Salaam wa alaikum wa barakatuhu

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself!' started by DoIEvenExist, Jun 20, 2013.

  1. DoIEvenExist
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    DoIEvenExist Member

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    I am here because I have the same problem as I have for the last ten years. I am a convert/revert or just a muslim i suppose who never assimilated into the muslim community. I have the same issues with this as many others. It seems like muslims do not adhere to sunna. If I say salaam or invite someone to spend time with me and build a friendship they don't respond. They don't send me salaams, or even really care to talk beyond superficialities. I have been backbiten and judged by muslim women, usually in languages that I don't understand, but I am not blind. Trash talking looks the same on everyone hijab or not, english or urudu or swahili. The body language and the facial expression is there.

    I have cried and felt bad about it. I've been angry and now I'm pretty much not in the mood to put any more energy into it at all. Prayer is great. Ramadan is coming. Eid. I am alone for all of it. The only thing I really worry about it being buried properly when I die.

    I don't even despair about marriage any more. I'm a happy person and I know how to stay busy so alhumdullillah I'm probably better off than many convert/reverts who get married thinking that it will solve thier problems.

    I just thought it would be nice to hear from muslims everyonce in a while. Even if they aren't addressing me directly I willl get e-mail notifications and I might post every once in a while.
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  2. Nureyni Amir
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    Walaikum Asalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Ukhty Fillah. First and first most and remind/advice myself and you to always worry about what Allah swa see you as or think about you. "Al-Fudayl b. ‘Ayyâd said: If you can be unknown, be so; it doesn't matter if you are not known and it doesn't matter if you are not praised. It doesn't matter if you are blameworthy according to people if you are praiseworthy with Allâh the Mighty and Majestic.
    Al-Bayhaqî, Al-Zuhd Al-Kabîr p100.
    Say Alhamdulliah for the ne'ema (Islam) that Allah has bestowed upon you.
    And people will never STOP talking about others and you know what at the end of the day, they just gave you all their deeds.
    STORY OF OWAIS (R A)- An Unseen companion of Prophet (SAWS)
    Owais (R A) was the only man who was mentioned by name by the Prophet(SAWS) without him having met him. He became a companion without seeing the prophet (SAWS), Owais (R A) was given the honor of being his Companion in Paradise! SubahanAllaah
    One day, Omar ibn Khattab, Abu Bakr, Ali and other companions (RadhiAllaahu Anhum) were sitting with the Prophet(SAWS) at the Masjid when the Prophet(SAWS) said to them, “Tomorrow, a man will enter from this door to pray among you and he will be from the people of Paradise.”
    Abu Huraira (R A) relates that the next day he hurried to Fajr prayer at the Masjid and lined up in the first row in hopes that he would be the man that the Prophet(SAWS) was referring to the day before.
    There were many other Companions standing alongside him who also had the same idea. The Prophet (SAWS) conducted Fajr prayer and sat down. The Companions were eager to know who this man of Paradise was, but it didn’t seem the Prophet was going to mention it. So they sat and waited for a while and some of them had to go, but others still waited. These included Abu Huraira, Abu Bakr, Ali, and Umar ( RadhiAllaahu Anhum).
    Just then walked in a man, who was so poor his clothes were dirty and torn. The Prophet(SAWS) immediately stood up and smiled from ear to ear and welcomed the man. The man asked the Prophet to pray for him. The Prophet(SAWS) raised his hands in duaa and said, “Oh Allaah please grant this man a position in the highest levels of Paradise, Al Firdous, with me.” So then when the man left, Abu Huraira (R A) asked the Prophet(SAWS) ,”Was that him?!” “Yes,” replied the Prophet .
    “But oh Messenger of Allaah , he is nothing more than a poor slave, how can that be him?” asked Abu Huraira(R A) . “Oh Abu Huraira,” said the Prophet. “What can I do for him if his fate in this world is to be poor? His position on the Day of Judgment is that of a king. Abu Huraira(R A) , the ones that have the most value to Allaah are those that are pure, starving, whose faces are dusty, who are not known on this Earth, but known in the skies.
