another one,and to do it he needs to talk to her?for Islam it's haram to exchange sights between the 2 genders,if above all they are alone.it is said that the shaytan is the 3rd one among man and woman.

As salamu alykum sister Hayat,

The seerah of Prophet is the practical demonstration of justice towards wives. So muslims are suppose to learn and follow
I know what you are talking about specially in these days when people take this just as a tool of pleasure and forget the conditions and duties which are required to be fulfilled. But then this is their fault and they have to account for this on the day of Judgement.

When seeking for other wife all these things will not happen if the whole process is as per the guidance of Islam.One of the situation when looking at na mahram is allowed is while looking in the case of proposing marriage.
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/2572


hope this helps

wa salam


wa salam

 

[hayat84]

:salam2:
ok,the answers were good enough,but I came to the basis of the matter.
when a married man wants to marry to another woman,he should have the permission of the first one...then,before asking to his wife the permission,the man might have already seen the other woman he wants to marry.so by consequence he committed a sin!and if the first wife doesn't agree?is she obliged to accept another woman in her husband's life?

 

[tariq353]

:salam2:
when a married man wants to marry to another woman,he should have the permission of the first one...

Validity of marrying a second wife for mere love and without consent of first wife
Is it ok for husband to marry a second wife, without the consent of the first wife. Just because the man, or husband, in our case, falls in love with another woman. Hence, should he marry her, even though he is already married? Does Islam allow such a situation for a man?


Al-hamdu lillah (praise be to Allah). Before responding to the this question, a comment must be made regarding an objectionable and reprehensible issue implied in the question, and that is the mentioning by the sister that he “falls in love with another woman”. It is known that it is not permissible in the Islamic religion the establishment of a relationship between a man and a woman who is ajanabiyya to him (lit. foreign, i.e., marriable) before marriage, for Allah revealed in Surat al-Maa’ida (the Table), ayah 5 a verse whose meaning can be translated as:

“This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste and virtuous women who are believers, but chaste women among People of the Book, revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues. If any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).”

And the word “akhdaan” that appears in this ayah (appearing above as “secret intrigues”) means intimate friend or companion, and in this case refers to a lover, and Allah has indicated in Surat al-Ahzaab (33:53) that a condition for talking with women when it is needed is: (a translation of the meaning)

“…and if you ask them (women) for something you want, ask them from behind a hijab (both in the sense of a physical barrier such as a screen or wall, as well as in clothing); that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs…”

And Allah has commanded women not to speak with soft, sensual voices with a man who is ajnabi (lit. foreign, meaning one to whom is not forbidden marriage for her) so that he is not tempted by their voices, and so as not to provoke feelings of lust. Allah ta’aala said in Surat al-Ahzaab ayah 32 a verse whose meaning can be translated as:

“… if you do fear (Allah) be not too complaisant of speech lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire; but utter sufficient and appropriate speech.” (33:32)

So how could it possibly be permissible after all of these injunctions to establish love or friendship relations among women and men who are ajaanib (marriable)??

And as for the original matter of the question, Allah subhanahu wa-ta’ala who is al-Hakim (All Wise) al-Khabir (All Experienced) and who is more knowledgeable about the human beings He created than they themselves are about themselves, has ordained that a man is allowed to marry whom he wills among women as long as he does not bond in marriage under his care and responsibility more than four women. And this is conditioned upon him dealing justly among them the known justice specified by shari’a which includes overnight stays and spending. If he does not have the ability and capacity to deal with such justice, then he should suffice with one, as Allah indicates in Surat al-Nisaa’ in ayah 3, which has a meaning that can be translated as:

“… marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one…” (4:3)

And Allah’s shar’aa (Islamic law) is all just and wise, and He ordains what He wills and does what He want and it is incumbent upon as human beings to believe and have faith and submit and obey and abide by the shari’a, otherwise then we are not Muslims nor mu’mineen (believers). As Allah also said in Surat al-Nisaa’ ayah 65 a verse whose meaning can be translated as:

“But no, by your Lord, they can have no (real) faith until they make you judge in all disputes between them, and find in their souls no resistance against your decisions, but accept them with the fullest conviction” (3:65)

and in Surat al-Ahzaab, ayah 36, a meaning that can be translated as:

“It is not fitting for a mu’min (believing man) or mu’mina (believing woman) when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger to have any option about their decision: if anyone disobeys Allah and His Apostle he is indeed strayed on a manifestly wrong path.” (33:36)

Furthermore, no evidence appears neither in the Qur’an nor sunnah requiring the permission of the first wife if her husband wishes to marry another wife, and therefore he is not required to ask her permission. However, he needs to be judicious in taking this decision and to weigh it carefully with respect to benefits and drawbacks and to look with the eye of wisdom at all of the considerations pertaining to the matter, and he should strive all he can to conciliate, reassure, and satisfy his first wife, in order to ease and mitigate the effect of the matter upon her.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/61

 

[IHearIslam]

Assalaamu alaikum everyone,

my question was:how can be possible for a married man not to betray his wife,while he's seeking another one,and to do it he needs to talk to her?for Islam it's haram to exchange sights between the 2 genders,if above all they are alone.it is said that the shaytan is the 3rd one among man and woman.

I think I get what you're asking sister. The simplist answer I can think of right now is: The man isnt really betraying the first wife because in Islam, a man cannot go and marry a second wife unless and untill his first wife knows his intentions and approves of it. So, if you know your husband is looking for a second wife, and you dont mind.......he is not betraying you when he is out talking/ getting to know his second wife.

 

[msmoorad]

salaams to all

in Durban, i have heard of a woman who went out looking for a suitable second wife for her husband as she was not able to give him children.

and ive heard about another woman who wanted her husband to marry a widow as she was in financial difficulty and he was quite wealthy.
he would then be able to look after her financially and also offer her companionship.
these cases are rare as women are very possessive and this blinds them many times to their own shortcomings etc which would make his taking a second wife a sensible option.

of course, there are many men who marry out of lust after having flirted with this strange woman and now suddenly want to exercise their right to marry another wife.

and Allah ta'ala knows best
jazakallah

 

[hayat84]

:salam2:
thank you for your suggestions.I read that the husband needs the approval of the first wife to marry another one.I am one soul with my husband and vice-versa,we both complete each other and he doesn't need to be in company of another woman.on the contrary way,I maight not have married him:shake:.If I didn't love him so much,I would have agreed to make he marry another woman,but many wome like to have their sweethearts as their own property.and nowdays many women are able to "catch"married men and many married men fall in the trap.:muslim_child: