بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Rights of Friendship and Brotherhood
By : Muktasar Minhaj Al-Qasidin
Intimacy comes from good manners and severance from bad ones. Good manners initiate mutual affection and harmony whereas bad manners entail hatred and dissension. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Nothing is heavier in the believer's scale on the Day of Judgment than his good manners." (Tirmithi)
The Almighty said in a Qudsi Hadith: "My love is due to those who love one another in My cause, who spend in My cause and those who visit each other in My cause." (Malik)
Loving in Allah's cause initiates hating in His cause. Love your Muslim brother for his obedience to Allah and detest him for his disobedience. However, inadvertent mistakes should be overlooked, but not if he insists on sinning.
Kinds of Disobedients to Allah
1. Disbelievers: If they stay in the abode of war, they deserve being killed or enslaved. If a Muslim is greeted by a non-believer, the answer should be: "The same to you." Don't talk at length with them as if you are friends.
2. Innovators: They may harm more than non-Muslims. If their harm is transitive (i.e. may mislead others), they should strongly and clearly be disregarded and rebuked. As for ordinary innovators who cannot propagate their innovations, they should be kindly advised. But if they insist they should decisively be severed in order to annihilate innovations.
3- Practical disobedience rather than creedal one: If a man's disobedience harms others, we should sever him. The same ruling applies to people who commit despicable acts.
Attributes of Friends
A friend should possess five qualities, i.e., he should be sane and good-natured. He should not also be an innovator or an obscene person nor should he be preoccupied with worldly gaieties. A foolish friend is good for nothing, rather he may harm.
Good manners are also a necessary. An obscene person never fears Allah thus he is constantly unreliable. Befriending an innovator possibly supports his innovation and undermines man's dignity and honor. Umar Ibn Al-Khattab said, "Befriend the truthful and live under their shield. In prosperity, they enhance you and, in adversity, they support you. Discredit not your brother unless it is grounded. Keep away from your enemy. Be on guard against your friend but for the trustworthy who fears the Almighty. Keep away from obscene lest his obscenity disgraces you. Entrust him. Consult the righteous people only."
Rights of Brotherhood
1- Fulfill your brother's needs: Hasten to help your brother even when you are not asked to. Give priority to your brother's needs.
2- Be heedful of your words: Be heedful of your words for your brother, be he present or not. Stay away from arguing and troubling him with irrelevant questions. Keep his secrets even after severance.
3- Irritate him not: Don't irritate him unless you urge him to do good and forbid evil. None is perfect. Look for a brother whose good traits overcome his bad ones. Overlook his deficiencies. Avoid suspicion for the Prophet said, "Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales." (Bukhari). Love for him what you love for yourself. At least treat him in the same way you want him to treat you.
4- Please your brother: Try to please your brother when you talk or do something. Talk with him about his life, his problems and all other affairs. Inform him of your love for him. The Prophet said, "Loving your brother, you should inform him thereof." (Tirmithi) Call him with the dearest name to him. Defend him when he is in need.
5. Make Du'a for your brother: Make du'a for your brother in his lifetime and after. The Prophet said, "There is no believing servant who supplicates for his brother behind his back (in his absence) that the Angels do not say: The same be for you too." (Muslim)
6- Be loyal and truthful to your brother: The Prophet treated an old woman kindly and pointed out, "She used to visit us during Khadeejah's life (may Allah be pleased with her); in fact, good commitment is a part of Iman (faith.)" (Al-Hakim)
Be modest with him, but don't tacitly approve of his negligence of some religious duties.
7- Give up "mannerism" and lead a reasonable life: Don't overburden him. Love him for Allah alone and for being a Muslim. Avoid dealing with him in excessive modesty in order not to drive him to feigned demureness. Deal with your friend as if you were alone.
Complementary Manners
Show manners without pride, and be modest without humility. Meet your friend and enemy alike with neither fear nor humbleness. Avoid interlocking your fingers, spitting and yawning in the middle of people. Listen carefully to your brother. Do not ask him to repeat his words. Be modest in your attire and appearance. Deal kindly with your household. Don't banter with your servants in order to keep your dignity. Know that "a friend in need is a friend indeed."
Avoid sitting on roads. If happened, lower your gaze, assist the oppressed and guide the lost. Don't spit in the direction of the Qiblah, but rather on your left hand side under your left foot. Give up excessive jesting, since it invites envy and boldness.
Rights of Muslims, Kinship, Neighborhood and Ownership
Greet the Muslim whenever you meet him, accept his invitation, visit him when he is ill and follow his funeral. Fulfill his oath. Advise him when he consults you. Maintain his dignity in his absence. Don't hurt him in any way. Don't backbite him. Don't sever a Muslim for over three days.
Estrangement due to violation of religious duties should last unless he repents. Treat him hospitably. Seek permission before you enter his home. Honor the elderly and have mercy on the young. Treat them justly. Ward off suspicious situations, in order to avoid distrust.
Keep your brother's honor, his life and his property against violation. Give condolence when inflicted with adversity. Support the orphans and visit the sick. Pray for his recovery.
When you are sick, endure patiently. Ask Allah for recovery. Respect the rights of your neighbor. Refrain from harming your neighbor but also endure his harm. Visit your sick neighbor, condolence him and congratulate him. Overlook his errors. Don't peep into a neighbor's house. Preserve his honor. Curtail your stay and lower your gaze.
Rights of Kinship
'A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported Allah's Messenger as saying' "The tie of kinship is suspended to the Throne and says: 'He who unites me Allah would unite him and he who severed me Allah would sever him.'" (Muslim)
Abu Huraira reported, "A person said, 'O Allah's Messenger' I have relatives with whom I try to have close relationship, but they sever (this relation). I treat them well, but they treat me ill. I am sweet to them but they are harsh towards me.' Upon this he (the Prophet, peace be upon him) said: 'If it is so as you say, then you in fact throw hot ashes (upon their faces) and there would always remain with you on behalf of Allah (an Angel to support you) who would keep you dominant over them so long as you adhere to this (path of righteousness).'" (Bukhari)
As for rights of children, parents are naturally inclined towards them and are ready to care for them. However, they may passively affect them due to excessive tenderness. Therefore, Allah says in the Qur'an, "…save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is men and stones…" (Holy Qur'an, 66: 6)
Choose good names for your children. Command them to perform prayer when they become seven years. Circumcise and marry them. Feed, clothe and give appropriate work (to) your servant. Don't disdain them, but rather forgive them in case of erring.