The struggle of a prospective convert

[mnemonicus]

:salam2:

I've been struggling with the idea of converting for some time. I've studied Islam academically as a grad student in history, and I've studied the Qur'an with my mentor in school. I think my knowledge of Islam is workable, while I know I am not experienced in it, and that I have not plunged into it as a Muslim.

I believe essentially what the Muslim believes already... one God, no partners. I accept Muhammad and Qur'an, and I believe Muhammad was the messenger of God who God brought the Qur'an, through him. Indeed, my faith has always been a simple monitheism, and I've always felt close to the Creator. I've always wanted to get closer. I believe that this love is what attracts me to Islam.

Yet - there is an unexplainable struggle within me. It's like a war, you see. I tell myself on one hand that my own faith is sufficient. I tell myself on the other hand that I need more, that more is expected of me, and that I must behave differently, speak, live and act differently. I'm not sure how convert like this; I cannot do it while being rushed, or being pressured - even internally. I'd only do it if I were calm and serene, and sure of what I'm doing. I feel as if this will go on forever...

Has anyone ever gone through this?

 

[Saifu deen]

:salam2:

I believe essentially what the Muslim believes already... one God, no partners. I accept Muhammad and Qur'an, and I believe Muhammad was the messenger of God who God brought the Qur'an, through him. Indeed, my faith has always been a simple monitheism, and I've always felt close to the Creator. I've always wanted to get closer. I believe that this love is what attracts me to Islam.


:salam2:

I am sure that other brothers and sisters can relate to your experience. BUt I'd like to tell that you are a MUSLIM. Subhanallah you clearly said La ilaha ila Allah, Mohammed Rasool Allah (pbuh). Dont let the Satan defeat you, and surly death comes suddenly. I'd kindly suggest to say Al-Shahada now, before its too late... Ask Allah (swt) to guide you to the straight path, and keep Satan away from you. Its clear you have love for Allah (swt) and our prophet (peace be upon him).. Get closer to Allah (swt), and Allah (swt) will get closer to you. The love you feeling is because Allah (swt) choose you. Therefore, submit & surrender to Allah (swt) and feel the joy that words cant describe.

All I can say you are a muslim.

Love you for the sake of Allah (swt)..

Wassalam Alykom.. Saif

 

[TiffanyM]

Assalam Alaykum Brother!! I completly understand what you are going through. I am a american woman and raised in christianity. All my life I believed in only one God but the religion that I was raised knowing didn't agreee with my beliefs. I meet a young muslim man who told me about Islam. At first I just started reading the Koran and a few books that talked about the history of Islam and the beliefs. I knew within the first month that this was the religion I was looking for, but for some reason i was struggling with my own jihad to become muslim. I began praying as often as I could, talking to other non-muslims about Islam, and trying to do everything I could to please God, but the most important thing I didnt do is take my Shada. I was scared that maybe I am rushing into Islam because I want answers to what I dont understand, and I want to please God. This went on for a few months I couldn't commit to Islam but I knew that this was the right way since I was telling others. I kept praying for God to keep guiding me on the right path and to protect my from shaytan, and to give me peace as I seek the truth. On septmeber the 4th I went to the Masjid and said my Shada. At that momment I felt more peace and I knew without a dought that I just made the best decision in my life. I couldn't believe that it took my so long to get to that point in my life. Brother there are no guarantees in this life, the only thing I can say is that pray to Allah to give you peace as you seek the truth. You have the belief now you need to over come your struggles and be strong in your beliefs. Inshallah you will have peace and be able to over come your struggles. you are blessed that Allah has guided you!

