Ruling on disputes and the virtue of reconciling between two disputing parties
Firstly:
What you are keen to do is one of the noblest of attitudes.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“So fear Allaah and adjust all matters of difference among you, and obey Allaah and His Messenger (Muhammad), if you are believers”
[al-Anfaal 8:1]
“There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allaah’s Cause), or Ma‘roof (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allaah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him a great reward”
[al-Nisa’ 4:114]
The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us that reconciling between people is better than observing voluntary fasts, offering voluntary prayers and giving voluntary charity. It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you something that is better than the status of (voluntary) fasting, prayer and charity?” They said: “Yes.” He said: “Reconciling in a case of discord, for the evil of discord is the shaver.” Al-Tirmidhi said: It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is the shaver, and I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (i.e., destroys) religious commitment.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4273; al-Tirmidhi, 2433. classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Islam has permitted telling lies in order to achieve this great purpose. So it is permissible for you to tell each party that the other has said good things about them and praised them so as to encourage reconciliation. This does not come under the heading of lies that are haraam.
It was narrated from Umm Kalthoom bint ‘Uqbah ibn Abi Mu’eet that she heard the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “He is not a liar who seeks to reconcile between people and says good things.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2490 =======================
Secondly:
For Muslims to forsake one another is a haraam action. You can remind both parties of the texts which indicate that. These include the following:
From the Holy Qur’aan:
(a) The verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And obey Allaah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength departs, and be patient. Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”
[al-Anfaal 8:46]
(b) The verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allaah (i.e. this Qur’aan), and be not divided among yourselves, and remember Allaah’s Favour on you, for you were enemies one to another but He joined your hearts together, so that, by His Grace, you became brethren (in Islamic Faith), and you were on the brink of a pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus Allaah makes His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.,) clear to you, that you may be guided”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:103]
From the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):
(a) It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not hate one another, do not envy one another, do not turn away from one another. Be, O slaves of Allaah, brothers. It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days.”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6065; Muslim, 2559.
(b) It was narrated that Abu Ayyoob al-Ansaari (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.”Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2757; Muslim, 2560.
(c) It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The gates of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and everyone who does not associate anything with Allaah is forgiven, except a man who has had an argument with his brother. It is said: ‘Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.” Narrated by Muslim, 2565. Al-Nawawi said: “Wait for these two” means wait until they have reconciled and love has been restored between them.
(d) It was narrated from Abu Kharaash al-Sulami that he heard the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Whoever forsakes his brother for a year, it is as if he has shed his blood.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4915. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb, 2762. These texts indicate that it is forbidden for a Muslim to forsake his brother by not greeting him with salaam and by turning away from him for more than three days, so long as that forsaking is not for a shar’i reason and is not being done in order to achieve some purpose, in which case it is permissible to forsake him for more than three days.
It is not permissible to forsake a Muslim because of differences in points of view
It is not permissible to forsake a Muslim, because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a man to forsake his Muslim brother for more than three days, each of them turning away from the other when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5727; Muslim, 2560). This applies especially if the believer is a relative, such as a brother, nephew, uncle or cousin, because in such cases forsaking is an even worse sin. This applies unless the person is committing a sin and there is an interest to be served by forsaking him, i.e., that it will make him give up the sin. In that case there is nothing wrong with it, because this comes under the heading of removing evil. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever among you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; if he cannot then with his heart [by hating it and feeling that it is wrong], and that is the weakest of faith.”(Narrated by Muslim, 49).
The basic principle is that it is haraam for a Muslim to forsake his fellow-Muslim, unless there is a reason to allow it.
See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, by Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, vol. 3, p. 732.
Wali al-Deen al-‘Iraaqi said:
This prohibition applies in cases where the forsaking is caused by anger with regard to something permissible that has nothing to do with religion. With regard to forsaking someone for a religious reason, such as his committing sin or bid’ah, there is no prohibition on that. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded (his companions) to forsake Ka’b ibn Maalik, Hilaal ibn Umayyah and Maraarah ibn al-Rabee’ (may Allaah be pleased with them). Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: This hadeeth of Ka’b indicates that it is permissible for a man to forsake his brother if he commits some act of bid’ah or immorality, in the hope that forsaking him may discipline him and serve as a rebuke to him. Abu’l-‘Abbaas al-Qurtubi said: With regard to forsaking a person because of sin or bid’ah, it should be continued until he repents from that and does not go back to it. Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr also said: The scholars are unanimously agreed that it is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, unless there is the fear that speaking to him and keeping in touch with him will affect one’s religious commitment or have some harmful effect on one's spiritual and worldly interests. If that is the case, it is permissible to avoid him, because peaceful avoidance is better than harmful mixing. Tarh al-Tathreeb, 8/99
What you should do, if your brother has done something haraam, is to advise him and explain that this thing is haraam and is not permitted, and remind him of Allaah. If you see that he is persisting in his sin and you think that forsaking him will serve a purpose, then it is permissible to do so, as stated above. But if he has simply done something that you do not agree with, or it is the matter of different points of view, then you should explain to him that you do not agree with what he has done, or with his mistaken point of view. But if you make forsaking him the sign of your disagreeing with him, this may lead to him rejecting your view completely, let alone the fact that this is not a legitimate shar’i justification for forsaking him for more than three days. We have seen above in the fatwa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen that the basic principle is that it is haraam for a Muslim to forsake his fellow-Muslim, unless there is a reason to allow it.
The Muslim must be forbearing and sincere towards his brothers, he must be tolerant towards them and overlook their mistakes. He should not hasten to adopt a solution that may cause division and haraam kinds of forsaking. May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. May Allaah send blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad
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finally,
You have to remind these two disputing parties of these verses and ahaadeeth. Try to reconcile their points of view, and encourage them to forget their differences. You could address each of them directly, or you could write these texts on a piece of paper and give it to them to read.
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<wasalam>
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