Second Marriage

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mosabaig

Junior Member
:bismillah: :salam2:

Dear Brothers and Sisters

Is it possible at all to have a second wife in this age, I have this notion as I am working abroad to support my family finiancially looks impossible and honestly no woman may consider it...besides how the children may take it...... although islamicaly may be bringing a part in to existance which is not common now a days....any suggestions

:jazaak:

Somtimes there is habits or common interests are not met and both donot want the divorce. May be man is sextually active while wife says no all the time or ignores his wishes for a long period of time.. then what to do...what if all the dicisions are made by the wife and husband is just the money provider ...
 

dna1987

Muslim Guy
Two wives should not be taken for any purpose remotely related to lust. If you marry a second wife, it should only be for a noble cause (eg. a Muslim widow, a lady with who's having a lot of trouble finding a husband). If you go for a 19 year old, never-married before, young girl (pretty much a girl who can get married with much more ease compared to other girls), then your motifs should be questioned. It will look like you got "bored" with your first.

Also, I think before you jump into a second marriage, shouldn't you ask your first wife first? I mean, if she doesn't agree with it or doesn't like it, then by marrying a second wife, you will be creating a barrier with your first if she doesn't agree with it. If already married, you should ask these questions with your family - that includes your parents, siblings, and first wive plus kids also, as any decision you make will affect them too.

EDIT: Below, are the reason FOR marrying, and you should consider those obviously. To the below part:
But brother OmarTheFrench why would'nt you marry more then one wife if you are able to financialy and physically.

There is more to it, in my opinion, than just the guy's finances and physical strength. The emotions of your first wife. I believe she has a big say in what you do.
 

ibnAbdullah87

Junior Member
I know some brothers with two wives and they have no complants and many of the scholars and students of knowledge have more then one wife so yes it can still happen even know a days. There is probably more of a need for it as well to since women are out numbering men and not only that but the majority of people excepting Islam are women so if every man only marrys one women then there will be lots of sisters that will never get married so you should thank about that. If they do not get married then they will have to live on their own they probably are having a hard time with their family and are in need of being married taken care of and it also protects the private parts. From what I seen it does not effect the kids, espcailly if they are raised islamicly. Brother mosabaig has a point that it may be hard finacialy but also remeber depending on which country you live in you get like $200 bonus for each child you have on your pay cheque so that takes care of the kids and you are not going to spend $200 on a child every two weeks. But brother OmarTheFrench why would'nt you marry more then one wife if you are able to financialy and physically.
 

ibnAbdullah87

Junior Member
If a man does take on a second wife then his first wife should be pateint because even the wives of the Prophet used to get jeoluse of each other, so that is normal. If man does marry out of desire a second wife again if he is welling to take care of her then what is the problem he is avoid fitnah or falling into a great sin so he should not be questioned. And he would still be doing justice because of how greatly women out number men. But not every man can handle multiple wifes but no one should stands in the way if a men wishes to take a second wife and he can handle it. I know this might offend some of the sisters and I do not mean to but the truth need to be spoken.
 

dna1987

Muslim Guy
If a man does take on a second wife then his first wife should be pateint because even the wives of the Prophet used to get jeoluse of each other, so that is normal.

Yeah bro, I know what you mean. Getting jealous will obviously occur. But I don't think any of the prophet's wives explicitly said "I don't want you to marry another lady".

If man does marry out of desire a second wife again if he is welling to take care of her then what is the problem he is avoid fitnah or falling into a great sin so he should not be questioned.

Yeah, I guess marrying for desire to avoid fitnah is a reason, but I think it's the least noble. Once again, it depends on who you marry. If I EVER, marry a second wife, I will make sure my first wife is 100% ok with it, and she won't think that I will spend extra time with the second, etc. And if I ever feel like I have to marry a second time (personally, I think looking after my first wife will be hard enough anyway), then she has to be in the following category: widow or 30 year old lady who is still not married, because she is disabled or just not very good looking. And I'll probably get to that stage if I don't find any other guy for her first.