    If they want to get married, no one would marry them. And if they get sick, the do not pass on the sickness to anyone (they are alone), and if they attend something their presence is not felt, and if they leave, no one notices, and when they die, no one attends their funeral. These people however, are not forgotten by Allaah and they are held with so much value.”
    “Oh Messenger of Allaah , show me one of them,” said Abu Huraira(R A).
    “I will tell you about Owais (R A) Al Qarni,” replied the Prophet . The Companions looked at each other, each trying to recall if they know a man named Owais. They didn’t know that he was talking about a man that they will meet years after the Prophet has passed away.
    “He is a man of medium height, head held high despite being poor with very dark skin. I can see him putting his right arm on his left arm and weeping as he reads Quran. He is wearing a cloak of poor wool,” said the Prophet(SAWS) , smiling as if he can see him as Angel Jibreal (A S) is describing him. “On his left shoulder, there is a white mark the size of a dirham that is the effect of an illness.
    He is unknown among the people but known in the skies. His biggest sign is the mother he deeply cares for. When he makes duaa, it is granted. He will come among the people on the Day of Judgment and as they are entering Paradise, he will be stopped. When he asks why, Allaah will tell him he can bring whomever he
    wants into Paradise with him, as much as 200,000 people (the amount of two large tribes).”
    “Ali and Umar, if you are ever to find this man, ask him to make duaa for you and ask Allaah for
    your forgiveness,” said the Prophet .
    Story Begins:
    Elsewhere in Yemen, a young boy is herding his sheep, the sun beating down on his shoulders where a white mark stands alone on his dark skin. He is frustrated from being poor and having to struggle and take care of his mother. His father died when he was a young child, leaving him the man of the house. When the boy was seventeen, his mother lost her vision, and his responsibilities toward her increased as he now
    had to help her move around.
    One night, he was carrying a candle and helping his mother move around the house when the candlelight went out and they were left in darkness. He could not see a thing. Then his mother, who was used to finding her way in the darkness, started leading him. This turn of events affected him deeply and he started to ponder on the weight of light and darkness.
    The next day, the seventeen-year-old Owais (R A) bumped into a Muslim man who was coming to Yemen to spread Islam. He stopped the man and asked him to tell him something from the Qur'an that his Prophet(SAWS) has said. So the man recites a verse from Surat Al Nur:
    {…And he for whom Allaah has not appointed light, for him there is no light} (Qur'an 24:40)
    This really hit home for Owais (R A) as he remembered what had happened the night before with his mother. “Tell me more about what your Prophet(SAWS) says,” said Owais.
    So the man, noticing that Owais (R A) was poor, chose this Hadith. “What am I to this world and what is this world to me? The example of me and this world is that of a man who walks in the heat of the desert and sits under the shade of a tree for an hour, then walks away and leaves it.”
    Owais (R A) upon hearing this Hadith, immediately said his shahadah and became a Muslim at the age of 17. Then came the question, will he migrate to see the Prophet? As much as Owais (R A) wanted to, he couldn’t and wouldn’t leave his mother. Some people suggested that he let some neighbors take care of her while he was gone but he said that he was the one who should take care of her and turned down the opportunity to see the Prophet. This sacrifice for his mother and the way Owais (R A) had devoted himself to his mother his whole life was the reason that he was mentioned by the Prophet(SAWS) . Also because of his deep faith and his lack of attachment to the material things in this world.
    So when Ali bin Abu Talib (R A) left Yemen with a group of new Muslims to go back to Madinah, it was
    without the boy he bumped into on his way there. He had no idea that it the Owais (R A) that the Prophet(SAWS)
