The rights of the husband and the wife

Discussion in 'Women, Family, and Marriage' started by Abu Sarah, Mar 8, 2007.

  1. Abu Sarah
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    The rights of the husband and the wife
    ............................................................​

    Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife.

    We will mention – by the help of Allaah – some of the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.

    Firstly:

    The rights of the wife which are hers alone:

    The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.

    And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.

    1.Financial rights

    (a) The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]

    The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.

    The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)”

    [al-Baqarah 2:236]

    The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract.

    If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife.

    (b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.

    The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.

    What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis”
    [al-Baqarah 2:233]

    “Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him”
    [al-Talaaq 65:7]

    From the Sunnah:

    The Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.”

    It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’”
    (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)

    It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

    “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
    (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

    (c) Accommodation. This is also one of the wife’s rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and ability.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6]
    .........................................................
    2. Non-financial rights

    (i) Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and clothing.

    (ii) Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
    “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]

    “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”
    [al-Baqarah 2:228]

    From the Sunnah:

    It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468).

    There follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards his wives – for he is the best example:

    1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”

    She said: And she told me that the Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.


    (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)

    2. It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)

    3. It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood; then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down.

    (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068)

    (c) Not harming one’s wife.

    This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife.

    It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)

    This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.

    Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.

    It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

    “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
    (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

    ...........................................
    Secondly:

    The husband’s rights over his wife.

    The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them
    [al-Baqarah 2:228]

    al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him.

    Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.

    These rights include:

    (a) The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

    ‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.
    (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)

    (b) Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time – two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.

    If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.

    It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)

    (c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter his house.

    It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….”
    (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)

    It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the Messenger of Allaah :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He [the Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] praised and glorified Allaah, then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are prisoners and you have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but not severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should feed and clothe them well.”
    (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851)

    It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet] :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

    “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
    (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

    (d) Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission. One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of the house except with his permission.

    The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory.

    (e) Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey.

    The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her. These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding when he calls her to bed and she is taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going out of the house without his permission.

    The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one's wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning):

    “As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)”
    [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

    “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones”

    [al-Tahreem 66:6]

    Ibn Katheer said:

    Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you should be in charge of them in accordance with the command of Allaah, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that.

    This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392)

    (f) The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence (daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.

    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:

    She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman.
    (al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)

    (g) Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is the mahr.

    (h) The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”
    [al-Baqarah 2:228]

    Al-Qurtubi said:

    It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbaas – that this means: they have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of their husbands.

    And it was said that they have the right that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari.

    Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you.

    The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage.
    (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124)

    And Allaah knows best.

    Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
  2. naquan20
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    naquan20 Junior Member

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    thnx

    jazakalah much help
  3. Muhammad_A
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    Somehow I don't see these points going down too well amongst today's rights conscious Muslimahs. Certainly not with your average Western girl.
  4. amyaishazouaoui
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    :salam2:

    This is all fair, and accepted. But, and there is always a BUT, when men take all of this out of proportion and only see their rights over wives.

    I would also like to ask the question that does the part where it says about dont hurt your women , this is the most part is considered physical harm, but I'm sure it includes emotional harm doesnt it.

    If a wifes rights are fufilled, no man will have any problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hijabi: :hijabi: :hijabi:

    :wasalam:
  5. Mohsin
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    Mohsin abdu'Allah

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    Assalamu-alaikum

    :salam2:

    I agree with you sister
    and i really believe that problems arise when we, both men and women, overlook each others rights and always try to point for our rights and forgets to fulfill other's rights. If we fulfill each other's rights then there will be no problem at all, inshaAllah. May Allah SWT make me the first to fulfill other's rights.
    Allah SWT tells us in his book,
  6. Muhammad_A
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    And Amy is EXACTLY the kind of woman I was thinking of (university educated, brought up in the feminist era...)

    You're an enigma to be sure Mrs Z.
  7. amyaishazouaoui
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    :salam2:

    I would like to discuss some further points.

    Everywhere I go there seems to be friday khutbas about how a woman should treat her husband and what his rights are. I have been to many talks and lectures about this. I have NEVER however been anywhere and heard a speaker asking men to be kind towards their wives.

    Why are men not made aware for the stress, emotional strain, physical strain of giving birth and caring for children particularly in the first 6 months, and that support and love and caring i needed.

    Why are they not told how to make a woman feel good about herself.

    As women our husbands have a physical right over us, and some do exploit this and demand things from us, however I have never heard anyone saying about how a woman feels about herelf and that she needs to be loved and cared for. Maybe she has had an unpleasant experience before marriage, rape, sexual abuse are actually very common, even just feeling "fat" can have a detremental effect on a womans intimate feelings.

    Things work boh ways. I hear about this is the mans job and that thi is the womans job but I little about that a man and a woman complement each other in every way and if a woman needs help of has fault the man should cover her and vice versa.