And he would still be doing justice because of how greatly women out number men. But not every man can handle multiple wifes but no one should stands in the way if a men wishes to take a second wife and he can handle it. I know this might offend some of the sisters and I do not mean to but the truth need to be spoken.

As for it being the "truth", until either one of us posts up actual hadith quotes (islamicfajr to the rescue!! InshAllah! :)), I think we have differences of opinion.
 

OmarTheFrench

Junior Member
In my opinion you must think to your first wife,particularly if you have married in an occidental country you can make here not jealous but sad and this is not required.(Allah knows best)
 

MubarekMuslimah

Junior Member
assalaamu alaikum

The Holy Quran tells us - Allah swt tells us:

4:2 Give unto orphans their wealth. Exchange not the good for the bad (in your management thereof) nor absorb their wealth into your own wealth. Lo! that would be a great sin.

4:3 And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.

4:4 And give unto the women (whom ye marry) free gift of their marriage portions; but if they of their own accord remit unto you a part thereof, then ye are welcome to absorb it (in your wealth).

4:5 Give not unto the foolish (what is in) your (keeping of their) wealth, which Allah hath given you to maintain; but feed and clothe them from it, and speak kindly unto them.

And if you fear you cannot deal justly with the Oprhans than marry 2, 3 or 4 - so already we see there is reasoning behind marrying more than 1 wife - that a husband is not able to help the orphans properly.

But then we are warned - but if you fear you cannot - then marry only 1.

Allah swt tells us the importance of providing for and treating all your wives equally and also that it is not obligatory to marry more than 1 AND that providing for more than 1 wife is no mean feat - if you even FEAR you cannot do it, then do not. Becuase to have more than 1 wife and not treat them equally both materially, financially, spiritually or otherwise is a grave sin.

These days it is hard to treat more than 1 wife equally - 2 x houses, 2 x cars, 2 x food bills etc, equal share of your time, equal presents, equal support - a man who can achieve this is some man! Most of us have trouble affording 1 house and 1 car to share with our spouse, some of us don't even have that.......is it fair to marry a second wife and not treat her equally when she may be able to marry another man who can provide for her what she needs? is it fair to treat the 2nd wife worse than the 1st or even treat the 2nd wife better??

So a man cannot marry another wife for lustful reasons or for status or another other such - he should seek to spend his finances on his 1st wife and the orphans, charity. Then if he can provide for another wife he can marry her but only then and if he even fears/thinks he can't do it, then don't do it.

He doesn't actaully have to seek the permission of his first wife to do this - this is a misconception with no evidence - I should know, I am a woman and I have looked into this greatly. But to totally diregard her feelings is bad - a husband should communicate with this wife, TREAT her kindly, consider her feelings and not seek to put animosoity between them unless it if due to disagreement on Islamic issues. If a man can actually be sure he could provide for more than 1 eqaully in every way AND be ok with putting a barrier between himself and his first wife I would be quite surprised nowadays - but it is possible islamically.

From her point of view she needs legitamate reason to prevent him - ie she needs to show him how hwe would not be able to maintain their marriage equally and she needs to consider his motives - some men do marry a second wife simply cos the first one got old. astifrugallah. She needs to think about what she needs from her husband, what another woman maybe in need of ( protection, companionship ) and what another woman may bring to him that she may not be able (Islamic things in the duty of a wife, such as children (when 1st wife may not be able) not a prettier face or whatever) If she is unhappy with the arrnagement she can divorce him - it is all a test from Allah swt and a test of their marriage. It seems harsh but we need to conduct our marriages to the Quran and Sunnah ( as per the ayats above) and not other values - Allah swt knows best.

Someone once said to me that a successful marriage is one where both partners go to jannah insha'allah - they don't call it half the deen for nothing.

