Secret marriage ?

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by Hopetogoparadis, Jun 10, 2012.

  1. Hopetogoparadis
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    Hopetogoparadis Junior Member

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    Assalam alakum

    What do you think about secret marriage which is hidden from man's parents ? Because if they wuld heear their son got married, they might be shocked indeed. And maybe their relation with the son would be really bad.

    They dont let their son to get married because he still has years ahead according to his current studies but son found a Muslimah who seem to be a good person and her parents might agree to let them have islamic nikah and then get together as a family some years later after their studies finish (untill then probably they will keep living seperate and contact on internet)

    And after all, when his parents are more soft and let him get married by then, maybe he would tell his parents he wanna get married with this girl (who is already his wife)


    So

    Is it better not to get married at all because he is obliged to tell his parents he got married ?
    (Announcing marriage)


    Or if he thinks that girl seems to be a good Muslimah, he better not let her go ? Because it might be good them to get married even if they keep contacting through internet for a while, maybe for some years, cant predict.
  2. ShyHijabi
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    ShyHijabi Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    The best way to handle this situation is to inform his parents immediately that he married. While it may create drama and resentment, that would be minor compared to the fallout if they found out years later he had hidden such a monumental thing from them. Besides, I can't imagine her parents would be ok with marrying their daughter to someone who won't even introduce them his parents.

    There is also the pragmatic issue of pregnancy. What if she gets pregnant and the husband's family thinks this woman was promiscuous because as far as they are concerned, she is unmarried? There is too much of a risk to her reputation by keeping nikahs secret. If he is man enough to be a husband than he is man enough to be honest with his parents.
  3. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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  4. Hopetogoparadis
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    Hopetogoparadis Junior Member

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    I watched it yes. But its not me, its my parents who doesnt want it. I tried to tell them a lot of times i want to get married but they said i should wait. So now, i dont know what to do.
  5. abu_ameer
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    abu_ameer New Member

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    May Allah (SWT) make it easy for you. This is a difficult situation. First of all, keeping in contact with this Muslimah without being married may lead to fitnah and Shaytaan will take advantage whenever possible. This man's parents on the other hand wish him to continue his studies. If this man can show them his intentions to continue studying after marriage, then it may work. But in reality, the man needs to sit down and have a serious talk with the parents and explain that the more this goes on, the more his emaan is being affected. Allah knows best.
  6. esperanza
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    esperanza revert of many years

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    salam ..being the parent of a young man maybe your age,,,,i know my husband would prefer...him to be married and studying ,,,,than just studying...in this day and age it is best to marry when ucan ..it is advisable....please try to explain to them that this is a good thing for you
    yes it may be a struggle financially and not easy with the resposibility of marriage and studies but with a good wife inshallah it will be easy

    may allah guide you
  7. queenislam
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    queenislam ★★★I LOVE ALLAH★★★

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    ~~~
    :wasalam:
    :salam2:

    :ma:

    I totally agree with sister ShyHijabi.
    with an additional,
    Just think what if in future a man did the same scenario to your daughter
    would you be happy then???
    The reason we have wedding feast in Islam no matter how small it is the idea
    to it is to get everybody acknowledge and blessing.
    Islam is so beautiful.
    :mashallah:
    Alhamdulillah!

    ~May Allah swt help,protect and guide all muslims~Amin!

    Take care,
    ~Wassalam :)

  8. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Asalaam alaikum,

    Brother,

    Go to an imam. Gather knowledge and have a mature and Believing brother support you by having a candid discussion with your parents.

    Most first generation immigrant parents have no clue what their children face. It is problematic. The brother on the video is addressing serious issues. Your situation is under the serious issues. Nowhere in Islam does it advocate that we delay marriage. Marriage helps to lower your gaze.

    Bilal Phillips is a good one to read. He has knowledge.

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