The Past...

[Ferrari1981]

Sorry for the marriage related topics (I guess im the marriage PR!) ahem anyway...its important so lets see what your thoughts are on this:

THE PAST.. would you like to know your future sposes PAST before or after you marry them and why would you think its important for this or do you feel its not important as the past is forgotten and we should just concentrate on the future!?

I hope to hear some nice detailed arguements for your decisions ... thanks...

my thought well im kind of lost you see i like sharing past stories because its nice to know but if you have something to hide well then i dont know. I mean would you like to hide you troubles and move on... or share your secret past to the person your about to spend the rest of you life with!

I mean you heard about 'the past may be back to haunt you'? but then again i would like to start a new fresh life with my partner so maybe we should forget the past and just see where the new world takes us...

So I really dont know, I would be unsure about marrying someone whos been on dates and clubbing in the past, or drugs and been arrested! People may change for the better but make sure they dont have a record with it that could haunt them in the future! do you agree?

 

[Muslimah07]

i think it's impotant to know the past!!

:salam2:
the reason is
i've never had a boyfriend, not talked to guys, never been clubbing.
so then why should i marry a guy who's been there done that!
i believe that if male or female have kept pure done no wrong. then they deserve someone the same!!

 

[brighten]

:salam2:

Dear Ferrari1981

I understand the dilemma. Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half?

I for one will stick by this verse:

"And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity"[s.24;v.26]

It would be lying should I say my decision to marry will not be affected by my future spouse past background had it been made known.

However Allah does not neglect HIS creation, and exhibits mercy and forgiveness towards us all. HE is the ultimate in 'keeping secrets', and what HE does not disclose, we don't have the right to do so, even if it to a spouse. What Allah wants to remain hidden, will be hidden until the Day of Judgement where we will all answer to HIM alone, for the content of our deeds and misdeeds. A person may have done some error in the past but if he has sincerely repented than, NO sister, it is not necessary to disclose every detail about yourself to anyone, unless Allah brings it forward.

I want to stress however, that we must always put our trust in Allah and pray he give us the best spouse in this dunya and inshaallah unto Jannah.
You can look all you want , even set a private investigator to track their movements, read their diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear sister, no-one knows his/her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether he/she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.

We are choosing our spouse for their permanent values; namely their religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge.

Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom. When our intention is noble then surely Allah will guide us to the right spouse and bless that marriage with abundance sakinah insha’Allah.

I pray Allah gives the best to you dear sis.

 

[brighten]

May Allah give you only the best

:salam2:

Dear Ferrari1981

I understand the dilemma. Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half?

I for one will stick by this verse:

"And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity"[s.24;v.26]

It would be lying should I say my decision to marry will not be affected by my future spouse past background had it been made known.

However Allah does not neglect HIS creation, and exhibits mercy and forgiveness towards us all. HE is the ultimate in 'keeping secrets', and what HE does not disclose, we don't have the right to do so, even if it to a spouse. What Allah wants to remain hidden, will be hidden until the Day of Judgement where we will all answer to HIM alone, for the content of our deeds and misdeeds. A person may have done some error in the past but if he has sincerely repented than, NO sister, it is not necessary to disclose every detail about yourself to anyone, unless Allah brings it forward.

I want to stress that however, we must always put our trust in Allah and pray he give us the best spouse in this dunya and inshaallah unto Jannah.
You can look all you want , even set a private investigator to track their movements, read their diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear sister, no-one knows his/her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether he/she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.

We are choosing our spouse for their permanent values; namely their religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge.

Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom. When our intention is noble then surely Allah will guide us to the right spouse and bless that marriage with abundance sakinah.

I pray Allah gives you the best insha'Allah.

wassalam

 

[Oem Soufiane]

i understand that muslims that didnt do anything zina-like in the past, want to marry another person the same way, Allah swt will give the righteous people, righteous partners, and to say up front that you will only marry a man or women who claims to have done nothing wrong is wrong. What about the reverted brothers and sisters, when you accept islam, all your sins are washed away, what gives us the right to make a difference then. Also there are a lot of girls who claim to be virgin, and they are technicly speaking, but they did almost everything but having intercourse, and ofcourse the parents dont know this, so how would you know about it when you come for marriage, SO the only right way to get married is to go search a righteous spouse via the mosque or another halal way and pray istikharah, Allah swt will get you what is right for you, and bringing up the past won't be necessary.

 

[alhamdulillah]

Bismillah hi Rahman ni Raheem,
In the Name of Allah I begin and I return upon you all the greetings of peace,

Respected Brothers and Sisters, Wa'alaikum'Assalam wa'Rahmatullahi wa'Barakatuhu....

Subhan'Allah...what a sensitive topic to discuss! (please allow me to add a sincere nasiha/advice to this...)

You mentioned:
"my thought well im kind of lost you see i like sharing past stories because its nice to know but if you have something to hide well then i dont know."

Dear Muslim....I refer to your point I made bold....Subhan'ALLAH...lets try to remember that Allah will cover the faults of the believers if WE cover our fellow Muslims faults in this world!

Should anyone indulge in such a talk with their spouse to be or spouse in general (i.e. knowing about their past...) then it may lead to upsetting emotions and embarassing moments! Why should one have to put their beloved through such a trial?

You also stated:
"I mean would you like to hide you troubles and move on... or share your secret past to the person your about to spend the rest of you life with!"

If we call it a 'secret past', once its disclosed where does the secret lie? This is something to think about! Are we not ashamed of asking them what they used to do? Say he/she (God forbide) indulged in all kinds of forbidden acts, what is the use in reminding or asking one about them?

If Allah CAN forgive His servants his past deeds, then who are we to ask for justification or classification?

On the other hand, what if OUR spouse INSTEAD asked us the twisted question?........think about how we would feel then! Would we be in a positon to boast about our mischieveous acts or would we feel ashamed of answering such a question?

Never think that a question conning in our minds could never be returned to us! We should realise our potential Insha'Allah!

What a beauty it is to be blessed with a spouse first and formost....it is your future you need to think about...So appreciate your husband for who he is and appreciate your wife for who she is!

We need to be careful Insha'Allah, there are many more pleasant things you can discuss with your spouse which Insha'Allah you may even be rewarded for. But to open up the sinful scenes of your spouse is something not quite so right!

One should only remember their past in order to Regret, Repent and Reform themselves from it; that is not to say you frequently think about it...but its just so you be careful next time and take it as a lesson.

Once you have taken a desicion...put your Trust In Allah!

May Allah forgive me if i've said anything dumbfound!

Im sorry to say but I feel this thread needs to be closed!
I will now leave it closed until I receive further notice to re-open it*, as I dont think it would be wise for anyone to come on and start speaking about their past. Though you've just asked a question and there have been some good replies, I fear it still may lead to this......

May Allah protect us all and bless us all with a pious most righteous spouse whom would be a comfort before our eyes and to whom we would be a comfort before their eyes, Fi'Sabilillah...Ameen!

Ma'Salama.......

*THIS THREAD IS NOW PERMANENTLY CLOSED AND IS NOT TO RE-OPEN INSHA'ALLAH!