suggestion needed to select wife

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by islamlover49, May 7, 2011.

  1. islamlover49
    Offline

    islamlover49 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2010
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Iropa
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Dear muslims:

    Assalamu alaikum.

    I need a good suggestion from brothers and sister of islam.

    I'm a practising muslim man alhamdulillah. My family found a girl recently for me from a muslim family and we like each other and accepted for marriage after istigarah prayer (not yet engaged).

    However, from talkin with her I noticed that her family is far away from a ideal muslim family. More shocking information is she says she don't belive any prophets and then I asked explanation for her Kalima, she carelessly saying she don't belive in it.

    For her, religion mean that could be islam or anything and she says, she belive in God, but not in religion. Eventhough she admit she is a muslim because she born as muslim.

    I asked what's her wish in future, atleast would she mind reverting back to proper islamic path. She stubornly says she don't want to change from present. Everytime from then, we fight if we speak about religion.

    I like her and love her, but not her belif. Please suggest me what should I do now? Islam allows to marry a christain or jews, I donno in which category I should consider her. Literaly confused! please help.
  2. msmoorad
    Offline

    msmoorad mommys boy

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2007
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    plumber
    Location:
    durban, south africa
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0
    salaams to all

    brother, please forget about this woman as a wife.
    she is dangerous to marry
    she needs to learn a lot before you could ever consider marrying her.
    why did your parents choose this girl?
    they should investigate the type of family she comes from, find out about her habits etc- whether she performs salaah and dresses modestly.
    her Aqeedah is totally off.

    maybe you find her attractive-i can understand that but as muslims, we should ensure that deen is the first quality to look for in a wife.
    im not saying you must marry a pious girl who is not attractive to you but please ensure that she is a practicing muslim.
    think about what kind of wife & mother she will be- its not something i would ever like for myself or anyone else.

    why dont you contact the imam of your local musjid & ask him to refer any good muslim girls for marriage.
    also ask your relatives if they know of a good muslim girl.
    of course, if you dont find her attractive, you dont have to marry her.


    and Allah ta'ala knows best
    jazakallah
  3. auroran
    Offline

    auroran Junior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2011
    Messages:
    332
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    :salam2:

    She doesn't believe in Allaah and His Messenger :saw:? What 'Muslimah' is she? You can try to have her on the straight path and Insha' Allaah ta'aala she can become a suitable wife for you. If she persists in disbelief, leave her. You are not a Muslim if you don't believe that :shahadah:!

    Akhi, there are a lot of pious Muslimah's out there for you. Give up your love for her for the sake of Allaah azza wa jal. Insha' Allaah you will find a pious wife. You're in my du'a's.

    :salam2:
  4. ansari
    Offline

    ansari STRANGER...

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2006
    Messages:
    1,887
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Bunking classes ;) ..lol
    Location:
    United Arab Emirates, Dubai.
    Ratings Received:
    +5 / 0
    :salam2:


    And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Sâlihûn (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allâh will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allâh is All-Sufficent for His creatures' needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people).
    (Surah Al-Noor : verse 32)



    'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.
    [Muslim :: Book 8 : Hadith 3465]


    It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper].”
    (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466).




    :wasalam:
  5. ahmed_indian
    Offline

    ahmed_indian to Allah we belong

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2009
    Messages:
    3,463
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    saudi arabia
    Ratings Received:
    +11 / 0
    :wasalam:

    if she believes in God but not in prophets and islam...then she is not muslim. she is agnostic.

    and muslims are not allowed to marry them brother. make dua to Allah to get you a pious wife.
  6. sister herb
    Sweettooth
    Offline

    sister herb Official TTI Chef

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2006
    Messages:
    7,225
    Likes Received:
    625
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +1,353 / 30
    :salam2:

    I agree with others answered before. You should tell your family what you know about her and ask them ask from local masjid if imam can finds more pious sister. Is it needed she is from muslim family? Many reverts in Nordic countries are pious too (hmm I am from Finland and know what I am talking).

    May Allah get you best wife and just suitable to you.

    :tti_sister:
  7. islamlover49
    Offline

    islamlover49 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2010
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Iropa
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    JasakAllah for your suggestions.

