Simple ‘nikah' is a thing of past

Ershad

Junior Member
Simple ‘nikah' is a thing of past

-Hyderabad, India.

Marriages are made in heaven, but the expenses incurred on them could be hell. That's the dilemma facing the Muslim community today. The sheer expenses involved and the never ending demands in the name of ‘jehez' has put many a family on the tenterhooks. The big question before them is - to marry and how.

The problem is more serious for middle class families, particularly those having daughters. They can neither afford an extravagant marriage nor perform one below their standards. Result – thousands of nubile girls are withering away waiting for the knight in shining armour.

Elaborate affairs

Marriages are known to half grieves and double joys. But for most they are ending up quadrupling expenses. Many are coming to grief trying to tread the ostentatious path blazed by the rich. Simple ‘nikah' has become a thing of the past. Weddings are elaborate affairs – the ceremonies spread over several days.

“Even poor parents feel it beneath their dignity to marry off their daughters without a good reception”, says Abid Siddiqui, who counsels families during marriages.

There is a trend among the affluent to spend a fortune on making the marriage of their wards a ‘memorable event'. But the situation is grim in the old city where life is a daily struggle for the community. “This is leading to exploitation by the aging Arab Sheikhs”, bemoans a father.

New practices


Customs and practices alien to Islam have crept into the community. “People are spending a lot on them. This has to be stopped”, says Shaheda Ansari, a Chicago-based Hyderabadi working for reformation in the community.

The Minorities Development Forum and the Siasat Urdu daily have taken the initiative to bring back simplicity in Muslim marriages. During the last four years they have succeeded in getting about 5,000 marriages performed without any dowry demands.

Mortgaging houses

Siasat editor, Zahed Ali Khan, wants people to be realistic and shun false standards. “Some parents are even mortgaging their houses to meet the demands”, he deplores.

On Sunday scores of families finalised alliances for their wards at the “Doo-ba-doo mulaqat” programme organised at the Anwarul Uloom college in Mallepally. Boys and girls were categorised as per their qualifications – medicine, engineering, post-graduates, graduates, Aalim, Fazil and Hafiz.

“It is very easy to choose the kind of alliance you want”, remarked Ismail Khan, who came from Nizambad for a match for his daughter.

Could this be the silver lining behind the cloud?

Source: http://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/Hyderabad/article2726854.ece
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

We had a post recently about a brother in Houston, TX, USA..he said his wedding cost $25.00. Blessed is his bride.

We are not to imitate the kufr in our actions...a million dollar wedding equates to a two million dollar divorce.

Back in the day there was a wonderful saying: A fool and his money are soon parted.

If you have that much money give it to zakat, but do not be foolish.
 

lovefordeen

Junior Member
wa'alaikum assalaam

yes sister,i read about that post...but can we get a sheep/goat for the walima for 25 dollars...thats why i didn't comment on it..

i ask,what if someone can afford a grand walima,then is it wrong?and what if both the rich and poor are invited?plz correct me if i'm wrong...

yes,it is sad that some people who cannot afford a grand walima give one under pressure and get into debts...


assalaam alaikum
 

Ershad

Junior Member
wa'alaikum assalaam

yes sister,i read about that post...but can we get a sheep/goat for the walima for 25 dollars...thats why i didn't comment on it..

and to ershad ahmed...what if someone can afford a grand walima,then is it wrong?and what if both the rich and poor are invited?plz correct me if i'm wrong...

yes,it is sad that some people who cannot afford a grand walima give one under pressure and get into debts...


assalaam alaikum

:wasalam:

The general principle according to which a man should conduct his spending is the same general principle according to which he should conduct his life, which is the middle way and moderation. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “And those, who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes)” [al-Furqaan 25:67].

The middle way and moderation cannot be indentified by specific amounts or specific limits, that if a person oversteps steps that mark he can be described as being extravagant and if he falls short of it then he is being a miser or niggardly; rather that varies according to the individual’s situation, whether he is rich or poor, whether it is a case of ordinary expenses or an emergency. It also varies from one place to another, one time to another, and so on. The ruling on whether something is extravagance or not takes into account all of these things. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “Let the rich man spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allâh has given him. Allâh puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7].