    I see many sisters, namely reverts who, if they werent muslims would be treated with much respect, but they got married and work so hard, they have kids, work, do the cleaning and cooking and study to improve their lives and try very hard with islam, they still get criticised......... we are not super human.

    Alot of sisters I know show their husbands much love like washing thier husbands backs, make them breakfast in bed, serve coffe and cakes when their husbands come home, nothing is enough.

    I call upon Imams and imams in training and speakers to please take this into consideration and educate your men because i am fed up of seeing sisters in tears, boken women, women who are well educated, independant, ready to get stuck into anything, who have faced so much trial in their past, women who are having the iman squeased out of them because they try their hardest but it is not enough.

    :wasalam:
  8. Muhammad_A
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    It must be harder for revert women because, quite often, the only marital partners available come from cultural backgrounds with completely different expectations of how men and women should behave. Thus you have the infamous clash of civilisations taking place not between Islam and the West but between interpretations of Islam.

    It seems to me that some born Muslims conveniently overlook the injunctions to treat their wives with love, respect, kindness and dignity. But... that's cultural Islam for you ;)
  9. Raed
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    Salam..
    I dont know abt your place, but in my country imams mostly talking about how husband should treat his wife, in friday khutbah or in our media, and in media especially... And it reached the level that they never talk abt how women should treat husband.. I think it because its already very well known to men.
  10. Abu Sarah
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    Assalam Alaykum

    Dear All,

    With regard to the changes in rights of (Husband / wife) throughout the ages, the basic principles have not changed, but with regard to the application of these principles, there can be no doubt that during the golden age of Islam, the Muslims applied the sharee’ah of their Lord more, and the rulings of this sharee’ah include treating one’s Husband / wife in general in a kind manner.

    The weaker religious commitment grew, the more these rights were neglected, but until the Day of Resurrection there will continue to be a group who adheres to their religion and applies the sharee’ah of their Lord. These are the people who grant Husband / wife their rights.

    may Allaah Direct All muslims to the right path n back them to Quran n Sunnah

    <wasalam>
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    SINDBAD ON HIS BOAT chilling

    as far as i understand man and women are each others helpers and friends in the way to allahswt with the same rights and duties regarding the practice of the deen(salat,zakat,saum,.......etc) and also the same reward in allah swt plan for the righteous ones among us humain beings.


    some man or women may abuse of their rights in every culture there is no exclusivity in there :a patriarchal system that is present amongst poor nations in general in south america poland, romania africa, and arabia or india....etc those are the ones who are not really motivated for the emancipation of women but more about food right now see the stomach (comes always first (i didn`t have a red pen sorry!!!! just jocking)

    an there is also a matriarcal system in the west in general which exposes both men and women and the whole society to a self suicidal system i won `t mention the details but check the statistic yourselves am tired right now:) as the french bestseller author michel houlbecq says"the only one who have gained benefit from the emancipation of women are the men because they saw there an oppurtunitiy to multiply their sexual relationships"!(auzubillahi benefit in haram ...:eek: .uh)women are still gettin raped ,beaten ,killed because of alchohol and,women are prostituiting themselve to finish their studies, dying from anorexia because of the beautiful catwalks of pariiiiiiiiiiiiiis milano or new yorkafter 30 years of "emancipation",a bunch of psychiotrist are becoming millionaires,and pharmacie indusries that produce antidepressiv pills are soon gonna be ruling wallstreet! every week or so you get reports about wonderful emancipated, smart,liberal and liberated women killing their babies or putting them in the fridge or bury them alive,you get even organisations that are trying to ban INCEST punishement(youknow what incest means right:astag: !)is this the model of society that we want for ourselves as muslims noooooooooo!
    (see i wrote more on this one shuuuuuuuuuuut.....you know why? because !am a man so that you don`tsee me as traitor because of what am gonna write at the end of this lazy forced story!!)
    so to make it simple right now both of these systems are bull*!*!*!*!t ,rubbish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!in my humble an lazy mind!


    as muslims we should be pursueing the middle way like the quran states so beautifuly sura djinn 29:13"and who believes in his lord ,has no fear either of deminition nor overreaching(of his or her rights) and in many other parts like brother mohsin jazahu ll`ahu khair stated in the previous post.



    if we wanna follow the path of propeht muhammad saw we need to take him as example in all aspects not just the religious eventhough it has alot to do with it because it actually facilitates and prepares the ground for us to implement things as muslims we know him as al- insan- al kamil (the perfect human beig)in every situation he was the pious , the simple ,trustworthy,compassionate,peacful,strong ,lover,couragious,wise,soldier,father,partner,buisnessman,judge,strategist,lawmaker everything united in one single person!!!!!!!!!! i don`t think any mortal human being can match that but we must strive to be polyvalent for the achievement of a balanced and there for stable condition of that god given instinct of submission to ALLAH swt in other words(fitra). we have to embody the mystical that is at the same time soldier and there for the best defender of the deen!