Salaams.
 

rguyah

Junior Member
2nd wife

Let the brothers and sisters remember... Prophet Muhammed remained with a single wife when married to Khadijah. If I am mistaken, please correct me. There are real reasons for taking 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wives and 'I just want one' is not one of those. The wives of the Prophet were very jealous of each other. Aisha was very angry once when the Prophet ate of another wife's food when she was present and she slapped the food out of his hands. The Prophet was humbled by her response.

Be just in everything you do and remember the examples our Prophet laid forth for us.
 

ibn azem

Super Moderator
Staff member
:salam2:

Dear brothers and sisters, although everyone has the right to have his word heard, I would also kindly advise the brothers and sisters not to rush with their fatwas as this i complicated matter. Givig a fatwa without real knowledge in Islam is a very serious issue, I think most of us in here are aware of that, but if not then I would kindly advise the brothers & sisters to take this into consideration. As people might take these fatwas and live with them. And a lot of them do not fit with the teaching of Islam even if we come with a hadeeth or an Ayah; it takes more than that to interpret the hadeeths or Ayaats or give conclusions to such a matter.

Wassalamu alaykum.
 

ibnAbdullah87

Junior Member
I am not disagree but I just think it is wronge to discourage something that Allah has made lawful for the man that is his right. Their is no proof that a man can not marry more then one wife. Lets look at the good side to marrying more then one wife for what ever reason, you increase the number of the believers by have more children which is something that the Prophets :saw: wants for his nation to out number the rest of nations. Women great out number men in general for example there is about 1 million more women then men in New York alone and there are more women then men in Islam and Islam is the fasts growing religion and it is mostly women and young people excepting Islam so I am not saying it is for ever man to marry more then one wife but if some of the men do not do so then their will be a lot of unmarried women who will have to take care of themselfs and it could cause a fitnah in the communities. It is part of a mans fitrah to be able to love more then one women take care of her that is why Allah gave men that right and also the every aspect of Islaam is for all times not only at the time of the Prophet times change but the religion stays the same. Do we not think that Allah knew of the time that we live in but Allah still gave men this right. All says if you feel you can not deal with them justly only marry one that we all agree upon but their are a lot of men that can handle and take care of more then one wife. So if individualy we feel we can not handle more then one wife then lets say I don't feel I can handle more then one wife but do not make it general. So back to women out number men all the men marry one wife then all the sister that never get married what are they to do marry the men from the kufar which is not allowed, so think about.

In the ayah 4:3
And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.

Allah first tells us if we can not deal with the or the orphan girl then marry from the women that seem good to you, two or three or four, Allah started with two then after said if you fear you can not do justice then marry one so let not discourage one who wants to fulfill the right given to him by Allah. And about marry out of desire the Messenger said marry the loving and child barring ones. Let not take away peoples rights but say instead I don't think I could handle it do not make it general I want to stress this again.
 

ibnAbdullah87

Junior Member
The reason why I am defending marrying more then wife so much is because from what I am picking up from the brothers and sisters that replyed is that anyone who marries a second wife out of desire is a criminal or a sinner but I am sure that is not what anyone intends. Brother ibn_adham thanks for the advice.
 

ibnAbdullah87

Junior Member
Imaam ‘Abdur-Rahmaan Ibn Naasir as-Sa’dee [d. 1376] says in the commentary of these verses [pg. 208]: “Allaah, the Most High, informs us that husbands do not have the ability to be completely just between wives, and that is because complete justice requires the presence of equal love, attraction, and an inclination of the heart, and then the action this necessitates, and this is impossible, therefore Allaah has pardoned him for what he is not able (to do), and has prohibited him from that which he has the ability with His Statement “So do not incline too much to one of them so as to leave the other hanging…”. Meaning, do not incline heavily to one (over the other) to the point where you do not give them their obligatory rights, rather do all that is in your power to be just (between them). So, maintenance, clothing, the division of time etc., it is upon you to be equal between them in these, as opposed to love, sexual intercourse, etc., so if the husband abandons his wife she becomes as if she is suspended, neither divorced so as to marry, nor married where she receives her rights.” [End of the words of As-Sa’dee]

to continue reading click on the link below it is about doing justice between wives
http://www.troid.org/articles/sisters/nikaah/ardentdesire.pdf
 

dna1987

Muslim Guy
Quran 4:3 said:
And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.