 

[Peace2u]

Assalam Alaykum Brother!! I completly understand what you are going through. I am a american woman and raised in christianity. All my life I believed in only one God but the religion that I was raised knowing didn't agreee with my beliefs. I meet a young muslim man who told me about Islam. At first I just started reading the Koran and a few books that talked about the history of Islam and the beliefs. I knew within the first month that this was the religion I was looking for, but for some reason i was struggling with my own jihad to become muslim. I began praying as often as I could, talking to other non-muslims about Islam, and trying to do everything I could to please God, but the most important thing I didnt do is take my Shada. I was scared that maybe I am rushing into Islam because I want answers to what I dont understand, and I want to please God. This went on for a few months I couldn't commit to Islam but I knew that this was the right way since I was telling others. I kept praying for God to keep guiding me on the right path and to protect my from shaytan, and to give me peace as I seek the truth. On septmeber the 4th I went to the Masjid and said my Shada. At that momment I felt more peace and I knew without a dought that I just made the best decision in my life. I couldn't believe that it took my so long to get to that point in my life. Brother there are no guarantees in this life, the only thing I can say is that pray to Allah to give you peace as you seek the truth. You have the belief now you need to over come your struggles and be strong in your beliefs. Inshallah you will have peace and be able to over come your struggles. you are blessed that Allah has guided you!

Salam alai kum,

Surely Shaitan is our open enemy and he is the one that causes man to delay taking his or her Shada in the hope that they leave this world as a non-Muslim.

Shaitan has us thinking should I or shoudnt I, really messing with our minds. Inshallah I pray and make dua that those who are in this situation take the Shada as soon as possible or as soon as they know the truth is right there staring them in the face.

Salam

 

[Kayote]

Assalam u Aliekum,

First of all, I want you (and all other reverts) to know that its most awe-inspiring to find out about your struggles and how you fight the lies and seek out the truth. Mash'Allah you all set a wonderful and most admirable example for the rest of us.

I think you know already that you need to continue this struggle for yourself and only with more reading, understanding and making dua for the correct path will you achieve it. Hang in there, Alhumdulillah Allah has been most merciful to us all.

Salam

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Please do not stand at the edge of a cliff...when you have faith you can jump and know it will be fine...by standing at the edge you are giving yourself angusih...some things can not be intellecutalized..such as faith, love, and trust...it has something to with your heart.
I pray you find peace...I pray your family here on tti will help you find the zone of peace..

 

[Noor to shine]

:salam2:
I think that we all suffer from the inner struggle even born muslems .....It is natural ....the satan :angryred: can wishper within our hearts , our ownselves have it`s own desires .....but Islam is very clear and practical .....the way out of all is to have more faith in Allah swt our creator and do more good according to the Sunna of the prophet :saw2: We need to study and practise with sincere hearts.
Prayers can help alot.

 

[mnemonicus]

As-salamu 'alaykum...

Thank you all for your input...

I'm just at a crossroads in my life... I know it... I can feel it. I can feel that my future will be decided soon.

See, I am just finishing grad school... I'm probably going to have to move to find work, and I am not sure how or where. I'm pretty much pennyless and unsure of my future. I need to meet a good, Godly, and intelligent woman, too. All sorts of earthly worries piled up on my shoulders on top of my spiritual anguish...

But the doors aren't all shut, of course. Besides, these are the least of my worries - because I truly trust God about these things... as Jesus said, God provides for all the animals in nature and the plants on the ground, and gives amazing looking creatures beautiful 'clothes' to wear, feeds them, and provides for their every need... How much more valuable am I than these creatures? How much more will God provide for me? Indeed, he will. These things constitute are a different kind of pressure added to the spiritual pressure I'm feeling. Even though I have faith it will all work out, this daily struggle wears one down, no? I just feel I need respite.

I'm just unhappy with where I'm at in life, and I'm looking to settle the spiritual end of it first, and build from there... I'm hoping to not repeat my past mistakes, when I failed miserably as a Christian... I want to do it right... I want to go the route I've known is right. I am truly a Muslim at heart. I believe and think as the Muslim does. God has guided me rightly... I am just so confused about how to proceed, and the struggle within continues. So much is at stake, I feel...

Nevertheless, thanks for listening to me and thinking about what I've said - I listened to all your responses carefully, and I took them to heart.

Thank you.

Cheers.