    had mentioned and the boy didn’t know it was Ali bin Abu Talib(R A). 3 years later, the Prophet passed away and years after that Abu Bakr (R A) also passed away. When Umar ibn AlKhattab(R A) became Khalifah, he would go around all the people during Hajj and call out,
    “OWAIS, OWAIS, Is there anyone here named Owais?” He would go to the group that came from Yemen and ask them if a man named Owais (R A) is among them. But no one had heard of this man. Umar (R A) realized it was just as the Prophet(SAWS) described to him, that he was a man who was unknown among the people.
    Year after year, Umar (R A) would go around at Hajj and call out and ask for Owais. One year during Hajj,
    he stood at Mount Arafat and asked all the people making Hajj to stand up. Then he told everyone to sit down except those from Yemen. From that group, he told them all to sit down except those from Murad and from that group, he told them all to sit down except those from Qarn. One man was left standing. “Are you a Qarni?” asked Umar ibn Al Khattab(R A). The man replied in the affirmative.
    “Do you know Owais?” “Yes, he is my nephew. But what would you want with him. He is but a poor,
    forgotten man,” replied the Yemeni man. Umar (R A) started to weep. “This man is not just a poor, forgotten man. He is a man who will choose 200,000 people to come with him into heaven. Is he with you?”
    “No, he is not,” replied the man. “Is his mother living,” asked Umar(R A).
    “Yes,” replied the man.
    “I know he will not ever leave her, as this is what the Prophet (SAWS) said,” replied Umar(R A).
    Umar (R A) searched for Owais (R A) for ten years. A year before the death of Umar(R A) , Owais’s mother passed
    away. That year, Umar stood up at Mount Arafat again and said to the people of Yemen, “Is Owais
    al Qarni among you?” A Yemeni man said, “He is that sheppard standing over there.” Umar (R A) became
    so excited and went to look for Ali(R A) . “Ali! Ali! We found him!” he called out.
    Umar and Ali (R Anhum) approached Owais (R A) and asked him,“Are you Owais (R A) al Qarni?”
    “Yes,” replied a surprised Owais. “Show me your shoulder,” replied Umar. Owais (R A) showed them his shoulder and they were able to see the mark that the Prophet(SAWS) mentioned. “Is your mother with you?” asked Umar. Owais (R A) replied that his mother had passed away. “Ah, it is just as the Prophet said it would be then,” said Umar(R A).
    Owais (R A) actually did not know these men so he asked them who they were. “I am Umar ibn AlKhattab(R A) , the Khalifah, and this is Ali ibn Abu Talib(R A) , the man who came to Yemen to spread Islam,” said Umar(R A).
    “Yes! I remember him! But, how do you know me?” asked Owais. So Umar (R A) told Owais (R A) the whole story about how the Prophet(SAWS) had talked about him years ago and how Angel Jibreal (A S) had described him. They said how his signs were the mark on his shoulder, his care for his mother, and his lack of attachment to this world. He said how Prophet (SAWS) told them that he would take 200,000 people with him into Paradise. They told him how they had been looking for him for years.
    Umar and Ali (R Anhum) then asked Owais (R A) to make duaa for them and ask forgiveness for him. “You are now my friend in this life and the next,” Umar(R A) said to Owais. However, Owais (R A) was not interested in the
    life of fame and ease that would come with being Umar’s friend, especially when people find out what the Prophet (SAWS) had said about him. He kindly refused, and asked to be left as he is. Owais (R A) said he was going to go to Kufa. “Would you like me to write to the leader of Kufa to await your arrival and look after you?” asked Umar.
    “No thank you. I would like to go unknown as I came,” replied Owais.
    “Ok then at least let me give you some money to help you out,” said Umar (R A) in an effort to do at
    least something for Owais. “No thank you, my wool coat has still not worn out and neither have my shoes. I have four dirhams that I have still not used. When I run out, I will figure out how to get more. I am content this way,” replied Owais.
    “Please stay with me,” said Umar. “Thank you Umar. But what I have is good for me and what
    you have is good for you and the Muslims,” said Owais.
    Owais (R A) left Mecca. He participated in the battle at Azerbaijan and died during the battle. His death came about 2 years after the death of Umar ibn AlKhattab(R A) . Owais (R A) was about 35 years old.

