Sister Sakeena I get this article in a website that insha Allah can answer your confusion about woman visiting the graves.
Visiting graves is recommended in Islaam in order to help the living reflect on the shortness of this life and the closeness of the next. [See Sahih Muslim, vol.2, p.463, #2131]
Women Visiting Graves...
The recommendation to visit graves is general and includes women, just as the earlier prohibition included them without any special mention. Furthermore, women share in the benefits of visiting the graves.
When the Prophet(SAW)found a woman crying in the graveyard, he did not chase her out of the graveyard, but told her not to cry. Anas ibn Maalik related that once the Prophet (SAW) passed by a woman crying beside a grave and said to her, "Fear Allah and be patient." [Sahih Al-Bukhari, vol.2, p.208, #372; Sahih Muslim, vol.2, p.439, #2013]
After mentioning this hadith under the heading Visiting Graves, Ibn Hajar said: The [scholars] disagreed regarding women [visiting graves]. The majority held that they are included in the general permission for visiting graves [if there is no danger of corruption]. The ruling permitting women to visit graves is supported by hadith. The source of evidence in the hadith is the fact that he(SAW) did not censure the woman for sitting beside the grave, and whatever he approves is proof [of it's permissibility]. [Fat-hul-Baaree, vol.4, p.244]
However, frequent visitation of graves by women is not permissable. Hassaan ibn Thaabit narrated that allah's Messenger (SAW) cursed women who frequently visit graves.
Perhaps the reason for not frequenting the graves is the possible negative results of such visits like:
1. The loss of some of their husband's rights due to their frequent absences from the home,
2. The unnecessary public exposure of women,
3. Increased depression leading to wailing and other forbidden expressions of grief.
http://www.muttaqun.com/funerals.html