    I remember the hadeeth mentioned above now and even before!

    FOr my situation, If I say I'm gonna leave her. She cries and says she is gonna end herself.

    In one angle, I'm thinking it's a trail from Allah to me. In another angle, Allah wants her to give hidhaya, so that she might revert to islam, insha Allah.

    Whatsoever, It's very challenging because she avert islam.
    There are many muslims in this world who really dont know the meaning of shahada because they are born muslims. As of I know they dont follow islam but not against it. Here case is different.

    MAy Allah protect islam and muslims!!
  8. sister herb
    Sweettooth
    Offline

    sister herb Official TTI Chef

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2006
    Messages:
    7,225
    Likes Received:
    625
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +1,353 / 30
    :salam2:

    Yes brother. Maybe Allah sended you to her to get her back to Islam.

    :tti_sister:
  9. islamlover49
    Offline

    islamlover49 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2010
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Iropa
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    @ sister harb:

    She is very disciplined girl and inquistive in everything. But sister, I'm scared...! how to handle this situation.

    She sometimes says, at times she got proposal from non-muslims and she admits something prevented her from marrying them.

    Secondly, she admits what ever she feels or belives without any cheating mentality. I'm sure she might know the outcome of what she is speaking !
  10. hayat84
    Spaced
    Offline

    hayat84 I'm not what you believe

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2010
    Messages:
    2,096
    Likes Received:
    70
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    housewife,Islam-spreader
    Location:
    Italy
    Ratings Received:
    +169 / 4
    :salam2:
    it's allowed in Islam to marry a non muslim woman,but the children she will deliver,must grow up as muslims.so,if the education of the child depends from what the mother teaches to him,what will she teach?.if she's not only isn't Jew neither christian,she's a misbeliever and Islam says not to marry a woman who doesn't believe,until she will believe.
    So brother,don't get involved with her:it will bring to you only problems.the world is full of good women,in sh Allah you'll find the right one for you:shake:
  11. auroran
    Offline

    auroran Junior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2011
    Messages:
    332
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    :salam2:

    A person doesn't just accept Islaam without knowing about it. What possibly made her left Islaam is ignorance of it, so if you want to marry her, have her educated about Islaam. If she rejects, that is the Will of Allaah, and you can't marry her because she is not a Muslim.

    :salam2:
  12. Aroosak
    Offline

    Aroosak Junior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2011
    Messages:
    190
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New York
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0
    I want to point out this hadith since I think it is essential to understand how important it is to follow it. I know it is easy to be deceived by love and attraction. But you gotta think ahead and not just for the moment. I ask you if something happens to you and your future wife has to take care of your children would you be sure that this person will give your children a proper islamic education? would she raise your children as righteous slaves or Allah?

    You said you like her but what do you like about her. When I think of what I will like about my future husband I think about the knowledge I wish he would have about the ways he could help me become a better muslimah, about his sincere intentions to marry just to please Allah. I know we all have our physical preferences and the personality traits we love most. But realistically we would never find the ONE that has it all but if we need to make a sacrifice in one area let it not be our religion.

    I pray you are guided to make the best decision inshAllah... :tti_sister:
  13. mahaseeb
    Offline

    mahaseeb Junior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2011
    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    26
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    some where in extreme north of Allah's Earth
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0

    Asalamualikum brother....
    I can just say that every one wants practicing muslimah's is wed lock but what about those people who are born muslims ,don't they have the right to know what islam is ? and what is the way of life.There should be some one who should bite the bullet and go for it.And the best thing is tawakkal on allah. If your intenssion is to marry this girl and let her know islam and way of life inshallah allah will help you and no doubt there will be some hurdles and all but you have to be patient in this.
    Every one wants a perfect and well known and versed partners then what about the ones who do not know? don't they have the right to know islam from the one who are versed.Is it not the duty of this well versed people to let know the people who have no knowledge of islam ?
    Brother i am writing this coz my parents are looking a girl for me to get married and i have this kind of view and inashallah i am ready to go for it.
    Brother i just wanna say that human mind and parachute are the same they both work good when they are open..
    well brother its just a advice form your brother..
    May allah help you and do things that are best for you .. ameen
    Jazak allah hu khair
    Abdul haseeb
  14. JenGiove
    Offline

    JenGiove Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2010
    Messages:
    1,470
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +2 / 0
    :salam2: Brother,

    I have not read the rest of the replys but this one caught my attention.