    MORAL:
    This is one of my favorite stories. There are two things to learn here. One is the importance of taking care of your mother and that the reward for it is more than you can imagine. Once a companion asked the Prophet whom he should befriend. The Prophet (SAWS) replied, “Your mother.”
    The Companion then asked, “Who after her?” “Your mother,” replied the Prophet. Then Companion then asked, “Then who should I befriend?” “Your mother,” replied the Prophet(SAWS) . “Then whom after that?” asked the Companion. “Your father,” replied the Prophet.(Sahîh Bukhârî 5971 and Sahîh Muslim 7/2)
    So much importance is placed on the mother-not just taking care of her and feeding her and clothing her. Befriend her. Your parents should be your friends. Bir Al Waleedain, your obligation to your parents, is not just a material obligation like putting a roof over their heads and making a phone call every week. Its being their friend and having them be a part of your life, especially in their old age. People say that Islam oppresses women, but how can anyone say that when they see a person like Owais, who will take 200,000 with him to heaven, just for sacrificing his friendship with the Prophet to take care of his mother and for devoting his whole life to her. If you were in the same position, what would you choose?
    Which leads me to the second lesson.
    Sacrifice:

    When you sacrifice something for Allaah or leave something for the sake of Allaah , Allaah will reward
    you with something unbelievably greater than it. Owais (R A) didn’t get to be a Companion of the Prophet because he chose to care for his mother, so Owais (R A) was given the honor of being his Companion in Paradise! This also goes for you in even the smallest things. Imagine how Owais (R A) must have felt to hear what the Prophet had said about him!
    *This story is also a reminder that our wealth, clothes and status are not an indication to how we are viewed by Allaah . The story in the beginning of the man in the Masjid was the Prophet’s way of showing that to the Companions.
    *Owais (R A) is going to take 200,000 people with him to Paradise! Even a martyr only gets 70,000.
    Share this, May Allaah reward you well. Aameen
  3. Abu Loren
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    Abu Loren Defender of Islam!

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    Asalaamu Alaikkum sis,

    Unfortunately this is endemic in the Islamic community. I hate to say it but there are many Muslims who are born into a Muslim family who thinks that reverts are second class citizens and do not fully accept them as Muslims. This is especially true of sisters sad to say. One hears so many similar stories, some sisters are even turned away from Islamic centres or ignored when they go to seek any kind of help.

    My advice to you is to stay strong especially in imaan and put your trust in Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala. Think of it as a test. A true source of comfort should be the Holy Qur'an and the Hadiths.

    Sometimes I feel like shouting from the rooftops....

    ALL BELIEVERS ARE BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!!
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  4. Aisya al-Humaira
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    Aisya al-Humaira الحمدلله على كل حال

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    Assalamua`alaykum wa rahmatullaah Sister,

    Yes, I agree with Abu Loren that such thing exists. I think it is more apparent in Western countries. But do know that there are still good, friendly sisters out there who don't judge others and would like to extend a sisterhood with you. Just that maybe most of these sisters are busy with their own personal life and families. I know I have a hard time too to find other sunnah sisters who I can join with to lectures etc.

    If it helps to have someone to talk to, do post a lot more often here. We have the sisters' section here.

    It's nice to know you are aware how to keep yourself busy and productive. A lot of people struggle to do just that, so alhamdulillaah for that. You seem to be an energetic person (not because of the mood choice lol but your willingness to connect with others) so please remain that way as a strong Muslim is more lovable to Allaah than a weaker one.

    Take care.

    Wa`alaykummus salaam.
  5. sister herb
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    sister herb Official TTI Chef

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    Salam alaykum

    Welcome to forum.

    I am sure that here are a lot of reverts with similar situation like you.

    I too am revert and in my city all other muslims are immigrants. Most of them know me (I sometimes hope to be unknown) as I have worked in immigration service by local social office as teacher. My sisters and brothers have accepted me as they sister because I have helped them and help also at the future. Many have been surprise because they thought that originals in my country are not muslims...

    I might be shy with others but I have seen others too might be shy with me.

    Be brave, my sister and go to talk with your sisters. They just might be shy and that´s why not talk to you.

