Problem Trying to find a permanent solution (parents marriage problems)

Discussion in 'Women, Family, and Marriage' started by striving-muslim, Jul 6, 2015.

  1. striving-muslim
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    striving-muslim Member

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    :salam: :) Ok. So first of all i have to say that everyone is doing a very good job here in counselling people that are suffering from problems and discussing it over here. May Allah bless every one of you. Now I don't even know where to start off from as i'm really stressed out but still i'm going to state my question nonetheless. When my parents got married they were very happy but then when my mom went to my dad's house the people over there started to take too much work from her and she never said anything to anyone. My dad neglected her and didn't take any good care of her in his mom and dad's house. After that we moved to saudi arabia and had a very bad time there. Me, my sister and my brother were very small and my mom had a lot of stress on her. During that time my dad was not taking good care of her and had a lot of friends that she used to care of when they came for hajj and umrah to Saudi Arabia. In that way we were neglected and while in the midst of all that my mother did not say anything and she just used to think about it and suffer internally. After that we moved to Pakistan because my mom needed her family because she had no one of her family to talk to and while we were leaving Saudi Arabia mY dad made a promise to my mom that he'll keep her in a very good house and our family will live a very good life. After that we had a lot of money Pakistan but my dad's friends told him to open a business in that way we could make more money. My dad wasn't one of the smartest individuals since the beginning and he decided to give a try even when the business wasn't good at all. Then we lost most of our money and did not live a pleasant life after that. There were always fights between our parents and our studies were effected and my mom went into depression. After that my dad divorced her as He couldn't take it. He left the house and went to his mom's house. My mom got very sad and just wanted him back. In the midst of all this all us siblings just got so stressed out and didn't know what to do and whose side to take on. After that my dad came back after a lot of fights between my mom's side and my dad's side. But there wasn't any love between both of them. After a while we came to America and life was good here. And then eventually we decided to move to our own house. Now currently my mom is still taking one pill for depression as i'm taking very good care of her. My brother is just kind of in his own world and we were never very close since the beginning. The only problem is now my mom just wants my dad to do things according to her own way like the kitchen and talk to her everyday for atleast 30 min. Sge even said do not give me any food or do not ask me anythin but just take care of my feelings. Now my dad is 55 too so he's not that active like he used to be before and now he's also forgetfull. Now my dad is not rude or anything like that but he's just not taking care of my mom's feelings closely that's all. Now i tell him do a reminder as he's working full time job and dosen't remember a lot of things but he still dosen't do it. When my mom yells he just listens and ocasionally answers what she says. The situation is just too complicated. My mom and dad both pray 5 times a day and love us but these fights are emotionally shattering each and every one of us in the family. Now my sister got married recently so now i'm the only one left to settle these kind of issues. I am a full time college student and i work 3 days part time but the thing is i love my parents so much that i would be willing to give up my life for both of them. There are some nights that i cry and i'm 22 that i have to turn back to Allah and repent as i have to do a lot of work for Islam. I eeally do have genuine love for my religion as it's the only thing that stays with me and councils me in my life. It's just that i feel like there is this imbalance that i have and i'm not being able to take care of everything in my life. I wish i could just call anyone or the akhi that'll answer my question and tell him everything i went through in my life. I think i have to step up and be strong in all this because i have to stand in front of Allah and answer for everything i have done in my entire life and that moment will not be easy. I don't even know who to blame anymore. Maybe it's my fault that i wasn't serious from the beginning in not counciling my parents. My mom tells me that i'm already walking in Jannah because of the emotional support i'm giving her and my dad too has said the exact same thing. If only they could love each other without me getting in between i would be so happy. Please my brothers or whoever will answer my question just give a little bit of mental support and i'll prove shaitaan wrong and i'll also become a part of spreading Islam and making the Ummah strong by Allah's will. And i'll never ever say that why is Allah doing this to me because i know and i have studied about who my Rabb is. He is free of any mistakes and indeed whatever happens he wants good for his creation no matter how the situation actually seems to us. And in that case i'll never lose hope but i just want a good friend or very little mental support as i'm just getting really stressed out. There's a lot of things that i need to tell as this was just a short story but i'm very eagerly waiting for the answer as this is my first time asking a question for support online and i'm also ready to discuss anything personal with the people who will answer my question. May Allah bless each and every one of us on the forhm and May He guide all of us and make us a source of happiness for others. :(
  2. Abu Juwairiya
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    Abu Juwairiya Junior Member

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    Assalammu Alaikum Brother. First of all, it is Ramadan and in this blessed and honored month, He is full of kindness, mercy, forgiveness and honour to His creation. In addition to what the Sunnah is before supplicating to Him and asking anything, we also should do the following-

    1. We clear our minds of everything and concentrate on who we are going to communicate with (Allah). In this way, we are mentally preparing ourselves to be in His Majestic Presence.

    2. We think of Allah's Personal Uniqueness, as the One who knew us before creation, knows us better than our parents and loves us better than we could possibly ourselves.

    3. We say all the duas we know that speak of His Grandeur, His Power, His Authority and His Divine Sovereignty. We can then move on to those Surahs in the Qur'an we know (if possible by memory) which are known to us and after reading them, to look and concentrate on the depthness of their meaning related to Him as Our Lord and Protector.

    4. After this we can move on to other Surahs (short ones, since we have little patience and endurance as human beings) and then to Duas which talk about His Greatness and our servitude to Him.

    5. Finally, when we have humbled ourselves, we make the relevant duas to Him and ask for His Guidance and His Divine Support all the way.

    Once you have made your Duas, you should not leave it at that, but seek to repair the damage of our strained and limited relationship with the Person whom we should have the greatest and best involvement in our lives to begin with- Allah.

    By this I mean, what are you going to do now to become a better Muslim. What changes in your life will you make to make Him boast about you to the angels, what will you introduce to your life from the Qur'an and Sunnah that you did not do before.

    Since Allah's Help comes with a price. What will you give back to Him for receiving His Assistance. Why should he help you if you will not do anything personally to help the Ummah, those in need, those who you can or could help.

    For everyone, the solutions are different. For some brothers and sisters,

    -it is about giving in charity
    -it is about joining a relief organisation or charity that helps others
    -it is about praying extra, such as Tahajjud
    -it is about reading more Qur'an, learning more about the Sunnah and Ahadith and joining Islamic classes
    -it is about learning how to recite the correct and proper 'Tajweed' recitation of the Qur'an

    For some it could be a combination of the above along with many others.

    If you give Allah reasons to help you by helping yourself and the Ummah, Allah will inshallah help you in ways you could never have possibly have imagined.

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