    Brother, Please do not believe her when she threatens suicide. It is a false claim and is abusing the gift of love. Stay away from her for emaan and stay away from her because she does not understand the true meaning of love. Love is a gift you give, not a weapon to be wielded like a sword. Pity her. Love her for the sake of Allah but do not love her as a husband to a wife. She will only cause you heartache.
  15. islamlover49
    Offline

    islamlover49 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2010
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Iropa
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Jasak Allah Khair for all your opinions and suggestions!!

    Please remember me and her in your dua's for a islamic life in this world and a great hearafter life.
  16. ayesha.ansari
    Offline

    ayesha.ansari Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2010
    Messages:
    196
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    26
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Quran teacher
    Location:
    Extend Knowledge Inc
    Ratings Received:
    +4 / 0
    well, we cannot say that you must leave this girl, i will suggest you that, before marriage, you try to bring her in right path, to the islamic view, gradually, not at once,, i am sure, God can do every thing,,, and this is a good work, God will bless you the power that she get in right path iNSHALLAH... WE CAN JUST PRAY FOR YOU,,
  17. DustyHawK
    Offline

    DustyHawK New Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2011
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    What ever your decision might be, you need to take into account that you will need time to change the girl and it shall not happen overnight.
  18. Ahsen
    Offline

    Ahsen Junior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2010
    Messages:
    711
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +10 / 1
    I agree with msmoorad.If we start marrying based on our feelings then it's "game over".

    Wise people also use their mind with their hearts.


    And believe me,she will not commit suicide.It's all drama.Wake up brother.
  19. Bawar
    Offline

    Bawar Struggling2Surrender

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2006
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    :wasalam: brother

    In my humble opinion, you should put emotions aside when deciding about a partner in life. When marrying a Christian or Jewish girl, there is a hope that she will accept Islam when she learns about it (or at least follow one of the Ibrahimic religions). While the girl you are involved with has already been exposed to it and has rejected it.

    Brother, if she does not accept Muhammad peace be upon him and the rest of the prophets as teachers to humanity sent by Allah, then she clearly does not want to learn and follow those teachings. My question from you is, are you willing to share your life with someone who refuses to accept Quran as the guide for life?

    You are a practicing Muslim alhamdulellah, and she is not. Your romantic emotions are encouraging you to close your eyes from seeing the facts. The fact is, you will have a life full of disagreements about how you want to lead your lives. Her ethics of life will be her own while yours will be from Quran and Sunnah. Are you willing to compromise your faith?

    Why dont you find and marry a a Muslimah who is believing and loving Islam? There are many believing single sisters out there who deserve you more.

    If you want to have a happy life, find yourself a believing and God-fearing wife whose criteria of right and wrong will be according to Islam, not her own opinion.

    Brother Abdul Hasib said that somebody has to come forward and teach them. What if you teach them and them and they still refuse? Are you still willing to dedicate your love and life for such individuals or are there more deserving girls out there?

    Forgive me if I have been inconsiderate.
  20. Aapa
    Offline

    Aapa Mirajmom

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2007
    Messages:
    10,991
    Likes Received:
    71
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +150 / 12
    Assalaam walaikum,

    Wow...what a situation. And we have millions of young women who wish to be married.

    Marriage is not a one night affair. She has not been given a path to practice her faith. Although she is a born Muslim she is ignorant of the way to practice her belief.

    You need to discuss with her and her family the concern of living as a married couple with the blessings of Allah. This is the chance of a life time for her and her family.

    I would strongly agree to have a knowledgeable elder there. Do not overwhelm her. Explain to her how you wish to be wedded for life; but you need someone who has the same understanding of the importance of putting into action your faith.

    She is young. What is nice about marriage is someone can take your hand and help you step by step on the righteous path. Man up for the job.

Share This Page