    :)
  6. Nureyni Amir
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    Nureyni Amir Junior Member

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    Asalamu Alaikum, Subhannallah I have never seen such things in my community. I understood the problem here incorrectly I guess. Alhamdullillah all the people I have seen so far that are revert are welcomed and loved. Everyone are actually are competing to be their sisters/brothers for the sake of Allah and help them with the basic problems. Unfortunately, I have never got one because am kind of shy to raise my hand when the sheik asks, and there is only little chance for me to be picked while there are many sisters who are better than me in religious aspect waiting to be picked. So I usually sit their and daydreamof how lucky this sisters is. I have seen so many of my sisters at the Masjid crying when one will announce their shahada. But subhannallah I don't know what kind of Muslim person will ever disrespect other Muslims. But I guess it is your responsibility to advice those kind of people subhanallahi to STOP living in ignorance and follow the Quran and the sunnah. No Muslim is better than other Muslim accept in the level of their Iman.
    Oh you who believe, Believe!
    This Sisters group is very active when it come to issues that are facing the Muslimahs today.
    https://www.facebook.com/groups/163150257063515/?fref=ts
    May Allah swa bestow the patience of the Ulul azm on you dear sisters and May Allah guide us all.
    Keep up with Da'wah.
    Your sister Nureyni.
  7. DoIEvenExist
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    DoIEvenExist Member

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    It is a nice story
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  8. Hajjerr
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    Hajjerr He is Dhul-Jalali Wal-Ikram

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    Salam aleikum sister

    You are not alone in this situation, i know the difficulties of being a revert and the deceptions we encounter when we meet the ''born muslims'' that dont act really as we learn at first in islamic teachings >the essence of people is that they forget, we need to be reminded often to increase our Imaan..But subhanAllah, humans will be humans, everyone is fighting his own battle and mashAllah you seem down to earth, a blessing from Allah to be aware of what is right and what is wrong and the desire to be better.
    Internet many times helps in connecting with other muslims all over the world, alhamdulillah and maybe in future you will be at more peace with life.
    All the best, stick around :)
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  9. Munawar
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    Munawar Striving for Paradise

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    Assalam-o-alikum Sister,

    First of all congratulations on accepting Islam. Second of all congratulations on sticking to Islam like a rock despite the bad behaviour of the so-called "born Muslim". Thirdly I would like to say that you should feel pitty on these "born Muslim" as Allah (SWT) gave birth to them in a Muslim family where they had the oppurtunity to learn Islam so as a result they have a higher burden on their shoulder. He had mercy on them and raised them in a Muslim famity, Yet if they are not fulfilling their responsibilities and their duties, then they will face the wrath of Allah (SWT) on the Day of Judgement.

    Sister I think this behaviour you mentioned also depends upon the local community as well. A more educated and learned community would not do such a thing. So maybe you should look around and maybe if you could move then move to a better community, specially if there are other reverts in that community. I know this is easy said then done, but this may be a much better alternative to your current situation.

    I think there are several organizations too in the US which can help you in doing that.

    Sister you do Exist. Not only do you exist but your existance is being testified by angels and pious people.

    I can sense the pain in your writing, and I believe that each of your suffereing in the path of Allah (SWT) is elevating your status and your position to newer and higher levels.

    May Allah (SWT) give you peace and tranquality in this life and the next. Ameen.

    Wassalam.
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  10. SonOfAdam
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    SonOfAdam Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Selam Aleykum Sister,

    Sorry to hear how you have not felt a warm sisterhood/brotherhood since reverting I know what you are talking about as a lot of people (Muslim or not) talk a lot but when it comes to action or following through are not reliable. Do not feel that because you are a revert you have any less worth or love by the Ummah, we love you just the same as anyone else. Some cultural and language barriers separate us from certain people, but that should not hinder any frienships. I don't get why anyone would backbite you for no reason... that is just wrong, but that is in your benefit insallah as you will get their good deeds or offload your bad deeds on them on the day of judgement. Do not fall to these peoples levels and just avoid them and make new friends. Why would you care what such a person thought of you anyway, they are far from the character of a good Muslim it sounds.

    Like most things in life, if you want something to get done you have to do it yourself. Don't ever expect anything from anybody. Don't let other peoples behavior influence you, elhamdulillah you look to be a very nice and humble person, if someone came to you seeking friendship or help I am sure you would run to them.

    I am sure you can find a nice circle of friends at the mesjid if you continuously go and meet people and attend events. If not, you have us here!

    If you need help in anything feel free to reach out to me.

    Regards,
    Hasan
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