I agree with all the good points. Of course it is halal to marry more than one wife, and yes there are more women than men on this planet.

BUT, read the part in bold. My point is not that a "second wife" is wrong, nor is it that one is a sinner/criminal if he marries another wife out of desire (although personally I'd hope my Muslim brother has a better cause than just that..that's my opinion though, please can everybody keep that in mind)...

What I am trying to say is that if you marry a second wife against the wishes of your first, then you are not doing justice to her. It is recommended to marry more than one wife, if it will well the Muslim society, but it is also recommended that you keep your spouse happy. If your partner is ok with it, then by all means go for it. But I think one should discuss it with his wife or wives, before taking another.

(And just to finish off, for anybody reading, this is my opinion, and yes we are allowed to have differences of opinion. And no, I don't think I suggested anything un-halal in my post, nor did I suggest something that is halal to be haram.)
 

ibnAbdullah87

Junior Member
On that we agree. And the sisters should be patient because I am pretty sure not all of the Prophets wifes wanted to share him with other women and the same goes for the wifes of the sahabah but they kept silent and did not say do not take a second or third or fouth wife or they did not threaten to divorce them if they did because they did love for their sisters what they loved for themselfs..
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
On that we agree. And the sisters should be patient because I am pretty sure not all of the Prophets wifes wanted to share him with other women and the same goes for the wifes of the sahabah but they kept silent and did not say do not take a second or third or fouth wife or they did not threaten to divorce them if they did because they did love for their sisters what they loved for themselfs..

Assalamu alaykum,

It is our duty to give salams to our fellow Muslim brothers and sisters.

Secondly, yes it is allowed to marry upto four wives. What you say is partially true, but it requires understanding and further explanation. I fear that your statement is too general and can be misunderstood. Also, you should not be "pretty sure". There is no such thing as being pretty sure when we discuss our beloved Prophet :saw: and his family, or anything in Islam. We must be firm in our Islamic stance, having strong backing of the Quran, Sunnah and also the Fahm of the Salaf, understanding of the pious predecessors.

I believe it is especially critical to have the understanding on issues such as those that are related to family matters to avoid misinterpreting and creating situations which are not those that are not from our beautiful Deen of Islam.

From what i have seen in my experience especially some of the brothers who claim to be practising Islam in the West, they take the issue of Marriage and divorce very very lightly.

So, sisters should always be careful and do things from their own choice. Women have a choice, they are not animals.

Sisters have a Right not to get married to brothers who already have wives. Women can make a prenuptial agreement to state that her husband can not marry again whilst she is married to him. This is a binding agreement. As long as both consent it is fine. The Kibar Ulema have agreed to this.

So thats for married women, women who are not married, have a choice.. for example, they dont have to marry any one who they do not want to.

They do not have to marry the first person they meet, when looking to get married! Some brothers put pressure on them on the sisters to get married.

its THEIR CHOICE who to marry, whether he is single, or not. Whether he is a rich, unmarried, religious brother, whether he is poor, or whatever person they reject. Likewise, They do not have to marry a guy who has 3 wives 15 children and is unemployed.

Not all women are the same, everyone has different preferences etc.

So, yes, the Prophet :saw: wives were like that, they were the best of women and he was the best of all men. But, this does not mean it is obligatory for women to marry men without having a choice. This is extremism and it is not from Islam.

So some brothers need to fear Allah and not try and tell sisters that they should get married and shutup because more than one wife is allowed. They should not stalk and pester sisters or make them do something that will destroy their families i.e their relationship with their parents.