    my brothers and sisters that you call reverts(al ansar as i love to call them affectionatly with a certain taste of melancholy) you have a tremenduos opportunityfor idjtihad in reviving the initial spirit of islam and may be caress the ego of the brothers and sisters called born muslims and brighten that flame that`s already within them that is an honorable duty and a beautiful gift from allahswt.and my brothers and sisters " born muslims" you have also an opportunity to erase tens of years of colonialisme of dictatorships harm wars and suffering off your minds and memories those things have enhnaced a patriarchal way of thinking as a reaction so by helping your new brothers in language ,tafseer..etc and interacting with them.you are only redescovering yourselves!so let us join our forces for ijtihad and may Allah swt help us in doing that.
    so i see here nothing but a bright futur let us be patient and pray that Allah swt might unit our ummah and strenghten our path we are down here between hell and heaven making reproaches to one another while time is passing so quickly making us even forget that we are only guests in this life!!!!!!!!!:SMILY209: :SMILY209: :SMILY209: :SMILY209: :SMILY209:


    ilove you all more than myself wassalam



    SINDBAD hating his people fighting each other episode
  12. mymohsin
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    mymohsin Pls mak Duwa 4 me

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    Salamalaykum Brothers/Sisters,

    Jazak Allah khair brother Islamicfajr for this informative post. may Allah reward you in this and that world. Ameen

    Jazak Allah.
  13. Robab
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    Robab daughter of Adam

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    jazakallah

    May allah give reward u.AMeen
  14. iloveislam78
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    iloveislam78 Junior Member

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    I would like to discuss some further points.

    Everywhere I go there seems to be friday khutbas about how a woman should treat her husband and what his rights are. I have been to many talks and lectures about this. I have NEVER however been anywhere and heard a speaker asking men to be kind towards their wives.

    Why are men not made aware for the stress, emotional strain, physical strain of giving birth and caring for children particularly in the first 6 months, and that support and love and caring i needed.

    Why are they not told how to make a woman feel good about herself.

    As women our husbands have a physical right over us, and some do exploit this and demand things from us, however I have never heard anyone saying about how a woman feels about herelf and that she needs to be loved and cared for. Maybe she has had an unpleasant experience before marriage, rape, sexual abuse are actually very common, even just feeling "fat" can have a detremental effect on a womans intimate feelings.

    Things work boh ways. I hear about this is the mans job and that thi is the womans job but I little about that a man and a woman complement each other in every way and if a woman needs help of has fault the man should cover her and vice versa.

    I see many sisters, namely reverts who, if they werent muslims would be treated with much respect, but they got married and work so hard, they have kids, work, do the cleaning and cooking and study to improve their lives and try very hard with islam, they still get criticised......... we are not super human.

    Alot of sisters I know show their husbands much love like washing thier husbands backs, make them breakfast in bed, serve coffe and cakes when their husbands come home, nothing is enough.

    I call upon Imams and imams in training and speakers to please take this into consideration and educate your men because i am fed up of seeing sisters in tears, boken women, women who are well educated, independant, ready to get stuck into anything, who have faced so much trial in their past, women who are having the iman squeased out of them because they try their hardest but it is not enough.






    I COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF
  15. Khairoul Enwar
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    Khairoul Enwar New Member

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    the good man will stand with a good woman
    also the good woman will stand with a good man,
    and you are the one of them
  16. Khairoul Enwar
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    Khairoul Enwar New Member

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    the good man will stand with a good woman
    also the good woman will stand with a good man,
    and you are the one of them
  17. sliver
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    sliver Junior Member

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    I remember responding to a thread similar to this. I was call out and was said to be Pseudo-Muslim. Am not going down that road again.
  18. besmiralalbani
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    besmiralalbani Think for yourself

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    salam alaykum

    "O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah’s trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste."

    Part from the Last Sermon of the Messenger of Allah, salallahu alayhi wa sallam.


    Now sister if some men use to do the opposite, than it is their fault and we ask Allah to guide them and us.
    We have to work hard to gain knowledge and know how Allah want us to be, to follow the path of the Messenger of Allah, salallahu alayhi wa sallam.

    But I don't think that all sisters have this situations... there would be no Female Muslim on earth.

    I don't want to end with saying everyone will be taken into account for his own deeds, so if I don't act like this men, I am OK.
    Our duty is to give a SINCERE ADVICE to our brother and sisters.
    So we have to learn for ourselves, apply what we learn and invite the others to become better Muslims.

    So we hope inshaAllah all Muslims will learn and apply this religion in the best of their possibilities.
  19. ovomer
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    ovomer salam from pakistan!

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    we should follow them all.
    jazak allah khair.
  20. mehwish_101
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    mehwish_101 Junior Member

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    Assalam u alaikum
    Its been a while since i came back to TTI. Well sister, if you just have a look at this post, it might help you understand better, especially if you are not married. I have seen it happen infront of my eyes and believe me, men are as much abused by their wives as vice versa, its just that men are more patient, thats the reason why Allah has decreed what He has decreed.

    ws

    http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=63675

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