Secondly:

Wedding parties are among the things in which it is prescribed to express happiness and joy and to instil that in the family and the wife, but that does not mean that one should fall into extravagance or spend unnecessarily. The argument that it is only once in a lifetime cannot be an excuse tospend too much. Being extravagant only once is not allowed and is haraam, just as being extravagant more than once is repeatedly falling into something that is not allowed and is haraam.

The scholars are still urging people not to be extravagant in wedding parties and other expenses that have to do with weddings in general. They suggest that this is one of the factors that make the issue of marriage complicated for those who want to get married, to such an extent that the numbers of young women who remain unmarried have increased.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:

What is your opinion on expensive dowries and extravagance in wedding parties, especially preparations for what is called the honeymoon, which includes high expenses? Does Islam approve of this?


He (may Allah have mercy on him) replied:

Expensive dowries and extravagance in wedding parties are things that are contrary to sharee‘ah. The most blessed marriage is that which is affordable; the less the expenses are, the greater the blessings. This is something that in most cases is the fault of women, because women are the ones who force their husbands to pay for expensive parties that are not allowed in sharee‘ah. This is something that is included in the words of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted (interpretation of the meaning): “…but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allâh) likes not Al-Musrifûn (those who waste by extravagance)” [al-A‘raaf 7:31]. Many women force their husbands to do that and say “So and so had such and such in her party” and so on.


Extravagance is not allowed and is blameworthy in all matters, whether it has to do with marriage or otherwise. What is prescribed in Islam is that the individual should not make things difficult for himself and should not burden himself with more than he can bear. Rather he should spend according to his means and what he is able to afford, whilst avoiding extravagance and going to extremes in spending.

But this does not mean that spending on wedding parties and marriage should be like spending on ordinary days, for example. Of course this is not appropriate; rather it is prescribed to spend more generously than usual at this time. For that reason it is Sunnah for a man to offer a feast at his wedding and to invite people to it. This is an expense that is greater than usual, but what matters, as we have said, is to avoid extravagance and wasteful spending in all of that. Each individual should pay attention to his own situation and what he can afford.

But what is required in such matters is to act in the way prescribed in Islam and not overstep that mark or be extravagant, because Allah – may He be glorified and exalted – has forbidden extravagance and has said that He does not like those who waste by extravagance.

Source:
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/171265/

From this, I understand that you can have a grand wallima if you have the means (like you said). But, it shouldn't become the norm but unfortunately, it does due to people having expectations. Hence, we always take the middle path. Everyone should do within their financial situation. We should try to imitate others. An expensive wedding doesn't guarantee strong marriage and there is no point in it.
 

ShahnazZ

Striving2BeAStranger
Nice article.

Desis can go straight up bonkers with all the extravagance. My aunts were discussing potential wedding ideas with me awhile ago and it sounded like they were describing a circus.

Jahez. Hmphh. As if.
 

Mr. India

New Member
The Prophet (PBUH) is reported to have said that the best nikah is one in which the least amount has been spent.
many women in countries like India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Afghanistan, Bangladesh, are tortured, abused, and killed for Jahez(an amount of money, goods or possessions given to the bride by the bride's family at the time of her marriage).
Is there any reason why the father of the girl has to give Jahez ? I think this unislamic custom exists only in indian subcontinent.
 

alf2

Islam is a way of life
Nice article.

Desis can go straight up bonkers with all the extravagance. My aunts were discussing potential wedding ideas with me awhile ago and it sounded like they were describing a circus.

Jahez. Hmphh. As if.

Hah! Yeah..its sad. I went to my first Islamic wedding some weeks ago and it was very nice masha allah. I mean, yes the bridge had on the nicest clothes but it was in no way "extravagant" The only extravagance i witnessed was how much food there was, but then again they did feed THE WHOLE MASJID.

The Prophet (PBUH) is reported to have said that the best nikah is one in which the least amount has been spent.
many women in countries like India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Afghanistan, Bangladesh, are tortured, abused, and killed for Jahez(an amount of money, goods or possessions given to the bride by the bride's family at the time of her marriage).
Is there any reason why the father of the girl has to give Jahez ? I think this unislamic custom exists only in indian subcontinent.