Unfortunately, some brothers have taken opportunity to make fatawa against brothers and sisters, they disregard marriages at blink of an eye, and misuse Islam for their own ends. They love making fatwa and they love power. May Allah guide them.

But, at end of the day, we have to wait for the Shayookh to address the extremists that have appeared in the West who use their names and keep spreading the lies that they are backed by them.

Wasalam.
 

UmmTaymiyyah

Junior Member
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Concerning polygamy

Question: Some people say that marrying more than one wife is not allowed unless a person has orphans under his care and he fears that he will not do justice between them. Then he may marry their mother or one of her daughters. For evidence, they quote the verse:

{And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry women of your choice, two, three or four...}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 3).

Response: This statement is false.

The meaning of the verse is that if a person has under his care an orphan and he fears that he will not give her the proper amount of dower, then he should marry other women, for there are many women and Allaah will not make things difficult for him. The verse points to the legality of marrying two, three or four wives. This is allowed because it leads to more chastity, lowering of eyesight and guarding of the private parts.

Furthermore, that is a cause for more children and the chastity of more women, as well as them being treated properly and cared for. There is no doubt that the woman who has one-half of a husband or one-third or one-fourth is better off than the one who has no husband at all. However, one must meet the condition of justice among the wives and the ability to take care of and tend to the wives. If a person fears that he will not do justice, then he may only many one wife in addition to having slaves. The practice of the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) indicates and stresses that. When he died, he had nine wives. And Allaah says about him:

{Indeed in the Messenger of Allaah you have a good example to follow}, [Soorah al-Ahzaab, Aayah 21].

The Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) made it clear to his Nation that it was allowed for him to have more than four wives. Therefore, following his example on this point would mean taking four wives or less. Beyond four wives is something that is specific for the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) only.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz
Fataawa al-Mar.ah
 

Oem Soufiane

Junior Member
:bismillah: :salam2:

Dear Brothers and Sisters

Is it possible at all to have a second wife in this age, I have this notion as I am working abroad to support my family finiancially looks impossible and honestly no woman may consider it...besides how the children may take it...... although islamicaly may be bringing a part in to existance which is not common now a days....any suggestions

:jazaak:

SUBHANALLAH, you don't knnow the right women, I really wouldn't mind being a second wife if I was looking for a husband and I know a lot of other women who would. It's just a matter of who is asking. If a practising mashallah muslim would ask, Allahu akbar i would! It's also about what you are looking for, if you are only satisfied with a young girls who never was married, it can become hard, but you should not make a selection, choose a righteous women, I am not old and know a lot of girls from my age that wouldn't mind, so i think it will work for you if you are a PRACTISING muslim.

People should not make thing haraam when it's halal, you have the right of 4 women if you can't afford it (in time or money) you should marry 3,2 or 1, but it starts with four.

I lately heard some people say that a man can only marry a second wife if he has a reason, astaghfirulah, ahudu billah, what is a man supposed to do, a man has his needs and has the right to take another wife.
Why do you think there is so much zina in the west
 

marildu

Junior Member
Someone already said that doing it to avoid zina etc. was a valid and noble reason.
And I think they're just saying that it is better to have a reason and not just because you feel like having one. Because your other wife could be pretty offended by this.

Personally I do not wish it in my marriage. And the man I will marry will be aware of that before we are married. Then it is his decision.

I actually have a question regarding this topic. I have been told that the man does not have to have his wife's approval. However it is the right of the Muslim woman to be treated fairly both mentally and physically. And I would think that a lot of women would be pretty upset by this.

And in marriage we are supposed to decide things in consultation with our spouse.

"Those who hearken to their Lord, and establish regular prayer; who (conduct) their affairs by mutual Consultation; who spend out of what We bestow on them for Sustenance;" (Quran 42:38)

So would it really be allowed to not get your wife's approval first?
 
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