There was a discussion on this not too long ago.

The Husband gives the wife's family money. But why does the father of the girl give money? I am thinking this is a subcontinent thing too.
 

ShahnazZ

Striving2BeAStranger
There was a discussion on this not too long ago.

The Husband gives the wife's family money. But why does the father of the girl give money? I am thinking this is a subcontinent thing too.

It IS a Subcontinent thing. We're just so creative :astag:
 

finding light

Ya Rab! Forgive me..
OOh how I long for a simple Nikkah. Something I knew I wouldnt get when i was engaged to be married. Its actually part of the reason why it didnt work out because I knew culture was too deeply rooted in the family and I would never be able to get my - Nikkah, walima and happily ever after with my prince.
Inshallah I pray the right time round it will work for me and all single Muslims in the world. We all have our pure intentions, but let us be guided by Allah and always remember the prescribed manner for all things.
 

lovefordeen

Junior Member
:wasalam:

The general principle according to which a man should conduct his spending is the same general principle according to which he should conduct his life, which is the middle way and moderation. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “And those, who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes)” [al-Furqaan 25:67].

The middle way and moderation cannot be indentified by specific amounts or specific limits, that if a person oversteps steps that mark he can be described as being extravagant and if he falls short of it then he is being a miser or niggardly; rather that varies according to the individual’s situation, whether he is rich or poor, whether it is a case of ordinary expenses or an emergency. It also varies from one place to another, one time to another, and so on. The ruling on whether something is extravagance or not takes into account all of these things. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “Let the rich man spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allâh has given him. Allâh puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7].


Secondly:

Wedding parties are among the things in which it is prescribed to express happiness and joy and to instil that in the family and the wife, but that does not mean that one should fall into extravagance or spend unnecessarily. The argument that it is only once in a lifetime cannot be an excuse tospend too much. Being extravagant only once is not allowed and is haraam, just as being extravagant more than once is repeatedly falling into something that is not allowed and is haraam.

The scholars are still urging people not to be extravagant in wedding parties and other expenses that have to do with weddings in general. They suggest that this is one of the factors that make the issue of marriage complicated for those who want to get married, to such an extent that the numbers of young women who remain unmarried have increased.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:

What is your opinion on expensive dowries and extravagance in wedding parties, especially preparations for what is called the honeymoon, which includes high expenses? Does Islam approve of this?


He (may Allah have mercy on him) replied:

Expensive dowries and extravagance in wedding parties are things that are contrary to sharee‘ah. The most blessed marriage is that which is affordable; the less the expenses are, the greater the blessings. This is something that in most cases is the fault of women, because women are the ones who force their husbands to pay for expensive parties that are not allowed in sharee‘ah. This is something that is included in the words of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted (interpretation of the meaning): “…but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allâh) likes not Al-Musrifûn (those who waste by extravagance)” [al-A‘raaf 7:31]. Many women force their husbands to do that and say “So and so had such and such in her party” and so on.


Extravagance is not allowed and is blameworthy in all matters, whether it has to do with marriage or otherwise. What is prescribed in Islam is that the individual should not make things difficult for himself and should not burden himself with more than he can bear. Rather he should spend according to his means and what he is able to afford, whilst avoiding extravagance and going to extremes in spending.

But this does not mean that spending on wedding parties and marriage should be like spending on ordinary days, for example. Of course this is not appropriate; rather it is prescribed to spend more generously than usual at this time. For that reason it is Sunnah for a man to offer a feast at his wedding and to invite people to it. This is an expense that is greater than usual, but what matters, as we have said, is to avoid extravagance and wasteful spending in all of that. Each individual should pay attention to his own situation and what he can afford.

But what is required in such matters is to act in the way prescribed in Islam and not overstep that mark or be extravagant, because Allah – may He be glorified and exalted – has forbidden extravagance and has said that He does not like those who waste by extravagance.

Source:
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/171265/

From this, I understand that you can have a grand wallima if you have the means (like you said). But, it shouldn't become the norm but unfortunately, it does due to people having expectations. Hence, we always take the middle path. Everyone should do within their financial situation. We should try to imitate others. An expensive wedding doesn't guarantee strong marriage and there is no point in it.

assalaam alaikum

thanks for the explanation...

yes,i was a asking about a groom who has the means to spend on feeding a lot of guests,without all the haram activities...
 

Hajjerr

He is Dhul-Jalali Wal-Ikram
salam aleikum wa rahmatulahy wa brakatuh,

This was nice reminder, beneficial post.
I agree with dear sister Aapa, if one has too much money, give zakat and your reward with Allah will be greater, inchallah.

A big wedding is for others entertainment while a modest wedding is for the two of us and for Allah.

:tti_sister:

:salam2:
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
Asalamo 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh,

A much needed discussion. I hope someone puts a very heavy fine on conducting such marraiges. I don't go anymore, not because of the colors and lights and the amount of money wasted. There is something more horrible to it down here and it's creeping into our families pretty fast. It's the Indian Movie style dance floors. It's filled with girls and guys and uncles and aunties, you name it.

They are all there one by one dancing with what they call music (it's mental torture, really). I was invited to some engagement. Alhumdulilah that I didn't go liqour or no liqour I prefer no night clubs be they asian or the western style.

Personally I'd rather they spent all the money they want but not be so fahsh so that one prefers not even to attend their ceremonies.
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
:salam2:
:astag: I don't know what is in hearts of people but mostly people are thinking of pleasing others more than pleasing Allah subhanahu wa taala, ........truely we need to think again in all that we do , what is the intention behind it. Then we try to be firm and never let shaitan and our ownselves take us away from Allah subhanahu wa taala. :astag:
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
The extra money we have - if we have- can feed the hungry and support widows and orphans .....then take us to Janna by the mercy of Allah subhanahu wa taala.
 

lovefordeen

Junior Member
salam aleikum wa rahmatulahy wa brakatuh,

This was nice reminder, beneficial post.
I agree with dear sister Aapa, if one has too much money, give zakat and your reward with Allah will be greater, inchallah.

A big wedding is for others entertainment while a modest wedding is for the two of us and for Allah.

:tti_sister:

:salam2:

wa'alikum assalaam wa rahmathuahi wa barakathuhu

yes dear,but how can one buy a sheep for 25 dollars.. the sunna is to slaughter one or more sheep for the guests ,if one is able to

i'm not supporting the haram activities or mixed gatherings seen in some weddings asthagfirulah,but if a groom is able to give a walima,then why not...
i was just pointing out that a well to do person could do more than spend just than 25 dollars on his walima as i don't think we get a sheep/goat for that much money...unless,he has a sheep of his own...Allah knows best

muhammed(saws) said "Give a wedding feast, even if it is only one sheep"

may Allah forgive me if i have said something wrong
and Allah knows best
 

Mr. India

New Member
the father of the girl paying money

i think first one is also not islamic coz mahr is the right of the wife, and it is not permitted for her father or anyone else to take it except with her approval. Abu Saalih said: “When a man married off his daughter, he would take her mahr away from her, but Allaah forbade them to do that, and gave women the right to the mahr they received.” (Tafseer Ibn Katheer).
 

Hajjerr

He is Dhul-Jalali Wal-Ikram
wa'alikum assalaam wa rahmathuahi wa barakathuhu

yes dear,but how can one buy a sheep for 25 dollars.. the sunna is to slaughter one or more sheep for the guests ,if one is able to

i'm not supporting the haram activities or mixed gatherings seen in some weddings asthagfirulah,but if a groom is able to give a walima,then why not...
i was just pointing out that a well to do person could do more than spend just than 25 dollars on his walima as i don't think we get a sheep/goat for that much money...unless,he has a sheep of his own...Allah knows best

muhammed(saws) said "Give a wedding feast, even if it is only one sheep"

may Allah forgive me if i have said something wrong
and Allah knows best

salam aleikum wa rahmatulahy wa barakatuh,

Yes dear sister, if someone can buy a sheep, to buy a sheep, inchallah. In my post i said a modest wedding, i said nothing about 25 dollars or something like that :)

I just dont like the dancing, music, or the extravagant things that some people do these days, more that what is needed.

may Allah help and guide us all, ameen

:salam2:
 
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